Friday, February 27, 2009


Teng! it's my idea leh. sheesh. ni la i tak suker. be humble all tapi recognition tak dapat. nvm nvm. i shall not take recognition. let the whole team look good. i shall just pretend like i don't care. ish. that's the problem la being humble. i mean, what else to do? go around telling it's my idea?? a bit, retarded. but teng, i dun like being not recognized for my ideas that made everything look so good and admired. is it wrong to be proud of something you thought of? which, everyone agrees was awesome and cool and etc.? teng!

and damn. these juniors are pissing me off. one expects to be treated like some king. be given stuff and all. wtf? sheesh, i tau la kan there's no junior and senior thing here. but respect takde? nak haram, want something you freaking come take la. expect me to come give? teng. and then another one, ignore. sheesh. i'd like to think i've got a pretty unique face and with the hair, which, i'm pretty sure noone else has, how could you not recognize me? teng.

BUT! fine. maybe i just think so much of myself. fine fine. i know i'm perasan and all. ish. that's what i gotta learn i guess. let small stuff like this not matter so much. ish. grrrr.

plus got guitar spin in my head so bad. i wanna do it so much, yet, i lack the confidence and the guts. plus, i've no idea what may happen. so i don't wanna risk it. ish. but i just gotta!

and dang, i reckon should have just done it that night aye? instead of hesitating. regrets. oh wells, some other time then.

hmm. quite a pissing off day eh. but actually it was not bad. my thoughts only make me pissed off. haha. i'm a pretty happy guy. bad thoughts. tsk tsk.


Currently Listening To: Hit The Floor - Linkin Park

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Best Lie

feels like i've talked abt this. somewhere b4. u go find la. haha!

anyway, the best lie is the truth. get it? bet ure saying, "if it's the truth, how can it be a lie?"

well for one thing, there's like a half truth, so technically, ure telling the truth.

but what if there's no way you can tell a half truth either?

that's where telling the "truth" comes in. what happens is, you convince yourself of a lie, and then you believe it to be true. so in a way, u'll be telling the truth as you believe it.

for example, if you wanna lie you bought a fancified car. then just act like you mmg did buy one. act like it is real. believe urself that you did.

the best lie will be the lie that you yourself believe is true. why the best? cause noone else will ever figure out it's a lie. think abt it, how would you react if someone doubted your truth? there's definitely a certain way to react right? and you definitely wouldn't react the same if someone doubted your lie.

cuz that's the dangerous part, someone finding out your lie. esp if ure lying abt smth dangerous/important. so if you believe your lie, you actually act the part of your lie. and ergo, stay safe.

but the hard part i guess is decieving urself to believe ur lie la. hmmm. but i've seen ppl do it to me. they act as if what they're lying abt is real. hmm. and i've leartn from it also. it's pretty interesting the way things turn out i must say. there comes a point when u actually look at urself and wonder, is it that convincing? haha. but that jus shows it works i guess.

k la k la. shudn't be talking abt lying all. not good all. haha! :P besides, i was just crapping and i bet like everyone reading this will b blur abt what i'm talking. haha. just decided to post this up cuz of this song, Believe by Disturbed:

Believe, when you lie
You will never need to recognize yourself
To deceive
To remove all chance of doubt and be received
With your lie
The deception is complete when you concede


yeaps that's it for now. u know right, now that i think of it, maybe this is why my dreams are so real. like i met Kate Voegele and her sis. sheesh. too many lies i've believed di. haha!

k random. bye!

Currently Listening To: Believe - Disturbed

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Just Feel Like Bursting Out Laughing

sooo.. BOLLLL!!! hahahhahahahahaha. ten bucks k. ten bucks! hahahahhahahahahaha

damn. (in Bernard's way of saying) i should stop laughing like a maniac if not nampak giler. haha!

anywaayyyy. not bad la the past few days. the classes suck. like really. k la. gotta pay attention, and stay awake. sheesh. but 'teng' (sp.), how to pay attention if totally distracted macam tu. haram ah. susah k. k la. that's the first day la. it just so happen la.

wth?? i just found a dent in my lappie! :@:@:@:@:@ ROAR! grrr.

seriously la. where the heck did that come from? ish.

and damn i have to cook tmrw. wth am i supposed to cook. still wondering. prob go with the mac & cheese for now. hmmmmmmmmmm.

and for a kiwi i'm freaking smgt abt the CMSA club la. dunno why also. i din even want to be part of the committee at first. guess it brought home closer kot the club. feel comfortable among them. :)

cool ppl la. i realise. like eventhough we have so many diff interest and so many things diff, it's just cool to hang out with them. even if you don't talk and you listen to them talk, it's still cekap. damn cool.

k la. i shud sleep soon. 9 am class tmrw :)

sigh this no specs thing is kinda a bug.

oh and the new cam thing is fun. :) all the new pics at FB la. cept pics of myself. malas to post my pics nowdays. haha. still exploring the cam to find all the nice effects and whatsoever. it's another case of liking to take pics but not good at it. haha. jus like my drawing. oh wells.

eh i got a lot to say leh. cool. haha. bye!

Currently Listening To: Temporary - Paramore

Friday, February 20, 2009

Now That's What I Like La

see that's the type of question i like la. i mean, not that i would tell the answer la. but at least he asked me. i guess cuz it's sorta an assuming question so i liked it? i mean, all he did was figure out from both the FB profiles and also the pics from FB. of course this i'm assuming too as well. haha.

but well, he asked me, and i answered. tho i know he def doesn't believe what i say as compared to what he saw. haha. well, we all beleive what we believe la kan? haha.

dan saya sepatutnya blog dalam melayu, tapi i kiwi la. kiwi tak cakap melayu pun. jadi. ape2 lain yang i nak cakap kat ni, i blog dalam melayu je la. tapi melayu i melayu baku je la. campur manglish kot. tapi kan, i rasa melayu i ok gak ah. kawan i banyak melayu jadi ok ah. haha.

oh ku mmg benci pakau sial. haram betul la. bila i tak sambung main, aku leh menang. bile main, tak jadi siot. haram jadah ah. tapi i masih suker main gak. haha. ape ntah yg ku pikir pun i x tau la. haha.

ok jo. post ni mmg stgah inggeris dan stgah melayu. sbab pe? sbab aku kiwi ah bro. kiwi tak guna melayu sumer ni. haha! tapi sbab kau dah tag. ah buat je lah. haha.

eh aku rase kan, bes gak blog dalam melayu. tapi nanti ade org tak paham. jadi lepas ni i tukar balik ah. haha.

ok la. stkat ni je la mlm ni. selamat malam. :)

Tengah Mendengar: Lebih Cerah Dari Sinaran Matahari - Aqualung

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Not Bad


on a side note. i'm enjoying this flatting with other ppl thing. nice. :) i hope it stays la. tho it's been 3 days only la. haha!

i'm still amused by how spot on "Decoy" by Paramore was. not often u get a spot on song. haha.

and speaking of amused, made me think of my silent amusement too. and my amusement for people's behaviours and tempermentalness.

sa; tounge rings. impressive stuff. no way to know they're there, til u know they're there. and once u know, well it's a whole different story. haha.

tough year ahead. let's see how it goes.

Currently Listening To: You Found Me - The Fray

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Download Speedness!

wohoooo! one thing i love abt NZ is the amazing download speeds. i've never seen such speeds in my life!

and the megaupload one i was downloading was with regular user. not even premium. coolness la. 5 minutes to download one ep?? that's insane! :D

Currently Listening To: Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade


Close your eyes and make believe
This is where you wanna be
Forgetting all the memories
Try to forget love cause love's forgotten me

Well hey, hey baby it's never too late
Pretty soon you won't remember a thing
And I'll be distant as stars reminiscent
Your heart's been wasted on me

You've never been so used
As I'm using you
Abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue
You should've seen right though
I'm using you
My little decoy
My little decoy

Live a life inside a dream
Time is changing everything
Forgetting all the memories
And I'm forced into you just cause you're into me

Well hey, hey baby it's never too late
When I'm gone you won't remember a thing
But I can't stay and no, I won't wait
I was gone from the very first day

You've never been so used
As I'm using you
Abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue
You should've seen right though
I'm using you
My little decoy

I'm not sorry at all
(not sorry at all, not sorry at all)
no, no

I wont be sorry at all
(not sorry at all, not sorry at all)
no, no

I'd do it over again

Don't look so blue
My little decoy
You should've seen right through
My little decoy
You've never been so used
My little decoy
As I'm using you
My little decoy


i just had to. :) it said everything perfectly. :)

Currently Listening To: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

Dang, What An Effect

was i the only one who sorta stone?

i mean, i can't be the only one. shock maybe? damn.

well, i'm glad i followed and sat there. :) hope this year goes well la.

damn i still need to unpack.

and i need to get an amp soon. tangan gatal.

this day has been good so far. replied the fb wall's, uploaded photos, caught up with series. well that's the leisure part. the administrative stuff is all done for today i guess. tmrw go do more.

and damn my room has no mirror. ish. and yeah flatting is gonna be interesting. i hope i dun piss off my house mates and i hope i dun get pissed off with them. tho i think the former will happen a lot. sry guys.

i can't wait for TBS' new album la. random but yea. hmm.

k ciaos

Currently Listening To: Introduction - Panic! At The Disco

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

What's Up With That La?

oh my gosh la. what's up with the telling everyone la?

note to self: when u bring someone home, be sure to make her avoid saying hi to the grandfather.


Currently Listening To: Memory - Sugarcult

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Being Back

i must say. being back was awesome. i loved it. on a whole i loved it. why? there's so many reasons!

first of all, was the ppl. i got to meet new ppl and also hang out with some of the old ppl and get to know them better. the new ppl? well there's Yumey, whom i must say looked awesome today. she was like the first girl from Subang that i met since coming back. actually, i think she may be the only person from subang that i met whom i didn't know since the merger. kinda sad cuz she's like the only Subang-ian that i met from the so many of them. and if i have to sum her up, i would put her under fun and bubbly. awesome person! don't regret meeting her at all. plus she takes photos of everything, and for the ppl who know me, then u wud know that this is something i would love. haha.

then there's Andrew Tan. no idea who he was before this. saw him at VBS one day, then i thought it was Stephen, but then i went nearer and realized it wasn't him. then i was wondering who the heck is this guy that everyone seems to know. finally i met him, and this fella also another cekap guy. he's first of all damn friendly, and super energetic and also fun. tho he can get pissed at some stuff, but he doesn't keep it in him. one thing cool is that eventhough u first meet him, he'll treat u like he always knew u. which is awesome. plus he's damn helpful also. helped me get my camera k. which is awesome. so yeah. another guy i dun regret meeting. cekap fella.

then there's some of the old ppl also, like Tommy and Ju-Hann. i mean i knew them b4 this la. but it's like i got to know them more somehow. and both of them are both jokers la. damn funny and cool ppl. i tell u, if u've never met them, it's like ure missing out on life la. haha! Tommy is like suppppeeerrrllly lame and funny. he's half Indian btw. haha! :P then Ju-Hann is the super expresionfull guy. love to see his reactions to stuff and all that. damn cool wei. haha.

can't remember if i'm missing out anyone i wanna talk abt. hmm. will add on later i guess.

cool. julian just called me to say bye. how awesome is he? :)

ooo. the fun thing abt coming back was when i surprised everyone. that was really fun. i mean, i'm sure everyone knows by now that i love surprising ppl. so yeah. it was fun for me. still remember becks shouting BEN!!! haha!

then there's all the events and things that i've done. the greatest one being back was opening for the concert for Juwita Suwito. freaking awesome feeling. esp when we froze and the whole crowd started cheering. that was the best feeling la. i'm glad with the bandmates i had and the awesomeness they played. cekap fellas. and dang la Eunice, i look back now, and think that maybe we should have done the head bang thing eh. haha!

other things were like the Genting trip which was a blast! :D then there was Broga hill also, which was something i would never do normally, but i did it. and that was cekap la. if only i had my camera then. danggg. oh wells. when i come back next time eh.

Youth Camp was awesome as well, the games we had were nice, the team i had was OBVIOUSLY the best team there. ;P the place was awesome also. doing nothing and being in charge of nothing was a great feeling. having the long security night was great as well. good to have the long talks and let everything out. if only there was more time for security. :P

SIngapore was awesome also. wow. that place is brilliant. i think there's photos and stuff that i've put up and all. plus got King Julian on our mind and stuff from the trip. heck hanging with the cousins is never a bad thing.

then there's also meeting with all the old friends and all. that was gr8 la. i loved meeting them. :) the best was the haven't seen in 3 years one. i loved how i could just click with her like that. like there was no weird feeling or whatever. nice. :) and the school friends also. cekap fellas. that night at AC and then Sunway then til late night all. cekapness.

also found out stuff i would never expect abt ppl. and surprisingly, i was cool abt it. didn't think i'd feel this way, but things have changed. haha.

oh oh oh. and i got belanja-ed by ppl also this year. like finally ppl remembered! haha! :P thanks Laurz! tho i did belanja u like twice for lunch or smth like that b4 ur treat. haha. thanks Dana! for the Wan Tan Mee. :P and thanks. who else belanja-ed me? oh yeah. Solehah as well. man that woman has good taste for food la. seriously. everytime i makan with her, the food rocks. but i guess maybe that's the company as well la. haha!

oh oh oh. and thanks to Dana's belanja and hanging out after, i managed to, for the first time in my life, see a friend whom i met thru email. i thought it was her, but then, i was like no way. and she saw me and was like the same feeling as well. so finally i checked with her, and it was her! how cool is that? i mean randomly meeting ur online friend whom i've never met b4 unexpectedly also. cekap or not. this have to give credit to Dana la. for bugging me to put 50cents and stay longer. haha. damn cool wei. after like 5 years finally meet. haha.

oh and got to sort fix things with a friend. who fucked up yet again. but oh wells, forgiving is a good thing right. plus i guess i'm too close to the friend to just let her go like that. but yeah, things still got bad to worse between me and her. and now it's kinda screwy. but oh well. all the best to u and ur promise. i'll be around.

man, i feel like i've got so much to say still. but yet. yeah.

oh yeah! there was also a webcam convo with the cousins from US. with all the other cousins. here. that was awesome! first time big time webcam convo all. haha.

it's kinda cool being back. seeing how ppl change and all. some ppl from being bad, became worse. some from being normal and sane, went back to being useless and annoying. but then again, maybe that never changed. and some ppl's words still can't be trusted. some ppl just talk only. disappointing. but oh well. but some ppl were awesome also. some were friendlier and i got closer to them and got to know them better. one of these ppls are like Becks. i think i got to know her way better now. plus she totally rocks la. haha.

oh oh. and i also got to know new music from my sis. and i know i'm going to miss my sis the most. who else am i gonna hang out with and be crazy. haih. bubs! u better take care of urself k. and yeah, she intro-ed me to Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings. which had the awesome pleasure of being to jam the song with Yih Ren. gosh. i just love playing with him. this is like how our convo for jamming goes like:

Yih Ren/Ben: "eh u know this song. *insertsongnamehere*?"
Ben/Yih Ren: "eh ya. jom."

*both start playing said song.

cekap or not. nice la. damn i'm thinkin of the freeze thing. that was so awesome. :)

oh oh. and seeing those two couples are kinda happyfying. i like seeing them happy. cuz i feel they deserve it. :)

so many good things la. but there were bad also. like how i'm jus supposed to be okay when ppl mess up. but i'm not allowed to. i'm not supposed to get tired or whatever. while other ppl get tired and give up so easily. sheesh. some ppl are so unfair. then get pissed off at me. like i've never been trying for so long. sheesh. everyone has their limit k. and why get pissed off at what u dish out anyway. sheesh.

oh oh oh. and drove around bangsar too this year! but that's cuz me and Laurz were goin to MidV for lunch, but it was like packed or smth. then went and drove off and ended up in bangsar. which was jammed. and i turned into some sesat road all. and we were like half lost for a while and then we finally got out and ended up for lunch at SS2. haha! nice adventures eh Laurz. haha.

wow. i've got so much to say actually. i dunno what else to write for now. so i'm gonna stop here la. it's a long post. so enjoy reading. :) this has been the best times of my life so far.

Currently Listening To: When Your Heart Stops Beating - +44

Saturday, February 14, 2009

What You Know Is What You Believe

It's all in the making you think what ure supposed to think. and the rest all shall be hidden. not needed to know what. :P

Friday the 13th was a great day. seriously. yesterday rocked my pants off. totally! :)

today was awesomeness too. i like my last few days here.

oh and Happy Valentine's Day! :) hope u spend it with someone special today. :)

Currently Listening To: Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects

Friday, February 13, 2009

For Friday The 13th

today has been an amazingly awesome day for a friday the 13th. like serious. for me at least. it's been awesome.

this cud only mean one thing! a lot of bad is gonna happen tonight! damn.

well, i'm gonna stay positive and not think so. haha.

Currently Listening To: Come With Me - Diddy

My Cousin Siblings

u know right, i just realised this. well not just just but kinda recently. anyway, i realise i treat my younger cousins like my siblings. ppl like my sister's age la. well then again, there's only 4 of them la. but yeah.

for some reason i'm feel like i'm so close to them and like i can lepak with them if i want. hmm i dunno la. plus i would scold them like they're my sis also if they do smth wrong or whatsoever. k fine la. not exactly like my sis. but still they kena scolding. i mean, i don't know many ppl who scold their cousins.

but it's kinda cool. it's like having an extra brother or sister or whatever. i think it's kinda cool. but of course i sayang my sister the most la. :P haha!

but i guess overall also right, our whole extended family is smth like brothers and sisters to me also. we're like one big family. which is kinda cool. k who am i kidding. it's super cool. i love it. it's like we can go lepak all and enjoy also. quite cekap. i love being born into this fam. maybe it's cuz we're like so cekap eh? haha!

man i love my family and also my big extended family. we so rock. :)

Currently Listening To: Gifts and Curses - Yellowcard

Whichever Direction I Take Is Wrong

what the fuck la.

i stay. i kena pushed away.

i dun stay. u emo.

i talk. i disturb ritual.

i don't talk. u get pissed.

everything also wrong la.

u ask me to be transparent, i am. abt stuff u are too. so with the stuff ure not i'm not. then i kena.

babi. like i cannot be tired from all this la.

i ask. u dun reply. then u say i don't care. when i say i do. don't believe. then when i don't believe you even tho i have good solid reason to not believe you. i kena. say i don't have faith in you. i don't encourage u enough you. what the shit la.

for all the times. for all the fucking times. and i'm the ungrateful one? fuck you la.

how bout u pushing me down. babi. u piss me off so much too last time. so now enjoy la.

what the buck la.

Currently Listening To: Seven Years - Saosin

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Amused But Silenced

damn. i'm so amused by it.

i can't believe i didn't notice b4 this. haha

amused. :)

Currently Listening To: Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

Simple? Hmm Maybe Not

it's simple, why bother if noone cares and nothings different and everything and everyone is the same?

simple? hmm maybe not.

well it's easy to talk but not easy to do.


u know it's funny how we always wish for things to happen. but we never wanna say anything.

i guess for me i don't wanna say anything cuz when something happens, it's cuz it was supposed to happen. it was meant to happen. and it was done cuz somebody wanted it to happen. somebody tried hard for it to happen.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i rarely say what i mean. i may mean something like, "hey, you don't have to buy me a christmas present la" but deep down i really do want u to. it's just that i don't want to say it. i want you to do it on ur own and for u to think of it on ur own. it's more sincere i guess.

but that's the problem isn't it? we always expect ppl to read our minds and expect them to just figure out what we're really thinking. but haih. that never works. it never does. well with certain ppl la.

maybe it'll be better if we just spoke what's on our mind? but then it wouldn't be sincere.

i guess i'm the kind of guy who thinks, if u don't want to think or care abt me it's ok. i would love for you to do so. i would really love. but i would never say it. never. cuz i don't want a sympathy care or smth like that. i want pure honest ones. like if u really wanna do it, then do it. maybe go against what i say just to prove it.

but then again i guess i'm quite perasan to think so highly of myself. or is it normal to have such expectations?

a friend called it mind games. hmm

sounds simple to just voice out how we really feel. but hmm. maybe not.

Still Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You're Still Cut From The Team

Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team)

Your lipstick his collar don't bother angel,
I know exactly what goes on.

When everything you'll get is,
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer,
My finger on the trigger, or,
(Me face down, down across your floor.)
Me face down, down across your floor.
(Me face down, down across your floor.)
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin.
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go...

Don't bother trying to explain Angel,
I know exactly what goes on, when you're on and,
How about I'm outside of your window?
(How about I'm outside of your window?)
Watchin' him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker, (You're such a sucker.)
For a sweet talker.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
(The only thing I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.)
And will you tell all your friends,
you've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know...

And all of this was all your fault.
And all of this....

(I stay jealous.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
(She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
(She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life!

Taking Back Sunday

perfect. :)

Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday

Why Never Ask?

k it's kinda weird how nobody asked.

k fine. someone did ask. but i couldn't tell cuz it was that person la. i dun feel like being judged by that person.

heck i dun even know why i want to be asked. haha. i also dun want to be asked abt that actually.

but i guess i'm amused la. i mean, it's out in the open. it doesn't make sense. yet noone has asked.

maybe cuz they know. or they think they know. and they don't want to be right.

ignorance is bliss i guess.

oh well.

Currently Listening To: Inevitable - Anberlin

Change To Honesty

k u know how sometimes ppl ask what's up? and like most of us give a normal reply of oh nth. when it's really not nothing? k la. i tend to do that. with ppl i'm close to too. and it's kinda bad la. it's like when ppl ask why ure doing this or that and i jus say for fun when it's not and i actually do have a reason.

so yeah. i dunno if anyone has noticed, but i've actually been trying to be honest abt the stuff i say la. like if ppl ask whats up, i guess i'll tell them. instead of hiding and what so ever. i mean, k sometimes i've really got nth in my mind so i don't say. but i guess, if it's my close friends why not tell them right? so yeah.

so now i'm really gonna answer as honestly as possible. whether it's an opinion or what's going on in my mind. i dun wanna answer dumb answers like for fun, nth or simply. yeah, i guess i'm trying to be transparent. will you?

Currently Listening To: An Honest Mistake - The Bravery

So Much To Say, So Little Time

i feel like i have so much to say. yet i don't have time.

so much i wanna know, but i dun think time will let me find out.

now i'm really feeling the rush of going back. hope i can get everything done in time. i still wanna meet the ppl i'm meant to meet. haih.

and damn, i feel i've created a monster. everything's changed so much. oh well, time to jus live with it i guess.

and whatever happened to transparency? i'm not letting this be a one way thing. think it's time to learn to give than just always receive. being happy with the little is the problem. that's why we never do enough i guess.

talking to becks now. i know that this year is gonna be tough. or maybe cuz i'm emoing now so i think it'll be tough. i still wish i cud change the past. so bad. but oh well.

craps. emoing. grrr. well, hope that tmrw will be a good fun day.

i totally gotta settle all my stuffs. k la. bye. enough emoing for one day.

Currently Listening To: Cupid's Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


hmmm. i realise i'm quite obsessive. abt the things i don't have. haha. it's like i'll obssess abt smth until i have it. then after i have it, then it's like it doesn't really matter so much to be an obssession anymore.

example? like my nokia cards and nokia phones. i used to love collecting every phone and knowing every model. like really. i'll know every model on the market. and i always keep up to date with the nokia site. that's why there's a link there also la on my blog. BUT, everything like stopped once i got my new phone. which aint so new now la. almost 2 years old di. but yeah. it's like my passion for phones jus fizzled out once i found the phone i wanted. i guess i was satisfied with my phone that i din wanna find another one anymore. haha! eh ya la. now i also realise that ever since i got my phone i haven't gone looking for another phone also. not bad. so yeah. that's one example of my obssessiveness? haha.

then another thing i notice is abt cars also. i started liking cars i think once i started playing racing games. and when i say i like cars, i mean i jus know how the cars look like. i dunno how much horsepower and bla bla bla. i can't tell u shit abt any car on the road. but i cud tell u the make and model of the cars on the road. i'd purposely go and find out abt every car. so that if any car passed by, i would instantly know what car it is. BUT again, i think everything stopped once i learned how to drive and had a car. i mean, i'm the guy who used to cycle to NAZA motors just to look at cars. from outside the building k. that's how much i liked looking at cars. but now, since i got my car. i dun really care abt other cars. i'm more worried abt making sure my car still can run. haha.

yeah. i guess that's my obssessiveness la. obssess sampai dapat. then not obssessed di. haha. well, at least i stick to the things that i have la. haha.

k that's all. man blogging overload is going well. still more to come! :D

Currently Listening To: Stockholm Syndrome - Muse

Well Now I Know

hahaha! man good thing i understand now before assuming.

can u imagine what would have happened if i thought what i thought?

wow. hahaha. i feel so dumb. yet i feel so smart for finding out now. haha.

thank goodness i didn't do anything stupid. hahahah.

i love my super power. the power of research. :)

Currently Listening To: Now You Know - We Are The Fury

Monday, February 09, 2009

The Randomest Lines That May Just Make Sense

you can't be someone if you're everyone.

well, you can cross that off your list now.

i'm just a notch in your bedpost.

i don't want to be different, but i don't want to insignificant.

where were you when everything was falling apart? all i needed was a call that never came.

if you think we're good, they're better.

i lied. because that's what you needed and wanted to hear. and also so that we'd stick.

Losing her, the only one who's ever known, who I am, who I'm not, who I wanna be, no way to know

i'm two steps away from my subtle smooth escape.

when oh when will this sinking feeling feel like it was ages ago.

you don't need me, you've got them.

i've come to find, my heart isn't right with my soul.

if it didn't matter then it wouldn't be a problem.

i'll just be the name, never the him.

it would have been nice to say, sure would have been nice to say i knew you.

change will come, but i will never believe anything again.

yeah you can just stop talking i get it.

please understand, this isn't just goodbye, this is i can't stand you.

whatever happened to our innocence? and something about us being friends? could it be that nothing's going to change?

you only get what you give.

i'm so tired of waiting for us to wake up and make a move.

even if you think you're right, you have to give to take.

i wonder if you're listening? picking up on the signals sent back from within.

time and time again it feels like everything is so wrong in here.

all i wanted was to be your everything. all i got was to be just another thing.

someone who's been with everyone isn't the someone for me.

I know you wanted me to give up this life to be, everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in

maybe everything was meant to be this way, will it ever change? or are we stuck here on our own?

But we'll still say "remember when" just like we always do.


k i better stop here. if not i won't stop. wow. that was pretty interesting. let's see if u can recognize the lines.

Currently Listening To: No Good - Kate Voegele

WARNING: Blogging Overload Ahead

kk i think i'm gonna do some massive blogging the next few days. gonna try and blog abt all the stuff that i wanted to blog abt but was too lazy to do so. of course, this is also if i remember what i wanna say laaa. haha!

oh my dad was speaking abt how one couple got married and got divorced the next week. why? cuz they didn't know each other as well as they should have. hmmmm.

oh i'm going back soon. but yet, i haven't really learnt how to cook or even meet all the ppl i wanna meet. hopefully i can settle this soon? hmm.

and i dunno. u said don't cuz of the damages done to you. but i don't see any damage. everything is STILL the same. well for now at least. nothing has changed. and if it was even damageful in the first place, wud it really have happened so many times? it's like if u know fire is hot, why continue to play with it right? so yeah. i'm not convinced just as yet. maybe things will change. maybe. but words will always just be words. and sry if this is demoralising, but it's just what's in my head. and pls dun tell me not to do it cuz of that reason. things have so totally changed since last time. maybe i'll let u know b4 i leave. along with some other stuff. we'll see.

hmmmmmm. oh the concert yest was awesome. Joanne and Juwita were amazing. like really. wow-ed. and i think we were pretty not bad too. i mean, when the freeze happened everyone was like "WHOAAA" and that was darn cool to hear from stage side. and i want pics! all the pics ever! damn. and i want the recording too.

hmmm. maybe i shall blog abt my hols here soon. it's been good. and i can't wait to get back to NZ too. just nice. :)

catcha later.

p.s.: i got this quote in my head, which i must say is pretty interesting. "If it hurts, it matters". so i guess if it doesn't matter it won't hurt? and if it does matter then it's important? and maybe if it's nothing it won't hurt? and it won't matter? hmmmm.

Currently Listening To: You Found Me - The Fray

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Down And To The Left

hmm. it seems like both are at a point where both wants smth the other won't give.

so it does come down to who wants it more.

interesting concept.

Currently Listening To: Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

A Bit Unfair Don't You Think?

this is jus a rant. i was pissed off so i needed to type to lepas geram. dun bother reading if ure gonna be affected.


why is it i'm not allowed to mess up?

why am i not allowed to be you?

why are you the one who can have the 'fun'?

why when i do then i get persecuted?

i told you i've changed. and yes, i'm now gonna say ure one of the causes for it.

so why do u expect me to be the same person?

why should this time be any different than all the other times b4? what makes ur words any different this time? u urself know u made all ur words unbelievable. so why be pissed at me for not believing you? i know that prob whatever u been saying to me has been said to other ppl b4. what makes this any different?

actions speak louder than words.

i don't owe u anything so i don't have to believe ur words. yet, u feel i shud jus cuz ure supposed to change. u've said that b4 and became worse. so no thx to believing ur words.

and now u give me crap for becoming just like you? wow that's just so fair.

why should i give you anything that matters when you couldn't, didn't and wouldn't want to? instead all you did was make me feel worse. and you don't even want to fix it and u want things back to how it was?

u say it doesn't matter and it doesn't mean a thing. if that were true, it wudn't be so hard. i'm not the only one thinking this.

words mean shit. seriously.

and i can't believe u call that as staying. what. the. fuck.

and don't expect me to be who i was. he's gone the day he realised being him was just pointless as ppl will jus keep using him.

things change.

Currently Listening To: When I Get Home, You're So Dead - Mayday Parade

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

What's In That Mind Of Mine?

it's not what it seems actually. it's just like that cuz of the reasons i gave.

it's the safest way. protecting both of us? hmm.

it's not that i don't care. i do. i really do. of course i care. i just don't want to for this moment.

i guess it comes down to whether i think it's worth it. and the past says it's not. and the present i do not have confidence in.

the trust has all faded. faded with the ur words that keep proving to me don't mean anything.

you said things will change, so show me. don't ask me to put faith in. i can't. i know better. cuz nice guys finish last.

be happy with what you got and i'm still here i guess. not what you want, but better than b4 right?

u say it hurts. now u know a fraction of what i felt.

sry. but i can't go back.

like i told you, and as cliche as it sounds, it's not you, it's me. it wasn't meant to be. the past changed the future u dreamt of i guess.

i'm sry i'm not the way u want me to be. i'm just looking out for me, just like you do for yourself.

so i'm sry and i hope u understand one day. just like i hope to understand one day too. but maybe that day will never come huh?

why am i writing this? cuz i'm the type of person who can't keep my thoughts in me. so here u go again. enjoy.

Currently Listening To: Lift Me Up To Let Me Down - Moped

Monday, February 02, 2009


Grey skies, clouding up the things
We used to see with wide eyes
Maybe everything was meant to be this way
Will it ever change,
Or are we stuck here on our own?
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

I've found telling you the truth
The hardest thing to get out
I know it wasn't you
That made me feel this way
Will it ever change,
Or are we stuck here on our own?

And give it one more try
I don't know if I will stay
But I feel so much better now
And, baby, begging me
Will leave you so empty inside
So you shouldn't even try

I know every last regret
Inside of me is my own
The way I hold them close
Has made me be this way
I will never change
I know I'm stuck here on my own
My own

And give it one more try
I don't know if I will stay
But I feel so much better now
Where did we go wrong?
I know you still hold on to me
But it's time that you let go

I gave you things I had
That I could not give back again
But I'm better off alone
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey


yet another song that if i were to highlight any parts that suited me, i would prob have to highlight the whole thing... hmm..

Currently Listening To: Grey - Yellowcard

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Should I Or Should I Not?

speaking my mind is a waste of time.

cuz noone ever does that for you. or give you the truth.

cuz there's so much crap and hurt in the world it's easier to just go along with it than try and fight and prove things.

it's jus a waste of time. and also cuz nice guys finish last. that's why i do what i do. hmm.

Currently Listening To: Don't Lie - Black Eyed Peas