Wow, For A Loser, I'm Pretty Happy. :)

haha. u know right, in my immediate family, i'm like probably the most useless one. like really. we'll start from the top la k.

so my Dad is like pretty much great. i mean the person he is and esp his career and how good his career is and has been for him. i mean, if it's possible, i'd sure wanna be like him man. seriously. but somehow, i feel i'm too lazy for that so yeah. i guess if u knew who my dad you would prob understand why i'm saying he's awesome la.

anyway, then on to my Mom. my mom is also another awesome. Can cook awesome, can do gardening and landscaping and house planning and all. i mean the kitchen in my house is like desgined by my mom. and i think it looks gr8. how cool is that to desgin something and for it to come out gr8. plus i'm pretty sure she's like a pretty awesome teacher in her school. (well i don't know for sure cuz i wasn't in the school for obvious reasons. haha). plus she can play netball and she's like pro in it. i think the school team has been winning or won some championship or smth. so yeah. my mom's awesome.

then there's my elder sister. wow. dunno what to say la. she's officially a dentist. which i'm pretty sure mostly ppl know it aint easy to do anything to do with bio. other than that, she's beautiful also. plus, she's atheletic too. i mean seriously, check out all the medals she has won:

k probably doesn't seem like much la. but some are overlapping. i think. so let's sum it up, beautiful, smart & atheletic. i think that equates to awesomeness.

then there's the younger sis. who is also awesome (but i won't admit. i hope she's not reading this :P) she's like prob the most hardworking of all the siblings. and this is clearly shown by all the good grades she achieves. and all the medals and stuff she recieves for it:

brilliant kid. plus, she can play guitar too. and she plays for like events and stuff i think. well i know she's played for one la so far with her friends. at her age, i nvr did such things. and now i find out she's writing for NST. weekly. how cool is that? oh plus, i think she has medals for MSSD tennis as well. oh yeah, apparently she's in the church choir too. so now she can sing too. haha. oh and she's super lame. worse than me. which adds on to her awesomeness to me la. haha. so a.k.a yet another awesome in the family.

well of course then there's me. who doesn't have as many medals of sports or education as my other two siblings. i pretty much got nothing. all i can do is play guitar and play games. both haven't brought me anything awesome. it's like anything i can do, there are tons of ppl who can do it better. so nothing special. so to sum me up, i'm like the loser in the family of awesome. the black sheep (the saying, not cuz i'm relatively dark (to my fairer friends) skinned n in NZ. lols).

but funnily enough, eventhough i'm the loser, i feel fine. i don't know why. i feel i'm ok with my life. happy too. but if i could, i'd definitely wanna be as awesome as my family one day. somehow. then that'd be perfect. :)

for now til then, i'll just settle being the pretty happy loser. :)

Currently Listening To: I'M ON A BOAT - The Lonely Island ft T. Pain

Rich Beyond Words

you know some people are filthy rich when a girl who has not even left school, heck i don't even know if she's done PMR, is getting a MacBook AND an iPhone.

this is a short post because i'm speechless.

*update - i found out she's 13. now i even more got nth to say. err right.*

Currently Listening To: You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban

That's What You Get

when you let your heart win?

haha no la. doesn't fit what i'm gonna talk about.

well seriously, when you think about it, it makes sense. if u act like a donkey, and treat everyone badly, then when noone cares about you, why act so surprised?

i mean, to you, you are never the one who is wrong right? always other people. but even that aside, seriously, how does one treat other people like crap and then expect for those people to treat you nice? don't get it.

maybe i should also remind myself not to expect things from people i don't like a.k.a don't treat so nice. but i guess i don't expect from them since i mmg don't want to have anything to do with them in the first place. so i guess i don't treat them bad at all. i just don't bother treating them at all. well it makes sense doesn't it, why waste evergy treating someone bad when u can not bother about them on a whole already? haha.

and wah, my first time meeting someone who feels proud about acting like an idiot. like goes out of the way to look bad/stupid/like a moron. win. and u know u've made it as a jerk when ppl you don't even know don't like you b4 meeting you. your reputation clearly precedes you. but i guess that's what u want right?

so yeah, that's what you get when u act like an idiot i guess. i know i'm gonna sound like some evil lover with the next sentence but whatever la. anyway, watching bad things happen to idiots in my life make me happy. :) cuz hey, you worked so hard to deserve it. :) so congratulations. :) you just got what you deserve. :)

the only bad side about this is that these people i don't like, i don't spend time knowing what's happening to them. k i basically have no idea what's going on with them at all. like seriously now that i think of it. wow. haha. so i guess i dunno if they're having any good or bads. so i guess i can't celebrate. darn.

oh well, not worth my time anyway. but i guess ure worth it enough for me to blog about and say congratulations for getting what you deserve. well, at least you're worth something la ok. so u don't have to be emo and kill yourself now. man i just saved ur life. cool. haha.


what rubbish la i'm talking now. hahaha. ok ok i shud go sleep. i think one fan from cooler is dying. and it's the fan that actually does smth. sheesh.

and why is it always when exams come i tend to play games? i finished Crysis and Assassin's Creed again. cuz i got nth better to do. and i'm planning of getting a PS3 just to play Assassin's Creed 2 and Modern Warfare 2. like why not? hahahahah

k i'm clearly crazy. YAY EXAMS!

on a side note. i'm going to die for my next two exams. yeay? ahh crap. i need to learn not to expect exams based on what other people say. cuz people are different. if u ask someone who studies a lot, they are going to say oh it's easy. and if u ask someone who hardly studies at all, they'll say it's freaking tough. and what if ure in between? jam. dunno how hard to study. so i'm just gonna study as much as i think i should. and enough la of course.



and this post. hmm. if you think it's about you, then it's about you. if you think it's not about you, go find someway to fit it into your life and then it's about you. i think this is what i meant to say for the other post as well. so basically, it's for everyone. yeay! YOU are included too. don't you feel happy to finally have a post about you?? lol


EH GO SLEEP LA U.

KTHXBYE. :D

Currently Listening To: All I Need Is You - Hillsong United

Of, Huh What?

*if ure reading this post to understand it, don't bother.

k first of all, i would like to say WHAT THE CRAP IS GOING ON?

cuz seriously, now i'm just curious. i was curious at first. then after another one came up, i'm even more. what the hell could have happened that is so bad. i'm like getting tons of ideas of what cud have happened. hmmm.


and seriously right, it's not rape if you gave consent to it. so don't call it that and don't treat it like that. and don't say you were used, cuz all the rules and intentions were laid and you knew full well. if u feel hurt, suck it up, u brought it on yourself. it's nothing to do with me anymore.


and for someone else, i don't see any right for you to be angry with her. she didn't want, you wanted. she tried, but still felt nothing. so what, you want it to be forced? wtf? so don't be angry for that.


who is this for? trust when you read and feel you can apply to your life, then it's you.

Currently Listening To: Crushcrushcrush (Live) - Paramore

This Time I MAY Be Being Perasan

argh. i don't get it.

why does it seem like the things i do that people don't normally do, are the things that annoying people in my life decide to follow?

i'm pretty sure those who know me know who i'm talking about.

i mean come on, that is was my thing! i'm like probably the only one you may know who's doing it!

now these people wanna come along and do the same. ugh. come on la. FIND YOUR OWN THING TO DO. stop leeching off me.

the worst is some people who like literally FOLLOW me. i do something, then they must do it also. i stop, they suddenly stop.

and then when u ask them why they're doing it, they give some lame excuse they choose to believe.

and the worst part is, why is it always the obnoxious and annoying people who have to do it. gosh that makes things worse.

i guess in some way, maybe i don't want competition, maybe someone will do those things better?

maybe i just like those things to define me. maybe i would want those things to relate to just me. like if ppl said (for example) music, and they'd think of me str8. i'd hate for them to think of those ppl who copied me. that's so pissing off.

what's worse is, somehow these people have a seemingly unending cashflow. so they can buy buy buy and get all the good stuff without thinking twice. i mean, it's not my fault that i eat a lot and have to spend money buying food instead on the stuff i would like to buy.

haih. i dunno what to do la. maybe i should be honoured cause they're choosing to be like me. ahh who cares about honour. i just want ME and that's it. don't steal the stuff that makes me ME away.


FIND YOUR OWN FREAKING LIFE AND STOP COPYING MINE.


pathetic losers.

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

Jo Rocks. Fullstop

seriously, thx la Jo. din expect that at all. haha. but thx so much for the trying to help me win and all and especially the encouragement. really encouraged with your post wei. haha. no wonder you're Jo the Pro. you're the best la. haha. thx! don't think i know anyone else who would do such a thing for me. cool la you. :D

in case ure wondering what i'm talking about, click here.


k honestly, i'm not expecting much from the contest la. my vid is really nothing special. i made it like a few hours after the song was released on iTunes a month ago. so it's like not perfect and all. kinda rushed through it. and considering it's exam time, i don't have to fix it and add in special stuff. so it's just me playing guitar. nth gr8 i guess. wanna see awesome stuff? check these two vids out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJXBwJxgVCQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXAK-42R0yQ

these two are the best and what i like so far. if anyone deserves to win. it's these two guys. and actually, i don't mind not winning. i'm in it for the experience and to get reviews on my playing actually (and i do think i played perfectly, otherwise i won't be posting the vid. haha). plus the prizes are ok i guess. the prize btw, is a phone call with the band (which in my case i dunno if it's good or bad, since i REALLY don't do phone calls. i mean i don't even know what to say!) and also a limited edition car kit. and considering i don't have a car now, isn't really very useful. BUT, it's just fun to join so why not.

oh and one thing i realised is how AMAZINGLY encouraging. i mean, think about it, this is someone you don't know a.k.a a stranger. and here he is telling you you're good and telling you how to be better. and when you tell him that you're not that good and can't sing and all. he encourages you even MORE. telling you not to give up and not to compare and all. and basically there i went too amazed to respond. cuz seriously, this guy doesn't even know you! but here he is telling you that you can do it. heck, some friends don't even encourage. and a stranger can do it.

which got me thinking, maybe we don't like encouraging friends or telling them they did good or was awesome. maybe somehow we feel that if we do that, we're acknowledging that they are better than us, and heck we sure don't like people being better than us. or maybe it's just the way we've been brought up that makes us not give out healthy encouraging words. maybe we don't like seeing other people succeed. i guess it's all just a mix of jealousy and selfishness.

but then again, sometimes when people actually do give out good comments, we doubt it. like we wonder if they really do mean it or they are just saying it cuz they are our friends. i know of someone who tries so hard to be a nice guy it has become so fake. why? imagine someone who comes walking into your flat when you're cooking and says "oh the food smells good ben". he does this everytime, but when one day he comes in and says the exact same thing and you HAVEN'T started cooking, you know that it's fake. cuz seriously, how can the food smell good if i HAVEN'T started cooking??

so i guess sometimes it's easier to accept compliments from strangers as well. cause they have no reason to compliment and encourage someone they don't know right? so you know it's sincere. and i guess with friends, you kinda expect something good but at the same time, if you do get something good, you doubt whether it's sincere or they are just saying it cause they're your friends.

confusing right? i mean, to encourage would be wrong (cuz it may seem insincere) and to not would be wrong as well (cuz friends should encourage each other right?). so either way is wrong. gr8.

so i guess we should all just be strangers. it's easier to accept. :)

aaaah crap. i think the exam stress is getting to me. well something to think about i guess. sorry if you here to destress and ended up more stress thinking about this. haha.



Currently Listening To: Hearts Burst Into Fire - Bullet for My Valentine

Oh The Lyrics Are Finally Here

thankfully, some people have bought the album of Taking Back Sunday and have posted up the lyrics. now i can finally post the lyrics to the song i've been obsessing for the past few weeks. damn pro song. but i think i'm moving away from the song, so i might as well post it while the feeling is still there. also respects to the person who tabs this song. took me a whole good hour to try and figure that solo-ish bit at the start. and i don't think i've got it perfect yet. crazy stuff. the chords are easy tho.

Swing

Open the gate to your apartment complex,
Your not getting off that easily.
I climb the fence,
The one that you've been sitting on.
(How long)
Before I'm just a memory,
(How long)
Before you can't remember me,
(How long?)Remember me.

I never had a choice
I never had a choice
To lead the choke homodyne
Round that to his doorway
I couldn't find the box to fix
The restless nagging in my brain
(How long?)
Before I'm just a memory,
(How long?)
Before you can't remember me,
(How long?)Remember me.

Lover, lover, on the fence
Bat your eyes, ball a fist
And swing (swing) swing (swing)
Before you leave
Lover, lover, tell me this
Passion over consequence,
When did the latter take the lead?
Just swing...
Just swing, (swing), swing, (swing), swing...

I never had a choice,
I never had a choice,
The evening lit itself
And watched my reservations fall to the floor
Fall to the floor
Now sing with me
(How long?)
Before I'm just a memory
(How long?)
Before you can't remember me,
(How long?)Remember me.

Lover, lover, on the fence
Bat your eyes, ball a fist
And swing (swing) swing (swing)
Before you leave
Lover, lover, tell me this
Passion over consequence,
When did the latter take the lead?
Just swing...

Open the gate to your apartment complex
Did you forget love, your who called for me?
(Did you forget, did you forget?)
How long did you expect to keep me waiting?
How long before I'm just a memory?

Lover, lover, on the fence
Bat your eyes, ball a fist
And swing (swing) swing (swing)
Before you leave
Lover, lover, tell me this
Put passion over consequence,
Since when did the latter take the lead?
Just swing...
Swing, (swing), swing, (swing), swing, (swing)
Just swing, swing, swing...
Just swing...

Taking Back Sunday

oh and on another note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!!!! wow public wishing somemore. looks like i don't need to get u a present for next year also di now. haha.

annnddd. i need to force myself to wake up early and sleep early as well. if not i'm gonna be wasting my whole morning. ugh. now i gotta get ready and then go to uni to study. haih. i don't like this coming exam. way too much to study. my own fault. :( k ciao

Currently Listening To: Swing - Taking Back Sunday

You Rate La How Accurate

Currently Listening To: New Born - Muse

But You've Got Me All Wrong

"look it's not like you're perfect okay."


-"well, i never said i was.


all i was saying is that i'm better than you. :)"



Currently Listening To: You Got Me All Wrong - Dios Malos

Let's Recap

the way i dress: pretty much the same

the music i like: still about the same

songs i like to learn on the guitar: still the same

my actions/reactions: yeap still the same

my attitude: mostly still the same

my gangster-ish-ness: still there if the need calls for it.




pretty much every single thing about me has remained the same. the only thing that has changed is my looks. and that instantly changed my status from being a nerd to being a rocker/"cool" guy/gangster. was i not the same before i changed how i look? i just didn't have the face to suit the part i guess. clearly shows how ppl judge by the looks.

and that's why looks are so important to all of you. and don't say you look on the inside instead of the outside. cause i know you don't.

n nopes, i'm not mad or angry or anything. just pointing out a fact which i believe most ppl would not like to accept.

Currently Listening To: Gasolina - Daddy Yankee

No Reason To Post But I Felt Like It

it still bugs me that question she asked once.

"Does she know......"

hmmmm. nah. i don't see any possible way.

**********************

possibly the only time i was actually truthful about what i'm doing, what i'm doing, and what i have done, was with those 6(7) people. none of which i would consider myself as to being remotely close personally to. and it's like what's going on in my head. which i've never actually let out fully.

**********************

i realised that eventhough i can keep other people's secrets really well as if i've never known them, i just can't keep myself shut about my secrets. well i guess it's not secrets, but more like things normal people wouldn't tell other people.

there's just something about me that tells these things.

of course, thankfully, i know how to control what i say. i haven't become like a hole in a bag of sand that lets everything out. for my own good.



and i realise that's why i have a blog. to somewhat let things out. cuz i don't like keeping things in me. i guess like this post too. just smth i need to let out. i think it's some disorder..... hmmmm...

Currently Listening To: Summer Man - Taking Back Sunday

Sometimes Your Rules Work For Me Too

isn't it simple? if you can't and don't like being disturbed when ure doing something a.k.a gaming, i'm pretty sure it goes unsaid that you shouldn't disturb others while they are gaming right?

that's why i didn't bug you and let you take ur time to do stuff. but if it's not done, then i have something to bug you about.

and yes, the same goes for me. i shall not complain if i said i'll do smth and i haven't done it yet and you start complaining.

i think that's pretty fair isn't it?

Currently Listening To: RA3 Soviet March - Frank Klepacki

So The Way I Treat You Would Depend On Who You Are

i was thinking, in some way, and not like i don't love them and all, but my parents coming here at the end of the year is really gonna be weird. =/

i mean, this here is my life without my parents. and i'm happy here. i don't have to worry about doing anything for anyone. i don't feel obliged to. but when parents come, and knowing them, they're gonna expect so much and want me to do so much. which is what i don't really want la. i mean they want this, why can't they organise it. i didn't ask them to come either. they want to come. haih. *which reminds me, i haven't called home for more than 3 weeks already and i feel indifferent*

i'd rather be left alone. i like being alone. somehow i find joy in a way from being alone.

i guess i'm just lazy and i don't want to be the one organising things for others. i guess i'm selfish too.


BUT right, someone made a comment abt coming to NZ. and i just thought, hey what if she came. and i realised that if she did, i would actually probably take the trouble to organise something. maybe cuz i would want her to come anyway.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

such different feelings for different ppl.

p.s.: the new blog hasn't even been started yet. so chillax. and if you think i wouldn't mind you reading it, then let me know if u want the link.

Currently Listening To: All I Am - Youth Alive

I Read Your Story

my problem is, i can read ppl. esp ppl i've been around a lot.

i know when they're acting real and when they're not.

i know when they mean what they say and when they don't.

i know when they think they mean what they say but they really don't.

i know when they're playing the person they want to be as opposed to who they are.

i know their true intentions.

i guess you could say, i'm seeing through the person you're portraying, and look str8 at your subconscience.

a.k.a. the real you.

"Sometimes I swear i can see right through you..."

Taking Back Sunday

but somehow i don't like this, eventhough it's what's been helping me survive against certain people. cuz i can see how they twist their words and try to be fake.

so if it helps, why don't i like it?

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

Anonymous

i don't like being known.

it restricts my freedom of speech.

Currently Listening To: Crushcrushcrush/Faint - Paramore/Linkin Park

For The Second Time

What if....


i lied?

hmmm.


*****

don't say you miss me or love me.

cuz i won't say it back.

that goes for all of you too.

Currently Listening To: Where My Mouth Is - Taking Back Sunday

My Decision To Move

k i think i've come to a decision to move. blogs i mean. which i will tell some ppl only. and once you know, i'd prefer you not link it. thx. :) clearly i don't want it to be found since i'm not saying it out here.

Currently Listening To: Kenangan Terindah - Samsons

Wu Liao

k so i was bored and decided to make a video and play around with it with Windows Media Player. haha. the video is just me trying to do an ollie. need more practice. :)



Currently Listening To: Swing - Taking Back Sunday

Albums Worth Buying

k so i sifted to my songs and found the albums worth buying a.k.a soon i shall add to my collection if i find it cheap enough. haha. why am i posting it here? cuz i recommend them to you and also so if i forget what i wanna buy then i can come back here and check.

Currently Listening To: Highway - Ingrid Michaelson

What A Great Day For Music

just downloaded Linkin Park's New Divide, Taking Back Sunday's New Again and Kate Voegele's Bonus Tracks for her awesome album A Fine Mess.

and now i don't have any internet left.

perfect timing too. great. :)

Currently Listening To: New Divide - Linkin Park

Probably One Of The Most Important Rules

don't forget who you're playing.




i forgot i was dealing with a pro while i was a noob.

no wonder things turned out this way.

(no it ain't about poker)



on a side note, how the hell did you know?

Currently Listening To: Hosanna - Hillsong United

That, I Didn't See Coming

let's start with saying i apparently still have some sort of a heart left still. hmm

k honestly i was and still am disappointed with the way some ppl reacted to the way ppl reacted to a certain performance at the Ilam cultural night event thingy.

to sum the story short, there was a singing performance, and well, let's just say one of the singers really didn't do well in the singing department.

so yeah, he can't sing. and maybe to some it was really bad and a torture to hear. but does it really call for loud outbursts of laughter? one that can be heard throughout the whole hall? is it really so funny to watch ppl not do a good job?

was i the only that day who felt bad for the guy while others laughed at him? i mean come on. this guy is a first year. he is at least daring enough to go up and perform. in front of SO MANY people. not even just with us Malaysians. can you imagine the embarassment he would have felt from being up there being laughed at? in front of everyone?

i dunno why i feel so bad for him and so disappointed by the way his own countrymen reacted. heck i hardly know the guy. maybe i feel this way cuz i know i can't sing either and i wouldn't want to be laughed at in front of everyone. i guess the ppl who were laughing can sing really well. so maybe they have the right to laugh at ppl who don't do so well. i dunno, maybe that's the way things are these days.

i think what's worse is when people try and rub it in to his face that he didn't do so well. making comments to him later after everything is over. esp when it's coming from someone i already don't like and whom i think thinks highly of himself.

think about it, what if you mustered courage to go do something in front of a huge audience and what u end up getting is being laughed at in front of everyone, how would you feel?

but then again, maybe i'm just weird to care so much about how ppl reacted to someone who is just an acquaintance. it's not normal i guess. i guess i'm still shocked and in disappointment.

it's probably just easier to laugh at people's shame.

Currently Listening To: Everything Must Go - Taking Back Sunday

Apathy

i found the word. perfect. yeah it's an old song, but somehow it just called to me from nowhere. weird. but awesome. and i found a super high quality version of the song with another track that i nvr had which i was supposed to have. so yeah. this song is pretty meaningful at the moment.

Apathetic Way To Be

Yeah, I'm not angry
And no, I'm not upset
It's taken me awhile
But this is what I've learned
Emotional attachment is really not a threat
When I'm simply not concerned

The things that I take on
I soon shrug off
'cause I know no one
Will ever be content
With the way things are
Or with what they've got
So I've given up and now I'm just indifferent

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

I must admit;
All the words you spoke, I hated
Cause I don't see just how I can be motivated
Enough to break a sweat over a dying race
It seems our fate is something we've already embraced

Yeah, I'm not angry,
And no, I'm not upset
It's taken me awhile
But this is what I've learned
Emotional attachment is really not a threat
When I'm simply not concerned

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

Yeah, bein' apathetic's a pathetic way to be
(I don't care)
What matters to you does not matter to me
('cause I don't care)

So take a wild guess
It's like I just couldn't care less
If all the things you find impressive
Just blew up and made those messes
That you'll frantically repair
Like it's a life or death affair
And all the while you're unaware
For this, you really shouldn't care
But it's so hard to see the reality
That the end will be the end of things
And our hearts are all we get to bring
So let's go ahead and make them worth something

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

I'm well aware that everything
Is a far cry from all right
I'm well aware that all of us
Can at times, be too uptight
And possibly, the remedy
Is a dose of apathy
You point your finger at you
I'll point mine right back at me

Relient K

apathy. it's killing me yet keeping me alive at the same time.

Currently Listening To: Apathetic Way To Be - Relient K

Thank You Mr. Stranger

"nah it's really good"



:)

i don't know why, it's not much. but it feels and means SO MUCH to me. :) it feels like the word 'really' REALLY made a difference.

makes me happy to know it's really good to somebody. :)

i shall not talk more as i have embark on a mission to not be perasan. (yes again. i shall try to persevere this time. :) )

Currently Listening To: What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost? - Taking Back Sunday

It Just Figures La

it's just my life la. really. it'll only happen to me. the like probably only time my dad stumbles onto FB using my sis' account, it just happens to be at that moment where my face is on the wall abt the kissing thing.

gr8 la. this type of thing seems to only happen to me. i mean COME ON! what are the odds?? sheeeessshhh.

i'm still on break. actually not really break. i feel i can't really blog here anymore. i shall explain in the next post. or somewhere else. so yeah. see ya. again.

Currently Listening To: Mind Trick - Jamie Cullum

I....

need a break.

see ya.

Currently Listening To: Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

Apparently Light Attracts People Too

this is THE MAN.

don't mess with THE MAN.

Currently Listening To: Violence - blink-182

It's Like They're Psychic Or Something

k facebook quizzes i must say are cekap. they know what they're talkin abt. :)

k that's a short post. which is understandable. right? :P

Currently Listening To: Geek In The Pink - Jason Mraz

Staring Blanks

he say there pondering what to say. cuz he wanted to say the right thing without making it look weird.

Currently Listening To: Cliffdiving - +44

Weightless Because You're Not Alone And You Can Be New Again

Weightless

Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book half unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

Well I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I'm over getting older

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over getting old

[Chorus]
Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching
While the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy
I don't wanna waste another minute here

Make believe that i impress
That every word by design turns a head
I wanna feel reckless
Wanna live it up just because (just because)
I wanna feel weightless cause that would be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over getting old

[Chorus]
Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching
While the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy
I don't wanna waste another minute here

This could be all I've waited for
This could be everything
I don't wanna dream anymore

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I've been going crazy
I'm stuck in here

[Chorus]
Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching
While the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy
I don't wanna waste another minute here

All Time Low

You're Not Alone

It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Slowly searching
For any sign of the ones he used to love
He says he's got nothing left to live for
(He says he's got nothing left)
And this time I think you'll know

You're not alone
There's more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

She's just like him
Spoiled rotten, confused by the lies shes been fed
She's searching for no one (but herself)
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy that she is hurt
And this time I think you'll know

You're not alone
There is more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

You're not alone
There is more to this i know
You can make it out

(There is more to know)

We're not alone
There is more to this i know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

(So tell them)

You're not alone
There is more to this i know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

You're not alone
There is more to this i know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

You're not alone
You're not, you're not alone

Saosin

New Again

My dear what long arms you have
All the better to hold you down
Slap my wrist with the sweet consequence
What are we, what are we to do
What are we to do with you
What are we, what are we to do
What are we to do with you

I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

My dear what deep roots you have
All the better to hold you down
We live inside your branches
Your families nest's ask "Boy, where have you been?"
No you don't know were I've been
What are we, what are we to do
What are we to do with you

I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

Don't know were I've been

My dear what long arms you have
All the better to hold you down

I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

You don't know were I've been
You don't know where, you don't know where no

I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

Taking Back Sunday

awesome songs. the first one is more for rock ppl i guess. but the lyrics don't feel the same without the music. same goes for all the songs. listen to all. worth ur time.

Currently Listening To: Sink Into Me - Taking Back Sunday

The Office

if there's anything i would want for my future, i'd love to be like Jim Halpert. and work in an Office like Scranton's Dunder Mifflin Inc.

why? it just seems fun. and interesting. i'd love to play pranks on the office weirdo. i'd love to have interesting colleages like that in the office. i'd love to have a best friend like Pam. i'd love the crazy things that happen.

sure it could do with a normal boss, not the really retarded Michael Scott. but hey,not everything is perfect right?

but hey, that's just a show right? so i'll just settle with wanting to be like Jim. cool guy. oh and i'd want Pam too. then things would be gr8.





WHY THE HELL AM I TALKING ABT WORKING LIFE WHEN MY COURSE ISN'T EVEN OVER YET??


k too much Office di.

but still. Jim Halpert is the man to be. :)

Currently Listening To: Short, Fast, and Loud - Fall Out Boy

Cuz Not Everyone Is Like Me

shit. i think i started an epidemic. i mean, i told ppl to do smth which was supposed to help them.

i mean, in theory it should. and it works for me. but the first person who followed me and tried it ended up in a mess. but apparently she's better now. but it feels fake somehow.

and she passed it on to another person, and he seemed to end up in a mess too. but i think he dropped it b4 he got too into it. so he seems kinda ok now?

and now! i regretfully told someone else the same advice. why oh why did i do that? i just hope that it won't make her life miserable.

haih, i'm sorry.

i should have realised not everyone is like me.

Currently Listening To: Delivery Girl - John Mark Painter

I'd Like To Call This Fall Of The Moron

so let's put it in poker terms. (no this has nth to do with the endless hours i've been spending playing poker.)

so here's this new kid. just started playing poker. but has been doing very well, so now he thinks he's really gr8 and awesome at poker and he knows everything.

then he plays with you, and challenges you. without knowing anything about you, he starts trash talking you. insulting you. telling you, you suck. you'll never make it. you're a loser and he's way better cuz of the way he's been winning.

now he looks at his cards and the cards on the table and he thinks he has a pretty good hand. well considering it's triples. it's pretty good. now he gets cocky, and since he's looking down at you, he raises big.

now he continues to trash talk and insult you, thinking he is sure to win. i mean, hey triples, what are the chances are of him losing right? well that's what he's thinking at least. so now with his big raise, he thinks he's in the lead. he's got the upper hand. he starts daring you to call, calling you a chicken if you don't call. but he sure aint prepared for what happens next.

why? cause you raise and go all in. now he panics. after all that big talk, could it be that he's gonna lose this hand? and if he were to continue playing, he'll have to go all in. but if he doesn't, then all his big talk would mean nothing. but he has ego, after all that big talk. plus he thinks you're bluffing too. so he says "heh i know you're bluffing." trying to fake a calm smile to try and hide his panic and worry and protect his ego. he talks way less after that due to the panic and worry building up in him.

the cards open.


the triples lose to a full house.


and the fall of the arrogant moron has arrived.

>:)

*********************************

i love watching arrogant ppl, who just insult ppl cause they think they are better, fall. they say pride comes before the fall. i absolutely love being the one making the person fall.

you don't know anything about me and made assumptions and insulted me for no reason. and now, i've taken your challenge, and i told you i'll do one better. and you thought you were very gr8 at that challenge and you looked down on me thinking i couldn't do it. now i'm gonna do you one better. and what's sooo satisfying is that, you challenged me to something i've mastered so long ago. it's new to you, but it's so old to me. you're gonna get owned. you should have thought of the possibility of that b4 you started the insults now shouldn't you? >:)

and i loved the part how you just shut up and didn't dare say anything after i said i'm gonna do one better. i bet you can see your shame coming from all the crap you've talked. and you're already in embarassment now.

of all ppl, you shouldn't have picked me to mess up, esp when my cards are better than yours. >:)

this is gonna be good and so satisfying making this moron fall.

>:)

Currently Listening To: Now - Hillsong London

My Original Title Was Way Too Long

cuz all i'm doing is just fitting the profile and the stereotype people place on me from what i look like now.

and who's to say this isn't the real me anyway?

***********************

i love that i'm being me and it doesn't look like i'm trying to be something or someone else.

***********************

on another note, when she told me that, it just impressed me.

i don't know why. i mean, in some way, i think ppl trust me enough to tell me stuff about them cuz they know that i won't tell others. i basically don't talk abt what happened btwn me and you to anyone else. i don't see any reason to. unfortunately for me, people don't do the same for me. which sucks. cuz hey, sometimes i judge ppl pre-maturely or there are certain things that i don't like abt a person. and me, being someone who can't keep my mouth shut, will tell these things to ppl. and some people, just somehow don't have the common sense to not tell that person i was talking about. i mean, it's not like i won't tell the person to their face, but when u say that i say that, well u know how it feels la.

ANYWAY, i digress. i'm still amused that someone i don't consider myself very close to told me that about her. it feels weird, cuz none of the ppl i feel i'm close to actually tells me this kinda stuff. they either just assume for me to know, or expect someone else to tell me or they want me to ask first. so yeah, this is kinda weird. i din ask her anything. but she told me str8. and i love her for that. cuz it's something nobody gives to me. somehow that's what a close friend is supposed to be like i guess. they tell you stuff that you should know cause they know you care and want to know abt them.

but then again, maybe she's just someone who's not shy abt it? haih. i dunno la. i'm so happy that she told me. but at the same time i'm disappointed that even some of my close friends couldn't do that.

there's a problem when the closest people to you assume for you to know everything and not "officially" tell you stuff. and if you think i'm being unfair, put urself in my situation and then tell me how u would feel. don't be biased. be neutral and decide.

how could you guys not bother to tell me? haih.

and for you. thanks so much you. you rock. :)

Currently Listening To: I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco

So When Is It Not Showing Off?

k for some reason, i always am deemed to be someone who shows off. i dunno why.

but actually, i'm at my current state of thinking, i'm not just thinking of myself. i'm thinking abt everyone. the question on my mind is, why is when people use new stuff, it's considered showing off?

i mean, what's the deal? wasn't the thing bought to be used anyway? k for example, my camera. so i bought a camera this year. and i bring it quite a lot of places. and a lot of times, when i bring out my camera, ppl say, "oh new camera la, trying to show off." which is something that i just can't stand. i mean, i've been a person who has loved taking photos, whether it's artistic or not, or whether it's nice or not, since 2005 since i last remember. and i've been using my camera phone to take so many pics. i've got tons. so that's proof (if you needed it) that i really do like taking photos. so isn't it fair, since i bought a new camera, to bring it around and use it? i mean that's what it's for right? to be used. to take pictures. i mean, just cause it's new i'm not supposed to bring it out and use it?

it's not like i'm shoving it in your face and asking you to check it out or even boasting about it. i NEVER did any of those. true that i do take weird shots and some are just random shots. but hey, i take what i feel is nice. whatever looks nice. to me. don't i have the right to do that without being judged as a show off trying to show off his new camera by taking weird shots. like i'm trying to impress you. please, i've got better things to do than impress you. i don't deny that there i times where i ask you to see photos that i take cuz i think they look nice. but hey, can't i be proud of a picture esp when i'm NOT a professional photographer, nvr taken and photography class, read anything abt photography, and don't even have a DSLR?

it's just irritating the way using new stuff is associated with showing off the new thing. i would honestly say it's fucking immature. it's a good thing that i can handle stuff like this. i mean, you can think i' the biggest show off in the world (and i know some people have eventhough they haven't told me), but that will never stop me from taking photos. cuz if i had enough money, i'd hire a photographer to follow me around in my life and take photos of everything. cuz everything in my life i would like to record somehow.

but enough of me. what about those people who can't handle it? who take whatever you say quite seriously? what if you hurt them by calling them a show off? (of course provided they never did anything to show off) you could cause them to just hide away their stuff and never use that thing. for example, the camera again, if you call someone a show off just because they use a new camera, and this person takes it personally and never uses the camera again. thus missing out on so many potentially beautiful pics and memories that come their way. you happy with that?


of course, after saying all this, i may be wrong. hey, i don't know everything right? but to me, i don't think anyone should associate the use of new stuff to being a show off. it was bought to be used. not left in the cupboard. and honeslty, i think it's only the asians who have this mentality for some reason. yes i'm speaking as asian. it's sad to say. haih. and it's like the older ppl also do it. the people who should be mature.

wow. my thoughts are all over the place. but whatever. i needed to let this out cause of recent events. i bought it to use it. and i don't care what you think abt me using it. but think of others you put this mentality on.

so when is it or when is it not showing off? i'd like to know.

Currently Listening To: New Again - Taking Back Sunday

When You Get It, You'll Realise It's True.

nice. :)


Currently Listening To: Gifts & Curses - Yellowcard

Because Li-Hsien Did Ask For An Update

n i'm finally giving it to her. sorry for the lateness yeah. :P

sooooo......... quarter of the year is gone. yeah so fast eh? things are good. actually. great. i dunno why. things are different this year. things feel great. lol. i can't explain it so yeah. i'll get on to the more me things instead of some philosophical thoughts. we'll come back later. :)

so this year is my first year doing proper Mechanical Engineering. last year was a sorta "introductory to engineering" thing. so yeah. wouldn't really consider it part of my course. more like a foundation sorta thing. this year is when i'm really learnin abt Mechanical stuff and all that. and GOSH. it's hard as hell. like crazy hard. you have to read A LOT k. it's like after each class everyday, u gotta sit and revise what is taught if u wanna keep up. so yeah, studies still suck. bad. cuz i'm lazy la actually. yeah i know i'm supposed to change and all. but aih, it's easier to talk than actually do. sheesh.

oh and this year i've moved to Ilam Village. and i'm staying in the furthest block away from Uni. and considering the Engineering block is also one corner of Uni, i'm pretty much walking end to end. it's like 15 mins walk to Uni.but if u walk fast enough i think 5-10 mins? smth liddat. but i reckon if i skateboard there should be 5 mins.

the place i'm living in is nice tho. it's sorta posh-ish looking. but ooooooo, do i have tons of things to complain abt. cuz k, Ilam Village has like 3 types of buildings, Manuka (old one), Kowhaii (newer) and Hinau (newest). and i'm staying in Hinau cuz i moved from Uni Hall so i get 10 bucks discount per week if i move to Hinau. but i tell you, Kowhaii is soooo much better. confirmed to be moving there next year.

oh, for those who don't know, the place i'm staying is a apartment sorta thing (but we call is flat here. which is kinda weird considering houses are called flats as well.). so i share the place with 4 other ppl, so 5 in total in one flat. and we share the cooking la. yes. i did say cooking. haha. and i totally can't cook ok. so i'm pretty much just learning stuff from my flatmates. i've managed to learn Fried Rice k. not bad. still got tons to learn la. haha. Pasta is like darn easy cuz i've been buying the ready made sauce. so cooking the pasta is pretty much all i have to do la. i say cooking Fried Rice is more fun cuz u can experiment and stuff. but yes, i've got tons more i need to learn how to cook. thinkin of what to cook weekly also is quite a problem cuz i have no idea what to do. haha.

oh yeah, my flatmates are pretty cool. til now i still have no major problems with anyone yet. next to my room there's Raymond, who's the nice guy with the car. then there's Calvin, the master chef. then YL, who's like the one who always experiments and tries making new weird food. and most of the time it comes out gr8. cool right? haha. then there's Alex, Calvin's friend, but now our friend too. he's the one that makes sure the flat is clean. seriously, cuz i think he does the most clearing up and stuff among all of us. haha.

and yeah that's pretty much abt it for the flat. and outside the flat, things are cool as well. got to know more friends. some i'm really grateful for meeting. and i also realised how grateful for the other friends i've made her last year too. really appreciate it.

been gaming a lot too. like going over to ppls place or ppl coming over to our place to game. mostly Dota la (tho i still suck at it.). last night we had a 5v5 game. that was cool. won some lost some. still suck tho. haha. oh we do game L4D and also RA3. i think that's one thing i enjoy a lot this year. the gaming. cuz sometimes it's so intense and all. not bad la.

oh! n i've been driving around here as well. yeah, using Malaysian licence which is valid here. using friend's car la. no car of my own. not sure i will be getting one. haha. yeah i know i said i wouldn't be driving here. but there was a need. so yeah. driving is fun. and makes life convenient. but yeah, there's a lot that comes with it too. so def won't be getting a car anytime this year. i'll just prob stick with my skateboard for now. :)

yeaps. well, that's the update for now. i dunno what else to say. 2nd year here feels so much different. i feel so much more confident. like i know the place now. but i hardly do, i'm still yet to learn a lot more. it's like ure senior, but ure not. and it feels just right. this year feels just right. :)

k see ya! drops me comments if u wanna know more. feel free! don't be shy! i'll accept any comments from anyone! haha. (dunno why i feel so hyper now. haha.)

oh and if anyone actually read the whole thing. remind me to belanja u ice cream next time. haha!

Currently Listening To: Save You - Simple Plan

When It Rains, It Pours

i dunno why i seem to be having a string of bad luck recently. so weird.

ystd was supposed to be picked up at 9.45, but only woke up after i got a call 9.52. why? so happened my internet got cut off. and my laptop goes into sleep more when that happens. and since i use my laptop to wake me up, i didn't hear anything cuz my comp was sleeping with me. sheeesh. what's worse is, my phone ran out of memory space for msges. so i couldn't get any msg that morning to wake me up either (tho i doubt it would have woken me up. so yeah. ended up being late. sheeesh.

and then cuz of that no memory thing, i nvr received any msges the whole day. and i didn't even notice. bangangnye. and near like 12 smth am only i restarted my phone and all the msges came in. ,............

win la. and then today, internet is fine laptop on, but earphones left plugged in from the night b4. so laptop alarm rang and i couldn't hear cuz it was playing thru earphones only. sheesh. so din manage to wake up when i wanted to. ish.

plus my poker is still bad. sheesh.

Currently Listening To: Ocean and Atlantic - Mayday Parade

Why Some Rich People Get On My Nerves

u see, it's simple. what's the point of buying something, but having no idea how to use it?

to me it's damn pissing off. esp if it's something i want but i don't have enough money to spare to buy it.

it's like someone buying a super high class gaming laptop, but just to end up using it for writing documents.

or someone buying a Gibson guitar, to end up just playing it twice and leaving it to rot in the cupboard.

or someone buying an iPhone to just use the call function. JUST THAT.


i mean, come on seriously people. if you don't need all the extra functions and are hardly gonna be using the thing u bought, then why bother buying such a high class thing. just buy the thing that suits ur needs la.

i mean, just cuz u have money doesn't mean u need to spend it right? you could always just give your money away to ppl who need instead of thinking, oh i need to spend it. there's always that option of helping and blessing others.

but seriously, i just can't stand ppl who buy stuff and don't use it. pointless rich ppl.

and this is why some rich ppl get on my nerves. haih.

Currently Listening To: Carpathia - Taking Back Sunday

What Does It Mean?

i'm curious abt the question she asked.

does she know?

was smth said?

is there smth?

if only life wasn't so complex.

hmmm.




oh and i think it was a good night overall. ppl still remember me. :)

and i made somebody REALLY happy today.

so the time spent stoning - taken care of. :)

Currently Listening To: Everywhere - Yellowcard

Happy Easter!

well, since i thought i took a sorta fitting pic for today yesterday. might as well just post it up and sayy....

HAPPY EASTER! :D

Currently Listening To: Can't Live A Day - Youth Alive

Today Was Just A Day

Today was just a day.
Like any other.

Jack's Mannequin

cept, i somehow managed to get out on the wrong side of the bed. eventhough there's only one side to get out from.

but hanging around with the ppl i like made it ok. :)

plus the gaming helped too. :)

so sry if i was grouchy or what not this morning. i blame the bed. :)

time to sleep then. got walk tmrw! :)

i'm a pretty smiley guy don't you think? :P

Currently Listening To: Sink Into Me - Taking Back Sunday

Today I'm Happy

:) today is a good day. not only did Raymond graduate today, i finally figured out how to configure my camera to sorta take DSLR style sorta pics. made my day. well, it'll never be up to Kimberley's standard (i think), but it's good enough for me. nice photos day. :)

some of the pics i thought were nice. well, they look sorta DSLR like quality, but of course DSLR quality is better la. but with my cam. i sure ain't complaining. :D







of course, the beautiful/handsome models made the pictures look even better la. :) i got cekap looking friends. :)

oh and sry for the no updates, i know i'm supposed to update abt my life here so far and all that, but got no time la. haha. yeah, my hols are that busy doing a lot of stuff.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

:)

Currently Listening To: Don't Jump - Tokio Hotel

Remember The Walk

"If you want this to work, don't you dare fall in love with me."

- "I WILL fix you...."

Currently Listening To: Fix You - Coldplay

When Will I Find Someone Like Me

it's kinda frustrating la. i mean, seriously. am i the only one who wants to music that much?

it's kinda dumb la. i mean, we go for practice, but most of them come without knowing the song. and then we waste a lot of time trying to figure out how to play the song.

i mean come on la, seriously. the song list was given like so long ago. go la at least listen and learn up the parts that ure supposed to play.

was so disappointed in how From God Above turned out yest. haih. the two hard parts of the song was like settled already which is the lead guitar and the drums. it's like if the hardest instruments in the songs are already settled, then the others should be ok if ppl actually go and listen and know the song.

for that song, it feels like only Kevin and I put a lot of effort into making it sound good a.k.a sound like the CD (not saying that the keyboards didn't. just that that song isn't really much of a keyboard song so didn't really notice. sry and no offence la Cal. :) i'm pretty sure u wud have played the right things anyway.). i guess maybe that's why i'm disappointed. cuz i like put in quite a lot of effort to make it sound the same or almost the same with the CD and when the other guitar and bass came not knowing anything, it's like haaaihhhhhh.

i mean really a lot of effort. i found out how to play the song properly. even dropped all my strings half a step just to play that song, which also meant that the rest of the songs i had to adapt to play with my half a step down strings. i watched the dvd to see how they were playing it. i listened to the song while walking to class and all. i really freaking studied the song. cuz it's a cool song and i wanted it to go great instead of normal.

yeah, maybe i'm like obsessive. but i would like to look at it as tho i'm a perfectionist when it comes to music. and yeah, a lot of ppl have told me once b4, don't follow the CD to the dot. but that's the thing, for me, following the CD means sorta like more pro la. cuz i mean hey, ure following someone who actually has a CD and is good enough to make a CD. and i guess deep down i wanna be like that. i wanna be that good.

so when i actually get everything right, and like almost perfect, but other ppl let me down by not doing their part properly, it's disappointing. maybe i shouldn't have put in so much effort.

it's not only here, it's back in Malaysia as well. it's like i'm the only one who takes the trouble to learn up the songs properly b4 coming to play. and practice enough to make sure i don't mess up. maybe my standards are too high. maybe i expect too much from something that i shouldn't expect a lot from. i mean after all, Refuel is only a once a month thing right? why bother giving our best? haih. if only i could believe that.

how come it's always the drummer and me who can get in sync? like for like those cekap songs i don't have to worry? it's like those drummers i've played with a.k.a Yih Ren, Kevin, and Amos, the already know how to play the song and how to play it well. nth to worry about there. it's always the bass and the other guitar. why? i don't know actually. maybe cuz i know how to play both instruments that i'm judgemental of them that i need them to be a certain standard.

maybe i should just clone myself and play the other guitar and bass. afterall, not to be perasan or anything, i do know the song so well that i can actually play both and i already did learn up the parts for both instruments for that song. haih.

am i the only one who learns up the song that well? like did you know that The Time Has Come (Hillsong) has 3 different guitar parts that can be heard in the song? and that's what makes it sound sooo cool. but there's noone else i know who'll pick up on these things and learn the parts to play it like them. it feels like i'm the only one who takes this music playing thing seriously that i wanna do my best. maybe i take things too seriously.

k this is a long rant. if u've read through the whole thing. i'm sorry for wasting ur time with things that don't make sense. just something i had to let out after the disappointing play of From God Above.

k ben, u need to chill and learn to relax more.

but haih, i wish there was more of me. =/

Currently Listening To: I Never Wanted To - Saosin

World Class April Fools Joke

i was reading Jo's blog, and seriously, that 2008 April Fool Joke is damn cekap. world class. it's like wow wei. good job Jo. seriously cekap. it's mmg smth only you and ur planning can come up with. haha.

read it here at his blog.

WORLD CLASS. so cool.

Currently Listening To: Exit Calpysan (Only In My Dreams) - Falling Up

Well, At Least I Know Where It Is

u know right, i finally found my Humble t-shirt. sheesh. panic so much. and u know where was it? back home in Malaysia. sheesh. i panicked when i couldn't find it k. cuz i was so sure that i brought it here and i washed it here but i can't find it anywhere. but actually it's back home. well it makes sense la now that it's back home. cuz i just looked at my pics and i saw i wore it on valentine's day. so therefore, it would have gone for wash sat night. which means when i was packing on sunday, it'll still b at wash. soooo, i nvr packed it. duh. man, panicked for no reason. well at least it's still with me. :) sorta.

and speaking of pics again, i was looking thru my FB pics. not bad. i find my pics very happyfying to look at. cuz it reminds me of all the crazy and aweseome stuff n ppl in my life. so my recommendation? take time off, look at all ur FB pics. it's worth it. it'll make u smile. :) oh check out mine also while ure at it. cuz it has me! :D

been sneezing and sniffling a lot today. jus today only. and eye starting to tear up too now. but i think that's cuz i'm trying not to sneeze la. heh, but sneezing is gooood. it means someone is missing me :D haha.

k must not miss test tmrw. and apparently i feel this whole missing the test situation is quite a big thing, cuz everyone seems to make it look that way. i dunno why i don feel that bad. no i don't want it to happen again and i'll do everything in my power to make sure of that. but yeah, i guess i din expect that many ppl to care cuz it's nth to do with them. so thx ppl for asking and checking and making sure i dun miss my next test and stuff. i appreciate it. u guys n girls rock. :)

oh yeah one last thing b4 i crash and wake up early again tmrw. erm u know right, abt the whole goin back Malaysia tmrw/today thing...............




APRIL FOOL. :)

gnite. :)

Currently Listening To: Misery Business - Paramore

Well It's Better Than Nothing I Guess

well, today's replacement test went not so bad. at least i managed to answer some. and i'm so glad that it'll some what be counted still. i'm just glad that it's not a total 0 la. :) well, at least now u can say u know of someone who overslept and missed his test. :)

and craps. i got 10++ chapters to study in 2 days. great. and i spent time gaming and all today. sheesh.

oh Warman design project stuff came back. apparently my group got the highest in class. yeay my team! :D

and i totally didn't reply ppls texts today. sry. :( i was kinda busy discussing stuff.

what stuff? oh just discussing with parents. cuz u know, Granddad's bday this sat. and u know, parents want me home. and u know, it's hols from friday onwards. so u know :)

yeaps! be coming back to Malaysia! :D the only prob is the flight booking now is currently near midnight. which is quite mafan. plus i gotta pack and what not. ugh. but hey, at least i can go home and celebrate. pretty big even this year since it's his 90th bday. heck, i even recorded a video of myself wishing him with "NZ scenery". Calvin was my cameraman. haha. so yeah. i'm actually pretty excited. cuz i get to go back, plus i get to go for the function. and i just realised that i get to celebrate Sut's bday too. not bad.

so well, friday's plans, leave for friday. haha.

and i just realised i think i lost my favourite t-shirt. i have no idea where it is. :( it's my humble but still the best t-shirt. haihhhh.

k la. i should go now. i shall update my blog on how things are here in NZ soon. maybe like next week, cuz Li-Hsien said i should. :) but then again, if i see u in person also i'll update la. see how it goes.

kk byes! :)

Currently Listening To: Fences - Paramore

I'm A World Class Idiot

haih. what a bad day. :(

the only thing good about it is 4 hours spent taking my mind off things.

now i'm back in my room and back to emo mode and i still have to study.

why la do i have to sleep so long. :(

Currently Listening To: That's What You Get - Paramore

There's Just No Mood

i've got no mood to study.

but i HAVE to study. haih.

2 whole chapters more. damn.

but it's just so emofied to study. ntah knape.

grrrr.

today started off pretty ok.

k fine, not so good. skipped 222. 225 and 226 was totally boring i fell asleep. well sorta asleep for 225 la.

but i guess, today i "officially" made another friend. so that's cool.

but then poker sucked. lost so much. what rubbish. i played damn long and not even once i can win? what rubbish.

argh la. no mood to study. and i'm hungry too!

i can't wait for the weekend! :)

oh and becks has her interview tmrw. all the best becks!

and one of my sayangs bday tmrw as well. wish i could be in Msia for this. =/ (see she even influence me so much that i actually said "my sayangs". haha.) Dana! i miss you. :(

well, at least clown face still keeps me laughing. :)

5 years. come on. i want the 5 years to be over now.

oh and if there is smth, i totally don't wanna get in the way. or give the impression that i'm getting in the way. cuz totally not my intention. prob why i seem like i'm staying away a bit. k it's prob not obvious la. cuz duh if it was obvious a lot of ppl will notice. but it's obvious and noticable to me cuz i'm the one like avoiding. so most importantly is to keep the talking going, but not in an obvious way that i'm avoiding.

man i talk a lot of rubbish. which reminds me....

Amir/Calvin: How many languages fluentlycan you speak?
Ben: oh 3 only.
Amir/Calvin: oh what 3?
Ben: i can speak English, and Malay.
Amir/Calvin: then what's the third one.
Ben: oh i can talk rubbish very well too. :P

oh that was just lame. and speaking of lammeee. :) i can't remember how the joke goes la. crap. for those who remember the guy on the island joke, pls tell me again. thx.

oh and a pro photographer, actually it's Azrie bro, and abt the pro status, well i think he's pro la. anyway, he said i got nice photos. :) i dunno if he's just being nice and all. but yeah, i really loved that comment. makes me happy cuz i know nuts abt taking photos. haha.

u know what, i'm smiling. :) i love this blog. it makes me happy. :)

k back to studying then. maybe after i get myself a snack eh. :D

Currently Listening To: Hello Hello - Paramore

Make Things Fall Deeper

the more you fight it,

the more you know it's true.

and the more you know it's true,

the more you know it's screwed.

but you'll refuse to accept it.

and if you can still go on knowing it's screwed, that just makes you greedy, selfish and most of all, screwed up too.

but, ure greedy and selfish, so you don't care.

perfect combo mix i must say. :)

Currently Listening To: Let The Flames Begin - Paramore

Just How Awesome Again?

well, from now on, i can say i'm not just being perasan. i have proof now. :D

just how awesome am i?





:DD:D:D:D

Currently Listening To: CrushCrushCrush - Paramore

This Is The Part Where I Laugh. Again.

ahhahahahashahahhahahahahahahahhahahahah

sry but i couldn't tahan. again.

ahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha

i really dunno what else to say but laugh.

hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhaah

BOL. totally BOL.

now that's what i call desperate. BOL.

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahaha



hahahahaha i swear it's the hair speaking too. hahahahhahahahaha

it's so shockingly funny. takde standard langsung. hahahahahahhahahahahhaha


well, for not being sure at first. now i'm 100% sure. hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahah

damn i should go b4 i fall off the chair. hahahahhahahahahah

Currently Listening To: Plug In Baby - Muse

My Biggest Regret

honestly, looking back at my life i now realise what was my biggest regret.

what's my biggest regret? it's actually quite simple. being good. being prob the only one with a conscience to not do what i'm not supposed to do. doing what's right. trying to be the good little church boy who follows the rules.

what i can say now is what a waste of time. i honestly don't think trying to be good actually brought any good to my life. seriously, a fucking waste of 5 years of my life not being to do things that would make me happy. trying to control everything i do. make sure it's the right thing to do at that time. honestly, thinkin of all the things i could have done then instead of now makes me regret so much about how i wasted my precious time. and come to think of it, time lost in those important years. damn.

but i guess better late than never to change right? hopefully there's enough time to properly enjoy my life. go all out. it's just one thing which i wonder, how would my life be if i didn't decide to be good? would i still be frens with the awesome ppl i know? would i have met even more awesome ppl? well, we'll never know now i guess. at least one thing i know for sure, my life would definitely be happier. definitely.

i've tasted both. and i know which tastes sweeter.

damn regret.

Currently Listening To: Damn Regret - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Why I Don't Wanna Say Anything To Ppl At That Place

i will never say anything, and i will never imply anything. well, at least i don't plan to. and i don't intentionally do it.

why? cuz if it may happen, and it is something good and will make them happy, why should i say something that may cause them to feel weird and awkward? and this may lead them to stay away from each other.

it's just human nature, we care so much abt what others think. so if they start thinkin abt what someone said to them about that, they may take it to heart cuz they're not ready and they may just change everything that would have happened.

well, i've prob stopped making sense already. haha. but yeah, i assume not everyone is like me who ignores what other ppl say if i want something. not everyone is like that. so it's best to assume the worst.

Currently Listening To: Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold

Maybe I Should Worry

but it just takes up too much time i guess. i don't know why, but things like that don't bother me. things like:

walking barefoot is unhygienic
butter is safer than margarine chemically cuz it's not one molecule away from being plastic
microwaving food is not good.
drinking soft drinks isn't that good esp when it's coke.
taking condensed milk with bread is unhealthy cuz there's so much sugar in it.
smoking causes mouth & lung cancer.
drinking will cause liver problems.
handphones cause radiation so it's not good to use it too much.
ajinomoto deteriorates ur brain cells
listening to music thru ur earphones will prob cause hearing loss.
non-polarised sun glasses may damage ur eyes cuz of UV rays from the sun.
don't wear your contact lenses for too long.


can't think of anymore for now i can relate to that. but somehow these things just stop mattering. i mean, i guess we're all gonna die someday, so just live it up now i guess. i don't want to live that long anyway.

yeah i know i should care. but not just yet i think. maybe when it's too late.

Currently Listening To: Disturbia - The Cab

Change The Name!

seriously, bands who change their lead singer, should just change their band name.

cuz it's so annoying when rue expecting to hear that voice which defines a band, but u hear some other guys voice. >=/

and it feels so diff and weird. yes, the singer plays an important role in defining the band. the music may be the same and it may be nice. BUT it just isn't the band u want to hear if it has a diff singer to it.

well, that's just me.

Currently Listening To: Unpretty - TLC

I Won't Say I'm Disappointed

cuz i know it was unintentional. but jus, damn, don't expect me to always guess and know la.

some things i won't just know like that. i'm not that free to go and find out also. plus it makes things worse when i don't know what i'm supposed to find out.

i expected you (ppl) to tell me. but dang. none.

maybe it's like outta sight outta mind sorta thing?

or maybe you already think i know?

but even if i did would it be wrong to check?

hmm. nah. i don't wanna b disappointed. cuz i know you guys are awesome. :)

i'm prob just expecting too much. usual perasan me. bleh.

Currently Listening To: Unpretty - TLC