I Am Ok!

no seriously! i am so fine k ppl. dun need to freak out. haha. chill la. my blog is jus damn emo.

i wont say i'm not crazy cuz only crazy ppl say thy're not crazy. jus like how drunk ppl say they're sober.

but seriously! i'm fine k. its jus a picture. i'm jus blowing things out of proportion la k. i'm not gonna commit suicide or anything la k. sheesh. jus adding drama la sikit. =) haha.

the paling panic response i got was from lauren. she saw the pic n called straight. n the first thing she asked if i was free. n i smartly went and said no jus to kena marah. sheesh. haha!

once again, i am ok. its jus me overreacting la k.

I AM OKAY!

Ben J

plus it adds life to my blog in a way. so from now on, u ppl see emo posts, dun worry, i'm ok. =D

*********************

first of all, THE HOLS ARE HERE!!!! =D

hahahha. yeay! now can relax like crazy. but not really. got my ESLS tutorial, Chem Test, Moral test, Physics Presentation. Math Test & Quiz coming up. Plus the results for the Spec Math n Physics test. haih. there goes my holiday mood. =(

Camping out the hall waiting to go in before physics exam.

anyway here are some random photos.

The first fews ones are abt this place near my house. its called Food Foundry. price may be a bit high. but the food is AWESOME!! the drinks totally rock! i'd totally recommend that place if u weren't on a budget.

U know that green apple sour tape u love? Meet the liquid form. =)

Imagine they take milk chocolate from the fridge and just blend it. So good! =D

My club sandwich. Yummy! ;D

Trust me. It's as good as it looks. =P

The AUSMAT Grand Dinner has been planned out already. Date set. 27th November. but it's gonna be so depressing. Y? Jus look at what the girls are restricted to wear.


Even the girls feel pissed off. this is all cuz of the seniors who couldnt control themselves and now the juniors haf to suffer. No bare-back, no sleeveless. What kinda GRAND dinner is this? (Of course if it was my girl who was going for the dinner i wud agree with the rules la. I mean, its like Ting Feng said, as long as its not my girl who's revealing herself i dun care. =P )

I think i shud be performing for the dinner too. i wonder what song. they haven't told me yet. i haf to start practicing. and i need to get smth to wear. plus i need to find a date for the dinner too. k i shud stop now. i feel i'm starting to sound like a girl. =P

As usual, physics was cool as usual. We viewed the emission spectrum produced by a Mercury light source. pretty cool. my group managed to get all the colours of the rainbow. u can see some in the pictures and also some in the video. to know how the setup of the apparatus looks like go to my previous post here. anyway, here's 2 pics and the video.






i was at the library today and i found this book.


really cool book. helps u know what to do if ur phone is infected by viruses and how to overcome it and all. but the best part of the book is the author.


if u look carefully, u can see that he's ONLY 19! (in 2006) thats like only one year older than me! plus if u continue reading it says he has started his OWN COMPANY! O_o! like wow! n he's only one year older than me. i feel so useless right abt now. and he's a Malaysian dude too i think. not sure. Malaysia memang boleh la. haha!

******************

as for you. no things cant jus go back to where it was. how can u expect that. the way u asked me is like i was supposed to decide in a few weeks. what makes u think its so easy to heal. haih. i know ur attitude. u'll say u agree that what happened is wrong, but then u'll forget and it'll happen all over again. y shud i risk that? thats y i'm not gonna forgive you. i dun c a reason to.


and i do believe its either i know smth u don't or u dunno i know smth. but we'll see. u want me to trust you right? this is ur chance.

Why do we keep this up?
Why do we live like us?
When there is nothing left to save
Will you be afraid?

Yellowcard

Currently Listening To: Suspension - Mae

Since When?

Since when did suicide become a normal thought?

its not normal.

even when i say i shouldnt try i will end up trying. seriously, i just cant control myself. why do i allow u to treat me like crap always? i haf this feeling that u nvr learnt anything. i know its not my duty to make sure u follow all the rules but somehow i just put myself in that position. and i don't even know why.

if i actually matter, show me. words are just words. show me something more.

now i realised, i guess i asked for the details cuz i tot it din really matter and it din mean a thing to you. i tot it was a mistake worth forgetting that u cud tell me. i guess i wanted to feel like u trusted me with info like that. all in all, i guess i tot if u told me then it wud show i'm more important and that what u did was real regret and it wudnt matter to tell. but i guess..... aih.. nvm. its ur right to tell if u felt like it.

And I'm contemplating suicide

Papa Roach

Currently Listening To: Last Resort - Papa Roach

Funny How Things Are

i tell you. its jus a damn circle i'm stuck in with you. n it hurts so much to know that i'm thinking of you now and still wondering how could you have done it when you know. i've told you before too. and i know where i'm placed in ur life now too.

yet y do i still think of you?

What am I fighting for?
There must be something more
For all these words I sing
Do you feel anything?

Yellowcard

what i want i know is jus not logically. so i'm scrapping that out of my mind. so i've jus left it general that i hope that you will try. anything more will jus end up in disappointment. but then again maybe i'm already hoping for too much.

hmm.

But by the time you figure this out,
And I’m already gone

Anberlin

***********************

BB was ok today. went to NKF. found stuff. found out i shud be drinking way more water. its like i only go to the toilet twice a day which so shows i dun drink my eight glasses a day. gotta start drinking more. ;) saw some patients doin the Haemodialisis thing. i jus din see how anyone could ever faint in there. thats for me la of course. haha.


dun haf much to say. my mind is jus too filled with her. waiting for her to msg. cuz i said i wont try. n i wont msg jus to ask for a reply.


gosh i hate feeling like crap. i hate feeling like i'm crap to someone i put so important in my life.


damn. i'm not supposed to be this emo. when things get back to normal things go out of phase again.

so which wud be normal if normal is hardly there?

Currently Listening To: Fighting - Yellowcard

I Want To Refuse To Think Abt It

cuz the more i think abt it i know how much i'm crap to you.

cant believe i woke up so many times in the middle of the night thinking abt what you did. i cudnt sleep. i woke up at 6 and jus cudnt go back to sleep til 7. one whole hour i was jus lying there. wanting to forget so much. but i cudnt.

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

30 Seconds To Mars

u may not understand y i asked u to make that promise (which u still havent answered me yet too btw), but maybe one day u'll see y. i know u were expecting me to ask u to promise that u'll nvr ever do that again. but we both know that we shudn make promises that we cant keep. so u can make that promise with God. but leave me out. dun let me know. i feel i've had way more than enuf disappointment to last 2 lifetimes from you.

i hope it was worth it.

You're making a choice to live like this

Yellowcard

****************************

ok since i wanna refuse to think abt some stuff, i'll jus try to act normal and blog like how i do when i'm not depressed. =)

well, for those who don't know i'm a very organized person. like really. i refer things to be in order. tho sometimes i'm jus too lazy to care la. examples:

oh thats jus my hillsong folder. arranged according to year of release. my music is the most organized thing in my life. for me. this is the procedure when downloading songs.

1) Get song renamed properly ( Artist - Song Name // Track Number Song Name [For Full Albums])
2) Use WMP and delete comments left by others
3) Use WMP and get track information.
4) Assign downloaded track to proper folder.

Music is so important to me. No wonder my guitar is my wife. =P

thats my hostel locker. check out the neatly folded n arranged clothes.

thats my hostel table. n yes i do use it. sometimes. ;)

other than that i also tried drawing some Pon & Zi drawings. i was just feeling emo during physics class today so i tried to let it out by drawing. yes i know i cant draw n i know their heads look reatrded a bit. stop laughing lauren. i know u r.

i think i'm supposed 2 b the one on the right.

thats all for now. i got another drawing i wish i cud draw out. jus dun have that skill. aih. will try to draw it one day.

oh and Lauren dreamt that i had an emo hairstyle which she said i look like a retard. ish. but i want an emo hairstyle. nvm i shall try one day n see how it goes. haha!

and watch!






bye! =D

Currently Listening To: Somebody Told Me - The Killers

I'm Feeling So Very Horrible

Adelaide

You’re repeating me lines
That you think I want to hear
But I don’t want to hear any more
As if sorry is any consolation
For what it’s worth
You’re stringing me along

Sh-sh-sh-shouldn’t need anyone
(Shouldn’t need anyone)
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out,
And I’m already gone

Adelaide (Adelaide)
You really had me going this time
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You really had me going this time
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You need to quit, quit making a scene

You keep giving me signs
That you think I want to see
But you’re nothing like you seem
Hide behind your half-smile
But the truth is so undeniable

Sh-sh-sh-shouldn’t need anyone
(Shouldn’t need anyone)
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out,
And I’m already gone

Adelaide (Adelaide)
You really had me going this time
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You really had me going this time
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You need to quit, quit making a scene

Like lipstick traces on pillow cases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies, and us
Some things in life are undeniable

Like lipstick traces on pillow cases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies, and us
Some things in life are undeniable

Adelaide (Adelaide)
You really had me going this time
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You really had me going this time
Adelaide (Adelaide)
You need to quit, quit making a scene

Anberlin

I’m not supposed to be feeling so emo now. this is what I expected. yet I hoped so very much that u did learn some tiny bit from last time.

to sum it all up, I’m utterly disappointed.

I jus dun get y. I so wish things cud be diff.

I tried my best. I’ve been trying my best. n like I’ve said b4. I havent seen anything from but words. jus words.

As if sorry is any consolation
 
Anberlin

no sorry is no more a consulation. n I think I wont be accepting ur sorry. as I see it. it will all jus happen all over again. the greatest sorry u can give me right if us is what u really want is that u show me that u haf learnt smth. remember that picture? the break, fix and repeat? u’ve been doin it over n over again.

u n I both know ur reasons for doing it is wrong and even worse what u did is wrong. I hope u can see that if u don’t. n I hope u know y I said its wrong. I’m telling u this for u. so u dun spoil YOUR life. I don’t gain anything from telling you this. so far, all I’ve ever experienced is jus loss. n loss n loss. u have no idea how it feels from this side.

n know that every action u take, u will nvr be able to take it back. so I’m asking you, pls choose wisely.

I’ll be gone for some years. n maybe during that time u can show me u’ve learnt smth.

I hopoe u do. I dun ever want u to turn out like I fear.

pls. I know u dun have to listen to me n u have nvr listened to me, but pls.

I’m begging you. pls learn and change.

its not for me. its for you.

=/

Currently Listening To: Adelaide - Anberlin

Not Just Yet

ok. prob most of u wondering why this blog has gone private. well, basically the reason is some extreme kay-poh-ness by certain parties led me to this. i still dunno y he did a search on my blog for certain ppl. is it to find out whether i have been talking bad abt them so he can rat me out so he can feel great? plus if i did speak badly abt anyone wudnt it cuz i have a good reason to do so. i dun simply say things without havin thought abt it a lot.

n most of the time when i say stuff i end up right.

anyway, lots of stuff has been happening. really. like some ppl have said, i have all the clues, i jus din put them all together. n now i see the picture clearly. i feel kinda dumb la. knowing that i shud have seen it but i didnt. oh well, this is my training to be more observant i guess. hmm.

i'm still pondering abt that other thing. do i really wanna stay there? can it really be changed? bvut its not a changeable thing. its what makes you. but with you there are 2 sides. n i like the side of you that doesnt appear much. so i guess this is the best solution. since things really will nvr ever change. and it is a sad solution for me. knowing that i tried but it was nvr good enough.

which is better? having fun n enjoying urself now n regretting later in life? or waiting and keeping everything so that when u finally get to enjoy u will experience a great happiness which u can bring til ur life's end?

i guess its jus like that malay proverb

Berrakit-rakit ke hulu, Berenang-renang ke tepian,bersakit-sakit dahulu,
bersenang-senang kemudian

think abt it and choose wisely. jus so u dun regret.


Currently Listening To: Faint - Linkin Park

Failure

Thats what i felt last night. Cuz i felt i spoilt things tho u said i didn't. Gosh i cudnt even sleep properly.

yet today things seemed better. thx for coming when i asked. it felt like we were close frens again. like last time.

but like i said, if u wanna be frens u have to at least act like one. u haf to give to take.

Even when you think you're right, you have to give to take.

Lostprophets

like i said. i'm not gonna try anymore. but i will if u do.

i hope u see from what i've showed u today that i dun simply complain abt u not being there for no reason.

i still am waiting for the day when i can get the truth from u. abt things that happened to u the past few months. i can really feel the things u hide.

anyway, i hope i din spoil yesterday for you.

guess this the last bday ever i will spend with you eh. hope it was good enough for you. did u notice that we were at less than 50 meters away from each other the whole time from 10.25a.m. yest til abt 11.00p.m. yest? thats more than half a day. hmm.

hoped u like my small things i gave for ur bday. like the vid n the song. altho it obviously sucked as u din manage to get it. =/ sry. but i'm jus a rock guy u know. oh n i almost forgot the ride in the car. i still need to test out driving with two ppl under the seatbelt eh. ;) hope u enjoyed driving. n pls drive safely too.

maybe there's still time for us to be close frens b4 i disappear eh? hmm. maybe we can still fix things n not try n kill each other (with our words) or hurt our ownselves.

i'll try if u try. cuz i've tried b4. now its ur turn.

anyway, this is for yesterday....

Happy Birthday Ruth! =)

Currently Listening To: Happy Birthday - Unknown

The Day I Tried To Send 400 Smses In 8 Hours

Title of post given by Wei Zhen. =P

anyway this is what happened. i saw the ad in the papers abt how u can get 400 sms jus for 2 bucks! hey, thats super tempting right? n being me havin nth to do n having credit to use, i jus applied for it (yes not cuz i was greedy but cuz i had credit that i even lent Lauren some cuz she needed to msg some ppl. aint i nice =P). little did i know that the 400 sms was only for Maxis numbers and it expires at 7pm. i applied for this "Super Saver" at abt 11 smth. that left me with less than 8 hours.

yes i know. 400 smses in 8 hours.

unbelievable?




definitely is. =P

so of course i din manage to do it la. haha. but i tried. i went down with a fight! haha. n mostly cuz most of the time i was msgin only 2 ppl max at one time. but i gotta say the person i msged the most definitely has to be Wei Zhen n Lauren. thx guys for helping me to erm.... spend away my free smses? =P n to the other ppl i msged today n chatted with too. thx for helping out in my attempt to send 400 smses. haha!

oh ya. i managed to send like onli 118 msg onli in that 8 hours. pretty crazy i wud say. now i'm jus hoping that the rest of my 282 msges can be used up from 1a.m to 7p.m. tmrw. hopefully. if not there goes my money. ish.

*************

in other freaky news, the rain jus stopped me from goin home at 1 two days in a row. its like it jus hates me. on tuesday it started to drizzle so i tot i shud head to the bus stop first. 3 quarters of the way there i remembered i forgot a book i borrowed so i went back to class to get it. when i got to class it started to freaking rain like there's no tmrw! so i was stuck there. but KS managed to save me with his car n send me back. but this was much later of course. haha.

=_="

the next day i was walking along the corridor heading to the bus stop when it started raining . heavily too! argh. again i was stopped from going back. damn. so this time with noone to save me i jus waited it out. annoying rain.......... i bet it was laughing at me. ish

my Chem test went horribly wrong. so many careless mistakes. n misunderstandings and even missed questions. i felt so depressed man. Solehah tried to cheer me up by saying not to compare myself to others and just compare to myself. i realised that even when i compare to myself its very bad. haih.

Yes I know i'm stupid. haih.

the horrible news for the week is that one worker feel from the roof of a block at my hostel. it is said he died. i feel kinda bad. he jus lost his life doing his job. cuz of the faulty roof. it wasn't even his fault. haih. =(

The hole in the roof 5 floors up.

The broken clothes line.

A sign of a lost life. =(

***********

i finally know where i stand. i think. yeah Joel. i think i may have crossed the road. but i wont say more for now. its jus not the right time.

u know, u wud think that since u know i dun like it u wud stop? but u did it again. jus so u know i know what u did. i think i managed to figure when ure lying/hiding smth. there's jus the way u say things n the tone in ur voice. jus cant believe u did it again. n by saying this out loud where u can read it i'm prob killing any chance of me knowing when u do it cuz prob u wud change ur voice n tone. haih. pure unaltered truths are hard to come by these days. =/ even from u.

remind me to blog abt friends and how they care on sunday.

as for tmrw. i hope all goes well. i really hope i dun mess ur day up. chances are i will do it. but i hope i dun. i really do. i hope that my wish will be meaningful too. n not lost in the floods of wishes u are going to get. i jus wanna be appreciated. i hope u'll haf fun tonight too n that nth will unwanted will happen. be safe k. n i guess i had to abandon my original plan. but i think its for the best. k then. i'll see u in a few hours.

i jus feel so numb.

i dun even know whats goin on in my head n what i'm typing now. i'm like jus typing away. what the. aih i better go.

Fate fell short this time......

blink-182

Currently Listening To: Feeling This - blink-182

Songs Speak

songs jus really can speak to a person. esp me, a guy who has music blasting into his ears 95% of the time i'm alone. lets see what the songs are saying to me. maybe they may mean smth to you too. hmm.

And you'll never fall in love if you don't risk it all

Lostprophets

hmmm.

You're making a choice to live like this
In all of the noise I am silence
We already know how it ends tonight
You run in the dark through a firefight
I would explode just to save your life
I would explode

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me tell you why
I would die for you
Let me light up the sky

I can't find a wall to pin this to
They're all coming down since I found you
I just wanna be where you are tonight
I'll run in the dark looking for some light
And how will we know if we just don't try
We won't ever know

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me tell you why
I would die for you

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me make this mine
I'll ignite for you

Let me light up the sky
Just for you tonight
Let me help you fly
'Cause you won't have time
To cover your eyes and get your disguise
They won't ask you why, they'll just watch you die

And it's still so hard to be who you are
So you play this part, and the show goes on
That you come this far with a broken heart
Yeah, you come this far and you're broken...

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me tell you why
I would die for you

Let me light up the sky (Let me light up the sky)
Light it up for you (Light it up for you)
Let me make this mine (Let me make this mine)
I'll ignite for you, I'll ignite for you

Let me light up the sky (Let me light up the sky)
Light it up for you (Light it up for you)
Let me tell you why (Let me tell you why)
I would die for you (I would die for you)

And it's still so hard to be who you are
But you come this far with a broken heart
And it's still so hard to be who you are
But you come this far and you're broken

Light up the sky
Let me light up the sky

Yellowcard

gnite.

Currently Listening To: Savin' Me - Nickelback

So It's Been 3 Years

yup thats right. last tuesday marked 3 years that i've been blogging. i wonder if i shud celebrate or smth like that. haha. i nvr imagined myself blogging. but as time went by i realised that its a good place to share/boast ur life experiences. n sometimes also let out anger n frustration and happiness when no one else wud listen to u. n i remember y i started blogging to. it was because of you.

here's smth i got from Blog hopping and found on Suneel's blog. found it quite interesting.



You might agree with
it, but when it actually happens 96%
of girls don't realize it 'till it is
too late and that guy who did it is so
frustrated that he has moved on to
someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other
guys.

We don't care if you're friends with
other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and
some random guy walks into the room and
you jump up and tackle him, without
even introducing us, yeah, it pisses
us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and
talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're
still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but
at 2 in the morning we do get a little
concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.
that it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/
beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/stunning, we
freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you.

One of the sexiest thing about a girl
is her confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door
open.
Take Advantage of the mood I'm in.

let us pay for you! don't "feel bad"
about it

We enjoy doing it. It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you."

But sometimes we like it the Dutch way.

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's
looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for
us.

If we're going out with you in the
first place, you don't have to feel
the need to wear the shortest skirt
you have or put on every kind of
makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not
what you are.

honestly, i think a girl looks more
beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
or my t shirt and boxers, not all
dolled up

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the
beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your
bible.

Don't talk about how hott Morris
Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney
is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care. You
have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word
"handsome"/"beautiful"

Girls, I cannot stress this enough:if
you aren't being treated right by a
guy, don't wait for him to
change.ditch him.
sorry,,disgrace to the male population
ass and find someone who will treat you
with utter respect.

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when
you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when
you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter
how bad you make them feel, or what
you do.

Someone who will stop what theyre doing
just to look you in the eyes....and say
"i love you" ..and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance




not saying everything is true. jus saying that its interesting.

**************

so now it feels like the sand dune i was standing on in the middle of the river has been washed away. the current seems to be dragging me along. i'm not sure if i want to follow the current. but the more i try to reach for the river bank the more energy i lose. i'm hoping for help to appear from the bank. i see none. i know that its futile to try for the bank as the current is overwhelming. all i'd do is waste my effort. n i dun even know whether the place where the current takes me to is a bad one. yet for some reason i'm still unsure whether i want to be brought away by it. guess i'm still storing some hope for help from the river bank. so shud i follow the flow of the river?

I still don't have a reason
And you don't have the time

Maroon 5

*************

Doesn't he look like Jet-Li? Seriously

Lady driver. Haih. There was space to fit one Kancil behind her car.

I was abused! See the red marks? Caused by a Rubberband flick.

Physics Experiment. Observing the diffraction of light.

The shiny bright central band

Long post filled with nth much. no inspiration lah. haha.

Currently Listening To: Came To My Rescue - Hillsong United

My Classmates Are The Lamest Ppl Ever

*During Physics class, Poji doesnt understand this certain part abt how electrons can move through air (it was smth to do with light).....

Me:

It can move across the air. Its just the same as it is in X-Ray thing. The electrons will "jump"across.......


Poji:

No la! It wont. it cant jus jump like that.

Me:

Can la! k. Turn to where they talk abt X-Rays

Poji:

No la. That one is because its vacuum. ...........


This one is hair dryer. *giveshissneakygrin*

Me:

(what the crap face).

(then trying to be just as lame i say:)

no la its hampagas (vacuum cleaner in BM)

*givesmysneakysmile*

Poji:

u know whats hampagas?

Me:

(thinking i said smth wrong n thinking that hampagas isn't vacuum cleaner)

err... vacuum cleaner la right?

Poji:

No la. Depressed Gasses!

hahahahahahhahahah

Me:

................................................................

(WHAT THE CRAP FACE!!!)

***********************

Thats jus one instance of lameness. gtg now. got worship practice. lauren's gonna kill me for being late. =P

Currently Listening To: Bring Me Down - Pillar

I'm Feeling Random....

... so i'll jus post some pics of the cat who stays behind my house and jus goes in the back and walks everywhere is likes. k not cat. kitten. n my family doesnt really mind. i guess cuz its cute la. haha. anyway here are some pics of it n a video too.

Its at the bottom left corner of the mirror in my room.

thats it walking around in my house. jus a short clip. watch for when it stops to lie down for a while. it looked like it jus died. haha. dumb cat. but yea its cute la. =P

oh n my bed is breaking.


looks like i'm getting fat eh. time to cut down on my intake on food n go on a diet. see! i told u i was fat. haha!

k thats all. a lot of words have been said. i've said so much abt how i feel tho i nvr planned to do so. cuz it felt really useless to do as nth wud change. but since when have i ever been able to keep my mouth shut when i'm aready talking to u right? maybe u know that too.

but thoughts they change and times they rearrange i don't know who you are anymore

Anberlin

Currently Listening To: Faking My Own Suicide - Relient K

I've Got Tons To Say

k last week was the Subang CF Rally week. good stuff. the msg was good. well, it was Ps. Sandra right? haha. she seriously is like some mix of Malay, Chinese and Indian all in one. its so cool how she switches between all three personalities to fit the parts of her msg. but! the best part was watching Yih Ren play la. he's currently on the top of my list of super chun drummers who dun haf a drumset to actually practice on. his crashing on all the cymbals reminded me of Travis Barker. haha.

Ji Ming on guitar and Yih Ren playing drums


Some beat boxing guys

On sunday i went to watch Transformers again. yes again. n we found this super useless door in One U......

college was really fun this week. well at least it felt fun. basically cuz there was the ICS week goin on. which allowed us to skip some, erm, actually just one class. but one class is still good enuf.

I found this page very interesting. NST Sports Page.

then there was the Maths and Science Carnival. I had fun then. I’ve got tons of videos actually to show all the stuffs. but I’ll post everything in another post la k. haha. there’s like 10+ videos. haha.

then there was CA this week to. yea it was tiring and exhausting to prepare and all and spend like the whole day out without my usual afternoon nap. but hey, it was worth it. got to jam with Amos too during practice The River – Good Charlotte. =D. Amos is another example of a great drummer I know. he would fall under the title super-chun-drummer-who-has-a-drumset-but-is-all-the-way-back-home. =P Joash’s sharing was good too. really felt I can learn quite a bit from the stuff he said. hmm.

I am so getting a car with a sunroof

oh. n ESLS has got to be the best class ever. Ms. Ong is jus the best lecturer that I have ever had in INTEC. she is seriously a fun lecturer and also good at teaching too. y exactly she is the best u come ask me n I’ll tell la. ;)

hmm. n I’ve been thinking abt the comment u left, looking at the msgs u sent, the words u said abt others and how it reflected on what I mean to you. I realize that I’ve actually got a lot to say. but I guess “its my side that cant be changed” right? so there wud be no point in saying anything. its like when I started trying, u gave up.

one reason y I like this a lot is cuz I find it really artistic cuz the viewer can sorta feel the hurt from the redness. I find it cool also cuz the ‘hurt’ is the one that actually causes the hurt n pain. some sort of symbolic metaphoric thingy? I dunno. but maybe u dun understand what I’m trying to feel. maybe its some emo understanding. that’s y Su Teng can understand. haha.

it has also left a scar.

n it also sorta has ur name in there.

so I guess I’ll be remembering u forever.

I wanna run away

Never say goodbye

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

I wanna shut the door

And open up my mind

*Linkin Park*

Currently Listening To: Runaway - Linkin Park

Yet Another Song Post

cuz i jus dunno what to post right now. my mind's kinda empty. k maybe not. its filled with you. n i know my frens have been telling me not to think of you but its jus not that easy. n whats worst i cant stop thinking abt how hurt i feel. knowing the fact that in a day, i think of u more than u wud think of me in a whole week doesnt help any bit. bugger, damn emo la. haih. =/ so anyway, here's the emo song i wanted to post. The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

*************The Kill*************

What if I wanted to break

Laugh it all off in your face

What would you do?

What if I fell to the floor

Couldn't take all this anymore

What would you do, do, do?

Kill

Break me down

Bury me, bury me

I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight

Beg for the rest of my life

What would you do?

You say you wanted more

What are you waiting for

I'm not running from you

Kill

Break me down

Bury me, bury me

I am finished with you

Look in my eyes

You're killing me, killing me

All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else

But nothing seemed to change

I know now, this is who I really am inside

Falling from myself

Falling for a chance

I know now, this is who I really am

Kill

Break me down

Bury me, bury me

I am finished with you, you, you

Look in my eyes

You're killing me, killing me

All I wanted was you

Come, break me down

Break me down

Break me down

What if I wanted to break...?

*************30 Seconds To Mars*************

Currently Listening To: The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars

070707

for some reason i'm jus feeling so happy n sooo totally not emo today. haha! must be BB i feel. but dun really know y also. but i know PT jus now jus killed like most of my muscles in my body. but for some reason i feel so totally HAPPY! GEMBIRA!! NOT EMO!!! *smiles* =D

hahaha. i haf a photo of us dead ppl after PT today but so lazy to transfer from phone la. even tho the phone is jus like a few cm away from the cable. haha. n there was also a interesting video of what all we were doin when "planning" the script. today jus feels so CRAZy! i'm like damn hyper now. n i dunno y. ahaha! oh got a nice song to show u guys too. watch the vid too.

**********************************

************A Day Late************

so let me get this straight
say now you loved me all along?
what made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel
i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
i remember so long ago, see i felt that same way
now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
insignificantly enough we both have significant others

only time will tell
time will turn and tell

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

but thoughts they change and times they rearrange i don't know who you are anymore
loves come and go and this i know i'm not who you recall anymore
but i must confess you're so much more then i remember
can't help but entertain these thoughts
thoughts of us together

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

my day late friend

so let me get this straight
all these years and you were no where to be found
and now you want me for your own
but you're a day late and my love,she's still renowned
we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

so let me get this straight
all these years and you were no where to be found
and now you want me for your own
but you're a day late and my love,she's still renowned
we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

************Anberlin************

was gonna blog abt smth serious where i need u guys views too. but i'm too hyper for that today. so some other time la. hopefully i remember. haha.

07/07/07 = My happy/crazy/hyper day! =D

Currently Listening To: A Day Late - Anberlin

Dream Girl

i think this wud be the 2nd time i saw her. or at least thats what it felt like in my dream. i dun really remember much abt her. but i remember how she looks like. she was a Goth sorta emo chick. her hair wasnt that long but she looked great in it as usual. come to think of it, i dun remember her name. i think it was Elizabeth. or Mandy. her surname started with O. Orr? i somehow have a feeling her name was Elizabeth Orr. but i really dun remember.

what i do remember is finding her hidden underground room. someone else was with me. i knew he shudnt haf been there but yet i knew he cud be trusted. after a while she appeared. she gave a shocked look and started firing questions at me. she sounded angry but i cud tell she was glad to see me.

we ended up sitting at the doorway to her hidden room and talking. then i held her in my arms. she was still complaining abt how i shudnt have brought him there, but yet again through the complains i cud tell there was no other place that she wud rather be. n i cud say i felt the same way too.

she felt so real. like the whole thing actually happened. like i wasnt sleeping but i was out with her. maybe someday i'll actually meet this Elizabeth Orr, the girl from my dream.

*****************************

k. i shall declare not to inflict pain on myself on my hand even if it is for art purposes. i nicely kena marah from so many ppl n kena tegur from lots of ppl and also a lot of unexpected ppl too abt my lies hurt photo. for one thing i kena belasah from Lauren on saturday for doing it. then kena marah by Ewern which she so totally has the right to be sooo pissed off with me cuz i told her not to do such things n yet i did it. n friendly Jill seemed sooo serious n marah in her msg,"Better take care and don't do stupid things k". Poji was spot on. he said smth like, "Why did you do this for? Cuz of your girl?". then KS asked "Whats wrong with you?". Came back today and went to Friendster and even Abbie noticed and said smth abt my emoness. Sashi sent me a Freindster msg: "wat hapen 2 u la??very emo..". man. i'm gettin msg from ppl i dun normally chat with abt the pic. its not supposed to get so much attention. i was jus lepasing emo. but yea i can see that a lot of ppl dun want me to do it. n for once i guess i'll jus follow what other ppl are saying. anyway, i'm SORRY ppl for doin it. i wun do it again. but don't u think its artistic??? =D kk. its not. nvm. cancel that. ahaha.

hmmm... tmrw is 07/07/07. great date. hope smth great happens tmrw. but haih. hope onli leads to disappointment in my case. so i guess i shudnt hope.

It never calls me when I'm down.
Love never wanted me,
But I took it anyway.
Put your ear to the speaker,
And choose love or sympathy,
But never both.
Love never wanted me. 

XO - Fall Out Boy

Currently Listening To: XO - Fall Out Boy

I Forgot

there was smth i was supposed to blog abt but i forgot what to say. haha! basically nth much happened today la. church as usual. then came home and tv-ed then online now. trying to learn Godspeed by Anberlin now after influence by Julian. haha. oh there was this girl in church today too. i sooo thought she looked like Brenda Song. managed to sneak a photo of her. k maybe not just one la. haha. but anyway, here's the photo. Don't u think she look like Brenda Song? =P


oh smth else in church happened today too. smth in the sermon that struck me. Ps. Phillips said smth like this: "Are you super concious even when you tell a lie?" hmmm. think abt it.

k nth much else left i guess. oh WAIT!!! one more thing!! THIS SATURDAY! Parent Trial! at FBC Subang. its basically a program for the youth where youth can voice out their dissatisfication abt their parents' doings and punishments and what-so-ever. Parents are invited also so they can hear what their kids haf to say n put into consideration abt what thier kids haf to say n maybe make life better for the kids too. so as i see it, IT IS A MUST GO THING FOR THE YOUTH. I BELIEVE IT'LL BE WORTH IT! SO U ALL MUST GO LA K! u want more details come look for me. haha!

k thats all. i gtg pack soon.yes. i'm still emo. n yess it looks like i'm not cuz i'm trying hard to cover it. cuz u dun care anymore. i find it so weird how Joe said i look so happy yest. other ppl realised i'm not. hmm.

PS: The Ausmat Juniors are coming in tmrw. unfortunately, some ppl aren't goin to be there. maybe i shud haf nvr taken the scholarship. wud it be better? i dunno. haih.

Currently Listening To: Viscinity Of Obscenity - System Of A Down