Words By Clay

Sometime I think we waste our words and we waste our moments,
and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have
the chance.

Clay Evans

so what i was thinking for this moment.

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill 712

You Keep Things To Yourself, While I Let Them Out

the one thing i realise.

and the more you keep your thoughts in. the way you feel in and basically everything that needs to be let out in. the more you suffer.

esp from the ppl you love.

you'll never get what you want.

cuz nobody knows whats going on in your head.


Currently Watching: One Tree Hill 711

Maybe I Want It To Be This Way

so yeah. i failed one subject last sem.

i think it may be my first fail. cant remember.

i hate it. i regret not studying as hard as the others did. i hate the way i've said that i regretted before and now this happen. the comp really is bad news for me. i just have to change for next year. i can't let this go on.

but in so many ways, i'm glad this happen. cuz i got what i deserve.

i mean, i cant keep studying the bare minimum and hoping it turns out. i shouldn't let myself fall into that sort of mindset. i guess in some way, my friends who called me "genius" and "smart" actually got to my head. even when i know it's not exactly true. i guess my head got too big (which is prob why i can't handle compliments). i needed to be humbled like this.

so now it's done. it happened. i failed.

all i can do now, is change it. i can't let it happen again. i gotta push hard. have to figure a deal of what to do with my comp.

haih.


*******************************

i totally enjoyed yesterday. a lot. that is exactly my idea of a "hang out". all we did was just eat, sit, chat and walk around. for 9 hours i did that.

hanging out yest reminded me why i love being home. cuz my friends are awesome. they really really are great. i had so much fun yest. so much. and i felt so belonged. it was just awesome la. thx so much Becks, Su Teng and Ruth. and so sorry i came late Becks. that's another thing i should change, being on time. but i still had one of the most fun days ever. even if the food was drugged and made us sleepy. ;P

It was really a great day.







but why couldn't it end like that?


so i got my phone stolen. it's still shocking. cuz i never felt anything. til now i can't believe it. it's like some magic trick. it just disappeared from my wallet and i din know. this sucks. i hate KTMs now. and i hate loser ppl who steal. haih.

but it could have been way worse. my camera and my wallet was in my pocket too. but nth happened. i was way lucky.

and it's like evrything that could go wrong went wrong. i'm usually a careful person. but that time, i wasn't really paying attention cuz i was chatting with a friend. then my pants had loose pockets. plus they were so full cuz they're small. so my phone was prob sitting on top of my wallet. clearly why i din feel it go away. my hands which are normally at my pockets, were holding stuff. so nothing to guard my pockets. so everything went wrong. all at the same time. and now poof! i lost my phone.

this sucks. i tot i would be the last person this would happen to cuz i reckon i'm pretty careful. it's still just unbelievable to me.






haiihh. 2009 is just a totally sucky year. totally. started off this year by hurting ppl and screwing up bad. i lost my necklace. the whole friend issue thing. then my laptop broke down. then cyber games din turn out. then i fail. now i lose my phone. and i'm becoming emo again. honestly, what else can go wrong? these are just the things i can remember too.

maybe it's because i took a turn for the worse this year? maybe for what i've done, i'm being punished for it.

haih. who knows.


2009 sucks.

Currently Listening To: All The Right Moves - OneRepublic

I Am So Pampered

i realized how pampered i am in NZ

NZ i use a Quad core CPU. back home, it's a Pentium 4. WHICH IS FREAKING SLOW.

NZ, i have a 22" Flat Screen monitor. back home, it's some small square 17" CRT monitor. which i find really small

NZ, the internet is freaking fast. back home, it's not. at all. like can die speeds.

NZ, it's cold! and nice! back home, it's freaking hot and humid that i will die soon.



ok so fine. i guess i'm pampered in the tech department in NZ.

but back home, i'm actually a pampered kid i guess. so i cant complain. :P

Currently Listening To: Nothing! i really doubt this slow comp is capable of playing songs.

I Guess You Could Say

I'm checking into rehab. :)

Currently Watching: Dexter - Season 1 Episode 10 (Seeing Red)

It Kills Me Not To Know This

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
'Cause I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have

Savior
Rise Against

Currently Listening To: Savior - Rise Against

It's Kinda Sad

and also makes you wonder why.

He clearly doesn't care for her. in any way. it's like he's just using her.

so why is she with him? he def does not make her happy. or feel happy about herself.

so seriously, why is she with him? she should have just gone with the one person who cares and makes her happy.

it's just dumb.

but i'm glad she made the right choice and stopped it with him and went for the one who cares for her.






aaaahh. tv shows. they make me think too much. lol. :P

Currently Listening To: The Office Theme - Relient K

I Tried I Really Did

but the disgust of what you told me, and the embarassment to be associated with you, is really killing it.

i honestly can't do this. i just find myself not at peace. trying to act as if it's ok.

but the worst part is, that's all i can do.

well that's all i can do to avoid anymore drama. just too sick and tired of it.

so here is to acting like i care when i don't.

and actually really learning not to care. again.

cheers.

Currently Listening To: Superman (It's Not Easy) - Five for Fighting

Would I Lie To You?

most definitely

without hesitating

prob smth you should know to make things a little more fair for you

Currently Listening To: Ppl Outside my window talking

And Apparently, Countdown Is The Map I'm Best At

Europe server


Malaysian Server



but i guess the Europe server i was top cuz i was the only one who seemed to be doing the work like capturing the flags and killing the ppl trying to capture the flags. that's why my score is like waaaayyy above the other ppl in my team i guess. but we still lost. :(

and i take my gaming pretty seriously. i shout too much at the comp. lol.

k back to movie.

Currently Watching: Blade II

Why I Think Kowhaii Is Better Than The Rest

k this was long overdue. but since Mr. anon wants to know to decide his/her future accomodation at UC, why not list it out?

so first, my problems with Hinau:
-fridge too small
-room doesn't have drawers to put stuff in
-you gotta pay 4 bucks a week for laundry
-no light switch near bed so you can tuck urself in and then turn off the lights.
-the closet is like totally open most of the time.
-theres no oven (for those who like to bake or cook food that requires baking
-the heater was a pain to figure out. can only work it illegally.
-the room comes with only 2 hooks to hang clothes.
-further from uni
-small living room
-flat doesn't have doorbell
-no mirror in room

but there's some good also:
-"home-ly-er"
-newer than the others.
-bigger bed
-when the heater works, it'll be really hot.
-bathroom and toilet are linked together. so you can do your business, then have a bath! lol
-lifts move way faster than Kowhaii


and i think that's all i can think of.

why i want to move into Kowhaii?
-big fridge
-room has drawers to put stuff in
-free laundry
-light switch near bed so you can tuck urself in and then turn off the lights.
-closed closet
-oven (for those who like to bake or cook food that requires baking)
-think the heater is easy
-i think there's more hooks
-closer to uni
-big living room
-flat has doorbell
-room is big
-there's a mirror in the room

the bads are pretty much the opposites of the goods of Hinau la. but yeah. u get the picture.

well i hope that helped. and anyone else who knows any other reasons for either side, feel free to comment! :)

Currently Listening To: Beat It - Fall Out Boy ft. John Mayer

Apparently My Holidays Are For Photoshop

this is what i do during my free time of my hols.

it's enjoyable as. seeing something turn out pretty awesome. :)

those tutorials are REALLY good.

ah. what a gr8 day. :)

Currently Listening To: Believe Me - Fort Minor

Too Much Talk

i don't like this feeling like i've spoken too much.

said things that'll give me away.

for this, i blame my stupid habit of must having to say everything i'm thinking of and feeling.



but the question arises, maybe since i don't care now, will i not be emo? hmmm

Currently Listening To: Never Let Me Go - Planetshakers

I'm The Support Hero

i dunno why, i just prefer to take the role considered as "support hero" role.

in Dota, i prefer to be the guy that helps other ppl get the kill. i guess cuz i'm not good at the game so i prefer to let the pros do the killing.

in futsal, i prefer to be the defender or the passer, not the goal scorer. to me, it doesn't matter, as long as the goal is scored. i guess cuz i know i'm not that good in futsal la.

in playing guitar, i prefer rythym guitar rather than lead, giving melody to the song and supporting the lead. this is prob cuz i'm not good at guitar and i can't solo. so rythym is easier la. plus i guess it's easier to go crazy on rythym la. ;P


so yeah. i'm the support hero. and i like it that way. i don't mind other ppl getting the attention. :)

prob the only time i like taking the spotlight is in COD4. but not like i'm thaaat good at COD4 also. oh the happy thing today is, i was the last guy left in a game of Sabotage, killed 2 ppl. planted the bomb, killed another guy, got my 7 streak kill and won the round for my team. that was pretty awesome. gr8 feeling. esp when playing with online ppl whoa are way more pro.

this is online with 36 players and clan members. considering i got 3rd in my group. that's pretty awesome. :)


but then again. i like playing Sniper. and that's sorta like support hero. lol.

Currently Listening To: Why Don't You and I [Alternate Version] - Santana ft Alex Band

Possibly My Most Irritating Habit

on facebook at least. i tend to write something to comment on ppl stuffs.

then i find i'm not satisfied with what i type and try to retype it it.

then i find i'm still not satisfied.

by this point i lose interest and just don't bother commenting since i can't say it right.


what a waste of a few minutes of my life.

Currently Listening To: WTH>You - Linkin Park

There's No Way

just no way she would know the reason.

absolutely none. i don't recall telling it.

well was it the reason in the first place?

til now, i've yet to decide.


************

funny how i would/will change and do the things i said i wouldn't do for the things/girl i want.

Currently Listening To: Never Let You Go - Third Eye Blind

Facebook Troll

this is my definition of a facebook troll.

it's someone who uses facebook, relatively a lot, but doesn't post much or do anything actually just for the sake of making it look like they don't use facebook much. purpose? so that they can stalk other ppls profile.

it's really lame. really.



Currently Listening To: Disappear - Motion City Soundtrack

This Just Goes Unsaid I Believe

you know how super uncool you really are when you have to proclaim out loud and openly to everyone about the one small little bad thing you did.

it sets your badass level to -1000.

fail.

try again pls.

Currently Listening To: Sink Into Me - Taking Back Sunday

For All The Things That Has Happened To Me

honestly, how should i not hate life and those who make it displeasurable for me.

so many fakers, users, jealous ppl, arrogant ppl and the list can go on.

seriously, the rubbish i've been put through, it's amazing. it sucks when u know it's not in your head. and other ppl actually agree that the things that happen in your life sucks and you are not exaggerating.

at this moment, i hate the fakers the most. so irritating. prob it's more irritating when i have to act like i dunno who they really are and what is going on in their mind everytime i see them.

seriously, the one thing i want is for you ppl to come and tell me in my face. so irritating that we have to put on this act each time.


honestly, for all the things that has happened to me, i should be one of the most bitter person that u'll ever meet.







but i see no reason to. :)

i like being happy. :)

so i shall stay happy. :)


bet u din see that coming! :D

see ya!

Currently Listening To: (If You Want It) - Relient K

This Is Bad. Real Bad.

i believe i still have some standards.

so the fact that my mouth seems totally out of control while playing games is just terrible.

the worst part is it happens when i'm not alone as well.

i refuse to be not fully in control of myself.

changing.

Currently Listening To: Until The Day I Die - Story Of The Year

Plans And Downfalls

My downfall and ruined plans shall come from my inability to shut the hell up about talking about myself and stuff.

the probable causes are the fact that i can't let things be unsaid and also this blog.

now let's try to change that.

Currently Listening To: Fire Fall Down - Hillsong

It Wouldn't Be Fair Would It?

It wouldn't be fair would it?

if you make fun of other people's God and get all worked up when someone insults yours?

or turn a blind eye when someone insults someone else's God but expect everyone to listen to you protest when someone insults yours?

Currently Listening To: Bullet Soul - Switchfoot

Relient K Has Awesome Song Lyrics

but for now i'll just share this

"... It's funny how you find you enjoy your life, when you're happy to be alive."
High of 75 - Relient K

^ is so so so true.

on another music note (pun not intended), this song currently owns:

Disappear by Motion City Soundtrack.


absolutely love the way there is a stop of music at the start of the chorus the 2nd time. epic.

k back to studying.

Currently Listening To: Disappear - Motion City Soundtrack

In No Hurry

Sit up screaming at the break of dawn
Pull out your hair, biting your tongue
Its getting you nowhere
You're fed up, leaving at the first chance
Never look back, never a last glance
And you have no interest there

Well its been hard, I know
It's just the way things sometime go
All you have to do
Is learn to let it go

I have no worries
I'm in no hurry here
I've been through this before
And I have no fear
I have no worries
When things go blurry now
It's just the world spinning
Round

No time wasted, smile on your face
Gotta get out, out of this place
And I'll lend a helping hand
Cause we got it now, we got it good
We got the beat, but misunderstood
And they just don't understand

It's a long hard road
It's the art of letting go
It's the ride
Cause we're never gonna know

I have no worries
I'm in no hurry here
I've been through this before
And I have no fear
I have no worries
When things go blurry now
It's just the world spinning
Round

Things can be extraordinary if you try
Give them time to grow

It's a long hard road
It's ebb and flow
It's an art of the
Art of letting go

I have no worries
I'm in no hurry here
I've been through this before
And I have no fear
I have no worries
(I have no worries)
When things go blurry now
It's just the world spinning
Round
(I have no worries)
It's just the world spinning
Round

Cartel

i'm in no hurry. :)

Currently Listening To: In No Hurry - Cartel

Just Because I'm Paranoid And Think Of The Worst Situation Possible

i hope hope hope hope hope hope

that it's not him.

i definitely panicking over nothing.

but just in case, i really hope it's not him.

he doesn't deserve such crap in his life.

heck, i hope none of my friends are the one.

go torture some useless idiot. nobody i know pls.


gah paranoid.

Currently Listening To: Knock You Down - Kanye West

Facebook Dislike Button

just a short post. for the ppl asking for the dislike button in FB.

think about it, the stuff you add and share on FB are the stuff you like, find cool, find interesting etc.

would you really want someone or in fact anyone disliking ur stuff? at all. i don't think most ppl can handle it.


yeap. that's it that i want you to think about today.

that's all. :)

Currently Watching: Lie To Me - Season 2 Episode 5 (Grevious Bodily Harm)

I Can't Wait To Go Home!

>;D


Currently Listening To: Hello Hurricane - Switchfoot

I'm An Internet Nerd

if you read that and laughed/cursed or actually realised what happened,

you're an internet nerd.




trust me, i would know. :P

hahahaha

that pic still rocks btw. :D

k crazy di. i should sleep now.

the song i'm listening to is super motivating in my opinion too. i shall post up the lyrics soon.

Currently Listening To: In No Hurry - Cartel

Bday Awards 09

lol. i dunno why i'm doing this. but i feel i should acknowledge all the ppl who did something awesome. if you din win anything this year, there's always next year! hahahah! no la just kidding. i still love all of you all la. don't have to try and win my love :P but i don't mind you trying of course :P

so anyway, let's see what we've got...

1. For the person first to wish me the first (according to NZ time): Bernard! (it would have gpne to the person i love the most, but i guess it prob wouldn't be fair. so Bernard gets first place! :D )

2. For the first person to send me an email: Lauren! (plus it was an awesome email with a picture of some guy i dunno and there was a nice template and everything! so Lauren rocks! :D )

3. For the person who organized a super fun time for me today amidst the exams: Gloria! (you rock so much, it can't be put into words. Thank you so much again. :) )

3. For the person to wish me first on FB: Karen! (i honestly wish i remember how or where i even met her)

4. For the most unique FB wish: Dana! (cuz she din even wish me.)

5. For the only person who had a whole blog post dedicated to me and my awesomeness + wishing me at the same time: Dana! (that's why she din wish me on FB. go here to see! click on the M in the empty. it'll get you somewhere.)

6. For the first person to wish me from Malaysia thru text: Yumey! (thank you for beign awesome and finding out my number and texting me. :) sry that i din get ur number b4 this! :( you're awesome la. :) )

7. For the first person to wish me thru MSN: My sister. (I like how excited she was when she wished me. and how we chatted and chatted til we had to go off.)

8. For the most persistent wisher: Su Yuan (she wished me thru MSN, text, and also FB. and i only replied her thru MSN, which she din get. must be cuz she's gaming! :P go study lar you! thx again! :D )


well that's all i can think of now. if you guys can think of more, i'd be more than happy to give! :D

seriously tho, i really had a good year. or good day for my bday. i mean seriously, most of the time i was studying and was in uni slaving away at work. but somehow i still ended up like happy giler. must be cuz of Mission AYWD a.k.a Mission Kit Kat la. so really, for all those who took part in it. thank you so much la. i really really appreciate it. i love the msges you guys sent. and the kit kats. really thanks a lot la. i know i don't need to say this and you guys know it already, but you guys are some of the most awesome ppl ever! really mean it. the photos of everything will be up soon k! :)

really been an awesome day. thx so much for everything once again. really really appreciate it.

so prob not hiding my bday can be a good thing afterall eh? :)

hahahaha.

k back to study. :)

Currently Watching: The Day The Earth Stood Still 1080p

Faster Ride

A green light, unkind
No where to go on a one track mind
It's a break down at the wrong time
I'm catching up but I'm still behind

We did it right, we did it right for some time
But I looked up and you were gone
We did it right, we did it right for some time
I couldn't give you what you want

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
So just kiss me goodbye

A red light, wrong way
I'm just a game that you like to play
It's a hot start to your cold ways
You got bored then you walked away

You did it right, you did it right for some time
But I looked up and you were gone
You did it right, you did it right for some time
I couldn't give you what you want

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
So just kiss me goodbye

So now you're moving on (you're moving on)
With no regrets (with no regrets)
But I'm still hanging on (I'm hanging on)
To every word you said (to every word you said)

But you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
But you'll never find it, no

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
Just kiss me goodbye

So just kiss me goodbye

Cartel

it speaks about you. :)

oh the song is awesome as btw.

Currently Listening To: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It - Snow Patrol

Just Because You Can, Definitely Means You Should Apparently

k Ben seriously. don't go there.

yes it's very easy and you can def get it in a snap.

it's all laid out nicely for you to just say the right things and pick up.

but, you know what will happen if you do.

you pretty much got it wrapped around your finger and are in control. but just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

stop creating these chances to make sure you get what you want.


**********************


the best part is, who i am now, has no reason to listen to that part of me.

funny how it has grown to the less dominant part of me.

and it's awesome. :)

Currently Listening To: Why Don't You and I - Santana ft Alex Band

My Body Clock Is Just Totally Whack

today i woke up at almost 4 again. for the 2nd str8 day in a row. this is bad. i'm supposed to study. and cuz i woke up late today, i din couldn't go for futsal to make up time to study. don't think i'll be able to go for volleyball tmrw either. haih.

anyway, just felt like putting a random post. with some pics. cuz i haven't done that in a while. plus i'm gonna sleep after this. so what a better way to end the day than with a blog post. :)


Presents from back home! thank youuuu :) and this is why i don't buy clothes much. :P oh Malaysian Kit-Kats taste diff. i've had one so far so cant really say for sure yet.

My attempt at preparing something other than pasta. :P

2nd batch. had tons of cherry tomatos and cheese and enchilada sauce left. so i figured use it all! :P it tasted not bad too imo.

i like this candle picture. seems DA worthy.


this thing smells freaking awesome! i just love the smell! :D guys, u should totally buy it. k maybe not. i don't want you smelling like me. k girls you should totally buy it for some guy whom i don't know. :D


and a few comics that make me laugh. some of them u need to know the internetz pretty well to get. so if you don't, you can ask, but chances are i won't be able to do the joke any good.






Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday

Arkham Asylum

this game was so frustrating to install. SO FREAKING FRUSTRATING. wanna know why?

k first, i get the iso copy off the hub. then i install, it decides to stop half way. k not even halfway. a quarter of the way, and it doesn't move anymore at all. plus u cant cancel. and if you use autorun to try and install after that, it doesn't work. cuz u don't cancel the game properly. so fine i get the other installer. and that's some unpacker thing. so fine, use that and played. but during the game got some sesat bugs like grapple not working and grappling into total darkness of a bottomless pit where you don't die. mind you, i had to grapple through the walls (somehow) to get into this empty unknown space.

but fine whatever, at least i still get to play the game right? WRONG! 62% through the game, then suddenly it decides to have a major bug where i can't see the stuff i'm supposed to see. so i can't go to the place i'm supposed to go. so irritating man. worked so hard to get there and now can't do anything. i tried so many ways to fix it. reinstalling (about 5 times this round), playing around with the Start Application. finally din know what to do, so i restarted. everything all over again. well i tried. with some things turned off and all. but then i got worse bugs like glide not working. wah stress man.

so fine i said forget it. but i tak puas la. still wanted to play. so since Ka-Mun said his copy of it works. i got it from him. then i tried installing again. SAME PROBLEM! wah stress again la. i mean can work for others why me cannot? :( but i was determined. i went inside the iso folder, and found the setup file, and used that to install since autorun, couldn't work for install. this time i realised that the progress bar got further than the previous one. then i realised, it was skipping the stuff installed the first try and just continuing on with the other stuff. but it still stopped before reaching the end. so i had to Ctrl+Alt+Del to close the setup each time, then start the installer manually again. and each time it got further b4 jamming til it was finally done. this i had to do about 5 times too. so yeah, had to run the setup around 5 times just to properly install it once! fine.

i mean now at least i got a copy which is known to work installed. so i should be able to finally enjoy the game even though i have to start all over again. right? wrong! again. i mean so close this time. all i have to do is crack. and my comp wont let me! what crap?? and u know why?? it's cuz it's saying that the dll file in the crack which i wanna copy is a virus. so it won't let me copy. so fine i find a way to turn off Norton's Auto-protect (which i didn't know how to do til today), and finally i can copy it into the folder. so yeah. okay. then i figure okay since it was copied i can turn auto protect on again and play. what a bad move. as soon as i try and play, the game tries to execute the dll and Norton flags it and removes it str8. so the game says it can't play cuz of an error. so then i have to turn off norton again and keep it off this time, then copy from crack to game folder then only can launch the game. and then finally i got to play the game. albeit from the very start.


SEE! 4 paragraphs of problems just to get one game working properly!! that's just madness! my comp was totally totally against me. stupid thing. but i still love it. :P



so, the actual question is, was it worth all the trouble to install the game?






YOU BETCHA!


totally awesome! had a lot of fun playing it and being batman and taking down the baddies. plus the i reckon they had a pretty solid story line too. the graphics were awesome (tho i had to overclock and turn everythnig else off to play on Very High and enjoy the game). and one of the most fun things in the game for me was the Riddler challenges. cuz u actually have to use your brain for some of his riddles. though the maps help find it, i guess it would be more fun without the map. but then again, the whole place was too big i guess to do without a map. hmm.

so yeah. FREAKING GOOD and FUN game. would totally recommend it. Thank You Ka-Mun for recommending it to me. had fun.

but for now, back to studies. i'm glad i finished it b4 monday too. now can concentrate on studies fully. :)

ok gnitezz! :)

Currently Watching: The Bourne Supremacy (HD 720p)

Well That Was Fast

i honestly don't think i've had what i said in a blog post actually happen so fast (refer to first part of previous post). brilliant.

Cartel - Faster Ride. good stuff.

Currently Listening To: Faster Ride - Cartel

Honestly Why Does It Have To Be This Way?

i dunno what is it with certain ppl (i'd say Malaysians, but i cant verify that it's general to most of them) la. they just have so many attitudes that can get pissing off.

why is it that when you don't know smth, then have to like "rub it in your face"? i ask you, how many of you have said "oh i didn't know that", just to be replied with a "harr?? how can you not know?? everyone knows this sort of thing." or "you stupid is it?" or any other comment indicating of how stupid or ignorant you may be. seriously, do you know everything in this world? not everyone walks down the same path of life and learns the same things. have you ever thought that what might seem obvious to you, may not be to others? the opposite may be true too. like things you think are not obvious, seems very obvious to others. i get so irritated when i don't know something just to replied with laughs or "how come you don't know?" statements. there are better ways of putting it i'm sure.

how about the one where ppl don't like to share information or knowledge which is free? one example i can think of is those ppl who download series and movies off the internet. i know a few ppl back home, who know all these sites, but will refuse to tell them to friends. why? my theory is that it's the kiasu mentality. they want to be the first one who watches the series. and how do you secure that? by being the only person who knows where to get it. seriously, how many friends do you know who will update their status after watching the latest released episode of a series? it's somehow like a show off. as if to say "hah. i've seen it and you havent". who's willing to bet that if they watched it a few days later instead of a few hours after release, they wouldn't say anything about it at all? but honeslty, why not share the place where you got the ep from? why say secret? honestly, it's not like you recorded straight from the tv and had to encode and sync the audio and video. all you did was download. and you wanna claim that? and not share? gosh. i dunno la. and this is definitely not exclusive to series, or movies or music. share knowledge on stuff also cannot. ESP WHEN IT'S FREE. so dumb that you put in nothing to get smth, but aren't willing to do the same for others. you aren't even at a disadvantage to share the info.

well that's all i can think of for now. i think i had smth else. but it escapes my mind for now.

***********************

on another note. all my games are boycotting me as they refuse to work. clearly even my comp wants me to study. great.

***********************

i gotta be honest! gotta gotta gotta! cannot be nice to ppl i feel are being a pain to me. cannot stand hypocritism and i don't want to be one. i gotta learn to hand out the truth even though the person may not like it. and deal with the fact they aren't gonna like me for it. i'll comfort myself with saying they are just not mature enough to handle the truth.

***********************

there's so many things i wanna blog about. but so many controversial issues. and so many things ppl will terasa. but i'm still too nice. haih.

***********************

it's been 2 n a half years. it's sad that we'll have to leave each other. :( i'll miss you.

***********************

damn. just when i had a plan of what to do, my brain brought in new ideas. now i don't know which to choose.

***********************

if heaven had a "What If" machine that lets you go to every point in your life to see what whould happen if you did something different, i think i'd wanna go now.


thats all i wanna rant for now. i blame Arkham Asylum for not working properly. 100NZD for the ori game. so tempted to go buy. lol.

Currently Listening To: Fake It - Seether

I Figured It Out!

so i was talking to Lauren and then i was talking abt how i reply her emails super slow this year. as compared to me being so good at replying last year. relatively. and not only Laurzkena. a lot of other ppl who have emailed me also i haven't replied. sheesh hopeless.

BUT!


now know why!!



it's cuz of.........





FACEBOOK!

seriously. that's the only thing that changed since last year. now i spend time on FB instead of replying ppls mail. too much. see i knew there was a real good reason i wasn't using FB. nonsense betul.


but right, even though FB has brought some bad to my life, actually a lot of bad, i still don't regret getting it la. :)


so yeah. if i don't reply my mails, blame FB! :P

Currently Listening To: Umbrella - All Time Low

If This Isn't Creativity, I Don't Know What Is!

brilliant! Bearer just totally owned with this album. how geniusly done.

i am so impressed.

good job Bearer. awesome stuff. even if it's not ur original idea, you got it going and got it going good bro. kecekapnessan.

Currently Listening To: Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds To Mars

Hey I'm Improving!

eh not bad. out of the recent 10 posts. prob only 2 you wont understand. lol not bad.

i realised this after readings ppls blogs and there was like totally nothing to relate to or understand. all their posts. which lead me to be like, ah forget it, if i cant understand i'm not gonna bother reading. which is prob what ppl do here la if they don't understand.

so yeah. i'm proud that i managed to blog understandable stuff recently. lol. shall try to keep it up.

at the same time, have to kurangkan the perasanness and the conning ppl-ness. i'm like a con addict these days. everything also wanna con. til certain ppl don't bother to listen di. b4 i talk also they walk away. hahahaha. lol so ya. gonna try and con ppl less so they believe me when i'm being serious next time. haha.

Currently Listening To: Soldier - Hillsong United

Narcism

i may just be a bit too narcissistic.

because i actually know and recognise how i REALLY sound like and am not shocked by it.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


Currently Listening To: Enter In - PlanetShakers

Photoshopping

playing around with photoshop.

before

after


before

after


i love doing these kinds of stuff. i love creative and arts stuff. so why am i doing engineering? hmm.

p.s.: the guitar pic reminds me of New Divide song. must be cuz of the MV.

Currently Listening To: New Divide - Linkin Park

What I Learnt

still kinda emotionless now. but i'm gonna bring smth back from this. so here goes.

preparations.
need to be done early and properly. assuming things will work out, is not gonna work. should have run it exactly like how it was supposed to be done on the day itself. so i know what to expect.

secret stuff.
i really don't like it. cuz it's hard to plan for something i know nothing about. in the process of running the thing, panic sets in and everything is done wrong. make sure there's no such thing next time.

familiarise with equipment.
getting the cable from their tech crew 5-10 mins b4 VIP walks in sucks. plus not knowing the laptop sucks too. projector and laptop stuff has always sucked since i don't know when. but there's always a problem. which i was hoping to avoid.

the nagging.
10 ppl coming to tell you the same, which you can't do anything about gets fucking irritating when you're already stressed. i need patience for this.

performing and working.
i realise, having ppl from protocols and tech crew in performances, just cannot go. cuz these two teams are the busiest on the night itself, getting them to do stuff that takes them away from the things that their supposed to do, may end in disaster. esp with trying not to get too many ppl in ur team so the subsidising can be reduced adds to it kinda. like when mamat was performing, there was noone to do lights. and when i was acting, noone to do comp properly. i just believe it wont work well if ppl in the protocol and tech have to perform. now i know.

sound.
sound was a problem. if the volume was turned up, the front would be too blaring, but the back would hear. and if it was not blaring for front, then the back wouldn't hear. the ppl talking had different pitches too, so if we turned them up too high, it would sound bad. but if we don't, it would be too soft. no idea how to fix it.

the screen.
the screen was turned halfway, i don't even know why. and cuz of that, i couldn't see from where i was sitting. which is quite irritating.

last minute things.
wah. this one i dunno how. cuz things were planned already, telling last minute was quite a kacau to change and add things in. esp since we din have time to test stuff.

lights.
i think it's really irritating how we have to go and ask the guy to on the main lights all the time and we're not allowed to do it ourself. and when the guy cant be found, crap. have to wait so long to on.

previous disappointments.
i think cuz of the whole cyber games thing, i totally had no mood at all. i guess i worried too much abt that i somehow din feel like caring about a lot of stuff anymore. plus the other stuff with the other ppl also left me irritated and disappointed and so moodless with the whole thing. but it was wrong of me to take it out and be so uncaring about this. it's not fair to YL. wish i saw this earlier. i think i would have tried harder.



hmmm think thats all i got for now. i clearly should have done better. i'm totally grateful to my team whom i think did an awesome job, considering we only got everything a few minutes before everything started. it was very very very very last minute. still trying to figure out how it could have been improved. i think mamat did a really good job with lighting, esp with the sketch cuz he hasnt actually practised with us. and everything was done on the spot with the script. so that was awesome la.

honestly, i dunno if i'm ready to talk to ppl abt this. it's like, those i need time on my own sorta thing. but i guess it's fine la cuz i just need to blog abt it and it's off my chest in a way. i think the protocols team did a good job. Xin Yee really did a gr8 job organising everything and getting ppl organised. deco team was gr8 too. they really worked hard and it paid off. the food was amazing too. tho i din really get to enjoy it fully. but what i had was gr8.

what else went wrong? i'ld like to know actually. and how i could fix it. it'd be great to learn.

do i set the standards of quality for myself too high? i think not? i guess i don't want to satisfied with being mediocre. but then would i be able to handle the amount of disappointed i serve myself?


one good thing about this year is i'm learning a lot, like really a lot abt organising and being in charge of something. what sucks is that i wish i learnt is earlier like in school or smth. so when it comes to more high class events like the ones in uni, i'd actually know what i'm doing.



hmmmmm. learn learn learn.

Currently Listening To: Brand New Day - Ryan Star

Maybe I Should Start Deleting Some Games Huh?

after all i can't play all at the same time right?

but i do at least play 7 of those regularly. sort of. hmmm. i think Generals should go first. then Rainbow 6. and i think i'll stop there. lol.

k back to work!

Currently Listening To: New Born - Muse

Well Now You Know I Wasn't Joking

it's kinda funny. for me atleast.

you took what i said, and made it a joke. why? cuz it seemed to good to be true. cuz i was just being arrogant and talking big.

to sum it up, you looked down on me cuz it seemed like i was only talking big.

and now when the time came, i showed you i wasn't all talk. now you're irritated. maybe ashamed too.

and i feel awesome. :) cuz it's fun proving you wrong. actually no. it's fun proving me right. :) actually, it's fun both ways la. haha.

i already have many reasons not to like you. but i'm better than that. :)

Currently Listening To: The Webs We Weave - Escape The Fate

Bitch Time

k the whole lucky draw issue is what i wanna talk abt. sry for those who won't understand. and honestly, the whole discussion deviated greatly from the original point. it's quite amazing actually. anyway..

k first of all i wanna start out saying the fact that she commented AFTER everything is done is really irritating. and out of this whole issue, this is the one thing that pissed me off. why? cuz it relates to Cyber Games.

k for those who don't know what happened, the ori CG was supposed to be DotA (cuz a lot of ppl said they wanted to play that). then sudd those a lot of ppl disappeared. and then in the midst of that, when some ppl heard that we couldn't get enough ppl for the CG, they said that "oh if it was CS we sure will join la". so fine, we changed it to CS, and guess what?? NOONE SAID THEY WANNA JOIN NOW. noone replied the emails or the texts. (k only one person did. but what happen to all those ppl who talked so much saying they sure join?). i mean seriously, no way ALL can be busy right? so yeah, it's easy for ppl to talk after the thing is organised and comment on things saying oh it should have been done like this. when we change to cater to you, sudd no response. what crap?

so yeah. this is why this issue bugs me la. i mean it's so easy to sit and comment. but when ppl put you up to the challenge, you don't wanna take. reason? i'd rather be an observer? what stupid rubbish is that. then like this u'll just sit and forever try to find faults and complain la. it's way easier to do that anyway rather than try to change the problem. that's the problem with most ppl also. like in our country i'm sure there's a lot of ppl who can sit there and complain and complain and complain abt the country. but who is actually doing something to change it?? i mean seriously, sitting back with a stupid excuse "i'd rather be an observer" ISN'T gonna change ANYTHING. if you wanna talk, better be ready to freaking walk ok.

If you talk you better walk you better back your shit up

London Beckoned Songs Written About Money By Machines
Panic! At The Disco

then the next part, thinkin you wont cause and hurt or disappointment in the organisers? really? with all the arguing ure doing based on ur BIG EGO and ur failure to just let this thing go? and forget about it? after all, by saying and constantly arguing it also gives the impression that you think we are being inconsiderate and insensitive to let the dance go on? this could lead to a whole point altogether. i mean really, how much do we have to give in to your views? it's not YOUR night. it's for everyone. back to not meaning to hurt anyone. let's put it like this la k. what if someone comes up to you and says "daymn ure ugly" they meant no intention of hurting you. just telling the truth. now what? i believe everyone would know how hurt u'd feel right?

and how much do you follow your words? saying that the women shouldn't dance and sing in front of guys means that you SHOULD NOT support any women who do right? so there goes all the women singers in Malaysia who are muslims la. i mean, you shouldn't listen to them right, unless ure a hypocrite. so what now, listen to guys? what if the guys turn the girls on? so then no listening to guys as well? so no music from any muslims right? can you follow what you're preaching?

and then you complained and said 'whoa don't get all emotional when writing the comments'. like hello, as if you weren't all emotional in your first few comments. what with the excess of question marks and exclamation marks. classic example of pot calling the kettle black la.

and honestly, the way you talk clearly and the things you said was saying that whoever disagrees with you is wrong. yet you still can say you are not acting like that? you clearly have the "holier than thou" complex. your ego will prevent you from seeing it.


funny thing is, you said that it's okay if you lose friends for fighting for the whole issue. you assume you can survive alone. 500 bucks says you cant. so stop trying to act so tough.


honeslty, i've known you for 4 years now. i know you're the type of person who like to comment on ppl. you always sit back and comment on the things they do wrong or if whatever they do doesn't agree with you. when oh when will you ever try and make the change? sitting back and talking is damn easy ok. and stupid fool can do it.





pssshh. k i think i'm done la. k no that's a lie. that's actually more stuff that i can talk about. but considering, it's 3am, i can't form proper sentences to explain myself (like in this whole post), and i can't remember what else, i'm just gonna leave it here.

feels good to lepaskan. now it won't be on my mind.

Currently Listening To: Hammerhead - The Offspring

When You Become A Sell Out

nobody remembers you cuz they hate you.

for real. i mean seriously who knows that Avril has a whole new album out this year?

i didn't even hear of such a thing. and it's a good thing too. after her disaster of her previous cheerleader album, probably nobody wants to hear her anymore.

well i guess that's what happens when you go from punk to cheerleader. you lose whatever respect ppl had for you.

lol.


on a happier note, Mayday Parade's album is out! :D listening to it now.



Currently Listening To: If You Can't Live Withouy Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet? - Mayday Parade

I Think I Shall Bitch About This

but maybe tmrw. as for tonight. i'll sleep.


and darn, why'd it have to be taken down? =(


p.s.: Black Ice + ulcer = DAMN CRAZY FREAKING PAIN OKAY

Currently Listening To: Slow Dance With A Stranger - Danger Radio

I Refuse To React On Knowing Through FB

i honestly don't like doing things on FB based on what other are talking about for everyone on FB.

what the hell am i talking abt?

it's basically like this, if it's someone i'm hardly close to, just cuz i'm notified by the facebook events section that it's their bday or even if i see someone wishing them, does not mean i'll wish them.

i mean, i feel it's really insincere don't you think? the only reason i would be wishing is cuz someone told me, not that i actually care about the person or that the person actually did tell me before. not cuz i just found out based on someone wishing that person.

cuz seriously, if there wasn't FB, then i wouldn't know abt the person's bday. and if i din know, i clearly don't know that person that well and i haven't taken the effort to find out.

so yeah. and it's basically not bdays only. like anything happening in the other person's life. if i find out they're leaving for some other country through their chat with someone else, i see no reason to wish them bye if i'm not close to them. i mean, first they did not tell me personally, so we both acknowledge that we're not close to each other. and 2ndly, saying bye and i'll miss you when i don't mean it is just pure dumb.




pssshhh once again jumbled unorganised thoughts. but yeah if you get me, you're awesome. and the only time i reach to what ppl have been talking abt, is only when i care about them enough that i feel i should know about them. other than that, i refuse to react based on finding out something thru ppls chats. just because it's insincere.

Currently Listening To: Majestic - Majestic Youth

So According To What I Said

well apparently since i've gotten what i wanted, it's time to change isn't it?

i should. it wouldn't be fair if i didn't.

but it feels like under the deformation i've been through, i've gone past my yield strength from elastic to plastic deformation.

or so i think. maybe i just wanna stay plastic.

well, we'll just see what i decide.

This city's killing me
I want, I want, I want everything
This city's killing me
In the heat of Los Angeles
What has become of me?
I want, I want, I want everything

Currently Listening To: Los Angeles - Sugarcult

Yes This Is Why I Like COD4

i still got it in me. and this is like 3 months++ not playing. plus it's on a new comp so it's a whole diff feeling.

yes this is why i like the game. :) i like being good at something. :)


25-30 Kill streak. can't remember the exact number


unfortunately, i was using the sniper after dying the first 2 times. plus i wasted a lot of bullets missing the target. gotta improve.

aahhh how i love COD4. :)

Currently Watching: House Season 6 Episode 1 & 2

Use Somebody

listening to the original version, the paramore version and remembering last night's ball version, this is the conclusion:

EVLYN + MERVYN + ADRIAN > PARAMORE

which means..

Evlyn, Mervyn and Adrian TOTALLY PWNED Paramore at the song. totally. and some of you know how much i like Paramore. i've two CDs on my wall ok. so u know i'm not being biased. Paramore just sounded like they ruined the song. but Ev just made it sound so awesome. like really.

i'm still in disbelief how ppl can actually say the Paramore version is good. what crap.

ish.

ROCK ON EV, MERV AND ADRIAN

(though you'll probably never see this. :P)

hmmm i hope somebody recorded it.

Currently Listening To: Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon

Mornings

i hate waking up early on mornings.

esp after late nights.

now the inclination to change this has fueled other supposed dying thoughts in my head.


oh and last night may not have been perfect, but it was good enough plus i'm too lazy to care di. so whatever i got, i'm happy with. :)

Currently Listening To: Ignorance - Paramore

Friday No Drink

this probably the first friday where i had smth to drink and didn't drink it.

prob i should celebrate by drinking. hahahaha :P

Currently Listening To: Whatever You Like - T.I.

Lesson 101

~Hiding something from people

-give them no reason to ask or suspect anything

~Making people curious

-give them a reason to ask or suspect something
-be a failure at hiding something


Currently Listening To: Headfirst Slide Into Coopestown on a Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

ZOMGWTFBBQROLFLMAO

k ignore the title. but this is funny for those of you who watch CSI: Miami



hahahahahhahahah



on a more emo note, test today sucked so bad. i dunno why i panicked for. so i din have enough time to do. what crap. plus 211 design task this time sounds like a lot of work. crap.


on a happy note! my Lab Report got amazingly high! i dunno how also. i mean when doing the discussion, i simply wrote and it wasn't like so much explanation also compared to other ppl. and i din even do the error propogation. plus the song 10,000 Nights is getting really addictive. i can't wait for the ball on Sat. it feels like it's gonna be fun. So seriously, YOU GUYS SHOULD GO FOR THE UCSSS BALL. :)

i feel happy now. cuz i managed to finish online quiz, finish test, finish memorizing chords, finished learning the solos. i feel like i accomplished a lot but it's not really a lot. haha. now the Cyber Games poster is sorta half done too. i hope there's enough ppl this time tho.

Currently Listening To: Rock & Roll - Eric Hutchinson

Remembering Sunday

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Starting making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place is familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, whoever she may be

[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt; now the rain is just
Washing you out of my hair
and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
So many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head

[Alex Gaskarth:]
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home

All Time Low

Currently Listening To: Luckie St. - Cartel

Facebook Is My News Page

seriously. it's the only place i get my news.

well even if i don't get the news there, if ppl say something interesting enough, i end up googling to find out.

and just for the record, yes, that is how i found out abt Michael Jackson.


sad. i should read the news more. :P

Currently Listening To: Say It Again - Marie Digby

Crap I Think Everyone Knows

malunye. like hilang muka di. :(

Currently Listening To: Remembering Sunday - All Time Low

I Think I May Have Overpacked Myself

somehow maybe i've got too many things going on at once.

in CMSA committee. Refuel band. UCSSS band. sunday church service band.

on top of that there's homeworks and assignments to do.

this week will be pretty bad. UCSSS band have to memorise all their song chords and stuff for the ball this sat. and practice is whole of friday. and sat.

on top of that. there's a 224 test on wednesday worth 20% of final grade. and a 227 quiz on friday. not to mention onine homeworks for 227 on sunday, monday and thursday.

Design task 3 is out on wednesday as well.

gotta plan for the next Cyber Games too for the sat after the ball. hopefully can go talk to the place ppl tmrw and see how it goes.

i think i may have overpacked myself with stuff.

and with my self set standard and pride, things probably get worse as i expect myself to do extremely well.

hmmm


Currently Listening To: Unnatural Selection - Muse

Malaysia Negaraku

Currently Listening To: Didn't See That Coming - Taking Back Sunday

How Objective Can You Be?

when you act or feel something, can you be objective?

for example. you don't like something someone does, but then realise that you are the one doing it or have done it b4.

do you continue to get irritated by what the person did? or realise ure not any better and you shouldn't be complaining or you deserve it? do you still think that you have reasons for doing what you did while the other person has no excuse?

why do you get immunity?

it's ok to feel guilt or shame knowing what you don't like was what you have done/are doing.

it's NOT okay for you to be angry or upset.

seriously.


no idea why i used you here. it feels like i'm refering to somebody. funnily enough, i'm not. i guess i'm refering to you reader. so yeah. you.

Currently Listening To: You Know How I Do - Taking Back Sunday

I'm Freaking Out. Great

how am i supposed to concentrate like this??

most prob cuz i've nvr done such a thing b4.

well i asked for it, now i got it.

crap. i'm nervous as.

like for real. i just stoned and zoned out staring at the screen thinking abt.

it's exhilarating yet nerve wrecking at the same time.


kk. don't think much of it. it's nothing. you will be fine. breathe in breathe out.

and i realised i have no idea how i'm going to lie abt it.

i tend to sneak a smirk when i lie about sneaking stuff.

and now i'm staring at the email i got. freaking out.


and i realise i'm typing the same thing over again. blame the freaking out la k.


GGGAAAAHHH.

Currently Listening To: Come Home - OneRepublic

Albums Left Worth Buying

k so the ones on top are the ones left to buy. the others since my other post have finally been bought after hard searching. and i saw a Deluxe Version of Switchfoot's The Best Yet. now i so wish i waited (hmm). plus a Deluxe version of Where You Want To Be. dunno whether to buy or not. expensive. almost bought it that day out of impulse.

crap la. i spend A LOT when i'm pissed off.

75 bucks right there. crap.

and Kim! i've got the baileys! now what?? haha.

Currently Listening To: Which To Bury, Us or The Hatchet - Relient K

Cons

i'm still pissed off.

fuck you guys la.

wasted my money.


i guess i have myself to blame too for being nice.

fuck la.

i wish i had more guts and know how and bravery and not niceness to handle this situation.

argh! >:(

Currently Listening To: Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

Note-To-Self: Pictures

take as many photos with all my friends as i can.


so that in a few years time we can look at them and look at how much we've changed and laugh.

well i think it'll be pretty cool. :)


which reminds me, i think my batch ppl shud take a picture again like last year. sitting in the same position. and if we do it every year, we can watch how much we grow year by year! :D

Currently Listening To: Untitled/Trapped - Paul Dateh

Question

if you don't care abt something someone is explaining to you, do you just tell them you don't care or pretend to care?

one choice, you be sort of rude (cuz hey ppl want you to care cuz they care. how that works i dunno). and the other choice, you be fake and you suffer listening to smth you don't wanna listen to.


solution?

somehow just find a way to care.



crap.

Currently Listening To: Slow Dance With A Stranger - Danger Radio

Well It's That Time Again

What we have in life is based upon moment to moment choices of what we do in each of those moments we choose.We either take a risk, move toward what we want or play it safe & choose comfort, most of the people most of the time choose comfort. In the end people either have excuse or experience reason or result buts or brilliance.They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the reasons why not.

This quote, speaks to me. and in more ways than one.

*****************

I know i shouldn't let it affect me. guess i'm not fully over it as i should be. i don't wanna care. i don't i don't i don't. it's so irritating how it always appears there. and i'm reminded. well, for now at least. by tmrw it'll all be gone, mostly at least. then i won't be forced to think abt it.

sucks to know i mattered. and now i don't.

*****************

ran across some quotes i put up in the closed down blog. pretty awesome stuff. love those quotes.
feel free to get some awesome quotes here.

*****************

i need real ppl. not ppl who agree with you all the time. i don't want to be soft. it'll be painful yeah i know, but that's what i want. i gotta force myself to take it. life isn't a perfect place.

*****************

if you congratulate and encourage ppl for the smallest good things that they do, doesn't that mean you kinda look down on them as being a low self esteem person who isn't capable of doing smth big? cuz if u lift them up for the small things, then they end up thinking that's all they're capable of so they don't achieve higher.

dilemma?

*****************

i think my arrogance is getting out of hand. it's that or ppl just like proving me wrong. they seem to go out of their way to do so. hmmm.

*****************

and that is exactly why i don't give my opinion. cause nobody likes to hear smth that they don't agree.

how lame.


Currently Listening To: What To Say - MoZella

The Random Video Post

ok so youtube has like tons of videos which are awesome i've seen lately. and i decided i'm gonna put them up. haha

the famous sohai vid



amazing coordination



joker n batman :)



the awesomely talented ppl i play with (i still think this is so awesome)



halal (seriously what the crap man. hahahah)



k that's all i have for now. enjoy la if you got free internet. :)

Currently Listening To: Collapse - Saosin

I Apparently Can Talk To Randoms

seriously. i think it's easier to talk to random ppl i meet, and when i say talk i mean talk quite a lot, well relatively, as compared to ppl i should know and should be able to talk a lot to.

maybe cuz i know i won't be seeing them again so i don't have to worry about what to talk next time? hmm i dunno la.

i guess that's why one night stands are way easier than real relationships?

who knows. oh well.


and today was a good day. hair got cut. and washed. plus went skateboarding for an hour with friend. good day. the sun was out too! plus going out later tonight. aaahhh. good times good times. :)

Currently Listening To: Beat It - Fall Out Boy

I Know It's Not Wrong, But It's Just Weird

k to me right, when somebody does an accent/slang that is not originally theirs, it's like super weird. it just feels out of place and very noticable a.k.a weird.

example? when a Malay/Indian person starts speaking with a Chinese slang (the lor, meh, etc). or when a Malay/Chinese person speaks with an Indian accent(?). or even when a Chinese/Indian person speaks with a Malay slang.

it's just weird! am i the only one who notices it? i dunno la. maybe sometimes it's the person who says it la. actually ya i think it's the person who says it. cuz i realize some ppl, when they speak malay it's really weird. like it's real funny. well, that's what i noticed from my sis la. she just speaks it in such a mat salleh way. and it's hillarious. but some ppl can do it just fine. like Bernard. i don't think i've felt weird whenever he spoke it.

but yeah, when an Indian guy starts using "lor", it's just so weird la. and when other ppl tend to use the Indian accent, it turns out funny, which i guess was the main point of them mimicking it which does make it insulting la but i don't wanna be a bitch and be over sensitive (though maybe i'm not being that) and whine and say you shouldn't but yeah. it's just weird la.

i think cuz maybe sometimes ppl try to hard to put on the accent that it sounds so fake and that's why it's weird.

ah whatever la. u get what i mean.

*****************


on another note, it's super hard to NOT be pissed off at some idayots who simply cari pasal with you because your friend doesn't want you to get into a fight or for things to get worse.

what a dick la. seriously.

but i guess i probably asked for it with what i said. aih wtv la.

don't wanna let it affect me.

but yea i'm pissed.


and omg nice guy, my friend, pretty good friend too, is now pretty good friends with bitch? what? seriously? come onnnnn. what are the oddss?? stupid la.

Currently Listening To: All I Need Is You - Hillsong United

What Conditioner Do You Use?

hahahaha. i find this photo funny.


Currently Listening To: Slow Down - The Academy Is....

I'm Pissed But Trying To Change, So In The Meantime

**** inside jokes la.

it's only purpose is to irritate other ppl who don't get it.

am i the only one who seems to understand the concept of control? or consideration?

Currently Listening To: Knock You Down - Keri Hilson ft Kanye West & Ne-Yo

So Far Gone

Late night contemplating on the words to say
Gotta set the record straight
I can't pretend that I'm alright
I give in to the night

She's got me on the edge, I'm slipping
Try to look away
But she stares down inside me
And I lose my way, can't fight
I give in to the night

So if it's love that she wants Love that she's after Don't come looking for me Cause I'm so far gone If it's love that she wants Love that she's after Don't come looking for me Cause I'm so far gone

Been exhausted
I'm so worn out by the games she plays
Sneaking off, you leave me hanging
I won't take that bait
Can't offer you forgiveness
Or justify your foolish mistakes

So if it's love that she wants
Love that she's after
Don't come looking for me
Cause I'm so far gone
So if it's love that she wants
Love that she's after
Don't come looking for me
Cause I'm so far gone

So far gone, so far gone, so far gone


So drained and falling apart
Predicted it from the start
Tried hard to break it
But I strayed too far away
Your words, they don't mean a thing
I stayed despite of the pain
I'll keep my distance
And you'll keep all the blame

So if it's love that she wants
Love that she's after
Don't come lookin' for me
Cause I'm so far gone
If it's love that she wants
Love that she's after
Don't come lookin' for me
Cause I'm so far gone

Love that she wants, whoa, love she's after
Don't come lookin' for me.
Cause I'm so far gone.
Love that she wants, whoa
Love she's after
Don't come lookin' for me.
Cause I'm so far gone.
I'm so far gone.
So far-

Danger Radio

why does it feel i was pushed away just to be pulled back in?

or i just thought i was pushed away?

or maybe i think i'm being pulled in?

we'll see soon.

Currently Listening To: So Far Gone - Danger Radio