1000th Post

who'd have thunk it? i made it this far with blogging. 1000 posts. just on blogspot alone.

quite an achievement i must say. or it could just mean i blog waaaayyyy too much. lol.

but imagine, i've been blogging for 6 years now. that's pretty crazy long.

my style of blogging has changed so much. from writing long essays about my daily life to short posts abt random stuff and thoughts and stuff. a lot of things have changed to. like the sidebar stuff. people have been added, order changed, ads put in and all.

i must say it's been really fun blogging. letting out my thoughts and all. and having interesting conversations with people about my posts. makes me think and also makes them think. but i like when people challenge me to think as well.

and it's weird, from having one or 2 visitors a month or so, it's grown to about 10 ppl a day. even when i don't post stuff. to some extent it's scary. cuz i used to know who came to read. but now i have no clue. it's like random people are reading! so i learnt to watch what i say as the years went by. and it's weird also, cuz i've found out i got people i don't even know coming back to read what i have to say (yes my dear, this is you i'm talking about. hope your life went better than mine. :) ).

so how do i celebrate my 1000th post? i feel like i should do something special. so i'm going to make this post contain all the topics of my blogging style.

as i see it, i've probably got 4 ways of blogging: Talking abt daily life stuff (what's going on in my life), Random stuff, Stuff people who read this blog will go "what in the world is he talking about???", Thoughts, and Music.



so first, daily life stuff. well for me right now, things are going pretty good. back in Malaysia for now. enjoying it quite a lot. started my internship. however they don't really give me anything to do, which sucks la. it's like, they're not sure what to give. so most days i just sit at office and do nothing. yeah freaking 8 hours of doing nothing. haih. but i took off a few days so i could go to Youth Camp and also Family retreat. glad i did. i needed those two breaks. :) got to catch up and spend time with people i haven't seen in a while and got to know ppl better. hmmm. i'm also getting fatter! which is good and bad in a way. good cuz, well i need to put on wait. but bad cuz now all my six packs have become 6 flabs. :( yeah i don't go gym remember? so now i gotta at least do my own exercises to get back those packs! :) i realise also i've got a lot of friends i'm yet to meet up with. other than that, life is going good. this year has definitely been amazing. tons of bad stuff has happened. but some good stuff has happened to. in my life. changed perspective in a lot of things. met ppl i appreciate a lot. appreciated ppl more as well. so yeah. it's been a good year. :) yeah this is all i'll say about my life for now. :)


as for the random fact, i guess it'll be, i'm pretty good at board games like pictionary & cranium, where there's drawing and guessing. for some reason i can guess the random nonsense people draw even if it doesn't look like the real thing. i dunno how. but yeah. so apparently... i can read mindssssss. hmmmmmmmmmmm. :)


random:
i wonder if it'll ever be, k i'll give you what you deserve, even if i don't get anything in return.


the stuff you (possibly) won't understand:

it's like i'm lying and lying, but i'm not. it's just never come up.

it's hard for one thing to mean something, when everything means something, and you treasure everything. (exactly why i just wanted one gf. but if i ever find a girl who likes me and me her, i'll never let her go and make sure she feels like she stands out from everyone else in my life.)

i think i'm half letting myself not feel. cuz i know i can feel. that's probably what i'm feeling. it's the fear of feeling and being let down, which for my case, just seems inevitable. which sucks. but i guess that's my life.



k enough stuff that people may not understand what i'm talking about. hmm. so thinking time. well not really, but more like, my opinion on stuff. k title? Beating around the bush.

seriously, people should just get to the point of what they want. now i can relate to friend's post which said smth like, if you want help, say exactly what you want. don't go "Hey you free?" i mean for me la, i don't wanna answer questions like that, cuz i don't know what i'm getting myself into. why would i wanna say yes i'm free to something i don't wanna do? people should just say, hey you free to help me out to do this thing?". STRAIGHTFORWARD LA. seriously.

plus it's scary when people say, "eh i wanna talk to you one of these days." esp when ure a guy like me who's always screwing up, you wonder if ure gonna get sounded. i'd like to prepare for that pls. cuz a talk can be anything!

so seriously people, just get to the point! it's not hard. say exactly what you want. ure not gonna offend me if you don't start the convo with hi, how are you. as i see it, you should only ask if you really mean it. and most of the time, u got ppl who nvr talk to you, suddenly asking how r u. and u know the next few sentences that are going to come out is them asking you for help. and hey, i've got no problem helping. but i've got a problem when u act as if you care. seriously, just don't, and go str8 to the asking for help. it's much better that way for me. well i believe it is at least.

just mean what you say people! i've had too much of people saying stuff they don't mean to me. i can't take it la. so yeah. touchy subject. hmmmm.


NOW, the BEST part of the 1000th post! the music! so i'm going to post the song, and the video of songs i find are pretty awesome recently. and knowing the readers of this blog, i'll post the ones people i know in general will like the best first la k? k now then, enjoy! :)

Wonderwall



Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me (that saves me) 3X

Oasis

Mad Season


Video

I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long.
And I've been guessing and I could have been guessing wrong.
You don't know me now, I kinda thought that you should some how.
Does that whole mad season got you down?

I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes.
And I've been changing, I think it's funny how no one knows.
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around.

So, why ya gotta stand there looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'll come around.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

I feel stupid, but I think I've been catching on.
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on.
You grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around.
What that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there, are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

And now I'm crying, isn't that what you want?
And I'm trying to live my life on my own, but I won't, no.
At times I do believe I am strong,
So someone tell me why, why, why, do I, I, I, feel stupid.

And I come undone, well I come undone.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;

Well I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out, I'm a child and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken.
I come, oh, I come undone in this mad season.
In this mad season.
It's been a mad season.
Been a Mad season.

Matchbox Twenty

Terrible Things



I said you could count on me
But I wouldn't hold that breath my self
If I pass out on your floor
It's just a cry for help
Damnation, redemption, the cycle
She said "Look and see, you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me"

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Doing just terrible things

Still I can't imagine
My life without her
We can't live through this
Somehow we already were

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Doing just terrible things

We're terrible things
What are we doing?
Doing just terrible things
Just doing terrible things

Damnation, redemption, the cycle
Echoes through my ears
You're the worst thing, You're the worst thing
That's ever happened to me

I never tried it but i'm always up
Am I keeping up?
Am I keeping up?

I never tried it but i'm always up
Am I keeping up?
Am I keeping up?

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Why do we do it?

We're doing terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Doing just terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)

We're doing terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Doing just terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Such terrible things

Terrible Things

k so that's it! hope u had fun reading the 1000th post! :) now go enjoy ur life and don't sit in front of the comp! :) take care people.

and yes, this is hopefully the last post ever. i think i make ppl irritated and worried and dunno what with all the words i say. so for my own benefit, and urs, i decided to stop. :) been always wanting to, but now since it's reached a thousand, seems like a cool way to end. so ya. :)

bye everyone! :)

Currently Listening To: Terrible Things - Terrible Things

Last Minute Saviors

the last minute decision to save myself and the life i'm living. hopefully things will work better from now on. but i gotta work for it.

the things you want don't come easy.

stop being lazy ben. fix ur life.



and once again i hold true to the habit of people not knowing everything but a lot of different people knowing different stuff to my story.

but i'm so glad a let that part out. at least now someone knows about it. and maybe i can make an effort to fix it now.

i'm glad for that last minute decision of mine.


just saved myself.

Currently Listening To: Set It Off - Hey Monday

Up To My Limit

i just cannot cannot cannot take this anymore.

everything is just not fair.

I feel the pressure building up inside my head

Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

please please please at least let the talk that's going to happen relieve some of this pressure.

i just want it all to end.


just cannot. everywhere i go it's too much.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

Try

it's interesting how ppl make it seem they want something (maybe badly) but make no effort to get that something. at all.

i mean come on, trying isn't doing smth when it suits you or makes it easy for you. it wouldn't be trying then right?

and of course trying means going against all the odds that says u can't have what you want. cuz as i see it, the longer and harder you try, you get what you want.

so maybe if you can't try, maybe you never wanted it in the first place. so, stop saying you want something you don't want.

bloody try. and not only when it's convienient for you alone.

Currently Listening To: So What - P!nk

It's Like A Half 'n' Half

(i think the only reasion i'm thinking so much abt this is cuz distance is just way too close, i've got too much free time and since things are all going to end soon i might as well let it all out.)

i honestly can't decide to thank her or not.

it's like, i regret so much letting her into my life. but then again, there's so many things, i wouldn't have done/found out if she wasn't in my life. like all the stupid things i do like, getting drunk, clubbing, smoking, cheating, leading ppl on and the list goes on. though yes granted, she never actually told me or encouraged me to do it, but knowing she does these things, somehow encouraged me/showed me that maybe i'm making a big deal out of everything and i should learn to chill a bit.

i guess in some ways, i do those things so she can see/feel how i feel when she does those things. and back then, i did them so she would learn somehow and change her ways. that was a long time ago tho. i also realised that maybe i did those things, cuz i wanted her to let me into her life. she said shee nvr told me stuff cuz i was too perfect for her screwed up life. so what better way to go into her life than screw myself up so i wasn't perfect right? ah the stupid things we do for the people we think we like.

and i think abt it, and it's like, wow, all these things i literally would never have done if it wasn't for her. so i guess in some way i should thank her for helping me live a little. well even if she never actually meant for it to happen the way it did.

think abt, if i didn't do these things, there's friends i would have never met and got close to, girls whom i can say i had the pleasure of meeting and "getting to know", and experiences which are well, amusing. ;)

yet i know i've completely ruined my "perfect" life and well, i know my future probably sucks from now on. which is why i'm hesitant to thank her. but i guess that's the other thing i learnt from her, ur life is screwed up, so no harm in screwing it up more right?


so yeah, you know who you are, and eventhough i have no idea whether u'll actually read this or not, Thank You. for teaching me to live a little.

oh and everything i've ever said about your friends, i'm sorry. i take it all back. they're awesome.



and i know a lot of ppl are sick of my emoness and what not, so yes, this will be the final post ever about her. it's done.


see ya.


p.s.: it's funny, cuz i spent so long trying to make her a better christian, yet, without her even knowing or trying to, she managed to make me not be a christian. impressive.

Currently Listening To: Lifeline - Angels & Airwaves

Erase Me Cause When I Get Home, You're So Dead

heard the following song on OTH. and i must say nice song. and lyrics, at parts. :)

Erase Me

[Verse 1]
She said I don't spend time like I really should
She said she don't know me, anymore
I think she hates me deep down, I know she does
She wants to erase me hmmmmmm

A couple days no talking, I seen my baby
And this what she tells me, she said

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can't get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can't stop missing you, yeah

[Verse 2]
It's like I'm her new nightmare, she ain't escaping
It makes me feel a bit complete, yeah
Knowing someone you love don't feel the same way about ya
Memories they soon delete, hmmm

A couple weeks no talking, I seen my baby
I've missed you so damn much, hey
I wish we could start over, I told my baby
This what this bitch tells me, she said

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can't get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can't stop missing you, yeah


[Bridge]
Cuz I'm in the magazines
On the TV
No matter where you are you might hear me
I'm in the magazines
On the TV
No matter where you go you might see me

[Verse 3]
Uh, I’m Yeezy
She said Hi I’m Aria,
No! You an angel you wave hi to Aaliyah
I got a show in Korea
They built a new arena
Why don’t you come watch n-gga tear the whole scene up
I know I’ve seen you before but don’t know where I’ve seen ya
Oh I remember now, it’s something I that I dreamed of
Don C said she cool but don’t let her f-ck ya cream up
Monica Lewinsky on ya dress take ya to the cleaners
Sure enough a week later I’m in extra love
And everybody know she mine so she extra plug
Every bouncer every club show her extra love
We just praying the new fame don’t get the best of us
But all good things gotta come to an end-a
She let it go to her head, no not my aria
The height of her shopping was writers blocking me
I couldn’t get my shit out anyway, I hope you die Aria

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can't get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can't stop missing you, yeah

Kid Cudi ft Kanye West

and this will be the third time i'm posting this song. but it's just so brilliant. it just says everything perfectly. i listen to it, and i just feel like laughing. at you. :)

When I Get Home, You're So Dead

The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical, for us to act like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first, or the last, or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in this past with a verse
We could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth it
Anymore

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
And I...

On any other day we'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like that
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple. little. whore.

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
And

Your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger (Your name)
It never gets closer (remains the same)
You want to start over
But never start over

Pull the trigger (All that has changed)
It never gets closer (is this pretty face)
You want to start over
But never start over

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry and I...

Say hello
Say hello
(Whoaaaa)
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time!
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry and.

Mayday Parade

i believe i laugh cuz i know what i know. and i know you. and i know you'll avoid what ure thinking. so i laugh even more. and this sentence will piss you off, so u try even harder and make it worse. cheers to your ego making things worse. :)

heh. enjoy. :)

Currently Listening To: Price To Play - Staind

Oh FB Is So Not Private

and neither is this blog.


which is exactly why the things you don't need to know, there's calls, texts, email, and FB msgs.


and just when you thought you knew it all. ;P

Currently Listening To: MK Ultra - Muse

Maybe It's Irritating

I have this irritating habit of asking people stuff i already know.

why?

i can't decide which reason it is.

for one thing, it's to find out whether the person trusts me or whether the person can be trusted to tell the truth.

the other reason would be to find out how ppl know that something. i mean i already know how they know, but i just want to be sure. i always like knowing the origins of things ppl know or how they arrive to a thought.


i think my reasons for this habit of mine is the 2nd reason. well i try to make it that reason most of the time.


but ya somehow i find it irritating.

Currently Listening To: And One - Linkin Park

I Would Say It's The Greatest Thing I've Learnt In My Life

what is it?

this: loving people the way you would love someone like you're in love with them.


there's just something satisfying about truly caring about the well being of someone. whether it's their physical and mental health.


plus, it's also what the world needs more isn't it? people caring for each other?

and when i mean caring, it's like how u would care for your gf/bf/wife/husband/sister/brother. think abt it, these ppl, you supposedly love a lot and would treat and care for them with all you can right?

now if you do that for all the people you love (and on occasion those you don't love), it would just make the world a better place right?


so yeah that's the greatest thing i've learnt. loving and caring for people as much as i can without falling in love with them or whatever. just learning to care for people, cuz a lot of ppl in this world need love.


hmmm. yeah. i dunno. yet another post that didn't come out as i intended it to sound like. oh well, hope you get it anyway.


p.s.: hmm i just realised, this is probably why ppl think i'm together with a lot of girls. cuz i treat them well. lol.

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

It Was Supposed To Be The One Thing That Works

funny how i let go of the one thing that is supposed to comfort me and make me feel happy/better/contented, and yet, all those things that i need to have a better outlook on life i have now. after letting go and not paying as much attention to it as i have for the past few years.


makes me wonder, a lot.

Currently Listening To: When I Get Home, You're So Dead - Mayday Parade

Speaking Malay

so apparently, i just found out today, that guys can speak BM more naturally than girls.

well, in my life it's true la.

i mean, my sisters, and quite a few of my girl friends, when they speak BM, it's like seriously like damn kayu. it's kinda ilarious to listen to tho.

and then the guys, i rarely ever hear them sound weird speaking malay.


i dunno why that is. it's quite interesting.


but of course, i'm not saying ALL guys speaking malay non-kayuly and ALL girls speak like some mat salleh attempting to speak.

i do know some guys who sound so bad speaking malay and some girls whom you'd think they're malay as well.

so yeah.

just in general mostly.

quite interesting. :)

Currently Watching: Glee Season 2 Episode 8 - Furt

It Balances Out Somehow

i realise, how much i text back home.

like if got nth to do, then i'll just go into my room and text ppl.

texting has become a thing to do. lol.

i guess cuz i'm just so malas to play comp.

or got ppl to text back.



come to think of it, i've survived 5 days without my HD. :D


aaaaaaaaahhhhh. i love being back. :)))

coming up next: driving! :D

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

She Did Bring Up A Good Point

like how long will i stay mad?

i mean, granted i don't care anymore. well sorta.

but when will it all be ok?


well it definitely doesn't seem like anytime soon.

cuz hey, why on earth would i bother with someone who totally doesn't give a damn about apologizing and thinks she's right, right?

i would say the irritating thing is i have to see her everyday, but it really doesn't bother me anymore.

why should i be running?


but most of all, i'm shocked at how arrogant she's being after what she did. goodness, can't believe she's acting as if i'm the one who wrong her and my friends are treating her badly.

some ppl. dunno what to say la.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

Understoodableness

i'm, quite frankly, one of the most understanding person u'll ever meet.

if u can explain stuff properly and ure true intentions, chances i'll be able to understand what's going thru ur mind.


of course, this doesn't mean that if you stab me, i'm not gonna just say "yeah i understand u had stab me". hell yeah i'll be mad. there's a limit to be being tolerating and understanding.


think about it, how often have i got mad? or is it more like i were to say "i understand what you mean."


i'd like to think that i'll try my best not to misunderstand ppl.


now if i can only get ppl to not misunderstand me. hmmm.


Currently Listening To: The Best Places To Be A Mom - Taking Back Sunday

I'm So Glad To Be Back

honestly. it feels brilliant to be back.

being back this time, made me realise one thing, how much i really missed and love my friends here.

it's just been so amazing to be able to hang out with them. and just lepak and talk stuff. like seriously, spending 12 hours a day out. wow. i SO SO miss this.


and i can finally post this cuz now Yumey finally knows. loser, can waste my time without even knowing it. tsk.


really la. the past few days for the past week has beeen AMAZING.

happy giler. :):):)


which makes me feel kinda hypocritical. cuz i was like all emo abt ppl leaving chch and all just a few days ago, and now i'm like happy to the max.

hahahaha. dunno la. i'm just overjoyed to be backkkk. :D:D:D


like i said la, 2010, is really being an epicly good year. :)

Currently Listening To: Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

If You're Wondering What's The Reason, This Would Be It

somehow the image of that person has tied in to that thing i do.

so now, if anything to do with her pops up, i automatically feel the need for one.

well in my defense, it kinda does make me feel better.


damn it. should have brought the pack along.

Currently Listening To: Your Love Is My Drug - Ke$ha

Names That Stick In Your Head

u know, when u meet ppl, and they have a name that u've never heard b4, the name sticks with you.

like the moment you see the name, and it's not common, u think of that first person u've come across with that name.

and sometimes it's pretty cool knowing that ppl will think of you first cuz hardly anyone has ur name.


unfortunately, that doesn't go with me and my name.

but it works for my friends with those special names.

and it's cool when u have amazing friends. so whenever u ever see those "rare" names again, u think of ur amazing friends.

and it feels good somehow.


i dunno where i'm getting at, but it's cool. :)

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 8 - Mouthful of Diamonds

So Then Now, What Do I Do?

i hate the way she's affecting my plans.

what do i do?

avoid her?

or just go, hang around friends, and ignore her.


bloody hell. damn kacau.


So do what now?

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 8 - Mouthful of Diamonds

Spoilt Kid

i realise, each year when i go back, i go from being this independant kid, to this spoilt kid.

honestly. no need to wash cups or dishes. fridge always full. no need to wash laundry. no need to iron and fold. no need to even put away. no need to make bed. no need to clean room. extra car to use.

it all "just happens"

bloody hell i'm quite the spoilt kid when i'm in Malaysia

well, i guess it makes me look forward to going home. :)

Currently Listening To: Bulletproof - La Roux

Hell Yeah I Judge People Based On Looks

i know it's not nice and what not.

but if u look ugly and awful, of course i'm gonna look down on you.



but that's what i got from the world.

i got a front seat lesson from the world that nobody looks at who you are but how u look like.

i dare say i aced that class and changed everything.


and now hey, you get what you give right?



so hi, i'm ben. i'm bloody judgemental. deal the f*ck with it.

Currently Listening To: Listen Up Sunshine - My Chemical Romance