Clan

how awesome. someone asked me to join their clan. :)

i feel pretty wow now. :)

Currently Playing: Modern Warfare 2

Perfect Answer

i just realised. this whole time, there was actually a perfect answer.

and when i say perfect answer, i mean perfect. as in, every single time, if this had been used, everything would be solved. and it was also the right answer.

the perfect answer to bring happiness.

but the trick was, to actually mean it. which i guess would be the problem. cuz hey, it's easy to say stuff and not mean it right?

oh well. you can't get what you don't deserve and don't try for right? :)

so no perfect answer for me. :)

Currently Listening To: All For The Taking - Turtle Giant

Everything You Ever Wanted And Needed

has been here the whole time.

all the answers. have been given to you.

everything to make your life right, the way you want it to be. all have been said to your face.

it's whether you choose to see it.

or you choose to give up.

that is up to you.

but all you ever wanted and needed to know.

i have given all of you.

now open your eyes.

cuz there's only a number of hints i can drop. so that in some cases, what you do will be sincere.

Currently Watching: Lord of The Rings 2: The Two Towers (Extended Edition)

Shakira

u know, i realise i have no appreciation for dance at all.

but somehow, watching Shakira dance in the music vid for Waka Waka, man that's impressive.

seriously. so i realised, that flexible ppl, are gr8 dancers. and actually make dance more interesting.

k that's all.

random. ya. :)

Currently Watching: Psych Season 4 Episode 14

888

i just remembered, even though last night was a night of major screw ups, at least i found out i wasn't used afterall. :)

Currently Listening To: Breathing - Yellowcard

What In The World La

like since when my tolerance dropped so much?

i'm quite irritated by that.

and also by the fact that i'm a nuisance to others when i get drunk.

and i can't remember shit.

ish.

looks like more training is involved.

Currently Listening To: Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls

Insects. Pests. Bugs.

i think what's annoying is i think i know, but i'll never be sure.

some days, i prefer to know nth at all than not enough information.

but it just totally makes sense that he'd be the one i guess.

and i figured i'd prob nvr be ok. by the way i always seem to have a problem at the smallest sight of him.

best part is, i know i shouldn't be pissed. but that's what happens after so long i guess.


but the one positive thing i keep learning, is that after a while, u just get used to everything, that they don't seem to matter.


"Time. It all just takes time. And everything will turn out fine..."

Currently Listening To: Voices - Saosin

Postpone Postpone

just cuz i've got things to distract me.

i know i should do it b4 things get "worse".


weird part is, i'm not even sure WHY i'm postponing.

hmmm


in other news,

nah. won't be saying that here. :)

Currently Listening To: Last Train Home (Demo) - Lostprophets

Ask! But What If

i wanna ask for it. but i guess in some way, it's like if u do all you can to get smth, but then what u get isn't as gr8 as what u expected, u still end up kinda disappointed la.

so yeah. think i shall not ask then. and just wait for it. since it's bound to come anyway.


and wow. sat coming soon. can't wait. shud be awesome. i hope i don't screw up and everyone else is up to mark.


and i realise how much i prefer performing as to studying. why can't that be my life. ish.

Currently Listening To: Ride Wit Me - Nelly

The Norm

one thing abt the norm i hate is how things are not of the norm.

more specifically things that ppl don't see as the norm and the things that have to do with my life.

it seems like the more known it is, the more i feel i don't wanna hide it.


maybe i'm just affected by the surrounding situations that make me wanna don't care and just let whatever implications happen.

what sucks is, noone remembers the good u do, but they will forever remember the bad.


i wasn't going to say this, but since i'm here typing this already, why not.


i'm tired. i'm tired of being the one ppl rely on. i'm tired of being the good guy. i'm tired of being the one to look up to.

i'm tired of saving ppl. i'm tired of giving chances to those who take it for granted. i'm tired of being used by ppl who know i will still forgive them.

i'm tired of doing the right thing. while everyone screws up. and get's away with it. and i know 95% of ppl reading this are still or have screwed up.

and it sucks how if i were to screw up, i will still be judge by those who screw up.

i want to not care. i want to live the way i have always wanted to.

i've tried doing the right things, cuz that's what i know i should do. and also cuz i tot it was what everyone would be doing. so i figured i won't be the only loser doing the right thing. i'd have ppl backing me up. cuz hey, being a loser isn't so bad when ure not doing it alone.

then i realised, the ppl i trusted the most are the ones who screwed up the most.

so now, i want to screw up. but ppl have built a rep of me, without knowing the real me, so i don't wanna let them down.

and i want to do the right things, but i see no point if noone else is going to follow rules.

so i'm tired. i'm tired of being the person who you think i am. i guess at some point i enjoyed doing the right thing, just knowing what i'm doing is right was satisfying. avoiding temptation for the sake of doing the right thing.

but i can't do this anymore. esp if it's just me doing the right thing.

i can't be the role model anymore.

so if you've seen me deteriorate over the past 3 years, i'm sorry. it was never part of the plan. i was just not strong enough. as i saw it pointless to be the only one standing for what's right when most ppl around me just followed the world.

so here's my humblest apologies.

Currently Listening To: Take My Away - Lifehouse

Sometimes, The Hub Can Give You A Good Laugh

[19:34] SilentNub> has ne1 here played the game singularity?
[19:35] Catalyst> im going to say no because its shorter than yes, as you said ne1 because its shorter than anyone
[19:35] Catalyst> so no
[19:35] SilentNub> ...
:D

lol

Currently Listening To: Breakin' - The All American Rejects

You Got The Chance

this is what you wanted.

so don't screw it up.

you've spent days wondering when you would get a chance like this.

so don't screw it up.

do everything you can to make sure this chance you get doesn't go to waste.

u better make damn sure.

****

so since it's here, imma do everything i can. i'm not gonna be lazy. i'm going to make it perfect. so i don't have to walk away with any regret.

i can do this, so i'm going to.

Currently Listening To: Secrets - One Republic

My Better, Is Better Than Your Better

i love this. esp cuz of the perasan-ness. AWESOME LA.

Currently Doing: Anything better than you. >;)

It Just Only Happens, Everytime

and then you went and proved (once again) it was all just a lie.

things said was from the spur of the moment.

i guess i kinda expected more than a "yeah finally i got what i want (without trying again)" and then just leaving it.

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?

You Found Me
The Fray

funny how i'm always the one trying to fix things when it's not me who screwed up.

k i have to learn not to take ppl's words seriously. esp if they're alone and emotional. hmmm

i really gotta learn to accept that a leopard can't change it's spots. and i've been learning to accept the things i deserve instead of crap. (but then again, i deserved what i got. hmm)

oh well, time to chill out and relax.

so going away for a few days.

Currently Listening To: You Found Me - The Fray