Sunday, February 28, 2010

I Should Say Something

but i keep postponing it. i don't know why also.

honestly, Laurz was totally right. Malaysia TOTALLY has that "emo air".

i mean, here, i can be emo, for some stupid small thing. and the next few hours everything will be good and perfect again.

i feel retarded a bit. like some schizophrenic. like looking at my previous posts, with all the emo and all, then sudd like happy. it's like some instant change! it's hillarious la actually.

i mean, it's not like the emo posts don't mean anything. they do. it's just that, with all the things i'm doing here and the fun i'm having, it doesn't matter!

and that's gr8! i mean, who wants to be emo! hahaha.

well, it's been a real awesome as weekend. class days weren't gr8. but the weekend was just just awesome as.

learnt a lot on Friday. just cuz there's a ring doesn't mean things can't happen. and doesn't mean he has to know. haha. plus! stock up on black ice! bloody 56 bucks in one night. too high of a tolerance. and it wasn't actually the girl, it's just noone actually did it the same way. and ppl really don't recognize me with my haircut! it feels like my anonymity has been restored a bit. haha! but they'll soon place the face. haha.

Sat was sleep in. go out. unexpected hanging out. and then unexpected futsal. and then unexpected dinner. lol. cekap la. haha.

Sunday was was chillax day. tho had to wake up early. nvr liked that. but it was good. i really should learn to play guitar properly la. instead of just faking it. faking it isn't the best i can give. so i should be better. hmmm. then CNY open house. lost at poker AGAIN. kinda pathetic. i can never win. sad la. ish. babi. then came back. and lepaked. still gotta work out that last lvl of l4d2. so close. yet so far. then Tokyo Drift. i'm pretty convinced i'm gonna teach myself to drift. haha.




now just gotta study hard and my year will be settled. :) prob shud delete COD4 huh?

oh and i'm thinking of deleting FB. less time wasted on comp. and more time on ppl. :)


life is good. though studies are tough.

but life is good. :)

i shall end with this song. SG has pretty good taste.

You Ruined This

you're not, you're not.
i don't think you're coming clean.
i won't, i won't, i won't let you lie to me.
never felt so alone.
it's funny how things go.
guess we'll never know.

i took you back tonight,
hoping that you weren't the same.
this won't ever be alright,
can't believe a word that you say
i give you tonight.

don't tell me you ruined this, 'cause you're scared.
now i know that you're foolish,
for every minute you wasted,
i will tear all apart what is left of this
'cause baby, you ruined this.

so stop and think, will you ever be happy?
no, you won't. there is just no fool in me.
never felt so alone, it's funny how things go.
guess we'll never know.

i took you back tonight,
hoping you weren't the same.
this won't ever be alright.
can't believe a word you say.
i give you tonight.

don't tell me that you ruined this, 'cause you're scared.
now i know that you're foolish
for every minute that you wasted.
i will tear apart what is left of this.
'cause baby you ruined this.

and i took you back tonight,
but this won't ever be right.
i took you back tonight (i took you back tonight [x2])

don't tell me that you ruined this, 'cause you're scared.
not i know that you're foolish.
for every minute you wasted.
i will tear this apart what is left of this.
'cause baby you ruined this.

'cause baby i ruined it from the sin of your kiss.
i'm so foolish for all the years we wasted.
you can stare in the dark,
and there's nothing there.
'cause baby you ruined this, baby you ruined this.

The Audition

Currently Listening To: You Ruined This - The Audition

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Starting Now

I want to crawl back inside my mother's womb
I want to shut out all the lights in this room
I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink
Scrub away all these thoughts that i think of you

So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil
Feel like i watch from 6 feet under the soil
Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears
But i re count the countless tears that i lost for you

But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -

Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.

I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin
I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin
Instead I'll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains
Spinning away every piece that remains of you.

But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -

Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.

It's my world, it's not ours anymore
It's my world, it's not ours anymore

Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.

Ingrid Michaelson

Currently Listening To: Starting Now - Ingrid Michaelson

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Forever And Almost Always

So the story goes on down a less traveled road.
It's a variation on the one I was old,
And although it's not the same, It's awful close
In an ordinary fairy tale land,
There's a promise of a perfect happy end.
And I imagine having just short of that,
Is better than nothing

So you'll be my Forever and Almost Always,
And I'll be fine, just love me when you can
And I'll wait patiently, I'll wake up everyday
Just hoping that, you still care

In the corner of my mind, I know too well,
Oh that surely even I, deserve the best
But instead of leaving, I just put the issue to bed,
And out of my head,
Oh and just when I believe, you've changed for good.
Well you go and prove me wrong just like I knew you would
When I've run out of second chances, you give me that look,
And you're off the hook,

Because you're my Forever and Almost Always,
And I'll be fine, just love me when you can
And I'll wait patiently, I'll wake up everyday
Just hoping that, you still care

What am I still doing here?
It's all becoming so clear.

You'll be my Forever and Almost Always,
It ain't right to just love me when you can
I won't wait patiently, or wake up everyday
Just hoping that you'll still care
Forever and Almost Always,
No it ain't right to just love me when you can, baby
Ain't gonna wait patiently, I won't wake up everyday just hoping that you still care.

Kate Voegele

Currently Listening To: Forever and Almost Always
- Kate Voegele

Monday, February 22, 2010

NZ feels like medication

things are good.

if not gr8.

well, things seem to be going well.

room is cool. i love it actually. bigger and seems like got more space. flatmates don't seem too tidy tho. but yeah.

comp is awesome.

friends are cool.

events are happening already. 3 things on friday! jam packed. :D

ppl seem to love my smile. it makes ppl's day apparently :) and i love smiling too. so it works out gr8. :)

plus i realise, being polite and nice = all good for me. :)

i'm motivated to wanna study hard this year. i guess failing took a huge blow last year. i dont' wanna repeat the same mistakes. i can't. i won't let myself. i have to be disciplined.

i'm in a good great mood currently. i hope it stays this way. :)


Currently Listening To: In the Sun - Joseph Arthur

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What She Did For Him Fueled My Disappointment

so maybe she was a little tipsy. and it didn't really mean that much then.

but what i was amazed by was, when she found out that her bf probably wouldn't like it that she was drinking. PROBABLY.

she freaked out. cuz she didn't want to do anything to make him sad/angry. she immediately let him know abt what happened and apologized. and this also with a probability only that he'll not be okay with it.

then she said she'll nvr want to drink again. and she'll want to find out everything he doesn't like and not do it.

that's how much she wanted him.

and that's why i admire it so much. she wants him so much she'll do pretty much anything to make him not be sad. and then there's also the fact that before he found out, she told him.

this is why she's awesome. and all this done on PROBABLY. smth that hasn't been sure yet.

and that's why i feel extremely disappointed abt what has happened to me.

after trying so hard. and trying to ignore the hurt and all other feelings brought by this, i still can barely get anything like that.

there is no want. none at all. or at least, it feels like just words from ur side.

and then i realised, i guess i'm just that not worth it.

no matter how perfect i try to make myself to be, i shall nvr be worth it enough.

why? i just don't get it.

haih. not worth it. smth i'll have to deal with i guess.

so really, i guess now i have something to be depressed abt.

why couldn't i just be worth it?

my life sucks.

Currently Watching: Lost - Season 6 Episode 4

At The Bottom Of Everything

well, i don't know how One Tree Hill has such perfect timing. amazing.

You know he's not gone yet. Mouth. You shouldn't give up on him. and you can't wait around for him to forgive you. Look i understand, as an addict I've ruined a lot of important relationships in my life. That's why if he's important to you, you gotta at least try to get him back.

I don't know how to get him back.

Just remind him of the girl he fell in love with. Show him you're still that girl. Or you're working hard to try to find him. You do that, I guarantee you he'll look at you the way he used to.

Sometimes our relationship seems so simple and easy…but no matter what, it just turns into a big mess. And there are days when I would like to dive into that mess. But then other days, i can't help but wonder, maybe we're just two people who just don't work as a couple.

But you love him right?

Like you don't even know.

Then don't wait. Life's too short to play games. If you love somebody, and you wanna be with them, then go get them. Deal with the mess later. You don't know what tomorrow will bring.

i get what they're saying.

now i don't understand why don't you?


Currently Listening To: In This Diary - The Ataris

Monday, February 15, 2010

Work Is Fun

anyday la i'd rather be working than studying.

k so for those of you who don't already know, for the past 3 weeks, i've been working at Rock Corner at MidV.

and i tell you, it was a pretty awesome experience. the ppl working there are like soooo knowledgable abt music stuff man.

plus, they know like most of the stuff in the store. it's like u could walk in, say a artist name, and they remember if the store has it or not. that i found cool considering there were tons of cds in the shop. plus if ppl ask them to recommend stuff, music la, they could do it. these ppl seriously know TONS abt music yo.

plus they're like friendly and all. i really felt like it was gr8 working there. i mean, despite the working hours and stuff, which like made it quite tiring, it was fun. it was actually fun to come to work. we can laugh, chill, and share knowledge. yeah i learnt stuff abt music and other stuff there.

so what did i do in my job? basically, i was a sales assistant. i worked upstairs in the movies section. which was pretty cool. i managed to remember all the english movies we had. anyway, so when ppl come upstairs, i ask them whether they need help finding anything, and if they do, i try to help them.

of course, i have to keep an eye on them also la. so they don't steal anything or what not. which makes it REALLY pissing off when u have ppl, who have nowhere else in the malls to go so they come and waste time there. cuz i have to walk around and "jaga" them.

yeah i guess i'm picky as to who i serve. trust me, once u start working as a sales assistant, u feel good managing to help a customer get what they came in looking for. so these time wasters piss me off.

but other than weird ppl and annoying ppl, my job is pretty sweet. :) when there's noone around, or actually, whenever, i get to choose from whatever movie they have there, and watch! :) so i just sit and watch movie most of the time. haha. plus i get to text text text text. hahaha.

honestly, the last i checked, i sent abt 100++ msges a day to my sms buddy Yumey. who kept me entertained throughout my work period. i tell you, if it wasn't for her, i'd die of boredom. so ya, thx Yumey! for listening to me talk crap, whine abt hot chicks, and being hungry and complain abt the weird ppl and all. i know u had fun reading my msges. so prob u shud thank me! haha! :P

anyway, upstairs was the Axcess ticket counter guy. whom pretty much was there most of the time for me to chat to. and wah we talked a lot wei. he has a lot to say and i don't mind listening cuz it's interesting stuff. learnt a lot also from him. another fun guy also.

SO YA! working at Rock Corner MidV was FUN! tiring no doubt at all. but FUN. and considering i really had nth to do at home, and i could still get my shopping done, it turned out to be a pretty awesome deal working there.

such an amazing experience. :) there's so much to it la. oh did i mention Ean from came to the shop also? pretty cool seeing a "celeb" just walk in and he knows my boss and all. my boss also is cool la. also, i love the way after some perasan case customer goes out of the store, we'll just sit and laugh at the fella. trying to act big. so ya, don't go in and try to act big, we'll laugh at you. :)

k i've been talking too much. it's nice to have a happy post after a while. just gotta dump all my emoness somewhere and not think of it! :)

oh oh. and thx to all the ppl who came to visit while i was working there. u made my life less boring. :D thx!

and after only sleeping for 4 hours last night, i think i should sleep now. :)


Currently Listening To: Kokomo - The Beach Boys

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say


But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

I am everything you want
I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

And I don't know why


I don't know

Vertical Horizon
Currently Listening To: Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon

Thursday, February 04, 2010 La OTH

Julian: Hey Brooke, this isn't going to be easy is it? You and I being friends.

Brooke: No. But it's better than not being friends at all.




Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 7 Episode 15

It Was A Bad Day That Turned Out Good

started out bad. emoing the whole morning. thinkin abt how could this person do such a thing. then expect me to act such a way. and what does everything that's happening mean.

then thankfully, i had Yumey to cheer me up and not think about it. thx Yumey. :) even though she doesn't know my story, she still boleh help. that's why she's awesome. :)

then at night met up with schoolmates. that also was an awesome to catch up with everyone and see everyone. it's pretty cool how i can totally see all of them being really succesful in the things they are doing. these ppl really know their stuff well. i know that they will be able to do it. and Keane also gave me a lot of good advice. it's really comforting and reassuring knowing there's a friend who understands my emo situation. and can give good advice which i can follow. thx a lot Keane. what you said makes sense and really helped. i shall try my best to follow your advice.

turned out good in the end. i'm happy. even if you make me sad. today i ended up happy. :)

and here's smth i thought of on the way.

"Having your boyfriend/girlfriend/person you like tell you: "oh i wanted you to know that this person *insertnamehere* asked me out/hinted me to ask them out/was hitting on me, but i told them no. Cuz i have you. :)" is definitely one of the most reassuring feelings you can ever get.

and it makes you feel like you're actually worth smth. :)

Currently Listening To: Dirty Little Heart - Lostprophets