Expect Disappointment

i just feel so numb.

i dunno. i guess when i read what i read, i didn't expect to hear that. maybe i expected something more... of higher values? hmm.

i dunno. it's just disappointment. it seems like i'm trying to fix the world but it just keeps falling apart. why? why don't ppl see what's right and wrong? what gives them this skewed perspective? is it friends? is it family? is it just because of rebeliousness? or is it just because they don't know? but if they didn't know and they were told, would they want to accept it? it scares me to know that most probably they wouldn't. they'd rather not choose to sacrifice something eventhough they know it's wrong.

maybe i expect too much of ppl nowdays? i guess i want to live in a world where ppl who are supposed to be good do the right things. and have the right mindset.

why?

and why do i care so much?

apparently it's Messiah Complex according to Sanjit. and it sucks.

the only way to beat this is to not care.

and like ppl have been saying in blogs these past few days, possibly the only way to not be disappointed it to not expect at all.

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in other news...

my results i got back. i'm actually not happy with it at all. maybe cuz i also had the impression it's easy as to do well. haih. i dunno. i just feel... like i didn't do well enough for some reason.

actually i did do well, it's just that one subject that i'm not happy about. i mean, i totally didn't expect to do badly for that sub. and i did badly. maybe it's the term test that brought me down. or maybe everyone else did well.

honestly, i don't have a reason to complain actually. i definitely didn't study as hard as the others. heck far from study hard. i should be rejoicing at the grades i got.

but aih. i guess i'm just greedy. and not satisfied with what i have. i know i have to study hard. but can i even do it? i need to change! for my own sake! haih. i hope next year is diff.

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i miss Yih Ren. i miss playing with him so much. cuz he and i like practically memorised all the bits and parts to songs that we don't need practice all we need to do is play.

it's like that time at Youth Camp last year. he on drums and me on bass. it was just a random session that we had. just "oh hey, let's jam" and there we were playing like 4-5 songs back-to-back without even practicing.

now that's jamming. and even if we messed up we managed to like fix it without stopping the song. and we knew when the song when to the verse and what not.

so yeah, i miss Yih Ren. wish there were more ppl like him. then we cud prob form a band or smth.

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yeah i'm pretty emo today. possibly cuz i'm tired too. enjoy reading.

Currently Listening To: Run - Hillsong