When Will I Find Someone Like Me

it's kinda frustrating la. i mean, seriously. am i the only one who wants to music that much?

it's kinda dumb la. i mean, we go for practice, but most of them come without knowing the song. and then we waste a lot of time trying to figure out how to play the song.

i mean come on la, seriously. the song list was given like so long ago. go la at least listen and learn up the parts that ure supposed to play.

was so disappointed in how From God Above turned out yest. haih. the two hard parts of the song was like settled already which is the lead guitar and the drums. it's like if the hardest instruments in the songs are already settled, then the others should be ok if ppl actually go and listen and know the song.

for that song, it feels like only Kevin and I put a lot of effort into making it sound good a.k.a sound like the CD (not saying that the keyboards didn't. just that that song isn't really much of a keyboard song so didn't really notice. sry and no offence la Cal. :) i'm pretty sure u wud have played the right things anyway.). i guess maybe that's why i'm disappointed. cuz i like put in quite a lot of effort to make it sound the same or almost the same with the CD and when the other guitar and bass came not knowing anything, it's like haaaihhhhhh.

i mean really a lot of effort. i found out how to play the song properly. even dropped all my strings half a step just to play that song, which also meant that the rest of the songs i had to adapt to play with my half a step down strings. i watched the dvd to see how they were playing it. i listened to the song while walking to class and all. i really freaking studied the song. cuz it's a cool song and i wanted it to go great instead of normal.

yeah, maybe i'm like obsessive. but i would like to look at it as tho i'm a perfectionist when it comes to music. and yeah, a lot of ppl have told me once b4, don't follow the CD to the dot. but that's the thing, for me, following the CD means sorta like more pro la. cuz i mean hey, ure following someone who actually has a CD and is good enough to make a CD. and i guess deep down i wanna be like that. i wanna be that good.

so when i actually get everything right, and like almost perfect, but other ppl let me down by not doing their part properly, it's disappointing. maybe i shouldn't have put in so much effort.

it's not only here, it's back in Malaysia as well. it's like i'm the only one who takes the trouble to learn up the songs properly b4 coming to play. and practice enough to make sure i don't mess up. maybe my standards are too high. maybe i expect too much from something that i shouldn't expect a lot from. i mean after all, Refuel is only a once a month thing right? why bother giving our best? haih. if only i could believe that.

how come it's always the drummer and me who can get in sync? like for like those cekap songs i don't have to worry? it's like those drummers i've played with a.k.a Yih Ren, Kevin, and Amos, the already know how to play the song and how to play it well. nth to worry about there. it's always the bass and the other guitar. why? i don't know actually. maybe cuz i know how to play both instruments that i'm judgemental of them that i need them to be a certain standard.

maybe i should just clone myself and play the other guitar and bass. afterall, not to be perasan or anything, i do know the song so well that i can actually play both and i already did learn up the parts for both instruments for that song. haih.

am i the only one who learns up the song that well? like did you know that The Time Has Come (Hillsong) has 3 different guitar parts that can be heard in the song? and that's what makes it sound sooo cool. but there's noone else i know who'll pick up on these things and learn the parts to play it like them. it feels like i'm the only one who takes this music playing thing seriously that i wanna do my best. maybe i take things too seriously.

k this is a long rant. if u've read through the whole thing. i'm sorry for wasting ur time with things that don't make sense. just something i had to let out after the disappointing play of From God Above.

k ben, u need to chill and learn to relax more.

but haih, i wish there was more of me. =/

Currently Listening To: I Never Wanted To - Saosin