At The Bottom Of Everything

well, i don't know how One Tree Hill has such perfect timing. amazing.

Owen:
You know he's not gone yet. Mouth. You shouldn't give up on him. and you can't wait around for him to forgive you. Look i understand, as an addict I've ruined a lot of important relationships in my life. That's why if he's important to you, you gotta at least try to get him back.

Milicent:
I don't know how to get him back.

Owen:
Just remind him of the girl he fell in love with. Show him you're still that girl. Or you're working hard to try to find him. You do that, I guarantee you he'll look at you the way he used to.

Brooke:
Sometimes our relationship seems so simple and easy…but no matter what, it just turns into a big mess. And there are days when I would like to dive into that mess. But then other days, i can't help but wonder, maybe we're just two people who just don't work as a couple.

Haley:
But you love him right?

Brooke:
Like you don't even know.

Haley:
Then don't wait. Life's too short to play games. If you love somebody, and you wanna be with them, then go get them. Deal with the mess later. You don't know what tomorrow will bring.

i get what they're saying.

now i don't understand why don't you?

hmmm.

Currently Listening To: In This Diary - The Ataris

Work Is Fun

anyday la i'd rather be working than studying.

k so for those of you who don't already know, for the past 3 weeks, i've been working at Rock Corner at MidV.

and i tell you, it was a pretty awesome experience. the ppl working there are like soooo knowledgable abt music stuff man.

plus, they know like most of the stuff in the store. it's like u could walk in, say a artist name, and they remember if the store has it or not. that i found cool considering there were tons of cds in the shop. plus if ppl ask them to recommend stuff, music la, they could do it. these ppl seriously know TONS abt music yo.

plus they're like friendly and all. i really felt like it was gr8 working there. i mean, despite the working hours and stuff, which like made it quite tiring, it was fun. it was actually fun to come to work. we can laugh, chill, and share knowledge. yeah i learnt stuff abt music and other stuff there.

so what did i do in my job? basically, i was a sales assistant. i worked upstairs in the movies section. which was pretty cool. i managed to remember all the english movies we had. anyway, so when ppl come upstairs, i ask them whether they need help finding anything, and if they do, i try to help them.

of course, i have to keep an eye on them also la. so they don't steal anything or what not. which makes it REALLY pissing off when u have ppl, who have nowhere else in the malls to go so they come and waste time there. cuz i have to walk around and "jaga" them.

yeah i guess i'm picky as to who i serve. trust me, once u start working as a sales assistant, u feel good managing to help a customer get what they came in looking for. so these time wasters piss me off.

but other than weird ppl and annoying ppl, my job is pretty sweet. :) when there's noone around, or actually, whenever, i get to choose from whatever movie they have there, and watch! :) so i just sit and watch movie most of the time. haha. plus i get to text text text text. hahaha.

honestly, the last i checked, i sent abt 100++ msges a day to my sms buddy Yumey. who kept me entertained throughout my work period. i tell you, if it wasn't for her, i'd die of boredom. so ya, thx Yumey! for listening to me talk crap, whine abt hot chicks, and being hungry and complain abt the weird ppl and all. i know u had fun reading my msges. so prob u shud thank me! haha! :P

anyway, upstairs was the Axcess ticket counter guy. whom pretty much was there most of the time for me to chat to. and wah we talked a lot wei. he has a lot to say and i don't mind listening cuz it's interesting stuff. learnt a lot also from him. another fun guy also.


SO YA! working at Rock Corner MidV was FUN! tiring no doubt at all. but FUN. and considering i really had nth to do at home, and i could still get my shopping done, it turned out to be a pretty awesome deal working there.

such an amazing experience. :) there's so much to it la. oh did i mention Ean from Hitz.fm came to the shop also? pretty cool seeing a "celeb" just walk in and he knows my boss and all. my boss also is cool la. also, i love the way after some perasan case customer goes out of the store, we'll just sit and laugh at the fella. trying to act big. so ya, don't go in and try to act big, we'll laugh at you. :)


k i've been talking too much. it's nice to have a happy post after a while. just gotta dump all my emoness somewhere and not think of it! :)


oh oh. and thx to all the ppl who came to visit while i was working there. u made my life less boring. :D thx!

and after only sleeping for 4 hours last night, i think i should sleep now. :)

gnite!

Currently Listening To: Kokomo - The Beach Boys

Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

Vertical Horizon

Currently Listening To: Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon

GG.com La OTH

Julian: Hey Brooke, this isn't going to be easy is it? You and I being friends.

Brooke: No. But it's better than not being friends at all.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY LA. GG.


WHY AH WHY AH WHY AH?

WHAT THE CRAP LA.

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 7 Episode 15

It Was A Bad Day That Turned Out Good

started out bad. emoing the whole morning. thinkin abt how could this person do such a thing. then expect me to act such a way. and what does everything that's happening mean.


then thankfully, i had Yumey to cheer me up and not think about it. thx Yumey. :) even though she doesn't know my story, she still boleh help. that's why she's awesome. :)


then at night met up with schoolmates. that also was an awesome to catch up with everyone and see everyone. it's pretty cool how i can totally see all of them being really succesful in the things they are doing. these ppl really know their stuff well. i know that they will be able to do it. and Keane also gave me a lot of good advice. it's really comforting and reassuring knowing there's a friend who understands my emo situation. and can give good advice which i can follow. thx a lot Keane. what you said makes sense and really helped. i shall try my best to follow your advice.


turned out good in the end. i'm happy. even if you make me sad. today i ended up happy. :)


and here's smth i thought of on the way.

"Having your boyfriend/girlfriend/person you like tell you: "oh i wanted you to know that this person *insertnamehere* asked me out/hinted me to ask them out/was hitting on me, but i told them no. Cuz i have you. :)" is definitely one of the most reassuring feelings you can ever get.


and it makes you feel like you're actually worth smth. :)

Currently Listening To: Dirty Little Heart - Lostprophets

Don't Come In

Don't come in if all ou want is comfort for the short period of time ure here.

Don't come in if you plan on just wasting my time.

U know that i will definitely serve you.

I'd like to think i have better things i could be doing.



yeah i'm irritated.

Currently Listening To: They Don't Care About Us - Michael Jackson

I Iz Depressedz

i suck la.

maybe cuz i damn bodoh.

i think i also placed hope on the stupid 3 things. like i thought i could get it. i mean, that's why i din tell right in the first place, cuz i knew i couldn't get it. so why did i place hope?

maybe cuz of hope of what might happen?

haih. hope too much la u. patutla bodoh. ish.


i hate being here. i hate having these thoughts. emo. it's like i tried so hard for nothing. trying to put aside all that happen tho i didn't have to and i should be mad and angry. but for nothing i guess.

so i guess maybe i'll just have to wake up every morning regretting the past. wishing i could take it all back.

i feel so used and useless. like i wasn't ever worth it. it was always just talk.

why do i believe words that never seem to carry out? am that stupid? am i just easy manipulated to give ppl stuff that want? and get used?

haih.


i wanna be happy. and i want someone who really wants to make me happy.

I only want what i can't have

From Now We Are Enemies
Fall Out Boy

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

Sugar We're Going Down
Fall Out Boy

Currently Listening To: From Now On We Are Enemies - Fall Out Boy

I Followed The Rope Tied To My Ankle. It Led Back To You

i don't get it.

i mean, if you don't want something, you don't do anything to get it right?

it's like, trying to buy Windows 7 and trying to install it on some '03 comp. it's never gonna work.

it's just not compatible that way.


well to me, it just seems like it won't work. why are you so convinced that somehow it can?

the compatibility just doesn't look like it'll work.

i don't know if i can be happy.

and then there's that classic line: "it's not you, it's me"

well doesn't it fit?

i mean, i can't deal with whatever has happened. why do you seem to insist that i will be able to? even i dunno myself that well. whether i'll be able to.

so seriously, it's not you, it's me.

i'm not perfect that way.


but it always makes me wonder as well, what if we were in each others shoes? i guess i know i'd prob be feeling that way the way u do. so i guess i do understand how it is for you. but do you know how it would be for me?

but then again, diff personalities and priorities. maybe some feelings will be more important than others. maybe certain aspects in life are not placed with the appropriate reverence. so the state i'm in may not be understood.

i know i'm not ur everyday type of guy. i'm a weirdo. with weird ways of living my life. i don't fit in with how the world is today. i'm too old fashioned. there's so many things that'll make u suffer if you want this.

so maybe you should decide what is it that you want.

i'm done.

today was a tiring day.

The Offspring - Can't Get My Head (Around You). Kinda had appropriate lyrics.

Currently Listening To: Meet Me On The Equinox - Death Cab For Cutie

How Do I Say What I Need To Say?

i think one of the most annoying things i face is to keep all my thoughts and words in.

there's just so much to say. but it doesn't want to be heard. it's not supposed to be heard i guess.

so that's 2 emails sent into drafts never to come out.


and the thoughts in my head? the words i wanna say? i guess it'll remain there.

i'll have to live with the fact i'll never be able to let my thoughts known. it's not appreciated around here.

haih.



i wanna be happy too.

why couldn't i have it?


Currently Listening To: You Know How I Do - Taking Back Sunday

Not Good End

after having such an awesome, happyfying and relaxing and awesome.

not i find out that my hols don't match up so i can come back and see Jo.

:( not cool yo. not cool.


haih.



but still! Rock Corner, buying my first pair of jeans myself (after we spent hours looking for stuff and not finding size, getting one pair, was pretty happyfying) and the smart tag, and then the party.

wah. it was good. :)

and ok fine. the positive side, i'll def force myself and make it important priority to go US now.

Currently Watching: Chuck Season 3 Episode 4

What The Crap With The Accuracy La One Tree Hill!

"Brooke: I don't want to fight, i just wanted to talk.

Julian: Yet here we are fighting. Now, I'm getting really tired of fighting.

.....


Julian: I'm the guy you can't trust no matter how much I tell you to. and that's your issue Brooke. I'm never gonna be able to make that stop for you.

Brooke: So what are you saying?

Julian: I'm saying maybe right now you need to work on you and I need to work on me."


how how how? how can this show be so tepat to me? am i just seeing things? of all the times and days la. this is just crazy.


Currently Watching: One Tree Hill - Season 7 Episode 13

The Picture Says How I Feel

"It kills me not to know this"
Savior - Rise Against

"I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere"
Weightless - All Time Low

"It's disgusting how little that you try"
Do Better - Say Anything

"I'm being held captive, something's got a hold of me"
The Running Man - The Audition

"Getting worse til there's nothing left"
From Now On We Are Enemies - Fall Out Boy

it sucks that i still have so much to say but you wouldn't want to listen.

and after all this, i know you will still walk away fine.

i wish i was good enough to be talked to.

as if i wasn't insecure enough.

well at least you got what you worked hard for.

Currently Playing: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Do Better

Life is not a spark in space
an episode of will and grace
controversial yet mundane
deborahs messing with your brain
even scientologists know theres more to all of this
search the ruins for trapped doors, wonder what you're put here for
simple as a hint of gas climbing nostrils as you pass
making harvards graduates feel childish when they laugh at it
climb the rungs to kingdom come, sour patch to acid tongue
are you opposed to having fun? you clentch the world between your buns

you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world. you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world.

your life is always the post of something else.. where is the present in the way that you present yourself? and it's disgusting how little that you try, the existential equivalence of pink eye.
drink alone and watch tv youre expecting harmony,
statap your tune with silver spoons, and the loving pending doom.
guiding satans steady hand, forcing beatles to dispand.
it's ego freaks and drama queens, the young at heart know what I mean

you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world. you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world.
you could do better, better than that you're a fraud.
thank god you learned to keep your shirt on.
you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world.

you burn so brightly, you burn so brightly in the dark
you burn so brightly, you burn so, you burn so.

you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world
you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world
you could do better, better than that you're a fraud.
thank god you learned to keep your shirt on
you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world.
you could do better, you could do better, you could be the greatest man in the world
we could do better, we could do better, we could be the greatest band in the world.

Say Anything

Currently Listening To: Do Better - Say Anything

It's Like Flogging A Dead Horse

tell me i'm wrong with what i'm feeling.




i realise, it's really tought to write an email in parts. esp when it's long. cuz when you come back, you don't really remember what you've written at the start.




Currently Listening To: A Lifeless Ordinary - Motion City Soundtrack

You Know How I Do

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
We're both such magnifacent liars.
So crush me baby, I'm all ears.
So obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
I'll give in one more time and feed you stupid lines all about "cleaning up my act..."

We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
Willing and ready to prove the worst of everything you said about.
So obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
So good at setting bad examples.
Listen, chic, I've had all I can handle.

We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.

Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and......"I can barely smile"

Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and......"I can barely smile"

Let's go...
He's smoked out in the back of the van, says he's held up with holding on and on and on.
He's smoked out in the back of the van, says he's held up with holding on and on and on.

Taking Back Sunday

Currently Playing: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Funny, But Yet There's Something Too

this is pretty funny. :)




ah one tree hill. you are awesome.


and you help me know i'm not alone. :)

Currently Watching: Dexter Season 4 Episode 4

That Night 2 Years + Ago

i dunno why i sudd thought abt it.

that night was awesome.

i would say life changing in a way.



from doing new stuff i should be doing to meeting people i will never forget.


secrets made that only that section of the club would know about. it's a good thing they probably don't remember. ;P

and another secret whom only one other person i believe knows. and she wasn't even there. interesting how ppl can learn abt others through the internet.


tho of course the morning afternoon after i freaked out abt the taste that was in my mouth, i got used to it. and everything was fine.

then i got in contact with ppl by ways i said i'll never do. for reasons, well the reasons made sense.


ah. how i miss that night. what a gr8 night.

Currently Playing: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Apparently My Posts Ain't Cryptic Enough

Here's what it feels like; We're both walking down this road in the jungle. And then we take a stop, cause i'm not sure if i wanna go on. So, we stop and make camp. The problem now i see, is when do we stop camping there and move on? it's like a stick in the mud. not moving anywhere.





k that failed. it's damn obvious. whatever. at least you know how i'm feeling.

i wish i knew you. i wish i don't have to have this feeling like you're hiding something. it makes it so hard to trust.

bzzzz. 3 things.but if only i can get over ending up like everyone else. basically, a noone. that freaking notch. i guess in some way this falls under the 3 things? hmmm.


why can't i tell you this in person??

maybe i'm afraid to see your reaction. like it won't be what i hope for.



hmm i'm quite a coward.




anyway, i dunno why i feel happy. i can't remember now. i think the FB ppl are making me happy.

OH YEAH. now i remember.

i'm going on to the next year. :)

i feel so relieved. :)

i'm making sure i never fucking fail again.


things have to change. can i do it?

Currently Watching: Fringe Season 2 Episode 2

I Think Somehow, I'm Pretty Easy

3 things. and i'm sold.

but 3 things i won't get.




and today just proved that it doesn't pay to be nice. or good at all.

it's unfair. it's so unfair. that bad things happen to good ppl.

and screw ups get away with things.




and now from stepping closer and looking for the path in the dark, it seems like all source of light has disappeared. this is when people say you should turn around and head back to the start of the road. and maybe try another one.

Currently Listening To: Disappear - Motion City Soundtrack

Throw In The Towel Time?

just maybe.


cuz it's hard to talk to someone who won't talk.

i can't survive not knowing what's going on in your head.

it's like there's so many secrets. esp when you don't share.

maybe you don't dare. but then again, maybe u've never dared.

i don't know what i'm doing here. it's like i'll never get what i want and hope for.

so maybe instead of stepping further and causing both sides to hurt, it's time to leave?




thoughts thoughts. i've got so much to say. but i don't wanna waste them on deaf ears or stubborn hearts.


what's the point of all the words if nothing is done?


Currently Listening To: Tangled Up in Me - Skye Sweetnam

Just Some Pictures. To Attempt To Brighten Up The Mood. But Didn't Work

photos! enjoy!

^ kaikoura. ppl seem to like this a lot.

^ queenstown. summer.

^ queenstown. winter.

^ wheee. fun times! :D


^ proof that yumey is made out of awesomeness. :)

^ bomb the lamb. :D

^ new comp. the neatness that comes with this thing is awesome. and yes the thing around the monitor is the speakers. "surround" sound. lol.


lol k that's it.

now back to the usual emoing. :)


i need more reason to believe, not think.



k that's all i got for tonight. :)

Currently Listening To: Do Better - Say Anything

I Have A Problem Being Another Notch In Your Bedpost And Wondering About The Other Notches You Never Talk About

i'm starting to believe,


i won't be able to let go.




Currently Listening To: Learning To Breathe - Switchfoot

I Don't Know

i don't what you want

or what exactly ure doing.

i don't know what i'm doing.

what i'm feeling.

everything is just. messed up. and i'm confused. like totally.

i have this urge to send another email.

but maybe i'm rushing it? i know i shouldn't. but it's like, i need to know if it's going somewhere. or what is it you want from this? is it the same thing i want? or is it just a game?



another email i guess. but i guess it'll have to wait.

Currently Listening To: Holiday - Green Day

Heart So Heavy

like each step adds more weight to my heart


like i'm not supposed to.


like i'm just bound to get hurt.

for the things i don't know.


like i will never obtain the trust i need.



too many things going on in my mind.

and all coming out to ppl who are not the ones who NEED to know.


i guess i'm testing sincerity. and trust of course. which is why even if i know i won't tell. i'll wait to be told. so i know whether i can trust.



but yeah. seems like i won't get the trust i need.


i guess this blog is a window to my mind.

so i guess you do know what's going on in my mind.

Currently Watching: Dexter Season 2 Episode 5

Conned?

it feels like i'm being conned. i dunno why.

it's like i'm getting into something, but not knowing the whole story.

like u know buying a cheap phone, but the guy doesn't tell you it doesn't come with certain things it should come with. or he says it's better than it really is.


yeah. i have trust issues. possibly why i feel the need to want to know everything. or be in control of what ppl know abt me.


worst is, i dunno whats the point of saying all this knowing no action will be taken. guess i just need to let things out.



i hope i'm not being conned.



so pls don't lie to me or tell me half truths or avoid all together.


thx.


Currently Watching: Scrubs Season 9 Episode 6

Cuz I'm Learning To Breathe

i don't know what this song had relevance to. but i tot i'll post it up.

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

Switchfoot

well first things first, the New Year is here. i hope so much it'll be better than last year. til the end of the year things weren't that gr8. but first day of the year, today was good. i hope that this year will be gr8.

my head is a total mess now. it's frustrating. should i listen to my instinct? it's been pretty right so far. and where i'm standing, i know i should stay back. aih. i dunno what i'm doing. i'm setting the standard very low as of now. but will i be happy with what i decide to accept? will i be okay not knowing the past? can i survive? or will i have to know to give me the peace of mind? should i trust? we'll see.


i'm becoming emo again. this sucks.


what a perfect song to play now. perfect lyrics.

gnite.

Currently Listening To: Masochist - Ingrid Michaelson

Words By Clay

Sometime I think we waste our words and we waste our moments,
and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have
the chance.

Clay Evans

so what i was thinking for this moment.

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill 712

You Keep Things To Yourself, While I Let Them Out

the one thing i realise.

and the more you keep your thoughts in. the way you feel in and basically everything that needs to be let out in. the more you suffer.

esp from the ppl you love.

you'll never get what you want.

cuz nobody knows whats going on in your head.


Currently Watching: One Tree Hill 711

Maybe I Want It To Be This Way

so yeah. i failed one subject last sem.

i think it may be my first fail. cant remember.

i hate it. i regret not studying as hard as the others did. i hate the way i've said that i regretted before and now this happen. the comp really is bad news for me. i just have to change for next year. i can't let this go on.

but in so many ways, i'm glad this happen. cuz i got what i deserve.

i mean, i cant keep studying the bare minimum and hoping it turns out. i shouldn't let myself fall into that sort of mindset. i guess in some way, my friends who called me "genius" and "smart" actually got to my head. even when i know it's not exactly true. i guess my head got too big (which is prob why i can't handle compliments). i needed to be humbled like this.

so now it's done. it happened. i failed.

all i can do now, is change it. i can't let it happen again. i gotta push hard. have to figure a deal of what to do with my comp.

haih.


*******************************

i totally enjoyed yesterday. a lot. that is exactly my idea of a "hang out". all we did was just eat, sit, chat and walk around. for 9 hours i did that.

hanging out yest reminded me why i love being home. cuz my friends are awesome. they really really are great. i had so much fun yest. so much. and i felt so belonged. it was just awesome la. thx so much Becks, Su Teng and Ruth. and so sorry i came late Becks. that's another thing i should change, being on time. but i still had one of the most fun days ever. even if the food was drugged and made us sleepy. ;P

It was really a great day.







but why couldn't it end like that?


so i got my phone stolen. it's still shocking. cuz i never felt anything. til now i can't believe it. it's like some magic trick. it just disappeared from my wallet and i din know. this sucks. i hate KTMs now. and i hate loser ppl who steal. haih.

but it could have been way worse. my camera and my wallet was in my pocket too. but nth happened. i was way lucky.

and it's like evrything that could go wrong went wrong. i'm usually a careful person. but that time, i wasn't really paying attention cuz i was chatting with a friend. then my pants had loose pockets. plus they were so full cuz they're small. so my phone was prob sitting on top of my wallet. clearly why i din feel it go away. my hands which are normally at my pockets, were holding stuff. so nothing to guard my pockets. so everything went wrong. all at the same time. and now poof! i lost my phone.

this sucks. i tot i would be the last person this would happen to cuz i reckon i'm pretty careful. it's still just unbelievable to me.






haiihh. 2009 is just a totally sucky year. totally. started off this year by hurting ppl and screwing up bad. i lost my necklace. the whole friend issue thing. then my laptop broke down. then cyber games din turn out. then i fail. now i lose my phone. and i'm becoming emo again. honestly, what else can go wrong? these are just the things i can remember too.

maybe it's because i took a turn for the worse this year? maybe for what i've done, i'm being punished for it.

haih. who knows.


2009 sucks.

Currently Listening To: All The Right Moves - OneRepublic

I Am So Pampered

i realized how pampered i am in NZ

NZ i use a Quad core CPU. back home, it's a Pentium 4. WHICH IS FREAKING SLOW.

NZ, i have a 22" Flat Screen monitor. back home, it's some small square 17" CRT monitor. which i find really small

NZ, the internet is freaking fast. back home, it's not. at all. like can die speeds.

NZ, it's cold! and nice! back home, it's freaking hot and humid that i will die soon.



ok so fine. i guess i'm pampered in the tech department in NZ.

but back home, i'm actually a pampered kid i guess. so i cant complain. :P

Currently Listening To: Nothing! i really doubt this slow comp is capable of playing songs.

I Guess You Could Say

I'm checking into rehab. :)

Currently Watching: Dexter - Season 1 Episode 10 (Seeing Red)

It Kills Me Not To Know This

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
'Cause I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have

Savior
Rise Against

Currently Listening To: Savior - Rise Against

It's Kinda Sad

and also makes you wonder why.

He clearly doesn't care for her. in any way. it's like he's just using her.

so why is she with him? he def does not make her happy. or feel happy about herself.

so seriously, why is she with him? she should have just gone with the one person who cares and makes her happy.

it's just dumb.

but i'm glad she made the right choice and stopped it with him and went for the one who cares for her.






aaaahh. tv shows. they make me think too much. lol. :P

Currently Listening To: The Office Theme - Relient K

I Tried I Really Did

but the disgust of what you told me, and the embarassment to be associated with you, is really killing it.

i honestly can't do this. i just find myself not at peace. trying to act as if it's ok.

but the worst part is, that's all i can do.

well that's all i can do to avoid anymore drama. just too sick and tired of it.

so here is to acting like i care when i don't.

and actually really learning not to care. again.

cheers.

Currently Listening To: Superman (It's Not Easy) - Five for Fighting

Would I Lie To You?

most definitely

without hesitating

prob smth you should know to make things a little more fair for you

Currently Listening To: Ppl Outside my window talking

And Apparently, Countdown Is The Map I'm Best At

Europe server


Malaysian Server



but i guess the Europe server i was top cuz i was the only one who seemed to be doing the work like capturing the flags and killing the ppl trying to capture the flags. that's why my score is like waaaayyy above the other ppl in my team i guess. but we still lost. :(

and i take my gaming pretty seriously. i shout too much at the comp. lol.

k back to movie.

Currently Watching: Blade II

Why I Think Kowhaii Is Better Than The Rest

k this was long overdue. but since Mr. anon wants to know to decide his/her future accomodation at UC, why not list it out?

so first, my problems with Hinau:
-fridge too small
-room doesn't have drawers to put stuff in
-you gotta pay 4 bucks a week for laundry
-no light switch near bed so you can tuck urself in and then turn off the lights.
-the closet is like totally open most of the time.
-theres no oven (for those who like to bake or cook food that requires baking
-the heater was a pain to figure out. can only work it illegally.
-the room comes with only 2 hooks to hang clothes.
-further from uni
-small living room
-flat doesn't have doorbell
-no mirror in room

but there's some good also:
-"home-ly-er"
-newer than the others.
-bigger bed
-when the heater works, it'll be really hot.
-bathroom and toilet are linked together. so you can do your business, then have a bath! lol
-lifts move way faster than Kowhaii


and i think that's all i can think of.

why i want to move into Kowhaii?
-big fridge
-room has drawers to put stuff in
-free laundry
-light switch near bed so you can tuck urself in and then turn off the lights.
-closed closet
-oven (for those who like to bake or cook food that requires baking)
-think the heater is easy
-i think there's more hooks
-closer to uni
-big living room
-flat has doorbell
-room is big
-there's a mirror in the room

the bads are pretty much the opposites of the goods of Hinau la. but yeah. u get the picture.

well i hope that helped. and anyone else who knows any other reasons for either side, feel free to comment! :)

Currently Listening To: Beat It - Fall Out Boy ft. John Mayer

Apparently My Holidays Are For Photoshop

this is what i do during my free time of my hols.

it's enjoyable as. seeing something turn out pretty awesome. :)

those tutorials are REALLY good.

ah. what a gr8 day. :)

Currently Listening To: Believe Me - Fort Minor

Too Much Talk

i don't like this feeling like i've spoken too much.

said things that'll give me away.

for this, i blame my stupid habit of must having to say everything i'm thinking of and feeling.



but the question arises, maybe since i don't care now, will i not be emo? hmmm

Currently Listening To: Never Let Me Go - Planetshakers

I'm The Support Hero

i dunno why, i just prefer to take the role considered as "support hero" role.

in Dota, i prefer to be the guy that helps other ppl get the kill. i guess cuz i'm not good at the game so i prefer to let the pros do the killing.

in futsal, i prefer to be the defender or the passer, not the goal scorer. to me, it doesn't matter, as long as the goal is scored. i guess cuz i know i'm not that good in futsal la.

in playing guitar, i prefer rythym guitar rather than lead, giving melody to the song and supporting the lead. this is prob cuz i'm not good at guitar and i can't solo. so rythym is easier la. plus i guess it's easier to go crazy on rythym la. ;P


so yeah. i'm the support hero. and i like it that way. i don't mind other ppl getting the attention. :)

prob the only time i like taking the spotlight is in COD4. but not like i'm thaaat good at COD4 also. oh the happy thing today is, i was the last guy left in a game of Sabotage, killed 2 ppl. planted the bomb, killed another guy, got my 7 streak kill and won the round for my team. that was pretty awesome. gr8 feeling. esp when playing with online ppl whoa are way more pro.

this is online with 36 players and clan members. considering i got 3rd in my group. that's pretty awesome. :)


but then again. i like playing Sniper. and that's sorta like support hero. lol.

Currently Listening To: Why Don't You and I [Alternate Version] - Santana ft Alex Band

Possibly My Most Irritating Habit

on facebook at least. i tend to write something to comment on ppl stuffs.

then i find i'm not satisfied with what i type and try to retype it it.

then i find i'm still not satisfied.

by this point i lose interest and just don't bother commenting since i can't say it right.


what a waste of a few minutes of my life.

Currently Listening To: WTH>You - Linkin Park

There's No Way

just no way she would know the reason.

absolutely none. i don't recall telling it.

well was it the reason in the first place?

til now, i've yet to decide.


************

funny how i would/will change and do the things i said i wouldn't do for the things/girl i want.

Currently Listening To: Never Let You Go - Third Eye Blind

Facebook Troll

this is my definition of a facebook troll.

it's someone who uses facebook, relatively a lot, but doesn't post much or do anything actually just for the sake of making it look like they don't use facebook much. purpose? so that they can stalk other ppls profile.

it's really lame. really.



Currently Listening To: Disappear - Motion City Soundtrack

This Just Goes Unsaid I Believe

you know how super uncool you really are when you have to proclaim out loud and openly to everyone about the one small little bad thing you did.

it sets your badass level to -1000.

fail.

try again pls.

Currently Listening To: Sink Into Me - Taking Back Sunday

For All The Things That Has Happened To Me

honestly, how should i not hate life and those who make it displeasurable for me.

so many fakers, users, jealous ppl, arrogant ppl and the list can go on.

seriously, the rubbish i've been put through, it's amazing. it sucks when u know it's not in your head. and other ppl actually agree that the things that happen in your life sucks and you are not exaggerating.

at this moment, i hate the fakers the most. so irritating. prob it's more irritating when i have to act like i dunno who they really are and what is going on in their mind everytime i see them.

seriously, the one thing i want is for you ppl to come and tell me in my face. so irritating that we have to put on this act each time.


honestly, for all the things that has happened to me, i should be one of the most bitter person that u'll ever meet.







but i see no reason to. :)

i like being happy. :)

so i shall stay happy. :)


bet u din see that coming! :D

see ya!

Currently Listening To: (If You Want It) - Relient K

This Is Bad. Real Bad.

i believe i still have some standards.

so the fact that my mouth seems totally out of control while playing games is just terrible.

the worst part is it happens when i'm not alone as well.

i refuse to be not fully in control of myself.

changing.

Currently Listening To: Until The Day I Die - Story Of The Year

Plans And Downfalls

My downfall and ruined plans shall come from my inability to shut the hell up about talking about myself and stuff.

the probable causes are the fact that i can't let things be unsaid and also this blog.

now let's try to change that.

Currently Listening To: Fire Fall Down - Hillsong

It Wouldn't Be Fair Would It?

It wouldn't be fair would it?

if you make fun of other people's God and get all worked up when someone insults yours?

or turn a blind eye when someone insults someone else's God but expect everyone to listen to you protest when someone insults yours?

Currently Listening To: Bullet Soul - Switchfoot

Relient K Has Awesome Song Lyrics

but for now i'll just share this

"... It's funny how you find you enjoy your life, when you're happy to be alive."
High of 75 - Relient K

^ is so so so true.

on another music note (pun not intended), this song currently owns:

Disappear by Motion City Soundtrack.


absolutely love the way there is a stop of music at the start of the chorus the 2nd time. epic.

k back to studying.

Currently Listening To: Disappear - Motion City Soundtrack

In No Hurry

Sit up screaming at the break of dawn
Pull out your hair, biting your tongue
Its getting you nowhere
You're fed up, leaving at the first chance
Never look back, never a last glance
And you have no interest there

Well its been hard, I know
It's just the way things sometime go
All you have to do
Is learn to let it go

I have no worries
I'm in no hurry here
I've been through this before
And I have no fear
I have no worries
When things go blurry now
It's just the world spinning
Round

No time wasted, smile on your face
Gotta get out, out of this place
And I'll lend a helping hand
Cause we got it now, we got it good
We got the beat, but misunderstood
And they just don't understand

It's a long hard road
It's the art of letting go
It's the ride
Cause we're never gonna know

I have no worries
I'm in no hurry here
I've been through this before
And I have no fear
I have no worries
When things go blurry now
It's just the world spinning
Round

Things can be extraordinary if you try
Give them time to grow

It's a long hard road
It's ebb and flow
It's an art of the
Art of letting go

I have no worries
I'm in no hurry here
I've been through this before
And I have no fear
I have no worries
(I have no worries)
When things go blurry now
It's just the world spinning
Round
(I have no worries)
It's just the world spinning
Round

Cartel

i'm in no hurry. :)

Currently Listening To: In No Hurry - Cartel

Just Because I'm Paranoid And Think Of The Worst Situation Possible

i hope hope hope hope hope hope

that it's not him.

i definitely panicking over nothing.

but just in case, i really hope it's not him.

he doesn't deserve such crap in his life.

heck, i hope none of my friends are the one.

go torture some useless idiot. nobody i know pls.


gah paranoid.

Currently Listening To: Knock You Down - Kanye West

Facebook Dislike Button

just a short post. for the ppl asking for the dislike button in FB.

think about it, the stuff you add and share on FB are the stuff you like, find cool, find interesting etc.

would you really want someone or in fact anyone disliking ur stuff? at all. i don't think most ppl can handle it.


yeap. that's it that i want you to think about today.

that's all. :)

Currently Watching: Lie To Me - Season 2 Episode 5 (Grevious Bodily Harm)

I Can't Wait To Go Home!

>;D


Currently Listening To: Hello Hurricane - Switchfoot

I'm An Internet Nerd

if you read that and laughed/cursed or actually realised what happened,

you're an internet nerd.




trust me, i would know. :P

hahahaha

that pic still rocks btw. :D

k crazy di. i should sleep now.

the song i'm listening to is super motivating in my opinion too. i shall post up the lyrics soon.

Currently Listening To: In No Hurry - Cartel

Bday Awards 09

lol. i dunno why i'm doing this. but i feel i should acknowledge all the ppl who did something awesome. if you din win anything this year, there's always next year! hahahah! no la just kidding. i still love all of you all la. don't have to try and win my love :P but i don't mind you trying of course :P

so anyway, let's see what we've got...

1. For the person first to wish me the first (according to NZ time): Bernard! (it would have gpne to the person i love the most, but i guess it prob wouldn't be fair. so Bernard gets first place! :D )

2. For the first person to send me an email: Lauren! (plus it was an awesome email with a picture of some guy i dunno and there was a nice template and everything! so Lauren rocks! :D )

3. For the person who organized a super fun time for me today amidst the exams: Gloria! (you rock so much, it can't be put into words. Thank you so much again. :) )

3. For the person to wish me first on FB: Karen! (i honestly wish i remember how or where i even met her)

4. For the most unique FB wish: Dana! (cuz she din even wish me.)

5. For the only person who had a whole blog post dedicated to me and my awesomeness + wishing me at the same time: Dana! (that's why she din wish me on FB. go here to see! click on the M in the empty. it'll get you somewhere.)

6. For the first person to wish me from Malaysia thru text: Yumey! (thank you for beign awesome and finding out my number and texting me. :) sry that i din get ur number b4 this! :( you're awesome la. :) )

7. For the first person to wish me thru MSN: My sister. (I like how excited she was when she wished me. and how we chatted and chatted til we had to go off.)

8. For the most persistent wisher: Su Yuan (she wished me thru MSN, text, and also FB. and i only replied her thru MSN, which she din get. must be cuz she's gaming! :P go study lar you! thx again! :D )


well that's all i can think of now. if you guys can think of more, i'd be more than happy to give! :D

seriously tho, i really had a good year. or good day for my bday. i mean seriously, most of the time i was studying and was in uni slaving away at work. but somehow i still ended up like happy giler. must be cuz of Mission AYWD a.k.a Mission Kit Kat la. so really, for all those who took part in it. thank you so much la. i really really appreciate it. i love the msges you guys sent. and the kit kats. really thanks a lot la. i know i don't need to say this and you guys know it already, but you guys are some of the most awesome ppl ever! really mean it. the photos of everything will be up soon k! :)

really been an awesome day. thx so much for everything once again. really really appreciate it.

so prob not hiding my bday can be a good thing afterall eh? :)

hahahaha.

k back to study. :)

Currently Watching: The Day The Earth Stood Still 1080p

Faster Ride

A green light, unkind
No where to go on a one track mind
It's a break down at the wrong time
I'm catching up but I'm still behind

We did it right, we did it right for some time
But I looked up and you were gone
We did it right, we did it right for some time
I couldn't give you what you want

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
So just kiss me goodbye

A red light, wrong way
I'm just a game that you like to play
It's a hot start to your cold ways
You got bored then you walked away

You did it right, you did it right for some time
But I looked up and you were gone
You did it right, you did it right for some time
I couldn't give you what you want

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
So just kiss me goodbye

So now you're moving on (you're moving on)
With no regrets (with no regrets)
But I'm still hanging on (I'm hanging on)
To every word you said (to every word you said)

But you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
But you'll never find it, no

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
Just kiss me goodbye

So just kiss me goodbye

Cartel

it speaks about you. :)

oh the song is awesome as btw.

Currently Listening To: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It - Snow Patrol

Just Because You Can, Definitely Means You Should Apparently

k Ben seriously. don't go there.

yes it's very easy and you can def get it in a snap.

it's all laid out nicely for you to just say the right things and pick up.

but, you know what will happen if you do.

you pretty much got it wrapped around your finger and are in control. but just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

stop creating these chances to make sure you get what you want.


**********************


the best part is, who i am now, has no reason to listen to that part of me.

funny how it has grown to the less dominant part of me.

and it's awesome. :)

Currently Listening To: Why Don't You and I - Santana ft Alex Band

My Body Clock Is Just Totally Whack

today i woke up at almost 4 again. for the 2nd str8 day in a row. this is bad. i'm supposed to study. and cuz i woke up late today, i din couldn't go for futsal to make up time to study. don't think i'll be able to go for volleyball tmrw either. haih.

anyway, just felt like putting a random post. with some pics. cuz i haven't done that in a while. plus i'm gonna sleep after this. so what a better way to end the day than with a blog post. :)


Presents from back home! thank youuuu :) and this is why i don't buy clothes much. :P oh Malaysian Kit-Kats taste diff. i've had one so far so cant really say for sure yet.

My attempt at preparing something other than pasta. :P

2nd batch. had tons of cherry tomatos and cheese and enchilada sauce left. so i figured use it all! :P it tasted not bad too imo.

i like this candle picture. seems DA worthy.


this thing smells freaking awesome! i just love the smell! :D guys, u should totally buy it. k maybe not. i don't want you smelling like me. k girls you should totally buy it for some guy whom i don't know. :D


and a few comics that make me laugh. some of them u need to know the internetz pretty well to get. so if you don't, you can ask, but chances are i won't be able to do the joke any good.






Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday

Arkham Asylum

this game was so frustrating to install. SO FREAKING FRUSTRATING. wanna know why?

k first, i get the iso copy off the hub. then i install, it decides to stop half way. k not even halfway. a quarter of the way, and it doesn't move anymore at all. plus u cant cancel. and if you use autorun to try and install after that, it doesn't work. cuz u don't cancel the game properly. so fine i get the other installer. and that's some unpacker thing. so fine, use that and played. but during the game got some sesat bugs like grapple not working and grappling into total darkness of a bottomless pit where you don't die. mind you, i had to grapple through the walls (somehow) to get into this empty unknown space.

but fine whatever, at least i still get to play the game right? WRONG! 62% through the game, then suddenly it decides to have a major bug where i can't see the stuff i'm supposed to see. so i can't go to the place i'm supposed to go. so irritating man. worked so hard to get there and now can't do anything. i tried so many ways to fix it. reinstalling (about 5 times this round), playing around with the Start Application. finally din know what to do, so i restarted. everything all over again. well i tried. with some things turned off and all. but then i got worse bugs like glide not working. wah stress man.

so fine i said forget it. but i tak puas la. still wanted to play. so since Ka-Mun said his copy of it works. i got it from him. then i tried installing again. SAME PROBLEM! wah stress again la. i mean can work for others why me cannot? :( but i was determined. i went inside the iso folder, and found the setup file, and used that to install since autorun, couldn't work for install. this time i realised that the progress bar got further than the previous one. then i realised, it was skipping the stuff installed the first try and just continuing on with the other stuff. but it still stopped before reaching the end. so i had to Ctrl+Alt+Del to close the setup each time, then start the installer manually again. and each time it got further b4 jamming til it was finally done. this i had to do about 5 times too. so yeah, had to run the setup around 5 times just to properly install it once! fine.

i mean now at least i got a copy which is known to work installed. so i should be able to finally enjoy the game even though i have to start all over again. right? wrong! again. i mean so close this time. all i have to do is crack. and my comp wont let me! what crap?? and u know why?? it's cuz it's saying that the dll file in the crack which i wanna copy is a virus. so it won't let me copy. so fine i find a way to turn off Norton's Auto-protect (which i didn't know how to do til today), and finally i can copy it into the folder. so yeah. okay. then i figure okay since it was copied i can turn auto protect on again and play. what a bad move. as soon as i try and play, the game tries to execute the dll and Norton flags it and removes it str8. so the game says it can't play cuz of an error. so then i have to turn off norton again and keep it off this time, then copy from crack to game folder then only can launch the game. and then finally i got to play the game. albeit from the very start.


SEE! 4 paragraphs of problems just to get one game working properly!! that's just madness! my comp was totally totally against me. stupid thing. but i still love it. :P



so, the actual question is, was it worth all the trouble to install the game?






YOU BETCHA!


totally awesome! had a lot of fun playing it and being batman and taking down the baddies. plus the i reckon they had a pretty solid story line too. the graphics were awesome (tho i had to overclock and turn everythnig else off to play on Very High and enjoy the game). and one of the most fun things in the game for me was the Riddler challenges. cuz u actually have to use your brain for some of his riddles. though the maps help find it, i guess it would be more fun without the map. but then again, the whole place was too big i guess to do without a map. hmm.

so yeah. FREAKING GOOD and FUN game. would totally recommend it. Thank You Ka-Mun for recommending it to me. had fun.

but for now, back to studies. i'm glad i finished it b4 monday too. now can concentrate on studies fully. :)

ok gnitezz! :)

Currently Watching: The Bourne Supremacy (HD 720p)

Well That Was Fast

i honestly don't think i've had what i said in a blog post actually happen so fast (refer to first part of previous post). brilliant.

Cartel - Faster Ride. good stuff.

Currently Listening To: Faster Ride - Cartel

Honestly Why Does It Have To Be This Way?

i dunno what is it with certain ppl (i'd say Malaysians, but i cant verify that it's general to most of them) la. they just have so many attitudes that can get pissing off.

why is it that when you don't know smth, then have to like "rub it in your face"? i ask you, how many of you have said "oh i didn't know that", just to be replied with a "harr?? how can you not know?? everyone knows this sort of thing." or "you stupid is it?" or any other comment indicating of how stupid or ignorant you may be. seriously, do you know everything in this world? not everyone walks down the same path of life and learns the same things. have you ever thought that what might seem obvious to you, may not be to others? the opposite may be true too. like things you think are not obvious, seems very obvious to others. i get so irritated when i don't know something just to replied with laughs or "how come you don't know?" statements. there are better ways of putting it i'm sure.

how about the one where ppl don't like to share information or knowledge which is free? one example i can think of is those ppl who download series and movies off the internet. i know a few ppl back home, who know all these sites, but will refuse to tell them to friends. why? my theory is that it's the kiasu mentality. they want to be the first one who watches the series. and how do you secure that? by being the only person who knows where to get it. seriously, how many friends do you know who will update their status after watching the latest released episode of a series? it's somehow like a show off. as if to say "hah. i've seen it and you havent". who's willing to bet that if they watched it a few days later instead of a few hours after release, they wouldn't say anything about it at all? but honeslty, why not share the place where you got the ep from? why say secret? honestly, it's not like you recorded straight from the tv and had to encode and sync the audio and video. all you did was download. and you wanna claim that? and not share? gosh. i dunno la. and this is definitely not exclusive to series, or movies or music. share knowledge on stuff also cannot. ESP WHEN IT'S FREE. so dumb that you put in nothing to get smth, but aren't willing to do the same for others. you aren't even at a disadvantage to share the info.

well that's all i can think of for now. i think i had smth else. but it escapes my mind for now.

***********************

on another note. all my games are boycotting me as they refuse to work. clearly even my comp wants me to study. great.

***********************

i gotta be honest! gotta gotta gotta! cannot be nice to ppl i feel are being a pain to me. cannot stand hypocritism and i don't want to be one. i gotta learn to hand out the truth even though the person may not like it. and deal with the fact they aren't gonna like me for it. i'll comfort myself with saying they are just not mature enough to handle the truth.

***********************

there's so many things i wanna blog about. but so many controversial issues. and so many things ppl will terasa. but i'm still too nice. haih.

***********************

it's been 2 n a half years. it's sad that we'll have to leave each other. :( i'll miss you.

***********************

damn. just when i had a plan of what to do, my brain brought in new ideas. now i don't know which to choose.

***********************

if heaven had a "What If" machine that lets you go to every point in your life to see what whould happen if you did something different, i think i'd wanna go now.


thats all i wanna rant for now. i blame Arkham Asylum for not working properly. 100NZD for the ori game. so tempted to go buy. lol.

Currently Listening To: Fake It - Seether

I Figured It Out!

so i was talking to Lauren and then i was talking abt how i reply her emails super slow this year. as compared to me being so good at replying last year. relatively. and not only Laurzkena. a lot of other ppl who have emailed me also i haven't replied. sheesh hopeless.

BUT!


now know why!!



it's cuz of.........





FACEBOOK!

seriously. that's the only thing that changed since last year. now i spend time on FB instead of replying ppls mail. too much. see i knew there was a real good reason i wasn't using FB. nonsense betul.


but right, even though FB has brought some bad to my life, actually a lot of bad, i still don't regret getting it la. :)


so yeah. if i don't reply my mails, blame FB! :P

Currently Listening To: Umbrella - All Time Low

If This Isn't Creativity, I Don't Know What Is!

brilliant! Bearer just totally owned with this album. how geniusly done.

i am so impressed.

good job Bearer. awesome stuff. even if it's not ur original idea, you got it going and got it going good bro. kecekapnessan.

Currently Listening To: Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds To Mars

Hey I'm Improving!

eh not bad. out of the recent 10 posts. prob only 2 you wont understand. lol not bad.

i realised this after readings ppls blogs and there was like totally nothing to relate to or understand. all their posts. which lead me to be like, ah forget it, if i cant understand i'm not gonna bother reading. which is prob what ppl do here la if they don't understand.

so yeah. i'm proud that i managed to blog understandable stuff recently. lol. shall try to keep it up.

at the same time, have to kurangkan the perasanness and the conning ppl-ness. i'm like a con addict these days. everything also wanna con. til certain ppl don't bother to listen di. b4 i talk also they walk away. hahahaha. lol so ya. gonna try and con ppl less so they believe me when i'm being serious next time. haha.

Currently Listening To: Soldier - Hillsong United

Narcism

i may just be a bit too narcissistic.

because i actually know and recognise how i REALLY sound like and am not shocked by it.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


Currently Listening To: Enter In - PlanetShakers

Photoshopping

playing around with photoshop.

before

after


before

after


i love doing these kinds of stuff. i love creative and arts stuff. so why am i doing engineering? hmm.

p.s.: the guitar pic reminds me of New Divide song. must be cuz of the MV.

Currently Listening To: New Divide - Linkin Park

What I Learnt

still kinda emotionless now. but i'm gonna bring smth back from this. so here goes.

preparations.
need to be done early and properly. assuming things will work out, is not gonna work. should have run it exactly like how it was supposed to be done on the day itself. so i know what to expect.

secret stuff.
i really don't like it. cuz it's hard to plan for something i know nothing about. in the process of running the thing, panic sets in and everything is done wrong. make sure there's no such thing next time.

familiarise with equipment.
getting the cable from their tech crew 5-10 mins b4 VIP walks in sucks. plus not knowing the laptop sucks too. projector and laptop stuff has always sucked since i don't know when. but there's always a problem. which i was hoping to avoid.

the nagging.
10 ppl coming to tell you the same, which you can't do anything about gets fucking irritating when you're already stressed. i need patience for this.

performing and working.
i realise, having ppl from protocols and tech crew in performances, just cannot go. cuz these two teams are the busiest on the night itself, getting them to do stuff that takes them away from the things that their supposed to do, may end in disaster. esp with trying not to get too many ppl in ur team so the subsidising can be reduced adds to it kinda. like when mamat was performing, there was noone to do lights. and when i was acting, noone to do comp properly. i just believe it wont work well if ppl in the protocol and tech have to perform. now i know.

sound.
sound was a problem. if the volume was turned up, the front would be too blaring, but the back would hear. and if it was not blaring for front, then the back wouldn't hear. the ppl talking had different pitches too, so if we turned them up too high, it would sound bad. but if we don't, it would be too soft. no idea how to fix it.

the screen.
the screen was turned halfway, i don't even know why. and cuz of that, i couldn't see from where i was sitting. which is quite irritating.

last minute things.
wah. this one i dunno how. cuz things were planned already, telling last minute was quite a kacau to change and add things in. esp since we din have time to test stuff.

lights.
i think it's really irritating how we have to go and ask the guy to on the main lights all the time and we're not allowed to do it ourself. and when the guy cant be found, crap. have to wait so long to on.

previous disappointments.
i think cuz of the whole cyber games thing, i totally had no mood at all. i guess i worried too much abt that i somehow din feel like caring about a lot of stuff anymore. plus the other stuff with the other ppl also left me irritated and disappointed and so moodless with the whole thing. but it was wrong of me to take it out and be so uncaring about this. it's not fair to YL. wish i saw this earlier. i think i would have tried harder.



hmmm think thats all i got for now. i clearly should have done better. i'm totally grateful to my team whom i think did an awesome job, considering we only got everything a few minutes before everything started. it was very very very very last minute. still trying to figure out how it could have been improved. i think mamat did a really good job with lighting, esp with the sketch cuz he hasnt actually practised with us. and everything was done on the spot with the script. so that was awesome la.

honestly, i dunno if i'm ready to talk to ppl abt this. it's like, those i need time on my own sorta thing. but i guess it's fine la cuz i just need to blog abt it and it's off my chest in a way. i think the protocols team did a good job. Xin Yee really did a gr8 job organising everything and getting ppl organised. deco team was gr8 too. they really worked hard and it paid off. the food was amazing too. tho i din really get to enjoy it fully. but what i had was gr8.

what else went wrong? i'ld like to know actually. and how i could fix it. it'd be great to learn.

do i set the standards of quality for myself too high? i think not? i guess i don't want to satisfied with being mediocre. but then would i be able to handle the amount of disappointed i serve myself?


one good thing about this year is i'm learning a lot, like really a lot abt organising and being in charge of something. what sucks is that i wish i learnt is earlier like in school or smth. so when it comes to more high class events like the ones in uni, i'd actually know what i'm doing.



hmmmmm. learn learn learn.

Currently Listening To: Brand New Day - Ryan Star