It's Like A Half 'n' Half

(i think the only reasion i'm thinking so much abt this is cuz distance is just way too close, i've got too much free time and since things are all going to end soon i might as well let it all out.)

i honestly can't decide to thank her or not.

it's like, i regret so much letting her into my life. but then again, there's so many things, i wouldn't have done/found out if she wasn't in my life. like all the stupid things i do like, getting drunk, clubbing, smoking, cheating, leading ppl on and the list goes on. though yes granted, she never actually told me or encouraged me to do it, but knowing she does these things, somehow encouraged me/showed me that maybe i'm making a big deal out of everything and i should learn to chill a bit.

i guess in some ways, i do those things so she can see/feel how i feel when she does those things. and back then, i did them so she would learn somehow and change her ways. that was a long time ago tho. i also realised that maybe i did those things, cuz i wanted her to let me into her life. she said shee nvr told me stuff cuz i was too perfect for her screwed up life. so what better way to go into her life than screw myself up so i wasn't perfect right? ah the stupid things we do for the people we think we like.

and i think abt it, and it's like, wow, all these things i literally would never have done if it wasn't for her. so i guess in some way i should thank her for helping me live a little. well even if she never actually meant for it to happen the way it did.

think abt, if i didn't do these things, there's friends i would have never met and got close to, girls whom i can say i had the pleasure of meeting and "getting to know", and experiences which are well, amusing. ;)

yet i know i've completely ruined my "perfect" life and well, i know my future probably sucks from now on. which is why i'm hesitant to thank her. but i guess that's the other thing i learnt from her, ur life is screwed up, so no harm in screwing it up more right?


so yeah, you know who you are, and eventhough i have no idea whether u'll actually read this or not, Thank You. for teaching me to live a little.

oh and everything i've ever said about your friends, i'm sorry. i take it all back. they're awesome.



and i know a lot of ppl are sick of my emoness and what not, so yes, this will be the final post ever about her. it's done.


see ya.


p.s.: it's funny, cuz i spent so long trying to make her a better christian, yet, without her even knowing or trying to, she managed to make me not be a christian. impressive.

Currently Listening To: Lifeline - Angels & Airwaves