Friday, July 16, 2010

The Norm

one thing abt the norm i hate is how things are not of the norm.

more specifically things that ppl don't see as the norm and the things that have to do with my life.

it seems like the more known it is, the more i feel i don't wanna hide it.

maybe i'm just affected by the surrounding situations that make me wanna don't care and just let whatever implications happen.

what sucks is, noone remembers the good u do, but they will forever remember the bad.

i wasn't going to say this, but since i'm here typing this already, why not.

i'm tired. i'm tired of being the one ppl rely on. i'm tired of being the good guy. i'm tired of being the one to look up to.

i'm tired of saving ppl. i'm tired of giving chances to those who take it for granted. i'm tired of being used by ppl who know i will still forgive them.

i'm tired of doing the right thing. while everyone screws up. and get's away with it. and i know 95% of ppl reading this are still or have screwed up.

and it sucks how if i were to screw up, i will still be judge by those who screw up.

i want to not care. i want to live the way i have always wanted to.

i've tried doing the right things, cuz that's what i know i should do. and also cuz i tot it was what everyone would be doing. so i figured i won't be the only loser doing the right thing. i'd have ppl backing me up. cuz hey, being a loser isn't so bad when ure not doing it alone.

then i realised, the ppl i trusted the most are the ones who screwed up the most.

so now, i want to screw up. but ppl have built a rep of me, without knowing the real me, so i don't wanna let them down.

and i want to do the right things, but i see no point if noone else is going to follow rules.

so i'm tired. i'm tired of being the person who you think i am. i guess at some point i enjoyed doing the right thing, just knowing what i'm doing is right was satisfying. avoiding temptation for the sake of doing the right thing.

but i can't do this anymore. esp if it's just me doing the right thing.

i can't be the role model anymore.

so if you've seen me deteriorate over the past 3 years, i'm sorry. it was never part of the plan. i was just not strong enough. as i saw it pointless to be the only one standing for what's right when most ppl around me just followed the world.

so here's my humblest apologies.

Currently Listening To: Take My Away - Lifehouse

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