I Just Want Answers

it hurts to talk. it hurts to listen. it hurts to look. esp when u can forget abt it so easily. u've always been easy to move on. i wish i cud do a bit of the same. then i wont spend every second of my time thinking abt u the past the present n the future. n also the hurt. i just wanna know whats goin on. what went on. what is goin to happen.

i just want answers.

i guess i hurt so much cuz i care too much.

to know and feel and see that you don't is like a 3 million stabs to the heart.

how do you do it? i really need to know.

you see, it's never bad enough
to just leave or give up
but, it's never good enough to feel right

Taking Back Sunday

Currently Listening To: This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know) - Taking Back Sunday

Transformers, Roll Out!

heh. i just couldnt tahan waiting for the show i jus had to go watch it today eventho i had a ticket for sinday. i LOVE transformers k! i cannot tahan waiting. at all! haha! anyway, i like the show a lot. i liked the storyline too. nice idea n all. the robots were of course super cool. love the way they transform. i wud love to watch that transforming part in slow motion tho. watching all the moving parts is so cool. maybe thats y i wanna become a mechanical engineer eh? haha.

i dun wanna say too much abt the movie so as to not spoil it for others, so i'll jus stop here n say the movie was good, actually very good. i tot i was gonna be disappointed but i'm very happy abt it. =D the storyline n idea n concept n creativity n the graphics (extremely good!) n the acting was good. was only disappoint by the faces of the robot. not as cool as i wanted them to look. the voices was great tho. sounded like all those cartoons i watched last time. guess its cuz they brought back the actual voice guy for Optimus Prime. heh. n wud u believe that Agent Smith is Megatron. =P

here's some pics from the movie. stop now if u think its gonne spoil ur show. =P not that clear n nice cuz its in the cinema la of course. haha. wanna see cooler pics go to Transformers Movie website la k. haha.






i'm pretty sure i'm gonna be buying the dvd. =P

anyway, this week din haf much goin on. lots of lecturers weren't around. so we were decorating our classes. my class actually planned an after class meet to cut out stuff n all.

My drawings. haha. i so cant draw man. =P while everyone was busy doin work, some decided to date. =P n while some were doin work, others decided to pose for the camera. yes. i know it looks like a kindergarten

other than that nth much happened. oh i jus realise that i love walking with solehah. cuz i feel so tall! =D haha. no i wun say she's short, i'd say she's got a nice height. a height that makes me feel tall. haha! plus she says i'm SO tall which makes me even more bannga. haha. guess its cuz of the remarks saying i'm short n all i need some ego boosters. so in conclusion i shud walk with solehah more. haha! =P

i guess here's some more random pics la. jus to fill up this empty space left. haha.

Eating a lemon. one of the craziest things ever to be done by me. i DARE you guys to try it. =P
the freedom that hostel life brings. this one was not that nice. i shall try diff ones next week. =P
err. Error in transaction? =P
Jin n some of his class deco. heh. read what the sign says. =P
the first person to guess what the heck this is (excluding Joel) gets a belanja from me. haha!

*****************

hmmm. yes i still do think abt YOU. eventho i dun really want to. it hurts so much. i guess its nvr really for the best of us. its more for the best of you. cuz i came out feeling miserable that i've been living a lie for so long. but i guess u came out happy. cuz now if u lie to me u wont have to feel guilty. oh wait, u nvr did feel guilty. there was no reason to feel guilty. cuz ppl feel guilty when they lie to ppl they care abt. so i guess u were always happy. when is it my turn to feel happy? =/

I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got

Currently Listening To: All That I've Got - The Used

Don't Lie

************All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)************

Once more I'll say goodbye to you
Things happen, but we don't really know why
If it's supposed to be like this
Why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?
Oh yeah

Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
The best place to be when you're feeling like

Me! (Me)
Yeah! (Yeah)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me (Me)
Yeah! (Yeah)
Just back off before I snap

Once more you tell those lies to me 
Why can't you just be straight up with honesty? 
When you say those things in my ear 
Why do you always tell me what you wanna hear? 
Oh yeah (yeah!) 

Wear your heart on your sleeve, make things hard to believe
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like

Me! (Me!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me! (Me!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
Just back off before I snap and you'll
See! (Me!)
Me! (Me!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me! (Me!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
Just back off before I snap

Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like me
(it's the best place to be when you're!)

Me! (Me!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me! (Me!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
Just back off before I snap and you'll
See! (Me!)
Me! (Me!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me! (Me!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
Just back off before I snap

************Bullet For My Valentine************

i guess i'm too traditional. i just don't believe that a good relationship is built based on lies. its jus not who i am to believe so. n i guess the worst thing that cud happen to a person is when the person they love the most in the world doesn't trust them. cuz when a person isn't trusted, they will be lied to. n when you lie to a person it means that you dun care abt the person's feelings which means you obviously dun love them. so i guess thats one of the greatest tragedy isn't it? loving someone who doesnt love you. =/

yea i'm bein emo now. guess what i did today was based on my thinking n wondering what was kept from me. what secrets were hidden. what were lies told. n now i'll nvr know. cuz there's no reason to tell anymore. so i'll just live in this life of assumptions of what was hidden n what i cudn be trusted with. times like this i wish i din think so much. i guess i wasnt strong enuf to take the hurt of not bein trusted anymore. i tried. but it hurt too much.

well, its supposed to be the best for both of us right?


Currently Listening To: Beautiful Lie - 30 Seconds To Mars

I Blog...........

whenever i feel anything. happy, sad, proud, show off-y. but esp when i'm emo. n yea i may regret what i say later but this is what i feel now. its part of me. so i wont take it back. hmm

******************

anyway! i forgot to tell smth earlier! i got a new addition to my cd collection! haha! finally made it to Salvation after so long of wanting to go and got myself....................................

Hillsond United's All of The Above!! =D

the dvd is good i wud say. 3 songs + a sermon abt The Generation Of Light. which spoke abt how we shudnt jus be lights where there already is light (eg.: CF, BB, Church) but we shud go out and be lights to the world where there is darkness. light up the dark. smth like that. good sermon i wud say. there were also some bonus features in the blog. which was the Video Blogs, The I Heart Revolution Trailer, The Summer Camps and smth else i cant remember. haha. the songs are nice too. havent really listened to the album properly yet. so i cant really say much la for now. but so far i like 2 of the fast song which are Solution and Break Free (Thx to Amos. din really like it at first. haha). now i gotta go listen to the album fully and appreciate all the songs. and also appreciate my money's worth. haha!

thats all for today. gnite ppl!

Currently Listening To: Blurry - Puddle Of Mudd

Shut Up!

i guess there's a reason y ppl dun tell whats really on their mind. cuz when u say what u really are thinkin n ppl dun like it, they get pissed off at you. i mean, hey, u asked me abt it right? n i asked again whether you wanted to know? so yea, i told you. maybe u were hurt by what i said n u din like what i said. but its the truth. i'm not gonna lie/hide/fake/twist the truth so that u hear what u wanna hear. yeah. i will tell u what u dun wanna hear. n no i dun like bein treated where i cant handle the truth. if its good/bad, whether it will make me emo or not, i wanna know. jus cuz u dun like hearing the truth that will hurt u (n chances are it is true for you also), doesnt mean i want to be treated in the same way. i HATE it. n yet i'm the one hiding stuff right??? ish. quite pissed now. wait all day for the msg after bein brushed aside cuz there were more important stuffs for u then i get brushed aside again cuz i spoke whats on my mind. wth. like i said, if only i was half as important. i'm honestly fed up of startin the conversation. n NO, replying to a msg that was sent last night is NOT counted as starting a conversation. its jus an excuse. whatever happened to the msging first for no reason? as of this week, i'm NOT startin the msg first. i'm gonna try my best anyway.haih. =(

i sense the pollution in the air coming. n it may jus stay.

but for now it'll prob stay back cuz i'm dropping the blame on my impatience.
******************

anyway, i'm supposed to blog abt my class right? haha. ok ok. jus post pics enuf right? oh ya. i managed to move from the 3rd floor to the ground now. happy cuz dun have to walk so far. but sad, cuz its far from some freinds class. haih. now my class is like isolated at some corner. so far away. i want my old class back la. better place. haih. bad move to request a class change! regret! haih. here's the pics.

My Hectic Schedule. =/

Class.

When we were bein lectured by our Spec Math teacher.

Oh. there was no electricity for some reason so had to sue sunlight from the windows.

Yea. the fans n lights din wanna work.

Babi! Grammar mistake. like wth man. i dun make no grammar mistakes! i gotta start checking my work!

hmm. thats all for now i guess. oh. one more thing. lemme introduce u to......................

THE RETARDED CRIPPLE PHYSICALLY DISABLED DRUMMER

haha! y i say cripple? well, caleb Michael Scofield lost his toe on his right foot cuz John Abruzzi cut it off (thats my story of course, for the other 4 from him u can ask when u see him). =P so obviously his right foot cudnt play the bass cuz of the pain. so he managed to improvise n play with his left foot the bass and set up the drums like in the pic (cuz we needed a drummer for worship n there was noone else). skill man this guy. reminds me of Travis Barker. but of course la not that great. haha. Go TRIPPLE! =P hahaahhahahahahhaha!!

Currently Listening To: Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends - Fall Out Boy

=/

so i'm back here. feeling emo. again. as usual. i have a feeling its cuz of Manjuli's blog. dun get me wrong. i love her blog. a lot. cuz the situation she has reminds me of Her. a lot. n i guess i get to see things from Her view too. well not exactly but in a way i guess. haih. yes i do wish things were diff. but things jus seem to slip away further everytime we try. its not only frustrating but also very depressing. all i have is hope that maybe something will go right. or we'll find out whats really supposed to happen. i really do miss You. more than i thought i would. more than i wanted to too i guess. i'd give anything in the world to take away all the problems. n i mean anything. ANYTHING. i just wish i had the same impact to ur life too. maybe jus a fraction. n i think i wud be happy. where the hell is the bloody time machine when you need it? =/

haih! i dun need this other prob now la. i feel i shudn have gave it out. i dun need another thing to think abt. i'm fine being all stressed up already. argh. i haf to organise myself n take out all these stresses slowly. i hope i can do that. hopefully. ish. i shud really study my knots. i dun wanna fail the badge. again. i dun wanna be used to failing. i've failed too many times before in so many aspects of life that i've had enuf. yet i cant move from my chair.

i'm blaming it on my emo-ness.

where are you when i need you? =/

Currently Listening To: The Carpal Tunnel Of Love - Fall Out Boy

2000th

I’ve reached my 2000 song mark! Yay! haha. yea I know its not much, but I’m a picky guy so I dun really download song I dun like. haha. anyway, the 2000^th song as recorded by Windows Media Player is Attack by 30 Seconds To Mars. good song too. worthy of 2000^th status. haha. its abt 1245 songs in my General Songs folder. the rest are from 16 full albums, Christians Songs, some other weirdish a bit songs, and also some of Julian’s music which he gave long ago but I haven’t heard yet. haha.

***************

in other, what I find interesting, news, my blog seems to b found by ppl quite a bit. Actually jus Pat n Mabel so far. haha. or at least both of them sorta identified themselves. whats weird is, Mabel seemed to be racing with Alvin to find my blog. the weird thing is, how did u guys know I have a blog to look for la? haha. n I’ve managed to figure out that u guys found my blog by links. but how did u end up at those links is what has got me curious. haha. (no my blog is not a big secret btw, jus that since I dun advertise it i'm curious how u found it. =P)

****************

k now my first week at intec! haha! so Tuesday was registration day. n apparently the promised Bank Islam booth which was supposed to be there at registration day wasn’t. =_= so, Joel n I had to go to the Bank Islam all the way at PKNS which apparently is like the only place that has Bank Islam in Shah Alam. so we rushed there hoping to get it done with fast. but reached there at 9 to only find it opens at 9.30. so yea la wait. n the crowd outside the Bank got bigger and bigger.

The people building up outside the closed bank.

A really Old Skool fire alarm. haha.

n then we had to sorta rush in. got the number, filled in the bank slip then waited.

waiting

i see cash! =D

but the payment of everything was fast tho. so got back to intec quite fast too. registration was even faster as everyone else had gone to get their payment done or had already registered. so when we reached, the registration place was empty. haha.

basically after registration was not much. jus went to class to discuss some deco stuff n then went back to cemara. this is basically the first time, I’m actually moved in there cuz like I said b4 there were other ppls there. honestly I prefer cendana so much more. cuz of its cleanliness and also cuz its new. anyway, I’ll let the pics do the talking la k.

View from the 5th floor. The red stuff there are the Korean Juniors doin their aerobik stuff.

start of the 360 view of the room. this is the front door on the left n bathroom door on the right. (cam moving to the right for 360 view)

then its the kitchen door on the left and balcony/trash chute door on the right.

the tables. mine, Joel, Isaac.

last table is Zul's. door leads to Isaac and Zul's rooms.

Zul's door on the left n me n Joel's room in the middle. Mirror is on the left on the fron door in the first photo.

my room. yep. thats my bed. heh. clean eh. =P

view from the windows in my room. my locker lock is broken. haih.

this is the bathroom.

see the wooden plank where the shampoo is resting on? thats like 1cm higher than my head. its so uncomfortable to bathe due to the lack of space n height. btw, the flush doesnt work too cuz water is not supplied to the toilet. we have to manually insert the pipe into the overflow hole to fill in the toilet. haih. =/

anyway, it was really boring there since we jus started n din have much to do. so we decided to visit clarence and gang. haha.

Clarence listening to Daryll talking.

Daryll, my legs, Clarence n Joel. it was really boring.

Cemara at night. thats block 8.

Block 6. the same view like i showed from the 5th floor. 'cept i was on the ground floor la. haha.

the good things abt cemara is that the are a lot more facilities n food shops and all other stuffs here too. esp there's many choices for food. haha. plus its jus like 5 minutes away from Intec. so can sleep til 7.30 also n get to class at 8. my cousin once slept til 7.45 n managed to reach on time too. haha. oh, n also its (very very) near Akasia. ;D

well thats all now la. yes i know its damn long the post. thats y i stop here. i'll post the class photos n stuff tmrw or sometime soon la. k i gotta study for my knots test tmrw. haih.

n i think i decided that cuz of my impatience. maybe i shud give myself time.

Currently Listening To: Attack - 30 Seconds From Mars

The Underwater You

For a person who says you want the fresh air, you spend a lot of time underwater. And it would seem the only time you come up for the air you want is the times when you have nothing to do/bored underwater. when ure not bored by being there it seems like u have to struggle to bring yourself to the surface for air, jus to show u meant what you said when you wanted the air. but then when the air becomes so polluted and it will hurt ur lungs to take in the filthy air, its at that time it wud seem you want to come out to land and stay there to enjoy the air. there's just never enough appreciation for the things that you already have. when its gone thats when things seem to matter.

You don't know what you've got til it's gone

Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows ft Vanessa Carlton

i wud say i'm the same way when it comes to appreciating too i guess. this cud all be cuz of my impatience. but then again maybe i'm jus waiting too long for smth which wont happen. maybe this will turn out to be smth i regret again? but then again. i'm getting used to regretting stuff right?

Currently Listening To: Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows ft Vanessa Carlton

Cemara

ok i aint no more marah. btw, it was jus a marah for that short period of time. so i jus had to lepas somewhere. haha.

anyway, today was sorta the first week of college. reach the hostel abt 9 jus to be told we cant register yet. so we basically jus stood there til we cud register n finally get our keys to our room. Room-ed up with Joel again. thank God. i dunno if i can survive living with anyone else. haha. now here's the weird part. We walked all the way to our room which is the 6 block (at some corner) to the 5th floor(!) just to find our rooms already have occupants. O_O we kinda freaked out wondering whether these guys stole the key or broke in the room or smth. so we went to report back to the guy who gave the keys. he was also confused. so he told us to wait and he'll contact us later.

so since we sorta din have anything to do, we went to INTEC to get back the dreaded results. =( i did horribly. i honestly believe that i may be the worst non-bumi in Ausmat. haih. i gotta try harder. really. anyway, after such depression we went back to the hostel and went to lepak in Clarence room. we jus sat there and finished our Spec Math Assignment. i was too fed up to do mine properly. so mine was really some lousy standard work. but at least i passed up on time! =P Loh's assignment was comb binded and fully computerised. amazing. haha.

so anyway, after finishing it, i decided to move my stuff into my room (since the office guy said the ppl have moved out and we can move in). reach the 5th(!) floor again with all my stuff onli to find a note on the door saying that they have too much stuff and work to do so they'll plan to move out by tonight. i hope they're gone now. i want my room! so since i cudnt do much i jus left my stuff in the room with Zul's. hopefully nth got stolen or anythng like that. n now i'm back home. tmrw i go back to register for my college then i'm staying in for the week.

i need a longer Activ5 list. k not Activ5. maybe an Activ10? or Activ20? cuz i got a lot of ppl i msg. n my Activ5 aint enough. hmm. k lets see who i wud put on my Activ10.

1. Father
2. Mother
3. Sis (Younger)
4. Jo
   
5. Lauren
6. Ruth
7. Joel
8. Dana
9. Su Teng
   
10. Caleb

Yea. Thats a nice Activ10. i propose Maxis/Hotlink to start an Activ10! its so worth it. for me at least. =D

oh i realised that if my one tree hill finishes dl-ind by today i've just finished another season and wont have anything to watch anymore. haha. so lets review the series i've watched already.

1. Lost Season 3...............................Done!
2. Smallville Season 6.........................Done!
3. Prison Break Season 2......................Done!
4. Heroes Season 1............................Done!
5. Hustle Season 1.............................Done!
   
6. One Tree Hill Season 4....................1 more to Done! (hopefully by tonight)

haha. n no i dun think i need any recommendations for any shows to watch. i've already 6 man. how many more u want me to watch?? haha.

k gtg. sis wants to use now. oh well.

Currently Listening To: Holly Wood Died - Yellowcard

!!!!!!!!!!

!@!@@#$%$#@%#^$^&%??!!!@#@#$%!@#@$!!

eyerr!! marah betul! annoying! argh! control... control.....


argh!!!!!!!!!

still got my work to finish up. n i'm not plannin to talk to ppl who will piss me off now. argh!

>=(

Currently Listening To: I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace

Frus.

hmm. feeling kinda frustrated now. wasted another 5 cents today msg someone who comes online just when i send the msg. argh!!! so annoying. anyway my com is like in super lag mode now.

today's dinner was weird. i cant believe how weird things cud get. esp the way she was acting. i so wanted to get out of there as fast as i cud. the weirdest part is meeting the guy who wanted to date ur girl when i was still together with her. had to just act as if nth was wrong. thats even weirder. yea i know its not his fault but from his asking i got emo. so yea in a way its his fault la. haih.

anyway, i planned to do my spec math today but nth happened.. thats quite frustrating too. haih. i gotta get it done la. cant procrastinate any longer. argh. kinda pissed off that i procrastinated too. >=(

so anyway, today i decided to help out the schoolchildren ;) with kids worship cuz they apparently din have a guitarist and they needed to practice. n i guess its since i was the nearest one living near church i went to help (man if my mom knew exactly why i went i wud be dead). din do much there played a bit guitar then bass then drums. heh. i think i'm gettin better at drums. jus need whole loads of more training n practicing. hopefully one day i can be as good as Dana. haha. then din do much. i think car got scratched but oh well. cant change that now right? =/ later sent Lauren, Su teng n Julian back to lauren's house then i went back home.

Schoolchildren at work. =P

Schoolchildren posing. =P

i'm feeling so emo now. =/ i guess cuz of my thinking. n how things turned out to be. i feel so sad abt that yet happy at the same time. haih. i honestly hate forgiving. cuz when i forgive so easily, ppl tend to think i'm not actually mad. like what they did din cause me any hurt. the worst is ppl who act as if nth is wrong. the wrong you then jus act normal the next day. wow. esp when i nvr said i forgave you.

i guess even if you knew how i feel now, it doesnt matter right? not like anything's gonna change. you always tell me that: "it doesnt matter/not like its gonna change anything". i can say the same for you too u know. but i wish i din have to say the same. =/ all i want right now is the truth. not the lie that you've believed to be the truth. but the plain old truth. not the turth which u decided not to hide. not the half truth. jus the truth. can you trust me? cuz i know i have. all this while i have. when u believed i didn't. even when i believed i didn't. it turned out that it was not me who couldn't trust. but you. i just want the truth. there's more i wud ask for. but i shudn be greedy right? maybe i'll tell you some other time. hopefully i'll have the chance.

missing you and all the great times we had. =/

and you / you will be alone
alone with all your secrets
and regrets
don't lie

In Pieces - Linkin Park

Currently Listening To: Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield