Nothing Is What It Seems: March 2008

Monday, March 31, 2008

My Whole Holidays Just Crashed

2 tests.

Chem which i have no clue of whats happening.

and Math, which hopefully i remember what the crap went on in class.

2 assignments too.

Engineering.

one is a whole year project. but its a group work which starts this friday.

the other is an individual project. which i think is the one screwing up my whole hols.

we're supposed to create some sort of invention that separates the egg white from the egg yolk.

no we're not only supposed to think of some idea ok. we're supposed to write a 10 page assignment. 10 freaking pages.

and we're supposed to actually create the whole invention. and test it. to make sure it's always succesful. and we must create graphs and charts to show our results too.

cuz they want a photo of our invention too.

can u imagine how crap this assignment is? they dun even want any egg shells in any bit. and they want it to work continuosly.

LIKE COME ON LA!

i feel its damn tough for like a third month assignment.

when all we've learnt from out engineering class is how to draw.

designing and all? hayoo.

where the crap we gonna get materials too la?!

like damn cheap liddat.

plus buying the freaking eggs!? who knows how many we have to buy la!?! have to test to make sure all works well and all ok!

gaahh.. now i'm pissed off.

ISH LA! >=(

Currently Listening To: This Bitter Pill - Dashboard Confessionals

Chill Out Man

I FEEL SO RELIEVED!

cuz i finished my Math Assignment and handed it in already!

so i can relax now.

BUT i have an Engr assignment which i'm yet to pick up and do.

but screw that for now!

ENJOY LIFE!

*sheesh i sound like i'm not already enjoying life. haha!

Currently Listening To: Yeah! - Usher

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Even A Stand Up Guy Got It Right

....so i'm expecting her to be a bitch with me now,right?
instead she turns around and sees me and she smiles.
now i'm all fucked up.
cuz i wasn't prepared for this emotion....

Russell Peters

i really dunno what to say.

i feel so stupid now.

and bad.

hayoooooooo.

but i was just being careful. to myself at least.

ish. rubbish la.

Currently Watching: Russell Peters Live In New York

Merah Padam

never has my face been able to become so red.

see la. think that way somemore.

but the only good thing that came out is the happiness.

cuz its unexpected.

i think i'll go hide in some hole now for the shame..........

Currently Listening To: Prayer (Does It Offend You) - Bloc Party

You Can Suck

i jus finished playing football and i realised one thing while playing.

you can suck at everything you do. but you sure can have an awesome time even if you suck. seriously

cuz hey, i din score or do anything gr8 in football jus now. but i sure did have gr8 loads of fun.

but this isn't jus for football i realise.

even when playing COD4, Counter Strike, Need For Speed, Tennis and even playing the guitar.

i seriously am not good in these things compared to others.

but i know that even if i die the most or get hardly any kills, the COD4/Counter Strike game was sure fun.

even if i crash my car or dun match up to others time in NFS, it sure is fun racing. (in real life also its fun la. cept the crashing part. =P)

even if i can't serve and give some lame shots in tennis, playing it still rocks.

even if i can't play loads of songs and can only play simple stuff, i still enjoy playing guitar.

so i guess it doesn't matter if you suck at things at times. it can still be AWESOME.

you can always have fun without being the best or even good at certain things.

=)

Currently Listening To: Devastation And Reform - Relient K

Friday, March 28, 2008

Unrepayable

cuz then you realise,

no matter what you do,

no matter how much you say thank you,

no matter how much you wanna repay,

no matter how much you wanna show your gratitude,

nothing will ever match up to the kindness and generousity and familyness the seniors here have given you.

i can honestly say i don't think i've met such caring and selfless ppl in my life.

seriously, Thank You guys for everything. really really appreciate.

i remember talking to Isaac quite a while back, that we wanna be jus like how our seniors were to us to our future juniors.

ok i'd go on, but Wei Zhen did say last time that it sounds like i'm in love with my seniors. =P

but seriously once again. i would like to wish my seniors: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU"VE DONE FOR ALL OF US HERE. REALLY APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH! =)

Currently Listening To: I'm Just A Kid - Simple Plan

Eh, Why You So Liddat One?

i realized i feel i've been getting more pissed off on my blog since coming here. i dunno la. i feel that way. but it may be just the same as last time. but u guys tell me la.

seriously. like damn senang pissed off.

or maybe i'm learning to not be afraid to "voice out my opinions".

haha. who knows.

gtg. Design studio in 10. then tennis later. going out tonight? see how it goes.

Currently Listening To: If You're Gone - Matchbox 20

7.51 AM

its 7.52 AM now. why the heck am i awake so early? cuz the initial plan was to go for the morning Math class at 8 so we can sorta make up the 12 PM class.

but apparently Li Ying is not going for the class now. and i dun wanna go alone so here i am just wasting time....

i shud have just gone you say? nah. the morning class is supposedly better tho. however, that class is a whole chapter slower la. plus only 5-20% of the Math is new.

so yea. no point going for the early class also. but bugged i woke up early. but yet i would have anyway cuz of Ross' radio clock blaring away at 7.

will most prob skip the later Math again too. i find skipping the class pretty worth it (weird eh?). i'd rather have lunch la then sit there and bore myself with stuff i know and also some boring slow moving lecturer.

***************

u damn spoiler la!

ure not supposed to do that. shit la. i jus knew u were trouble! and now i've been proven right. ish la. i damn tak puas wei.

i still don't believe ur story. it jus seems unbelievable u would do that by urself. sry but i don't trust ppl i hardly know. for all i know, you did that cuz someone told you to. and ure jus another spy. who knows la! but i've learnt paranoia keeps me alive. esp when it comes to certain ppl.

ish. u damn kacau la. and u can't just say what i said out of nowhere. i said that so long ago! i dunno if i still would wanna say it la. ish. so annoying. but i guess thats not ur fault. i just opened my big mouth cuz i was trying to be nice.

BABI LA! i damn tak puas now.

***************

and supposed "friends" who treat you like a random stranger is also damn tulan...

cannot tahan la. u act like that and can call urself fren is it?

help a bit also cannot. yea sure. "friends". wtf man..

only do things for ppl who do things for you. awesome.

***************

i admire ppl who aren't afraid to voice out their opinions. not worrying whether they will hurt you with what they say.

jus speak their mind. realised that when i'm here. so thankful for those ppl in my life currently.

i mean its jus ur thoughts what. there's nth wrong with it. if ure so worried what other ppl might think then die la like that.

and plus the person accepting ur thoughts and opinions also why so narrow minded la? ppl say stuff also you terasa. small thing also kena. hey, the world is NOT gonna agree with you on everything. get used to it. (and by saying that, there's prob some ppl in the world who'll terasa. damn annoying.)

i honestly think only a friend will dare say ure wrong, u messed up. what ure doing is not right, what ure wearing sucks, ure hair sucks etc.. cuz honestly think abt it, what kinda "friend" lets another "friend" mess up? and let them continue messing up? or not being the best they can be. i mean you don't have to CHANGE the person or force the person to change. but telling the person already you got problem then die la like this.

heh. "friends".

***************

its 8.17 AM. yes it took me 25 minutes to write this short post. i know. haha. din know what to say la.

ok i gtg. class at 9. already missed the last Engr class due to sleep. dun wanna miss this one. plus got assignment i think. so better go. haha.

damn i'm hungry now.

bye!

Currently Listening To: Best Of You - Foo Fighters

p.s.: i just looked up the lyrics to this song. and it's damn good la. damn good song. for me to sing la at least.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

What Is Love To You?

i'm curious. what is love to you? and i don't want something that you got str8 from the Bible. cuz i know what the Bible says. but i wanna know what is love to YOU. anyone reading this post.

maybe u can sum it up in a sentence. it can be based on what u feel/what u felt/what you would like to feel when you are/were loved or when you hope to be in love.

i was thinking abt this myself. and i think that being in love is loving someone who has nth that you can take from them. smth like, they're not just there cuz they have smth you want. and if like they could give you nothing, you would still do everything you can for them/to get them.

but i guess mainly its cuz you want them not cuz they have smth you want/smth you can get from them. to me thats some bit of what love and loving someone is.

what about you?

Currently Listening To: Chicago - Kate Voegele

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Unexpected Flow

this is my drawing assignment. its not complete apparently. but last night i was too satisfied with myself to care about that. damn happy di. its very hard ok. u cant use ruler to draw ANY of the lines. AT ALL. the circle also must draw free hand k. seriously.

so today i jus basically din do anything. looked at a bit of math la. but i wont count that as doin anything productive. i'm celebrating my doneness of my Engr Assignment.

************

learnt in Life Group that i need to be kind to ppl who don't deserve it. but its soo hard. i've been too kind to certain ppl already. and i'm ALWAYS taken for granted for that. its come to a point i HATE being kind. more like fend for myself. cuz everyone is gonna give you shit, so might as well throw it back too. the only ppl i'll help are those ppl who help me and are nice. and thats like the most pathetic thing. anyone loves those who love them. i have to do one better. for one thing i don't want to end up like you. seriously. i want to become kinder. but to those certain ppl? i wonder. after all, they're jus gonna use me, take advantage of me. i'm going to be taken for granted just like they always have. and cuz of what they did i hurt in the end. i put so much effort and get crap back. so i dunno if i'll be kind if i see you. i;m supposed to. but i dunno if i will.

cuz heck. everything you've done is based on what i do. if i'm nice, you're nice. if i'm pissed off you go do smth stupid. if i don't wish you, you do the same. why must it always follow me? why must you make me as an excuse? a way out so u can mess up? a place to blame. i'm changing that now. now i'm jus gonna live how i want to. i'm not gonna jaga every move i make so you don't decide to do smth stupid as well. cuz i really dun wanna care anymore. caring is jus too tiring with certain ppl. afterall, the worst i expected you to do, you will go beyond my expectation and do worse. so i'm done with hoping the best eventho i expect the worst. i know now ure capable of doin worse than i expect. when will it ever be my turn to react based on what you do? when will you be nice and caring to me when i don't care about you? when will it ever be not one sided? when will you be the person you know you should be? i think i've been that person. but seeing it was useless and pathetic (esp to you), i've given that up. i'm gonna live like you. no right and wrong. just do whatever that makes me happy.

cuz hey, you got what you wanted and was happy right?

i wanna be happy too.

************

ok that was unexpected. din mean to jus burst. but unfortunately its true. and i'd prefer no comments on that. not here not in real life not on msn or anywhere. jus let it be.

crazy la. its like one am now. i'm like jus waiting online for smth to happen. and this happens. weird. but its still not enough. i know that tmrw it'll be the same thing again. i'm gonna come online. and wait for smth to happen. open Windows Live Messenger and close it again. open Mozilla and go to StatCounter jus to close it. and open it 3 minutes later again. its like damn zombiefying.

i should SLEEP! so why am i here waiting?!!

giler punye orang.

what u think ure waiting for aint never gonna happen! get in touch with reality fool. like seriously. ure wasting ur beloved sleep staying online for NOTHING. i mean instead of jus opening and closing programs do smth useful la! like maybe reply those emails to those ppl u supposed to reply. make more random call to one of ur frens! do ur freaking Math Assignment. u think so easy is it?? study! u know u have no idea what ure learning in Chem. go read up or smth la. STOP WASTING TIME HERE ONLINE! i think you should jus throw ur laptop away la. seriously.

k starting from next month u'll see less of me k. hopefully. its best for everyone i'm sure. like how i'm sure u guys are tired of reading some crazy guy talking. or maybe u find it interesting. i know caleb will find it interesting la. haha!

ok ok i gtg. sleep. got another Chem class tmrw. hopefully i know what the crap is goin on.

p.s.: i jus realised tying hair aint that easy. when doing it for yourself la. do for others can. ish.

Currently Listening To: Big Machine - Goo Goo Dolls

Monday, March 24, 2008

To Go Or Not To Go?

that is the question....

currently deciding whether to go with Li Ying to Nelson for this April hols. well not jus Nelson la. some other places as well. but then can i afford it?

cuz i was thinking of working as well. get money buy guitar. but then i can always use the money i got from working after SPM.

and then there's the June/July hols. shud i go Melbourne? think abt it. so many reasons to go. Wei Zheng, Jon, Hannah, Darrel, Isaac, Jin, Leon, Kumar, Brian and all will b there/goin there. its a gr8 excuse to go travelling to Australia. may even get to see Joel if there's a chance. may meet up with Becca too. but yet again its the money factor. haih. will i be overspending?

hmm. problem problem.

so what do i do?

Currently Listening To: Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued - Fall Out Boy

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Akaroa

so last friday Raymond (my awesomely nice senior) took us to Akaroa jus to pass time since we had holidays. it was an hour and a half journey there. yea long. but it was a gr8 journey. got to see lots of scenery and stuff. i even got to see my FIRST sheep. unfortunately no photo la.

anyway, i'm jus gonna post up photos and a vid k. enjoy!

Akaroa sign

road to Akaroa

we going down there

and now we're down there! =P

shark! that got caught 4 times.... "He's got a death wish" - Emma =P

see that long port/bay thing stretching out into the lake? yeah we were there. yeap lots of walking. haha!

walking back...

driving back...

yea the trip was awesome! so happy i decided to go. =)

Currently Listening To: See The Glory - Steven Curtis Chapman

Friday, March 21, 2008

Help Me!

cuz i need ur help. k la. seriously. i want ur help. haha.

for those ppl who visit my blog, whether u know me or not, pls take the time to scroll down in the righthand side part of my blog and click on the ads there. every click u make will make me a happier guy. =)

all u have to do is click like everytime u come and it doesn't take 5 seconds. so if u guys could do it for me i would really be grateful! seriously.

so please and thank you! =D

Currently Listening To: Salvation Is Here - Hillsong United

Blearggghh

i will never do that again.

it look so innocent like nth could go wrong.

yea freaking right nth will go wrong.

spewed out my milkshake i had b4 that at the place itself.

came back and din even make it into Connon b4 i spewed out my whole lunch too.

near the rubbish bin.

and i messed up my jeans which i jus took out today, my t-shirt, my beloved shoes and also my beloved chain.

slept through dinner too. actually slept from 6 smth to 9 smth and then went to take out contacts and then went back to sleep again and now at 11 i woke up.

this is so irritating. i'm not used to feeling "sick" and i dun like being sick at all.

seriously i will nvr do it again.

what a mistake.

ISH LA. MY SHOES AND MY CHAIN LA! >:@ la. >=(

Currently Listening To: Hysteria - Muse

Thursday, March 20, 2008

CAPSLOCK

typing in SHIFT is SO MUCH FUN.

SERIOUSLY.

its like ur point jus gets AMPLIFIED.

plus there's like more EMOTION to ur sentences.

realized this while SHIFT/CAPSLOCK chatting with CALEB.

this is so COOL.

gosh i'm so BORED.

its 4 AM now and church is in 5 hours time.

and i dunno if i can SLEEP YET.

cudn't sleep EARLIER.

k back to CHATTING! =P

Currently Listening To: Rain Down - Delirious?

Best-Friends?

cuz sometimes i think that no matter how close you are to a fren, u'll def need a break and time off from them.

even if it is a very long time.

sure u'll drift apart from the barrier u've place.

but considering u get a distant fren rather than an enemy, i think thats a pretty good deal.

Currently Listening To: Be My Escape (Acoustic) - Relient K

Nokia Morph

i read abt this abt a month ago. and i think its definitely the coolest thing ever to come out from Nokia. its sooo cool.

Click Here to watch the gr8est phone concept of the year video.

if its ever realeased like the way its shown... i'd soooo save up to buy it la.

Currently Listening To: Glory - Hillsong United

Emo Hair Boy

Tan Maoi: "dude, u shud cut ur hair man. u look emo with ur hair like that."

=P

i found that funny somehow. haha. i guess its cuz like my aim was achieved. someone tot i looked emo. haha! but yet he din think it suited me? cuz i'm a nice happy guy? yea right i am. haha.

Music practice was ok. still feel a bit out of place. but watching Josiah play Hysteria was so awesome. he's currently the best skill bassist that i personally know so far. plus he's a gr8 guy too. he offered to lend his guitar to me so i can play if i wanted to. nice right? plus its like a good combo. skill and nice.

damn i still got Hysteria in my head. haha.

and its set. Me and Yih Ren will be working in the mornings and at night...

BAND! =P

ok la thats jus a plan so far. haha. and he also gave me the new Hillsong United album. pretty good la. may jus buy it.

and i think i offend a lot of ppl when i say i buy albums. ok not offend la. jus make them feel guilty. cuz they download mostly. i mean, for me if its good then jus support the artist la. likethey worked hard and produced a gr8 album so why rip them off. credit shud be given where credit is due. and in this case buying the album is sort of a way of giving credit. they deserve my money. and its worth it for me. i dun lose anything as far as i see it. spending money for music = the best use of money ever.

and the math assignment is goin ok so far. really dun understand. but yet i dun wanna ask. cuz i somehow feel its a kacau. but i know i will end up asking. i guess its jus that feeling that u owe someone smth cuz they helped u. and i dun like owing ppl stuff. like ure in debt. the engineering assignment is ok also. drawn out what it shud basically look like. now jus need to draw it to scale and what not.

well thats abt for now.

today i realized i miss two things.

i miss FBC.

i miss being someone.

haih...

Currently Listening To: You'll Come - Hillsong United

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"I Can't. I Hate It."

what if your friends needed you?

but to help them out you needed to do something you find troublesome.

something annoying.

something hard to do in your view.

something complicated.

and in view of all that you decide "I can't. I hate what i have to do to be there for him/her."

what kind of friend are you then?

especially when you know the other person will definitely be there for you when you need someone.

if there is ever a time that you need to stop thinking about yourself and focus on your friends, i think the most suitable time would be when your friend needs you.

even if it requires you doing the very thing you hate just to help your friend.

cuz hey, what are friends for right?

think about that.

cuz i need to too.

Currently Listening To: Lord of Lords - Hillsong

Monday, March 17, 2008

Even When Things Go Well, They End Up Bad

(another post i've been thinkin of the past few days but had no idea how to put it out in words. so if it doesn't make sense u know why la.)

its screwed up isn't it? well for now i'm jus referring to one topic actually. and it concerns the latest SPM and STPM results and the ppl who did well.

i bet ure prob thinkin how can it go bad if i did well?

there are lots of ways.

but the most important one is all ur "frens" who din do as good as u. they will end up making it hell for u jus cuz of ur results. can u imagine the next time u have an exam and say ure worried abt it? everyone is gonna look at u like "whats ur problem? ure soo smart right with all the str8 A's and all. what the heck are u complaining abt? ure obviously gonna do well." they find it irritating cuz they think ure jus messing around with them and trying to act like one of them who are not smart and think they're the ONLY ppl who are allowed to worry for the exam.

some of u know what i'm talking abt already. to those who din do well: well i'm sry that i studied hard for my previous exams and did well ok. while u were busy having fun and relaxing and enjoying life, i spent my time in front of my books so i could get the good results i got. it wasn't easy at all. it wasn't fun. but was it worth it? hell yea. so i dun need u guys pulling me down and trying to make me feel bad for doing well.

yes its obvious ure jealous of the good results i got. but dun blame me for u not studying and choosing to live the life u led. if u fucked up ur results stop trying to vent ur frustration at those who did well.

i know this feeling. esp being a JPA scholar. its suppsoed to b a good thing to get a scholarship. but the screwed up ppl around me make it bad. can u imagine that ppl jus treat a whole lot different JUST because u did well? jus because ure on a scholarship?

i've heard ppl say "... well, at least i'm not like one of those nerds who study so hard who did so well and got that JPA scholarship". so yea i'm now a nerd la. well for me prob i am. but i know tons of ppl who aren't. they're gr8 at sports, they're awesome and supporting frens. they're frenly ppl. there's this one guy from Uni now who's representing NZ in the upcoming Olympics. is that a nerd? everyone knows u haf to do well to get into Uni. so obviously he studied hard to get in. but is he a nerd?

there's also ppl who say " ya la u. go and get the JPA scholarship all. now u haf to live in Shah Alam and stay so far. now u miss out on the stuff back at home. too bad la. go get the scholarship somemore." yea. thx for making me getting the scholarship such a "gr8" thing for me.

then there's the papers also. i heard from a fren that the papers said that its not the A's that matter but the human skills. well thats true of course. but y is the papers trying to make the ppl who din do well feel good and ok. cuz its not ok. now the ppl who din do well think "oh A's are nth and those ppl who did get str8 A's are idiots for working so hard." thats so shit ok. for one thing, think abt this, do u think u cud get into Uni/Coll with shit results? if they had to choose between crap results and gr8 results who do u think they'll pick? sure u can argue that its not jus good results thats gonna get u through LIFE. but then i ask u, if u cant even get into UNI/COLL and GRADUATE, u think LIFE is gonna b so gr8? yea sure. go ahead and jus survive with ur human skills. and thank you papers for giving false hope.

and there are also some of us who work hard just to purposely get the scholarship. why? so that we dun have to burden our parents. paying all the tuition fees and all that. and everyone knows that if u want a proper recognized degree and stuff its better to get them overseas. and not many of us can actually pay for it ourselves. i nvr wanted to go overseas to study engineering cuz i know it wud b hell on my parents to pay. my main plan was to go Form 6 and then go to UM to do engineering. cuz it wud cost the least to my parents. so yea i worked hard, though hardly as hard as others, to become a "Straight A Freak" jus to get the scholarship.

and being in INTEC was prob one of the gr8est times. cuz when ppl studied, hardly anyone was gonna say "oh that nerd studying." cuz everyone were all those who worked hard and studied hard. it was gr8 being among ppl who dun judge u as a nerd jus cuz u wanna do well.

so to those who did well for ur SPM and STPM, hopefully u dun get what i got. and u have gr8 frens. who eventho they din do well, they're still happy for u. and they still support u and dun treat u diff. and even if they do. jus remember that its all worth it. dun ever stop working hard and doing well jus so ur frens accept u. dun ever!

to my frens who have been gr8 to me and not treated me diff:

Thank You.

to those who changed just because of my results:

Screw You.

I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Linkin Park

(hmm. i dunno how that turned out. hopefully u guys understood what i'm trying to say. yes i guess i was kinda pissed off when i wrote this.)

Currently Listening To: Place For My Head - Linkin Park

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Cari-Cari Di Christchurch

heh. so last saturday CMSA organized a sort of Amazing Race around Christchurch. k not the WHOLE Christchurch la. but the around the Uni and the city area. it was truckloads of fun i tell u. i'm so happy i managed to pull myself out of bed at 8 smth in the morning on a SATURDAY to go for it. and also brave the crazy cold winds. those of u who know me know i cant tahan cold la. so u know when i say doin all that things jus for this race was totally worth it. LIKE TOTALLY WORTH IT. thats how awesome it was.

so anyway these are some of the pics we took which we had to take for the game. smth like evidence to show we got the right answer. haha. plus creativty was given for poses. so dun mind the crazy poses. haha!

My Awesome group mates. who WON! :P

so yes. the whole thing was made even gr8er with the fact that my team won. we got a 10NZD voucher to go to NANDO'S! cekap right the prize? haha

so once again i stress that waking up early and every was so worth it. one of my most fun days in NZ so far.

the only downside is i screwed up my jeans la. cuz the bottom end of the jeans went under my shoe and i was basically walking on it the whole time. so it tore at the end there. haihh...

i like this jeans. but the one thing i realise is that i've had this jeans for like 5 years already. so like not bad la. now only tearing. haha.

and for now i leave u with the last photo of the week. taken at the Uni of Canterbury sign. not so clear cuz of the lighting tho. and yes my hair brownish a bit now. and if u look carefully u can see my jeans end has gone under my shoe also. oh well.

CARI-CARI DI CHRISTCHURCH! =D

Currently Listening To: Umbrella - Lillasyster

Call Of Duty 4

heh. yup thats the game i'm into now. really good game. but it lags like crap on my laptop la. which is kinda sad.

but i still enjoy playing it. i'm super sucky at it tho compared to the others. AND i also was top fragger for a while til abt 11 kills b4 Nemo came out with his bloody knife and starting knifing everyone. haha.

but not bad for a lagged comp + sucky player i still managed to stay top for a while. plus its the map i hated most. haha!

********************

update:

since typing this post i played again. and yet i was sucky i managed to come out as top fragger at the end of the game among abt 10 other ppl. pretty cool.

the horrible downside is that when i tried to print the damn screen it din work. sooo annoying. somemmore i got so many kills compared to the earlier photo. ish la. so its all jus a memory in my head now... ish ish..

Currently Playing: Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

O__O

i.

am.

so.

SCREWED!

O______________________O

this was nvr ever supposed to happen.

i shudnt haf been so arrogant to go and do that.

damnit. now all i've caused is fear in me.

THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!

not now, not then, not EVER!

crap. whats next then? =/

Currently Listening To: Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Rant

damn la. controlling is damn hard k.

if i let go now i cant cause so much more damage later. but whether it'll cause damage later is the problem.

cuz if i were to do it now i wud sure as hell get the satisfication i want and also what was coming to the person.

but later may not even haf any effect.

****************

as for the change.

if it were to happen i need to cut off anything that has to do with b4.

the only prob is there's so much.

but i'm working on a way so it can b done.

****************

and there's jus not enuf ppl to listen nowdays.

everythings jus talk.

and ppl who can listen, i cant trust for now.

its screwed up the way i was made a listener.

cuz normally a listeners frens are talkers. cuz talkers want listeners.

so who's gonna hear the listener out?

****************

and i'm always here.

u'll always know where to find me.

but where are you?

****************

when a person needs someone, is it better that the someone find the person?

or shud the person find the someone?

but what if the someone cant b found? and the person can?

would the someone work hard to find the person to help out?

or what if the someone can b found? and the person cant?

guess it would b the other way round wouldnt it?

so it all jus comes down to who can b found.

i can be found.

****************

Are you hoping for a miracle?

Bloc Party

i guess i am.

f***.

yes i'm jus ranting out everything k. dun bother. seriously.

Currently Listening To: You Got Me All Wrong - Dios Malos

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Farewell Ppl

now since i finally got pics from certain somebody *coughweizhencough* who took so long to give me them. i can finally thank my farewell ppl. i mean those who gave me farewells la. yes and eventhough its like been a month i've been here i still feel i should thank them.

soooo THANK YOU PPL FOR THE FAREWELL!

the next time we're back we're doin this again ok guys. yes Nandos. haha!

My 2nd family ppl. haih. missing u all la. seriously. i miss BB too. haih.

i call this "me and the three geniuses". seriously. Mr Str8 A's in A-Levels and the two Ms. Str8 A1's in SPM. brilliant ppl la.

the 2 cuzins: the psychotic bassist and the high futsal playing future con artist. =P
(yes we are sitting in the middle of some road near SS3 and yes i DO wear specs. sheesh)

Solehah! who gave me my final movie in a cinema and also my first time eating teppanyaki. all the best future CEO! =P

sry i dun haf the pics of the ppl who sent me off thx to my sucky farewell at the airport. but i once again wanna say thx to Benji, Jo, Dheepan, Dana, Su Teng, Lauren, Isaak and my family and Jo's family for being there to give the final farewell.

thx so much.

all of u guys really made leaving suck.

wait that sounded wrong. haha. well u know what i mean right? it sucks having to leave such gr8 and caring and loving frens like u guys. haha. (ok pls try to control ur big heads now since i complemented u guys)

hopefully i'll see u all again in 4 years. thx!

Currently Listening To: Superstylin' - Groove Armada

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I Feel A Wave Of Change Coming Along

yes. i notice it too.

i'm changing.

and i jus dun care anymore after everything that has happened to me b4.

we'll jus see how it goes.

Currently Watching: House - Season 1 Episode 12 (Sports Medicine)

Monday, March 10, 2008

Finally My Room

yes i finally took photos of my room. and Ally told me to put them up soon so here they are la b4 i sleep.

so the first three are from my door. then the next three are from me sitting on my bed. jus so u get a perspective on how its like.

other than that this week has been crazy. mainly my fault la. cuz i had this Engineering Assignment. which actually was quite simple to do.EXCEPT u know me la. super unfocussed and big fat procrastinator. so i ended up hardly doin it and got so frustrated. but of course i managed to finish it and pass it up today. but last night when i was supposed to b doing it i was happily chatting. in an hour prob spent like 15 min only doin it. but so far its done so nth to worry abt.

but the bad part is just as soon as i get one assgn done another one comes in. yea i have a Math one. haih. i dun wanna do the same thing. but the bad part is its only due on the 31st and my full internet will b b4 then. =/

so yea. and today was jus dumb. it was jus bound to happen. i knew it. so stupid. ok so i met this lady in church. and this morning during Engr101 she comes in and sits next to me. i jus smile and then look away cuz i COMPLETELY FORGOT I MET HER! soo stupid of me la. so like she sat down and i jus looked ahead like stone. then she's like "you don't remember me?" and i'm like SHIT! of course i din say out loud la. haha. but thats how i felt. then she told me where i know her from. and i felt so horribly guilty. sheesh la. sooo embarrasing k. and i feel so dumb. she's so nice somemore. and i'm like some arrogant idiot who cant even remember a face. and she recognized me somemore. aiyooooo. horrible horrible me.

and that was jus today. wanna hear a really crazy story of my idiocracy? i went some preparatory talk that day and sudd i saw this guy who was looking at me and gave a smile. and i like jus gave him a blank stare. smth like why u smiling for. but he kept smiling. so i smiled also. then it hit me in the face. i know that guy. somehow. his face i know. i jus KNOW i know. but who the hell was he? so i ask Pali cuz i saw Pali talking to him earlier. and then i learn his name. Aiman. do i know an Aiman with that face? where do i know him from? what makes things worse is when Pali tells me "dia kenal kau la. dia tanya tadi 'eh itu Benjamin Jon K Abraham kan?'" and i'm even more like SHIT! this guy knows my full name man. like wth. and i dun even know his name or where i know him from. so during that lecture my mind is spent on trying to figure out from where i know him from. luckily Aiman told Pali he knew me from Kedah. which helped me a lot. seriously. cuz then it struck me how i know him. how his face i KNOW i know. who is he? well, he's my Head Prefect during PRIMARY SCHOOL. seriously. gosh this guy even remembered i was in the same class as him. and i cudnt even remember that. and he remembered my name and how i look like. while i stoned staring at him. ok for one thing what are the odds my primary school fren ends up at the same uni as me. and after 8 years he recognizes me. and i'm like an idiot there. I'M SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER HIM! HE'S THE HEAD PREFECT FOR GOODNESS SAKE! who the hell am i for him to remember me. now u can see why he became head prefect. awesome guy. saw through how diff i look and remembered me. thats jus spectacular.

yes i know i'm a lousy human being. shuddup. gosh i suck.

anyway, first listen to my blog song. then watch the next video. AMAZINGLY accurate to the original song eventhough they're playing it live. BEST LIVE PERFORMANCE I"VE SEEN. as in according to accuracy and similarity to the original song la music and instrumentally-wise. watch and enjoy. (oh and julian learn the guitar part. its cool. haha! )

k i've blabbled on too much. and i do blabble on too much. but i love to talk. i jus need ppl who wud like to listen. so i hope u like listening! =)

Currently Listening To: Time After Time - Good Charlotte

Sunday, March 09, 2008

I Love Ppl

who make me feel good. like i did smth good in this world. ppl that note the diff when i'm not around.

esp at this emo time it really makes me feel good.

even if it may not b true, but well who can deny its good to hear la. =P

thank Yih Ren! =)

/3/2008

6:39:56 PM

winds of change