Saturday, December 19, 2009

Maybe I Want It To Be This Way

so yeah. i failed one subject last sem.

i think it may be my first fail. cant remember.

i hate it. i regret not studying as hard as the others did. i hate the way i've said that i regretted before and now this happen. the comp really is bad news for me. i just have to change for next year. i can't let this go on.

but in so many ways, i'm glad this happen. cuz i got what i deserve.

i mean, i cant keep studying the bare minimum and hoping it turns out. i shouldn't let myself fall into that sort of mindset. i guess in some way, my friends who called me "genius" and "smart" actually got to my head. even when i know it's not exactly true. i guess my head got too big (which is prob why i can't handle compliments). i needed to be humbled like this.

so now it's done. it happened. i failed.

all i can do now, is change it. i can't let it happen again. i gotta push hard. have to figure a deal of what to do with my comp.



i totally enjoyed yesterday. a lot. that is exactly my idea of a "hang out". all we did was just eat, sit, chat and walk around. for 9 hours i did that.

hanging out yest reminded me why i love being home. cuz my friends are awesome. they really really are great. i had so much fun yest. so much. and i felt so belonged. it was just awesome la. thx so much Becks, Su Teng and Ruth. and so sorry i came late Becks. that's another thing i should change, being on time. but i still had one of the most fun days ever. even if the food was drugged and made us sleepy. ;P

It was really a great day.

but why couldn't it end like that?

so i got my phone stolen. it's still shocking. cuz i never felt anything. til now i can't believe it. it's like some magic trick. it just disappeared from my wallet and i din know. this sucks. i hate KTMs now. and i hate loser ppl who steal. haih.

but it could have been way worse. my camera and my wallet was in my pocket too. but nth happened. i was way lucky.

and it's like evrything that could go wrong went wrong. i'm usually a careful person. but that time, i wasn't really paying attention cuz i was chatting with a friend. then my pants had loose pockets. plus they were so full cuz they're small. so my phone was prob sitting on top of my wallet. clearly why i din feel it go away. my hands which are normally at my pockets, were holding stuff. so nothing to guard my pockets. so everything went wrong. all at the same time. and now poof! i lost my phone.

this sucks. i tot i would be the last person this would happen to cuz i reckon i'm pretty careful. it's still just unbelievable to me.

haiihh. 2009 is just a totally sucky year. totally. started off this year by hurting ppl and screwing up bad. i lost my necklace. the whole friend issue thing. then my laptop broke down. then cyber games din turn out. then i fail. now i lose my phone. and i'm becoming emo again. honestly, what else can go wrong? these are just the things i can remember too.

maybe it's because i took a turn for the worse this year? maybe for what i've done, i'm being punished for it.

haih. who knows.

2009 sucks.

Currently Listening To: All The Right Moves - OneRepublic


Smith said...

is it cuz we didnt see each other this year?

sorry man, good thing is the year is ending.

Ben J said...

yeah la wei. i think that's the reason. and yeah. good thing it's ending. it's getting even more complicated now. ish.