Late A Little?

k for those of u who still come here, i jus wanna wish you guys......





and Happy New Year. dun haf a pic for that yet. haha!

bye! ;)

Currently Listening To: Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer

So This Is Goodbye?

hmm. maybe i think so. this place jus bugs ppl and it bores them too.

so its time to pack and leave.

bye ppl!

=D

Currently Listening To: This Is The End (For You My Friend) - Anti-Flag

Have We Tried Our Best?

When our time is up,
When our lives are done,
Will we say we've had our fun?

Will we make a mark,
This time.
Will we always say we tried.

Lostprophets

did i try my best? i dunno. considering i've done things most ppl wont do after going through what i went, i do believe that i haf really tried. forgiving isn't an easy thing.

n i guess as much as i din want to tell what i wanted, i did end up doing so anyway. well, that would be the sms that you couldn't reply. and maybe its best that u didn't. it wud haf hurt more.

yes i realise i'm getting in the way. i see that now. wish i wasn't. i wish i was the way u wanted to head to anyway.

i guess this shud b my last emo part post? maybe. but even if it stops i hope its for the right happy reason.

******************

for me to burn one cd of songs takes a lot of thinking. esp on a CD-R. why? cuz i haf to think of what songs i wud want to listen to for the longest time without having to burn another cd. cuz burning a new cd will take more time burning and choosing songs of course. then there's the putting in order of the songs so it'll turn out to be a nice mix CD. so yea. burning a CD to listen to is hard work k. haha.

so when the problem of i'm-too-sick-of-the-cd-in-car and also i've-heard-all-the-other-cds i have arises, i'm forced to burn a CD. and on a CD-R too. cuz if it was a CD-RW at least i can erase the CD later if i dun like it. anyway, it din turn out that bad. abt 20 songs of fast angry emo sort of songs. i'm so proud i burnt such a great CD. haha! plus it sorta gives u the energy and the feeling to drive. the music makes it feel like i'm racing in a game. that sort of feeling la. unfortunately noone to race with now. haih. but its still nice. haha.

speaking of driving, i floored my mom's car that day. and i guess it was kinda disappointing. i mean i managed to get at past 12 AND on a clear highway. yet, it cudn't go fast enough. it actually had like a set cut limit. i managed to reach 140km/h with a 4000rpm. and it never went higher. yes i was flooring it. and my mom's meter shows til 160km/h. like helo?? if i'm flooring it and it stays at 140km/h then how in the world do i get that extra 20km/h?? i jus noticed this. wonder if anyone else has experience this weird unableness to go faster even if the car is being floored.

anyway, i've still got loads of stuff to do which i haven't done yet. sheesh. haih. and this blog will prob close soon too. like real soon. so say ur last goodbyes ppl! =D haha!

oh i jus realised i din blog abt my non-existant bday yet. haha!

see how la. haha!

=P

p.s.: i've lost my voice too. ppl say i may be getting sick. haih.

Currently Listening To: Big Machine (Live) - Goo Goo Dolls

The Importance Of Being Right

When I was fourteen, my father was stationed in Japan. I went rock-climbing with this kid from school. He fell, got injured and I had to bring him to the hospital.

We came in through the wrong entrance, passed this guy in the hall. It was a janitor. Friend came down with an infection and doctors didn't know what to do. So they brought in the janitor.

He was a doctor and a buraku; one of Japan's untouchables. His ancestors had been slaughterers, gravediggers. And this guy knew that he wasn't accepted by the staff, didn't even try, didn't dress well, he didn't pretend to be one of them.

The people around that place, they didn't think that he had anything they wanted, except when they needed him. Because he was right; which meant that nothing else mattered, they had to listen to him.

Gregory House

because when you're right. nothing else matters. cuz noone can bring down someone who is right. cuz they're not wrong.

however, being right and doing the right thing tends to be one of the loneliest features in the world for someone to have.

and sometimes being right abt certain things or ppl can hurt. but i guess when u compare to being wrong abt the previously mentioned things and getting hurt, its much better.

thats why i'm trying to be right in everything. cuz nth else will matter.

Currently Listening To: The Importance Of Being Idle - Oasis

Why Exist Again?

(C) fluidish

man. i'm so selfish. i realise i've been getting worse and worse the past few weeks. causing hurt to people, letting ppl down.

gosh.

i'm sry. i know it can't change all the things i did. but it's all i can give.

and i'm really sry guys for spoiling ur plan and ruinin everyones day by backing out last minute. i'm really really sry.

=/

Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

Yellowcard

Currently Listening To: Believe - Yellowcard

When I Get Home You're So Dead

The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical for us to act like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
And we could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth it
Anymore

[Chorus]
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand how your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

On any other day I'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like this
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple little whore

[Chorus]
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand how your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

Whoa whoa whoo whoa oh yeah

And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over

So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over

[Chorus]
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under
Let's sing lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand how your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

Say hello say hello who oh oh ohh

Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand how your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
And...

Mayday Parade

*****************************

its at times like this i think. think abt all the stuff thats happenned. abt how things wont change. how you nvr want things to change. how ure happy living the wrong way. and its not jus me who thinks it.

n i realised when i was talking with her during VBS earlier, thats the main source of the probs. it was all downhill from there. and now the more i think abt it. things will nvr change. cuz u've changed n u like it where u r and u wont change even tho u shud.

and the sad part is i jus cant and wont live there with you. i'm mean, ure jus happily living ur life happy with everything u've done. thats y u dun see a need to change. its like u always want to take. u always want things to go ur way. u always want things to go the way which the world thinks is right eventho u know its wrong. u always want to take the easy way out. u always dun wanna commit urself to anything so that u haf an escape route to do the wrong things. u always wont even try for me yet u say u want me. but then again u wanted him when u wanted me too right? so i guess i shudn't complain since i'm jus like anyone else. cuz thats who i'm supposed to be right?

damn it. ish. i'm not sure i can do this anymore. hmm.

Currently Listening To: MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday

Because This Won't Go Away.

its like no matter how good things get, it will nvr be right/good enough for things to go back to normal.

at least thats how it seems for now. its feels like you're avoiding it for some reason. but the exact thing ure avoiding is the exact thing i need to fix it.

i hate living my life always havin to wonder what happened exactly. and it bothers me how much it meant to u to that its like u choose to hide it. not let me in abt it. i cant ask cuz i'm afraid of the answer.

i jus wish it didn't mean that much to u that u cudn't tell me. but i cant change the way u feel abt things. haih.

y did this have to happen? but maybe in some way i must have deserved this right? haih.

n y does it mean so much that i sill dont know? "we only hide stuff that matters". but i tot it was a mistake? but i guess it still matters and means smth. haih.

it will always be good. but it seems that it'll nvr be good enuf be right once again. =(

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see that instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable

Relient K

Currently Listening To: Come Right Out And Say It - Relient K

Paintball

haha! yeah. today was paintball day. thx to Clarence winning that voucher on lelong, the 8 of us managed to play paintball with abt 200 pellets each at an amazing price of 21 bucks. haha!

it was an awesome experience i must say. had a ton of fun. but i was extremely tired each round, no stamina la. lousy. ish. so anyway, there were 3 rounds. the first round was the worst for me and my team. yeah we lost the first round. and i like got shot in the face (but thank God for the mask or i'm sure i wud haf died. haha ), my wrist (which actually ended up bleeding) and......

i almost did not be able to become a dad. ;)

but the next round we won! i only got shot once this round. but it was in the head. =/ but thx also to the great wall i was hiding behind i din get shot more la. haha! i was basically covering my teammates and making sure the other team din manage to get their flag. haha. so now the game was tied since we both won one each.

then we went on to the third and final and deciding round. this was the best of all. i din get hit! i so rule! haha! plus! i manage to hit everyone on the other team! i even got Joel by hitting him through two barrels. that was a hard shot k. haha! and thx to Leon's maneuvering skills we managed to get all the flags back to base. so my team won the third round and also the whole game! =D

oh it was a capture the flag game btw. haha. i also managed to get a flag back to "base" in the 2nd "war" cuz my "comrade" was "pinned down" in the "crossfire" . haha! ok i shall stop now with the war terms all. =P

so anyway, was extremely tired. BUT it was damn freaking fun. i'd def do it again. but i'll need more cash. haha!


Currently Listening To: My Blue Heaven - Taking Back Sunday

GUILTY!

haih. damn it la. y did i do that. i shud haf known better.

i promise to never to such a thing again.

i'm sry.

haih. stupid me.

Currently Listening To: Guilty - Blue

Oh Did I Mention?

That this guy is damn pro?



seriously. some ppls hands are jus too fast la.

Currently Listening To: Liar (It Takes One To Know One) - Taking Back Sunday

New Com (Sorta)

well, cuz it's reformatted la. sorta like new. and it took damn bloody long jus to get this done ok. i'm so tired physically and mentally. had to burn out all the stuff off the com. that took me 23 CD's ok. haih. and the burning took the whole day! but thats also cuz i wasn't around at some times la. and when i first refortmatted. there was a virus! which stopped everything from working! gosh. it was so annoying. and the reason i reformatted was cuz of the virus!

so anyway, today i decided to reformat again. and this time things are much better. i haf Norton on now too. hopefully it actually does smth. and the new ares and firefox running too. plus i partitioned the hard disk too. so yea. feeling really acomplished abt the com. although a lot of other stuff went wrong today. annoyingly wrong. haih. but now i need to get my com back to how it was. haih.

i want a new com la. aih.

Currently Listening To: Nth - No songs in com yet.

Oh Happy Day

hmm today seems to have went like really good la. dunno y.

1. Lunch was at TGIF. really good and tasty. haha.

2. Got to drive the Perdana today.

3. found out my (self proclaimed) car is getting a NEW ENGINE! (this was the best part of the day) and apparently its faster than the old one. y new engine? cuz for some reason a piston came lose and broke through and made a hole in the engine block. mechanic says its a freak accident and has only happened one other time in his whole mechanic life.

4. i beat Ruth in an arguement. haha! because i was right la of course. hahaha!

5. i finally got my new earphones! another great part. now i can blast music into my ears again. haha! Thx Caleb.

6. i got to rub it in to Eunice's and Hannah's face that i'm done with my exams!! woohoo!! haha!

thats all la. but i'm not a guy who needs much to be happy. haha!

anyway, GOOD LUCK STPM-ERS!! this goes out to Josef, Darryn, Jason, Eunice and anyone else i've missed out. study hard and concentrate well and most importantly: DON'T FORGET TO PRAY!!! =D

Oh happy day (oh happy day)
Oh happy day (oh happy day)

Currently Listening To: Lift Your Name Up - Planetshakers

Where Are Those Words?

u know right. when ppl are emo, they need to hear like comforting words. words that totally put out all their fears and doubts. but sometimes ppl dun need any words of encouragement. they need the right one. the ones that they want to hear. sometimes they're emo so that they get to hear those words from ppl. some reassuring words. but when no words are given to assure, it jus makes things worse. for example, if person A were to emo and tell person B that they don't feel loved, person A would obviously want person B to tell them that he/she is loved by person B. it sorta makes things better i believe.

but the prob is when person A doesn't get that. they get smth like "hey, things will get better.". it jus doesn't help. and another problem arises to person A. as it wud sorta be obvious that what answer they would have wanted, why couldn't person B say that? it only leads to one conclusion, person B doesn't feel that way. Person B doesn't even care abt person A. cuz they wud haf said so if they did right? but they cudn't and wudn't if they didn't feel tat way. and they wont even lie and say they do to person A cuz they know person A hates to be lied to. so they jus haf to say the truth and avoid saying such a thing.

person B thinks they're managing to save their butt from telling a lie to a fren who hates lies but fails in comforting their fren. and if they were to lie and make their fren better for that while, their fren wud be mad cuz they said smth like that and din mean it if they found out. so it's like a lose-lose situation in any way.

and person A is also in a lose-lose situation. either they get what they wanna hear and be lied to, or they dun get lied to and be emo cuz they know their fren can't say it cuz they dun mean it.

so which wud u prefer?

no i din get what i wanted to hear. but i guess cuz u know i dun like ppl saying what they dun mean, you couldn't say it. and as much as i'm happy u dun say things u dun mean to me, the feeling to know you couldn't mean that hurts much, much more. =(

Where are you now?

Jack's Mannequin

Currently Listening To: Not Now - blink-182

Die Spec Math, DIE!

yes Die!! finally done with SPEC MATH!!
STUPID PAPER WAS SO FREAKING CRAZY GILER HARD!!

COULDNT ANSWER 2 WHOLE QUESTIONS!!

AS IN BLANK!! NTH!!

SHEESH!! TOO MUCH MAN!!

BUT!!

it's over so i dun wanna care di. plus a lot of ppl said it was hard also. so i'm in a mix of happiness and sadness. but more happiness now.

CUZ IT"S OVER!!! =D

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

30 Seconds To Mars

yes u may have killed and buried me Spec Math with your hard killer questions... BUT!! I AM FINISHED WITH YOU!!! =D


Currently Listening To: March Of The Dogs - Sum 41

Big Machine

Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine now,
Oh you’re so vain,
Now your world is way too fast,
Nothing’s real and nothing lasts,
And I’m aware
I’m in love but you don’t care.

Turn your anger into lust,
I’m still here but you don’t trust at all,
And I’ll be waiting,
Love and sex and loneliness,
Take what’s yours and leave the rest,
So I'll survive,
God it’s good to be alive.

(Chorus)
I’m torn in pieces,
I’m blind and waiting for
My heart is reeling,
I’m blind and waiting for you.

Still in love with all your sins,
Where you stop and I begin, and I’ll
I’ll be waiting,
Living like a house on fire,
What you fear is your desire,
It’s hard to deal,
I still love the way you feel.

Now this angry little girl,
Drowning in this petty world,
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills,
That’s what makes you beautiful,
You’re all or not,
I don’t need what you ain’t got.

(Chorus)
I’m torn in pieces,
I’m blind and waiting for..
My heart is reeling,
I’m blind and waiting for you.

I’m blind and waiting for you,
I’m blind and waiting for you,
No I can’t believe its coming true,
God its good to be alive and I’m still here waiting for you,
No I can’t believe its coming true,
I’m blind and waiting for you.

Goo Goo Dolls

Perfectly said.

Currently Listening To: Big Machine - Goo Goo Dolls

Soon Soon

yes. soon it'll all be over. but i know its gonna be a hard test yet i hardly studied. ish. stupid la. if i do badly its all my fault. ish. dumb me la.

k enuf cursing myself. haha. yup still thinkin abt a lot of stuff. stuff i shud know and stuff thats gonna happen. but i'm not emo. which is good! =D

n House yesterday was the bomb la. nvr seen him so pissed off b4 this. n that stpid Tritter. and i pity Chase too. for once actually. hayooo. House rocks la. for those who dun watch u shud watch now. cept this week u dun see how chun he is at solving cases la. u jus see him pissed off. haha!

House:
Monday 10 p.m.

Repeats on:
Tuesday 3 p.m.
Saturday 12 p.m.
Saturday 9 p.m.

man i sound like some AXN ad now. haha. k really need to go now. study and pack and what not.

bye!


Currently Listening To: Not Ashamed - Planetshakers

This Is What I Do During Study Time

aiyooo.. either way also i lose. and how long will it be like this? i know things wont settle cuz u wont let it settle. aih. problem problem. but i'm tryin ur best to follow ur plan and pretend nth ever happened and everything is fine. but its damn hard k. cuz i know its not settled even if we pretend it is and it will still bug me and stayin my mind. aih.

anyway, made some dumb mistake last night. i shall not do it again. like seriously. damn malu man =S haha. hope they are not angry or pissed or anything tho.

and studying has been goin bad. cuz i've planted myself with the thought that everything will be fine tho i know its not. plus now when i study i end up thinkin of the future and stuff so lagi hard to study. ish.

*****************
i cant stand the way ppl hide stuff. its like they know its bad news and its not smth good abt them so they dun tell. esp to someone who is supposed to be important to them. ish. k for example (no this is not real) if ppl haf said that u and some girl look really close together as tho u guys are mmg together, y cant u jus tell ur real girl abt it? if its nth then u wont have a prob telling them abt it right? and if u cant tell it obviously means smth right? that means u shud stop and get out while u can. but noooo. u wont wanna get out cuz u enjoy her company and the "closeness" u haf right. u'd rather not abandon that closeness but u'd rather abandon ur girl and lie to her.

so who's more important? ur girl or ure supposed fren which the thing u have between u n ur fren is nth? if it means nth to u abt the other girl u cud tell ur girl everything abt the other girl and not be worried. cuz ure telling the truth and not hiding anything. sure u may argue that "oh i din lie to her. i jus din tell her." rubbish la k.u know ure still lying and cheating her.who are u trying to fool by giving urself an excuse, a way out, if ure found out. everyone knows what it means when u hide stuff like that. ESPECIALLY stuff like that. y cant u jus tell her if it means nth. if what u haf is nth but frenship then u shud haf no prob telling. or ure prob the type of person who believes a good relationship is built on lies. bullshit la. and lies are not when u dun tell the truth only k. it covers half-truths and also stuff u dun tell.

if u cant trust her by telling and if u realise that u cant tell, ur girl doesnt need to know the truth. doesnt deserve to know the truth. then maybe she's not the one for u and u shud leave b4 u cause anymore damage. cuzabt smth that supposedly means nth to u, y wud she trust u either. and if she really does mean smth to u, well i dun need to emphasize on what u need to do right?

honestly ask urself, do u really think she wud be mad if u told her the truth or if u nvr told her. and if u say oh, she'll nvr find out. can u live with the fact ure living with her and ure lying to her? cuz if u can u sure have one heck of a great "conscience". n ask urself too. if she did smth like that to you, wud u want her to tell u or jus act as if u dun need to know? obviously u wud want to know right? even if it was smth between them too. so if u want her to tell, you know u shud tell too. treat others how u wud want them to treat you.

oh and thats jus one example. if i go into more this post will be crazy long and i still need to study. haha. maybe some other day la k. and this hiding stuff thing ins't jus for a guy and girl who are together k. it can be between frens and family too. a small example is hiding what you do. the things u say.

so i'll leave u with a question, would you lie/hide things from the ppl tha are important to you? jus so u can pretend to them u live a perfect life? ask urself that.

There's truth in your lies
Doubt in your faith
What you build you lay to waste
There's truth in your lies
Doubt in your faith
All I've got's what you didn't take

So I / I wont be the one
Be the one to leave this
In pieces
And you / You will be alone
Alone with all your secrets
And regrets
Don't lie

Linkin Park

Currently Listening To: Memory - Sugarcult

Try Again?

nope i think not la. been tryin and trying that i do believe that i've come to a point that i've become annoying. so i'm not gonna bother already la. checked jus now and it stands at fourteen. i think la of course. not sure at all. but nvm la. the important parts r d ones missed out but i'm not gonna do anything anymore. jus too tired of tryin and gettin no results. dun say i din try cuz i know ure annoyed by the trying. hayooo. y u like that ah?

n i realised if ure always afraid, u'll nvr go anywhere. and procrastination (maybe it fits here) will just screw ur life. cuz when u realise u need something done, u dun haf time to do it. oh well. some ppl choose this path.

hayooo i'm like sooo not in the mood today la.

esp cuz i'm right abt sutff. ish. y la.

k gtg. game. i mean study.

bye.

And I wish that I could be
Another better part of me
Can't hear what you're thinking
Maybe if I just let go
You'd open up your heart

Daniel Beddingfield

Currently Listening To: I Can't Read You - Daniel Beddingfield

Surviving On Nth

like really. long story short.

Math Final Exam Paper. 7a.m. to 10p.m. 8th Nov. Deepavali day.

Night b4. A few Indian guys decided to celebrate Deepavali by playing football at the field which is like just 5 floors down my hostel window. They played eventhough it rained. They made a hell load of noise. i cant sleep with noise. they played til 5 a.m. i am supposed to wake up for my exam at 5 a.m. so yes. I DID NOT SLEEP THE WHOLE FREAKING NIGHT. AT ALL. note the 3hour Math paper i'm due to sit for.

din haf time to eat breakfast either. went to INTEC anyway cuz i dun haf a choice. was so pissed with those guys cuz i din get my sleep. even Erica and Karen noticed my grouchyness. so sat for the test. damn it was ok. so i tot. realised i made a lot of careless mistakes now. rubbish la. and the hall was damn cold. yes i was wearing my jacket.

so came out of the hall: brain dead cuz of sleepyness, stomach growling cuz no food, body shivering cuz of extreme coldness. yes horrible k.

came home for 10 min to change then went out for Nisha's Deepavali Open House. My goodness. Her house is like a palace. and i'm not joking. too bad i got no pics. after that had nth to do so went with Ruth to go watch movie at Mines. Bee Movie. not bad. kinda nice. funnily i din sleep off at any part of the movie. then walked around cuz some ppl cudnt decide where to eat. settled for Subway. shared a 6-inch cuz neither of us were hungry due to the popcorn we ate earlier. then after that went home. there was some drama thingy goin on at the KTM la. which was kinda cool.

went home kinda emo and confused abt situations and stuff. whether what is right and wrong. what are the limits. am i teaching ppl the wrong thing. haih.

finally reached home at 9.30 and my mom is sooo pissed off. cuz she feels i spent the day out so long. like haih. come on la. i'm 19 already! thats a year older than 18. i know how to take care of myself la. y cant i go out and haf fun with my frens?? its not like we're doin anything bad and illegal like drinking,smoking or even clubbing. its just an open house,movie and dinner.its good clean fun and yet i'm so restricted. after some crazy exam somemore k. let me haf some rest la. i know how to take care of myself. i live at the hostel 5 days a week k. and at least i tell where i'm goin and with who too. i've got nth to hide. aih!

aih. anyway, extremely tired now. physically spent cuz right now its been 36 hours straight i havent slept and i've been doin a lot of stuff i feel. emotional spent cuz of the emo stuff i was thinking and the other limits stuff. hungerly spent cuz i hardly ate today eventho i was at an Open House with great food and hardly ate for dinner.

so i'll jus die soon la k. :) i'm surviving on nth so far. food sleep and emotions all gone. soon i'll lose control and go into insanity.

k i shud really go now. i think i'm like on the way there. haha!

I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control

Hoobastank

Currently Listening To: When I'm Gone - Simple Plan

Remember Remember, The 5th Of November

and so it begins. my final days at INTEC doing my AUSMAT program.

hopefully it will all turn out the way it shud.

jus hopefully.

Waking up at the start of the end of the world...

Matchbox Twenty

Currently Listening To: The Last Something That Meant Anything - Mayday Parade