Maybe That's Why I'm Reluctant To Call

This heart earned.

So swallow the smoke and let them reach your lungs this time.

While knowing I'm going back to where efforts were just meaningless supposed encouraging words.

We'll see. How bad things will be.

And as much as I really don't wanna disappoint you, I know who I am won't be good enough or I will be a disappointment to you.

So I shall not place hope where you deserve better.

Currently Listening To: Given Up - Linkin Park

The Cursed Shirt

seriously la. i'm like speechless.

k first of all, understand this. i do not like doing the work that is needed to iron a shirt. it's just a lot of work to me. and i don't like work.

so the master plan is, don't wash a shirt as often so i don't have to iron a shirt that often.

so since i'm here in NZ, that makes not washing the shirt way easier. cuz you def don't sweat so ur shirt won't get dirty. and, those who know me, know i wear a t-shirt inside, so my shirt won't get whatever sweat that may come.

so it's like perfect! shirt not dirty, no need wash, no need to iron. no need to work. settle.


k so why cursed shirt? this is why. i have this shirt. as soon as i iron, the next day confirm have to wash.

the first time, i ironed for the Vegas ball. then that night, got drunk then got puke on the shirt. so fine have to wash. and my fault also.


but today! i tried my best! but still it got dirty right after ironing it last night. and this time not by me! it's like, if i don't screw up, then the universe will find someone else to screw it up for me. shoh.

and it's like, i ironed the shirt damn nice already. like professionally ironed i must say. then feeling all awesome and all wearing it.

then went to subway for lunch. and halfway thru eating, i realised how messy subway is. then i was like crap. i looked down at my shirt and said to myself "k gotta eat careful. don't wanna wash this now do you?"

so i ate carefully, and i finished! then i look down, and no drop on my (still awesomely ironed) shirt! wah i was like damn proud and happy. :D

so was clearing up my stuff going to throw away, then suddenly i felt a drop on my shirt. i look down. and :O:O:O there's a blob of sauce on it. and i'm like HOW IN THE WORLD DID THE SAUCE GET THERE?? i ate finish already!

then i find out, friend next to me dropped it. how in the world it can reach so far and land on my shirt, i have no idea.

HAIH. even when i try my best not to mess up the shirt, it still gets messed up.

now have to wash. and IRON again my shirt.

damn cursed shirt.

Currently Listening To: Bite My Tongue - Relient K

The Little Stuff Impress

it's official.

the things i do, that i totally don't plan for ppl to be impressed by, are the things that people get impressed by.

and the things i purposely do so that people are impressed by it, noone notices.

gr8.

don't believe me? just check my FB. the ones with the most likes/comments of all, are the most unexpected ones to me that ppl find impressive. like to me, it's just yeah, that's cool. not that gr8. but others seems to really like it.


yeah. nothing goes according to plan in my life it seems.


gah. sucks that my life is this depressing. but i'm gonna push on. for now at least.



and it's funny, i always said, i won't get addicted to that.

but this emoness, looks like it's making me addicted.

like i go back to it, to make myself feel better.

how? i dunno.



but it works.

so i'll leave it at that.

Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) [Live and Acoustic] - Taking Back Sunday

The More I Think Of...

yeah who am i kidding

WHEN i think of it. it just doesn't add up.

no way that could happen without the want for it to happen.

and no i don't believe it just happened once. it prob went on for quite a while.

and really how does one do that and not think of it's effects.

i realise now u chose to ignore them. cuz it wasn't important as claimed to be.

what i never understood is why lie to me?

u shud have just said that you didn't want, instead of asking me to hope even more.

oh well, i guess i deserved it for being forgiving.


yeah. this is why i can't forgive i guess. still way too pissed off. and nth to resolve.

the only good part is, i'm learning to live with all this. so yeah, i may suffer. but maybe the future will be better.


and cool. HIMYM just taught me smth. i shudn't be keeping stuff from my past.

gotta get rid of them soon. well this hols will do then.

Currently Watching: How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Episode 17

Dear Lauren

Happy 18th Birthday!

as you are now the sorta "legal" age, i shall tell you, BE A GOOD GIRL K? ;)

hahahah.

and may you have a great day, and also great year ahead of you.

take care ok?

oh

and don't forget, you are AWESOME and AMAZING! :)

don't ever EVER forget that. :)

once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

Love,
Ben J :)

Don't Get How This Fall Thing Works

why is it, the person i think i'm falling for, won't be around when i get there?

oh well. shouldn't let what can't happen grow.

so it stops here i guess.

Currently Listening To: Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

Tasty Hunger

no. i wouldn't say i hunger for the taste.

at least i don't think so.

it's just smth i want to do i guess.

hmm

Currently Watching: Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time

Cycles

funny how alluring that one thing you can't have is. but when you get it, you don't want it. so why is it when you lose it again, you realise you want it? wouldn't it make sense that you realise you didn't want it so you wouldn't want it anymore.

A green light, unkind
No where to go on a one track mind
It's a break down at the wrong time
I'm catching up but I'm still behind

We did it right, we did it right for some time
But I looked up and you were gone
We did it right, we did it right for some time
I couldn't give you what you want

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
So just kiss me goodbye

A red light, wrong way
I'm just a game that you like to play
It's a hot start to your cold ways
You got bored then you walked away

You did it right, you did it right for some time
But I looked up and you were gone
You did it right, you did it right for some time
I couldn't give you what you want

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
So just kiss me goodbye

So now you're moving on (you're moving on)
With no regrets (with no regrets)
But I'm still hanging on (I'm hanging on)
To every word you said (to every word you said)

But you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
But you'll never find it, no

Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
Get it, get it, go until you get it right
And I hope you find it
Cause you just want to take a faster ride
Lower lows, higher highs
But you just got to kiss me one more time
Just kiss me goodbye

So just kiss me goodbye

Cartel

funny how the album name turned out to be a perfect title for this post.

Currently Listening To: Faster Ride - Cartel

Talk Talk

when people talk about me, and i don't know about what, or who did it, it pisses me the hell off.

yeah. i'm secretive like that. i like maintaining a low profile.

so it's pretty much, if i tell you stuff, then u shud know stuff.


so it's annoying as when ppl find out stuff about me and i don't know how they know or who told them.

and attempting to lie makes it worse.

yeah, guess u forgot i can tell.


Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut from the Team) - Taking Back Sunday

I Guess I Kinda Feel Bad

considering we did have a thing, for a short time, and after i kinda made a big deal abt her bday to myself last year, i feel kinda bad that i totally forgot this year.

prob u cud say i din make the effort to remember after we lost contact. ok fine, after i didn't reply in a long time that i forgot. come to think of it, the email is still there in my inbox.

if it wasn't for her saying her bday was coming up, albeit in a subtle way, i would have forgotten.

and yeah, that sucks to know how i just didn't remember. =/


the bright side, at least i remembered now. so i still got my chance to wish.

gotta try and make up for the not keeping in touch as well.

Currently Listening To: Of All The Gin Joints In All The World - Fall Out Boy

Can't Believe I Didn't Do It

the choice was between, being nice and being absolutely purely honest.

sucks how actually, both can be the wrong choice.

uncool. =/


Currently Watching: How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 17

Rumah

YES!

flight tickets all bought!

i'm going home!

and coming back!

for less than 1000NZD.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D


not bad. for a long busy day. it has ended well. can't believe i was in uni til 5 man. then out after that as well.

now. to get 337 done! :D

good thing i'm in a good mood now as well. :D

Currently Doing: Studying for ENME337

Sonofadisucyelrkadfueimn

SAY NO DAMNIT

SAY NO


why is it, every single time i get the opportunity to say no. i don't.

crap la. just say no to her.

i shouldn't.

bleh.

bleh.

bleh.


Currently Listening To: Down On My Head - Yellowcard

It's Gonna Be My Year

u know, for a massively sucky year with so many sucky things and so many things "wrong", i'm actually enjoying my year.

i have no idea why. it's just way more fun. weird huh?

it just doesn't make sense why i feel so.. fun?

maybe cuz i care less?

maybe it's the new flat and flatmates?

maybe cuz i got less things to worry abt in a way?


i have no idea.

but how can so many things be going wrong and i'm still enjoying myself?


life. lol.

Currently Listening To: avast! Antivirus Information