You Can't Always Be First

sooner or later u will be replaced.

it sucks. but it's for the better.

but instead of being depressed about not being first. just remember that u actually were first.

cuz it aint easy to get first. so think back and embrace the good moments u had being first.

=D

but of course, if u never were first, or ur first was never enjoyable, well, thats a story for a different day... =P

Currently Listening To: The Way - Parachute Band

One Emo Song

if you had to name one emo song, what would you choose for urself?

if u like, name more than one.

yea, i would like to know. so if u cud drop me a comment on this post saying which is ur emo song it'd be great. thx.

and yea. this is open to all those anonymous ppl who visit here too.

jus curious to know. may jus make an emo CD from the songs.

pls and thank you!

Currently Listening To: 23 - Jimmy Eat World

Learning From Songs

i feel like i'm the only one who learns about life through songs.

i think i love music too much. haha!

btw. the pic apparently relates to the song. =)

Gone

She told him she'd rather fix her makeup
than try to fix what's going on
But the problem keeps on calling
even with the cell phone gone
She told him that she believes in living
bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
and upside down

Don't say so long, and throw yourself wrong
Don't spin today away, cause today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is gone
Just try to prove me wrong
And pretend like you're immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow brings us
one step closer to the edge, infinity
Where's your treasure, where's your hope
if you get the world and lose your soul?
She pretends like she pretends like she's immortal

Don't say so long, you're not that far gone
This could be your big chance to make up
Today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone
Like history is gone
The world keeps spinning on
You're going, going, gone
Like summer break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just try to prove me wrong
You pretend like you're immortal.

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We're so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at our decadence

Gone, like Frank Sinatra, like Elvis and his mom,
Like Al Pachino's cash, nothing lasts in this life
Gone, my high school dreams are gone,
my childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn't last for long.

Life is more than money, time was never money
Time was never cash, life is still more than girls.
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom fills,
Life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills,
All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We've got information in the information age but do
We know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?
She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow brings us closer
to the God who's not short of cash
Hey Bono, I'm glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is more than what we are.

Switchfoot

Currently Listening To: Gone - Switchfoot

What's Sad Is....

.... this is only HALF of the CD's that i have. the other half or more is still back in Malaysia.

and even with just this much, i probably have more CD's then 85% (or more. super rough estimate) of the ppl in the world who listen to music.

and there's like dunno how many billion albums in the world.

come on ppl. support la the artists a bit.

hmm.

What To Do?

what do you do when everyone around you finds something so wonderful and great, and then they tell you to check it out.

but when you do check it out, you find it to be real mediocre.

for one thing, you don't want to say anything to them cuz then they might think twice about it. and cuz of that the awe they had in that something may be lost. and you know you don't wanna take that away from them.

but yet if you don't say something, then it'll be like you're afraid to voice out your opinion. or smth like that. like where is the freedom of speech?

ah. dunno la. dunno how to word this out.

just that from what i've learnt and been learning, instead of just keeping it in. voice your opinions. the truth may suck, but it's still the truth. and we all gotta deal with it one day.

so why not today?

hmm

Currently Listening To: Hell March 2 - Frank Klepacki

To Do The Right Thing... Or Not

hmmm. thoughts are messed now.

like really. flipped 180.

but i'll just wait and see how first.

need to talk to some ppl first.

hmmm

Currently Listening To: The River - Good Charlotte

Castle Hill Diff

top view is Castle Hill in the summer/autumn. bottom is during winter. what a diff eh. too bad the weather wasn't so good for winter.











but the sunset still rocked! =D


Currently Listening To: Coffee & TV - Blur

Music Influences Part 1

k was thinkin abt this the other day, and i thought it'll be cool to find out how exactly i know some of the bands i know. but i know if i were to go through all the artists i know, til forever also i won't end. haha. so i decided to look through my Full Albums folder and just go through the artists. so here goes.

*****
F.Y.I - format

Band - Albums i have from them seperated by comma
description
First Song Heard: Song Name [Album] (if no square brackets it's from the album i have stated with the band name)

*****

+44 (Plus 44) - When Your Heart Stops Beating
as far as i can remember, i found this band myself online. can't exactly remember how i found them tho. but i know what made me listen to them. it was the fact that the ex members of blink 182 were in the band (Travis Barker and Mark Hoppus). and i liked blink during that time so i def had to listen to them. and well, obviously i liked them. haha.
First Song Heard: When Your Heart Stops Beating

30 Seconds To Mars - A Beautiful Lie
hmm. i think i heard them off the radio. and also i heard Attack on hitz.tv. tot the song was pretty cool and got it. then also with recommendation from Jin about the band i got the album. but i must say that i just find the album ok only. nothing special.
First Song Heard: I'll Attack

The Afters - I Wish We All Could Win
this band is a Christian band which i got to know from Wei Zhen. really good stuff. the songs were just rockish enough to be enjoyed yet not too rock and all. so i got the whole album. it's pretty not bad.
First Song Heard: Someday

The All-American Rejects - The All-American Rejects, Move Along
this band definitely comes from listening to the radio. and man they have good stuff songs. like one album they can release SO many songs as singles. and all were good by me too. both albums are good i must say. well, at least most of the songs i've heard la. haha.
First Song Heard: Swing Swing [The All-American Rejects]

Anberlin - Never Take Friendship Personal, Blueprint For The Blackmarket, Cities, Lost Songs
k i know this band from two ppl. first heard of it from Manjuli. but nvr actually took any effort to go and get songs from them. then one day, i had to lend Julian my thumbdrive. and it came back with some recommendations of songs. and one he gave me most of the tracks off their Cities album. and yeah. thats when i started liking Anberlin. cuz man their music is good stuff la. which is obviously why i bought their Cities CD la. haha. the other three were well, just okay only i feel. Never Take Friendship Personal was not that bad la. but the other two were ok.
First Song Heard: Godspeed [Cities]

Atreyu - Lead Sails Paper Anchor
this band comes from YouTube. was watching the Projekt Revolution 2008 vid off the Linkin Park YouTube page and saw them in the trailer. they sounded not bad. so i got their songs. which turned out into me getting their album which is not bad also la.
First Song Heard: Falling Down

blink-182 - Blink-182
well, like i said, i like blink-182. so naturally i got their songs. and then i heard songs from their (at that time) new album thx to Ruth. and then i managed to get her to get me a copy of that album. and wow. it was really not bad. a change from the fun fun type of blink-182 to a more serious type. but it was still all good.
First Song Heard: All The Small Things [Enema of The State]

Cartel - Chroma
this band i nvr heard of b4 til Su Teng intro-ed it to me. and when she intro-ed it to me, she sent the WHOLE album! haha. so thats why i have the album. but i must say, it's pretty not bad also. nice to listen to la. can't remember how the album goes di. but i believe it's not bad la.
First Song Heard: Say Anything (Else)

Escape The Fate - Dying Is Your Latest Fashion
k this is Jin all the way again. he found this band somehow, and earlier this year he told me to get their songs. heard some and wah, not bad la. then he sent more of their songs. and then i got the rest of the songs from the album which he din send. and i dun think i've heard the whole album fully yet also. but yea la. haha. so far not bad la.
First Song Heard: Situations

Fall Out Boy - From Under The Cork Tree, Infinity On High, **** - Live In Pheonix
first time ever hearing of this band, i was actually looking for some other song, and Sugar, We're Goin Down popped up instead of the song i was looking for. and i tak suker la cuz can't find my song. oh ya. now i remember, i was looking for X-Ecutioners It's Goin Down. thats when i saw this song. but nvr downloaded. and at that time apparently the song was famous la. of course i din know since i don't listen to radio at the time anymore. so yea. then one day watching MTV i think, saw the vid. and the song was kinda not bad la. so went and got the song. then saw more vids from them and realise eh not bad la. got their album also (From Under The Cork Tree). then eh, really good la this album. so then the album went under my favourites list. then listened to their new album stuff also. the first few songs la. felt they changed since their last album. din really like la. but still ok. then, Su Teng sent me their whole album again. and then got used to the songs. and realised even thought it's diff, it's still cool la. and loved the songs from the album and bought the album also. haha. the Live in Pheonix is so not worth it la i think. wasted downloading it. nothing gr8 at all. the only thing cool was they sorta covered Panic's I Write Sins Not Tragedies in their This Aint A Scene song. i liked how they started the song la.
First Song Heard: Sugar, We're Goin Down

Good Charlotte - The Chronicles Of Life and Death
k this band got off MTV and Channel V. remember watching their vids with my sis like a long time ago. and wah, their songs not bad la. quite nice also. then my younger sis, bought (ciplak version) the album. and i leeched off her la. :) and the album aint that bad la. quite nice also. got some nice songs and all. above average i must say.
First Song Heard: Lifestyles of The Rich And The Famous [Young and the Hopeless]

Green Day - American Idiot
this band goes waaaayyyy baacccckkk. like seriously old. they seem to have been around like since forever man. haha. the American Idiot album was not bad la. quite nice also. i like their Rock Opera tracks. long but still nice and entertaining. and they had a couple of good songs from the album also. but this would still go as above average only.
First Song Heard: No idea. but we'll go with Time Of Your Life [Nimrod]

Jack's Mannequin - Everything In Transit
i can't remember how i knew this band. i think i came across some of the lyrics from a song of Ming Jie's friendster la. or his blog. or smth like that la. did a quick search and found the band. then i think my sis also knew of some other songs and i got them also. then i remember hearing them on OTH one day also.
First Song Heard: The Mix-Tape

k i'm damn malas and tired now di. may go and sleep soon. but i'll continue the rest later. and btw, if i forgot to mention u somehow if u've intro-ed a band to me, pls let me know. cuz i wanna know how i know the bands. thx! =)

will continue tmrw, after i reply some mails. haha.

Currently Listening To: Stay With You - Goo Goo Dolls

4.12

heh. yeah right la sleep early.

look at the time!

contacts also tak keluarkan lagi. sheesh!

kk i better go do it now.

going out tmrw. may need energy.

but maybe not also. haha!

Currently Listening To: 4.12 - Switchfoot

Calvin and Hobbes

It's hard to stay mad at someone who misses you while you were asleep.

Calvin

:)

Currently Listening To: Glory - Hillsong

I Think...

i should learn to sleep at proper times.

sleeping from 5am to 5pm each day is weird.

the only good thing is that when the night comes, i'll be wide awake for everything.

but yea. i think i shud learn to sleep earlier eventhough it's hols.

guess i'm a night life type of person. haha!

k will try today. but who knows til when it'll last. haha!

Currently Listening To: New Medicine - Dead Poetic

Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic, don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well isn't this nice
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic, don't you think?
A little too ironic and yeah I really do think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Alanis Morissette

awesome song with awesome lyrics

Currently Listening To: Ironic - Alanis Morissette

No It Isn't

was just listening to No It Isn't by +44. not a fast song, but not really a slow song either. just nice i would say.

anyway, was listening to the song and payed attention to the lyrics. and all i can say is wow.

perfect.

Currently Listening T0: Chase This Light - Jimmy Eat World

The Many Diff Colours

k i realised that for some reason i change my background a lot. and when i change that i end up changing the whole scheme of my desktop colours. well this is cuz i have nothing better to do. and also cuz vista makes it so fun la with the transparent stuff and all. haha

so anyway, here are all the colours and backgrounds i have put my laptop through.

black.



default.



green.



red.



teal.



white.



and thats all i've done so far. cuz it's hard to match the backgrounds to diff colours. of course i din put purple in cuz i've sorta put it in in the previous post la.

k thats all i've got to blab for now. haha. see ya!

Currently Listening To: Boss Of Me - They Might Be Giants

There's A Reason...

.. to stay up late and start watching Narnia at 1 smth in the morning.

cuz by the time i was done and just abt to sleep, there was a light knock on the door.

talk abt perfect timing.

see, good thing i stayed up to watch. haha.

Currently Listening To: Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Now Playing Sidebar Gadget

k since i'm bored now and got nothing better to do. i'm gonna blog abt my favourite sidebar gadget. i'm sure u've seen it in the tons of screen shots i've put up on my blog. anyway, the sidebar gadget it called the "Now Playing" gadget.


k it's that thing in my sidebar above the clock. basically from what you can see, it shows you what music ure playing in ur sidebar.



so to work this thing, u can basically choose from any of the players provided in the gadget like seen above la. mine is of course WMP.



basically this gadget can like control almost anything in ur media player. k so first like when u dun have ur player open, just click the center part of the gadget and tadaaa! ur media player opens! =D



so thats how it looks like when ur media player is open and playing a song.


the thing i like abt this is that i can change my songs using it quite easily when a random song i dun like starts playing. all i have to do is just click one of the buttons circled in red. the buttons are Previous, Play/Pause, and Next. this makes it so easy to change songs when i'm like browsing the net and bump into a song i don't really like. i don't have to open up WMP and change it from there. all i have to do is press the next button to the next random song. or pause when i find a nice YouTube video to watch.

i know it's possible to just minimise the WMP into the taskbar and make changing songs easier. but then if i minimise it, then i can't see what song is playing unless i move my mouse there and that thing pops up. like right now (thx to another plugin) i can see what song is playing by just looking at the WMP tab at the bottom like in the pic.

of course Dell also makes it easier to change songs with the Media buttons on the laptop. but then to get my hand off the mouse to click it is quite mafan la. haha.


this is my favourite part of the gadget. it automatically finds song lyrics for you. all u have to do is just click the "L" button when the song is playing. so far it's worked really well finding a lot of songs for me. makes life so much easier when ure wondering what the heck is the person singing. haha.


then there's also the covers thing. just click the "C" button and it lets u view the covers of the albums for the songs u've heard recently. like first they show the last nine la. then u can click any one u want for a bigger pic:

like this is Jon Foreman's Fall and Winter EP cover. to go back to viewing the covers all you have to do is click again.


the gadget also makes it super easy to edit track info. once again WMP doesn't need to be open for u to edit. just double click the words in the gadget to edit. and u can also adjust the volume by just scrolling. neat huh?

u can also rate ur songs easily by clicking the stars at the side of the song info place.


if any of u uses playlist, then u can click the "P" button to play the certain playlist that u feel like listening to at the moment.


there's also many skins that you can choose from. like in the pic above.

there's also quite a lot more stuff u can customize of the gadget la.

so thats all the good stuff abt the gadget which i find really cool and super useful for me la.

however... there are some bad stuffs abt the gadget too. like for instance, if u have a song which is like not known or can't find lyrics for, the song doesn't display in the gadget:


obviously, lyrics also can't be found and all la. somehow this gadget is connected to the internet and stuff la. so only if it can find ur song on the net easily, it won't display or find lyrics.

another this is that it tends to lag also. like it takes a while for the buttons to appear when u put ur mouse on the gadget.

it also has sudd stopped working for some random reason. dunno what's up with that la.


BUT overall, the gadget is still awesome! i give it a 4.5 stars out of 5! it's a totally must have for music lovers who have a sidebar.

ok. thats all i have abt my fav gadget for now. see ya!

Currently Listening To: Far Away - Nickelback

I Just Had 3 Subs

which wasn't too bad. and i just thought to myself that 4 subs must be quite killer as i feel i just managed to scrape through 3. then i chatted with Sanjit.

«§ãñjit» says:
I had pharmacology 1, anatomical pathology, Basic biochem, Parasitology, Microbiology, Biostatistics (I hate this subject), civics (crap subject, forced to take it) and Dental Materials and Technology

thats 8 subs. CRAZY! plus he has another 3-4 lab exams too! GILER CRAZY!

and here i was complaing abt 3 subs. sheesh!

All the best Jit! =D

Currently Listening To: Love Song - Sara Bareilles

Annoyance!

this is something i totally CANNOT stand when chatting with anyone on msn.



like comeon la! how the hell am i supposed to read like that la??

like it's damn cool to put ur letters as emoticons like that. ish. seriously, pissing off man. so annoying to chat with ppl like that.

seriously la. what in the world cud possess a human to do such a thing??

Currently Listening To: Half Alive - Secondhand Serenade

The Last Thing Ever

words were received.

and now the final words have been written down.

this will be the last thing ever.

but i'm keeping it for now so i can write down everything before it's sent so that nothing is missed out.

there's no turning back from here.

but it has to be done.

for my sake.

*****************

ANYWAY, hardly any of u would have noticed, but the stalker post has been removed. well, let's just say the post was all part of the plan to confirmly find out who the person is. heh. don't try and con me la wei. i got my ways to find out one. =P

and i tell you, my chem exam yest was like totally WAAAYYY better than expected. u seriously can't imagine how stress i was. i was like giler giler stress. but i'm the only one to blame la. cuz of bad planning. can u imagine, i studied all the past terms stuff for the exam only to realize that when doin the past year exam papers that hardly any of the 1st term's stuff is tested. oh and i also was looking at the last term's test and thinkin "wow, i can do this stuff man. quite easy." then only at 11 smth i realised that i'm looking at the WRONG past year papers. i soon found the correct ones and started reading them. and i realised that there was ONE WHOLE CHAPTER that i hadn't read yet for the exam. and i nvr got around to doing it. cuz exam starts at 2.30 that day. so between 12 and 2 i had to squeeze in readin 3 past year papers and lunch. totally no time. and totally NOT PREPARED! i was crazy stressing. but it's still my fault and there's no doubt abt that. BUT thankfuly the papers were quite similar to the past years and i managed to answer it. not hoping for a good mark tho. i'm just happy i could do it. oh and my lack of concentration during that whole time din help at all. made me more stress and lagi cannot concentrate. seriously la giler.

BUT thats all over now! i'm done with my exams! i'm on holiday now!! =D stayed up til like almost 5 yest. wathced Harold and Kumar 2. SUPER LAME and dumb man. it's like lameness after lameness man. sooo dumb. haha. oh and i woke up only at 5.30 pm today. cuz basically i was really tired and din really a reason to wake up. feel kinda guilty tho leaving Ally alone to go jalan jalan. feel like a bad host la. haiihhh... nvm. must make it up somehow.

and i miss my guitar. =( haih. talked to my dad just now. he said he'll have to find out a way to ship my guitar here if possible. but then also i worry whether it'll be safe and all. whether it'll get injured on the way here and stuff. plus if it arrives at Uni hall. what if someone steals it! =( wah. dunno la. but i want it here so badly. ish ish. hopefully it'll all go well, see how.

oh and i so wanna learn drums la. like really learn and can play properly. and i dun mean like simple beats la. i mean like Travis Barker and Mark O'Connel sort of beats. smth diff la.

kk i blab too much di. so i'll leave u with a song.

The Last Something That Meant Anything

Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do and,
This conversation has had no face
When the words take days you can re-write and erase anything

You know my heart (so tell me honestly, did you ever want this)
Knows all these

And I'll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs
To write a ballad while we say the things
We hope would mean the most to me
And
Each line I sent I have found a new pages of hope for the days
When I feel like I've lost everything

You know my heart (so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this)
Knows all these lines (‘cause my jealous heart can't take that)
So I'll sing this song for every word that's come out wrong

But, I'll be ok (Is that what you want me to say)
It's called breakup
’Cause it's broken
Yeah, I'll be ok (is that what you want me to say)
It's called breakup
’Cause it's broken

I'll be ok
Is that what you want me to say
It's called Breakup
’Cause it's broken (repeats)
I'll be ok
Is that what you want me to say
It's called Breakup
’Cause it's broken

And well, try so bad to tell me that you
Make it that you're sorry and the
Lines we said
Never meant the words we meant
Every kiss that you could ever mean
The everything that takes you back
The chocolate, rose, the kisses
Then let's chase it, will you miss it?

I'll be ok
Is that what you want me to say
It's called Breakup
’Cause it's broken
(x2)

Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do

Mayday Parade

Currently Listening To: The Last Something That Meant Anything - Mayday Parade

Seriously. Unbelievable.

i honestly dunno what to say la.

totally speechless. and i'm also laughing at the same time.

why? i also dunno.

it's like damn pathetic and cheap la. at least that the thoughts going through my mind. yea sure i shouldn't think like that. but it's natural la. not talking abt the thinkin abt the pathetic and cheap of course. it's what that made me think those things.

but seriously la. after finding this thing out, wah, lagi sakit man. hurts even more. shows like even more low i was. but yet i'm still laughing at the patheticness i guess. dunno la.

but one thing i know from this is what i want. what i want to happen. quite sure. and since i'm saying it in my head not in an angry way eventhough it hurts so bad, it must mean i'm sure.

wow. just when i thought it couldn't get worse. haha!

k la. i'm prob like crazy. i blame the adrenalin and whatever else is giving me the rush now. ;)

well, it's a good thing it just feels good. for now at least.

i'll prob have to deal with the reality and the crap tmrw morning. but oh well.

no time tho. gotta study. haha.

see how it goes! =D

How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself

Alanis Morissette

Currently Listening To: 8 Easy Steps - Alanis Morissette

You Knew But You Still Did It

it figures that only a crazy person like me would get a "tattoo" like that.

sakit. thats all i can say.

hopefully it turns out nice.

well, no pain no gain la right?

i blame what ever crazy things i do at this moment of time on exams.

don't blame me!

haha. k back to figuring out how to Overclock my graphics card. been spending a whole day on it.

ish

Currently Listening To: Scream, Aim, Fire - Bullet For My Valentine

Note To Me

i got that from iamunbreakable.com.

think abt it. are you like that pic? where you are not moving? and u live in the past? and it will become your future too.

what's the point?

yes the past hurts. and u live everyday regretting it wishing you could take back everyday.

but you can't. no matter what. it'll always be there.

so just let it go. let everything go. the best thing you can do is pretend it nvr happened.

but don't let it go to waste what u've been through. learn from this. learn who to trust and who not to. learn to know what to want. learn to care for ppl who actually give a shit. learn from this!

let it go. let it all go.

cuz it's killing you slowly. so just let it go.

everything. from the pics, to the history to the texts. everything has to go to move on.

even ppl have to go.

else hate will grow and you'll be back to usual.

change. change. u just have to if u want to survive.

noone is gonna help you. noone will try to fix it. noone can change the past or make a better future for you. so just let it all go.

and most importantly don't come back. at all. never.

********************

whoa. had to let that all out. was thinkin all abt it during the engr exam which was SHIT. like serious shit. lost at least half the marks. thats like 50%. and i'm SURE of this. who knows what else will happen next la.

also thought of Lostprophets' Hello Again. thinkin of the words. and seriously it's so dumb to overlook things that are in front of you. it's also very easy. this is one line a got from the song:

Just say when, and you'll stop the pain
Of your life, bring it to an end
Lostprophets

it's so obvious. it's up to me to say when. cuz like i said, noone else is gonna help me get out except myself.

so now. now is the time to stop. now is when i say when.

i'm gonna try. and i'm gonna try hard.

and it all starts by letting everything go. and removing the things that hurt.....

Currently Listening To: Hello Again - Lostprophets

Something From Nik's Blog

betul tak?

cuz u do things and act like a certain type of person but say u aren't like that.

funny how ppl like to act a certain way, but nvr want to take responsibility for their actions esp when it's a bad thing.

so if YOU act like that, be prepared to be called what you are. and most of all, don't deny it.

Currently Listening To: Starlight - Muse

For You To Read

this is what YOU said

yeah, i knwo we have to settle it.im just avoiding it i guess.

funny how that if i do it you make a big fuss. i'm just doing what you're doing. following what you do.

so you wanna avoid, i shall avoid too. and the avoiding will just go on. :)

fair, no?

Currently Listening To: Instead Of A Show - Jon Foreman

Right About..... NOW

yeap. right now. i'm stressed. like giler stress.

haih.

exams in a few hours time. and i'm SO not confident. i wanna do well.

there's so much damn pressure being a scholar. it sucks. wish i was just some normal student. it doesn't help that ur other scholar friends are brilliant also. just adds more pressure.

and the other stuff in life also piling up and building pressure. i may jus go crazy i tell you.

HAIH exams.

i wish i had the concentration and determination and will of others to study.

haih. this sucks.

Currently Listening To: Hands Down - Dashboard Confessionals

Here We Go Again

And here we go again
With all the things we said
And not a minute spent
To think that we'd regret
So we just take it back
These words and hold our breath
Forget the things we swore we meant

I'll write you just to let you know
That I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not (No I'm not)
Well I'm not

And here we go again
With all the things we did
And now I'm wondering
Just who would I have been
To be the one attached at all time to your hip
Forget the things we swore we meant

I'll write you just to let you know
That I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not (No I'm not)
Well I'm not

I'll write you to let you know
That I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not (No I'm not)
Well I'm not

Here we go again
With all the things we said
And not a minute spent
To think that we'd reget
So we just take it back...

Paramore

Currently Listening To: Here We Go Again - Paramore

The Quiet Screaming

but i've actually got tons to say.

and i actually have been saying all i want to say. more than once too.

funnily enough, not to the person that needs to hear it.

Avoiding the spots, where we'd have to speak
Dashboard Confessionals

Currently Listening To: Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessionals

2 Quotes

"why is it that the ppl we care abt most tend to want to be cool in the eyes of their friends instead of us? esp when they say we're the most important in their life? why can't they do the things to look "cool" in our eyes?"

Ben J

I'm the best you'll ever have in your life and you sure as hell know it.

But you'll never have me.

Ben J

Currently Listening To: The Quiet Things No One Ever Knows - Brand New

Because I Swear

it'll slowly consumes the whole of me til i just crack and explode.

it's just so annoying!

how? just how?

i just can't understand.

why will you never see what needs to happen?

why?

why?

WHY?

why can everyone else see it BUT you?





and most of all. why do i still think of this?

Currently Listening To: The Quiet Screaming - Legion Of Doom

Hello Again

Hello again why so old, wasn’t time your friend
I must be told
Hello again it seems so long
Since we last met
How has it gone?

Don’t accept the blame
I would I would not complain
Cause I'm sure it wasn’t your own fault
That you never made it out your vault
Just lock the door and find sum time to scream
To scream again

Just say when
That you’ll stop the pain of your life
Bring it to an end
Just say when
And you could make amends just say hello
Say hello
Again

Hello again
Its not that hard, no dead ends even with the scars
Don’t accept the blame
I would I would not complain

Cause I'm sure it wasn’t your own fault
That you never made it out your vault
Just lock the door and find sum time to scream


Just say when
That you’ll stop the blame of your life
Bring you to again
Just say when
And you could make amends just say hello
Say hello
Again

You have no home
YOU lost your throne
Where have you gone
Well it could all come back
But you’re needed there by the walking dead
You stumbled and you cracked the ground
You're pinned down

Just say when
You could stop the pain
Just say when
And you could make amends just say hello
Say hello
Again

Hello again (x4)
It’s not the end if you just say hello again

Lostprophets

hmm. dunno why i sudd had the mood to hear this song. and it's a nice song too. and some lines have it's meanings.

study quite a lot today. finally know what the heck is entropy after skiping those lectures.

hand is getting better. thank so much Gloria for the cream!! i do believe it's helping! =D

and my hand can change colour too at the burn marks area. well, at least can change to purple la. haha.

still super pissed off with the things some people said. would elaborate but everyone knows i tend to drag on way more than i should. but still, like i wasn't pissed off to begin with, now i must say it's worse. and learning ppl's reaction on certain stuffs, i realise that i'm not even as pissed as i SHOULD be. i still firmly believe i'm a nice idiot.

and i shud seriously learn to be more braver. moving at too slow a pace now. need to quicken it. hmmm. the missed chance today speaks for itself.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddddddddd.............

ALLY IS IN NEW ZEALAND!! =D

yay for friends! =D


k i shud sleep if i wanna wake up remotely early tmrw. =)

Currently Listening To: Tears Don't Fall - Bullet For My Valentine

To Calm Down

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies' room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie then with a ¿POOF!¿ they are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

So, a redhead of questionable beauty walks into the ladies' room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."

¿POOF!¿ The mirror swallows her whole.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive."

¿POOF!¿ The mirror swallows her too.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think... "

¿POOF!¿



=) i just love jokes. =)

Currently Listening To: Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Oh.My.Gosh.

pissed off. read only if ure prepared.

seriously. like you can't be serious right?

like as if la i needed to be more pissed off.

do you even hear urself talking?

do you even realise the words that are coming out of ur mouth?

do you realise that everything can be slapped back in your face?!

how dare you tell/talk to me about being fair??

how dare you tell/talk to me about avoiding when there have been numerous unreplied emails and sms-es??

how dare you tell/talk to me about trying to be friends when you yourself couldn't treat me like a proper one??

maybe you didn't get it when i talked about ppl who suck don't deserve good things. you don't deserve anything from me.

so don't assume and expect anything k.

whatever you got so far is cuz of me being nice. you never deserved any of it. i can't believe you have the nerve to think so.

yes i have double standards. to you. in the exact same way you have towards me.

so please, just don't bother. the type of person you are, doesn't deserve any of this.

and don't say "i'll change". it's all just words without proof. that's what it has ever been with you.

so seriously,

f*** off please.

You, you, you oughta know!

Alanis Morissette

Currently Listening To: You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette

Sleepless In Christchurch

damn it.

i can't sleep again.

maybe i've been trying to sleep too early the past few days?

haih. i just wanna sleep...........

and i guess i don't lock my door when i sleep so that if i died, someone could still open the door and find me.

but what are the chances right?

what the crap la.....................

i jus wanna sleep........................

='(

Currently Listening To: Nothing

It Snowed

yes. i shud be super excited. and frankly when it was snowing i was stoked. like seriously. it was awesome! heck i even walked out of connon without my keycard! i basically jus walked to the dining hall and back. jus to walk around while snow was falling.


it all started when i jus sorta started watching scrubs on my laptop. then i got a call from Bernard. he was so excited i din catched what he said at first. so i was like "What??" then i heard "It's snowing!!" and then i just turned and opened my curtains and saw the glorious snow falling down. it somehow did look like ashes falling down when u do illegal open burning or paper. but it wasn't la as it was ice dropping. haha.

View from my room

Me in the snow in front of my room there.

The snowed on cars from Ross' room.

so basically jus walked around a bit. then went and found Tanmay and all. so then we went to Ilam fields. and played with the snow a bit. making snowballs and iceballs and stuff. took quite a few pictures too. but i still haven't got the pics from him.

then decided to go to Uni to get to the 11th floor to takes some pics. but.... tak jadi la. cuz they were closing. so then went back to Ilam fields. and played around a bit more then feeling too cold again went back and sorta washed my hands in hot water cuz i was playing in the snow without gloves and my fingers practically froze and became numb.

then decided to go out and meet calvin and gang since they called me earlier. half way there i met Pali and gang. and we sorta played and made a snowman. again i was without gloves playing with snow.Rolling Snow (no it's not a band, it's what i'm doing. =P )

Lying down in the snow

they even made me lie down in the snow. seriously. oh and b4 this, when i kneeled down to make a snowball, my belt broke and i can't find the pieces to fix it back. so now i'm beltless. and i need to buy a new one. but anyway, after rolling the snowball quite a bit, my fingers were numb again, so i went back and decided to heat them up by soaking them in warm water. i actually decided not go back out after that. BUT i brilliantly forgot that i hadn't met Calvin and all yet. sheesh how forgetful and distracted can i get right? so then i went back out. and halfway i met Pali and gang again and they actually finished the snowman. so took photos with it la. technically i built that snowman too. haha!Snowman

Me and snowman

then finally i reached Calvin and all. basically jus hung around for a while and played with snow a bit. then went back for dinner. and washed my hands in hot water again b4 going for dinner. and Yuen Leung noticed i was basically shivering the whole time during dinner. but thats cuz i was wearing two layers the whole time. maybe my fingers were so numb that i din notice my body was cold la. but i really din feel my body cold la.

then went back had a bath and basically jus rested.


and the next day everything got worse. my fingers were all sore. sore to the point that if i clench my fist not even hard it hurts. and i was basically "crying" the whole day in my room too. nose also like some tap that can't be closed. oh and i cudn't sleep that night also. went to bed at like 12 smth. but din fall asleep til 4 smth. and woke up at 8 smth. i woke up and went to the toilet. then washed my hands in cool water to calm down the swelled up hands. and still i cudn't sleep cuz the pain was annoying me awake. i also jus put on my earphones connected to my discman and jus listened to music. i think that helped la. cuz halfway thru 23 i offed it and decided it's time to sleep.

buuuuttt.... today still not ok. hand still pain. even now. damn pain. it's so annoying! but at least i stopped "crying". finally went to the last lectures today too. but i know i'm def sick la. cuz now i'm in my room with the heater OFF and i'm in shorts and a tshirt and it feels hot! like really. maybe i shud take a panadol. but how wud that help? hmm.

plus it's study week and i haven't done much studying yet. and i got loads of stuff on my mind also. abt what ppl said that din make sense to me. and also stuff ppl said i wonder why they said. which i think wud be the same thing right. yea. so everything is basically CRAZY in my mind now. can explode. like really. can u imagine on the snow day, i cudn't sleep cuz i was thinkin i was in a Scrubs episode?? and we cudn solve the freaking case that i cudn't sleep. like WTH!?! but somehow i managed to talk to myself to convince myself to let it go and sleep. dun exactly know how i did it la.

so yes. basically, i'm going crazy. like really. and the pressure of having to do well in exams and my lack of motivation and focus to study doesn't help one bit.


AND MY HAND IS DAMN FREAKING PAIN OKAY!!! >=(

i think i hate snow now. >=( but then again it cud be cuz i kept washing my hands in hot water la. but still!

i think i hate snow now. >=(

p.s.: does anyone know how to cure this ache?

Currently Listening To: Shadow Of The Day - Linkin Park