I Would Say It's The Greatest Thing I've Learnt In My Life

what is it?

this: loving people the way you would love someone like you're in love with them.


there's just something satisfying about truly caring about the well being of someone. whether it's their physical and mental health.


plus, it's also what the world needs more isn't it? people caring for each other?

and when i mean caring, it's like how u would care for your gf/bf/wife/husband/sister/brother. think abt it, these ppl, you supposedly love a lot and would treat and care for them with all you can right?

now if you do that for all the people you love (and on occasion those you don't love), it would just make the world a better place right?


so yeah that's the greatest thing i've learnt. loving and caring for people as much as i can without falling in love with them or whatever. just learning to care for people, cuz a lot of ppl in this world need love.


hmmm. yeah. i dunno. yet another post that didn't come out as i intended it to sound like. oh well, hope you get it anyway.


p.s.: hmm i just realised, this is probably why ppl think i'm together with a lot of girls. cuz i treat them well. lol.

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

Speaking Malay

so apparently, i just found out today, that guys can speak BM more naturally than girls.

well, in my life it's true la.

i mean, my sisters, and quite a few of my girl friends, when they speak BM, it's like seriously like damn kayu. it's kinda ilarious to listen to tho.

and then the guys, i rarely ever hear them sound weird speaking malay.


i dunno why that is. it's quite interesting.


but of course, i'm not saying ALL guys speaking malay non-kayuly and ALL girls speak like some mat salleh attempting to speak.

i do know some guys who sound so bad speaking malay and some girls whom you'd think they're malay as well.

so yeah.

just in general mostly.

quite interesting. :)

Currently Watching: Glee Season 2 Episode 8 - Furt

If You're Wondering What's The Reason, This Would Be It

somehow the image of that person has tied in to that thing i do.

so now, if anything to do with her pops up, i automatically feel the need for one.

well in my defense, it kinda does make me feel better.


damn it. should have brought the pack along.

Currently Listening To: Your Love Is My Drug - Ke$ha

Spoilt Kid

i realise, each year when i go back, i go from being this independant kid, to this spoilt kid.

honestly. no need to wash cups or dishes. fridge always full. no need to wash laundry. no need to iron and fold. no need to even put away. no need to make bed. no need to clean room. extra car to use.

it all "just happens"

bloody hell i'm quite the spoilt kid when i'm in Malaysia

well, i guess it makes me look forward to going home. :)

Currently Listening To: Bulletproof - La Roux

Keeper

i really don't like to throw stuff away.

they just mean smth to me i guess.

like i still have the tyre of my first skateboard. and the candles from my bday last year.


oh my gosh! i'm a hoarder! :O

Currently Listening To: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

Do Not Want That Attitude In My Life

k first of all, i don't know if it's a malaysian or other countries do this as well.

but, i know at least malaysians are damn kiasu. don't care what race u r, chances are u are kiasu.

why?

it's like when a person knows something, that noone else knows, they'll tell the whole world. BUT, when ppl ask how u know/how you got that thing, the person won't tell, or will be super reluctant to tell.

i dunno why, but a lot of malaysians are quite stingy with their knowledge. it's like, once they tell, they feel like ppl won't come back to them to ask for help. it's like they like the attention.

but i guess u cud say they like being useful and needed and all. but yeah, why so stingy la? esp with friends?

it's like, i used to know ppl, who get music updates and songs very fast. and when you ask them, which site do you get it from? they don't wanna tell. they'd just say, i'll get for you la. why is it so hard to tell?

even with episodes of shows or movies or anything. heck it doesn't have to be online stuff. but in general la. malaysians just don't seem to want to share knowledge.

i know my friend had asked me once before where to get a certain game and just told me to private msg him on FB. i'm assuming he said pm cuz he thought i don't want the whole world to know where i got the game since i was one of the first few who got it. but instead, i just posted where i got it from to his wall.

so what if the whole world knows? so what if i won't be the sole person playing the game and everyone may start asking "how's the game" and "wah so lucky you got it so fast". i'm really not that desperate for attention. and honestly, if i have to rely on knowing where to get games as something special about me, since i'm the only person who knows if i don't share where i get it from, then that's kinda sad right? that the special thing is knowing where to get games. well to me it's kinda a sad case thing.


k of course, maybe i'm the only one feeling this way abt the witholding knowledge thing? but am i?


cuz at the end right, these ppl end up wanting to pull down ppl who do well. why? cuz they want to be on top, they want to be wanted and needed.

but shouldn't we be the one encouraging ppl? and helping them be better? how r we going to make the world a better place if all you do is just tear down ppl who do well.

is it really that hard for you to feel happy for someone who has smth you want? just be happy for them. why be jealous? not gonna help you in any way.

and yet, another post where i don't think i'm getting my original point across. why is it so hard to explain these thoughts in my head!!?

:)

but yeah. anyway, these two attitudes, i do not want to have in my life.
1. Reluctant to share info
2. Pull people down.

i know i used to be like that as well. and i'm glad that i've changed. i wanna do the opposite. tell ppl if they ask stuff and also encourage ppl.

think about it, you don't lose anything either way by doing those two. you tell ppl, you help them, and you still don't lose ur knowledge by telling them. and when you encourage ppl, still don't lose anything but you build the person up and help the person feel good about themselves.

of course, if you wanna complain you lose time and lose breath telling/talking to the person, then i dunno what to say la. lol. like that also can complain, then it's a wonder if you have friends. lol.


i type so long, and at the end i look back, and i wonder if i made sense. and if i managed to get my true point across.

oh well. at least i feel better now i said smth about it.

check one more off the list of stuff i wanna blog about.

:)

Currently Listening To: Closer To The Edge - 30 Seconds To Mars

I'm Being Healthy

i've had a really gr8 past few days. after exams.

been spending time talking and just listening to ppl talk.

and basically just lepaking la. feels great.

managed to catch up with Su Yuan as well. missed hanging out and talking with her actually.

i'm also learning to let go of those things that really bugged me last year. trying my best to understand and let go the feelings of being left out and what not.

so yeah, things are going good. :)


and why i'm healthy?

cuz u know, laughter is the best medicine. :) and i'm been taking a lot of medicine then. lol.


Beauty Foo.


hahahahahahhahaha. laughed until i couldn't breathe and thought my lungs were gonna pop. lol.

so gonna miss so many ppl next year. all the ppl leaving actually. i mean, like almost everyone at the party i know i'm going to miss. and for some reason, i realised, i'm kinda "close" to the batch leaving. like done quite a bit of stuffz with most of them. and each one there's smth special about them and smth only they have which i know noone else can replace. their personality la. which is why i know next year, even though we may not have talked much, from those small times we did talk and lepak, i know i'm going to miss them.

ahhh. emo. darn, if only ppl didn't have to leave. :(


but, i guess i should be happy that they're moving on to greater things in their life. can't be selfish and keep them here right? so just gotta be happy for them i guess. :)



the more i think about it. the more and more this year is being an epic year.

I LOVE THIS YEAR. :D

despite the nonsense and the ridiculous bad stuff that has happened, i still love this year.

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here
All Time Low

i guess, i don't wanna waste another minute being emo. :)

Currently Listening To: Weightless - All Time Low

Noticing It Cause It Aint Usually There

i have.

a Bible in my room.

it feels weird.

considering, i haven't had one in my room the whole year.

hmmm

k at least i'll be returning it to owner soon.

Currently Listening To: Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

Can't Be Just Me Right???

today, i found out, that 16 year olds use perfumes priced at abt RM270. and, apparently this is normal.


i'm in shock.


someone pls tell me that i'm not crazy for thinking that's a ridiculous amount to spend on perfume.

and also that it's ridiculous that a SIXTEEN year old is the one with the ridiculously expensive perfume.

and also that it's not normal.


i still believe this is insane. and parents are really spoiling and manja-ing their kids.

Currently Listening To: Error: Operator - Taking Back Sunday

Add This To The List Of Things I Don't Like About Me

i really don't like how i complain abt stuff before actually "experiencing" the thing.

why? cuz then when the thing isn't so bad, i end up wrong. and well, i hate being wrong.


so now, i guess i have to take back abt complaining abt her. cuz i really did enjoy her company. it was fun honestly. and well, she was the only reason, i just sat there and studied, instead of going off to a comp to be distracted.

ah. i should learn to appreciate those ppl who do good in my life more.


Currently Listening To: I Still Remember - Bloc Party

Yes, This Always Happens To Me

i’m going somewhere, and out of the corner of my eye i see someone.

So i turn and just glance at them. Cause they’re looking at me and I don’t wanna look like i’m staring.

So then i turn back my head to where I’m going. Then, a few seconds later I realise that was a person I’ve met before.

So I turn around to say hi.

BUT, most of the time the person is not looking at me anymore. Why? Clearly since i looked and turned away, it would seem like I don’t remember the person. SO that’s what they think.

So then it goes on that person thinks i don’t remember them. So the next time we walk past each other, I get ignored this time. Cuz hey, why say hi to someone who doesn’t remember you right? If you do, and the person doesn’t say hi back, you end up looking like a weirdo.

AND on top of that, I look like some arrogant guy who doesn’t remember ppl.

GR8.

and also, I have this feeling most people don't remember me. cuz after meeting one time, why would they remember me right? i guess i don't expect ppl to have the same memory to remember ppl like me.

BUT then, my memory aint that good either. like i have a prob remembering ppl's faces and names sometimes. however, this is like, soon after meeting them. so all the more i might ignore them if i walk past them or smth. the retarded thing is, after seeing them like probably 2 or 3 times more, that's when i recognise i've met them. but by then, i already seem like some perasan case who doesn't remember ppl.

it's like i'm made to be antisocial. gr8 la.

lol

Currently Listening To: Top Of The World - Kate Voegele

It's A Secret

i just realised smth i said. and it's pretty awesome that i can say it.

what did i say?

this:

it's a secret, that's why i told only you.


:)

it's pretty awesome having someone you can trust to keep a secret i must say.



and yet again, i'm being happy, despite the fact the exam today was just horrible.

i think, i've had so many bad things happen in my life, that now, when things happen, since i've gotten so used to brushing them off, it's so easy to just brush it off and be happy.

i'm being happy when there's bad things happening. and the times i'm emo, is when my life is empty.

so, apparently, i function well, when there's bad things going on?



right.


lol.


and b4 i end, i must say this - I FOUND MY DREAMJOB.

details soon.

Currently Listening To: He Reigns - Newsboys

Blame The Thumb Drive

The kid scares me in some way. cuz only in front of the person i don't hold back.

like how last night, eventhough i practice such gr8 self control in the things i say, always keeping in mind the things i say, thinking first b4 saying, the words just came out. and a few seconds after that is only when i realised what i said, and how naturally it came out. it's like unfiltered me came out.

i guess that's what happens when ure close with someone or you both know each others dark secrets. cuz then it's like, what's the point in lying? like as if u don't know the stuff i don't want ppl to know.

however, i still managed to somehow keep that part of me away. like how i always hide that from everyone. but then again, i always hide that, so it's just natural to not let those emotions show.

but then again, maybe it was the topic that brought out the unfiltered me. well, it was a "special" topic. lol.

but anyway, on another note, my face reading/posture and reactions reading proved right. again. heh. either that person is just easy to read, or i'm getting better. i bloody knew it. :) thx for showing me i was right. lol.

it's funny how u can not like a person, and like a person for the same reasons. and the reason? cuz the person is exactly like u. like FREAKING EXACTLY. the thoughts he has abt certain ppl, are the same. like he thinks the same way you do. it's liberating to see it's not just me with those thoughts. but at the same time, you don't like him, cuz he's like you. all the parts you don't like abt urself, he has as well. and this "don't like" turns into a like as well. that's why it's prob easy to tell him stuff. it's just easy when there's someone like you. it's pretty cool having a bro.

it's also funny how he managed to ask that question. did i make it too obvious? or am i missing smth i should be seeing. i mean, i'm a complete fail at catching hints from ppl. but the weird part is, i tend to catch things i'm not supposed to know. it's a good thing i'm good at playing dumb. very good in fact that most ppl think i'm dumb. :( or so i think. but it works out somehow i guess. sometimes, i prefer to act/react based on concrete evidence rather than assumptions. esp with complex things like this. hmmm

and once again, on an unrelated note again, smth i thought of: i may be the best for you, but someone like you definitely deserves better than that.

somehow feels like a quote that could be used for one tree hill. prob that's what inspired the thought.

What Shows Are Teaching Me

as i see it, there's prob 4 shows now that is affecting my life.

One Tree Hill
100% sure this makes up the emo part of me. the good side tho, it's like helping me to know how to become the perfect guy sorta thing. unfortunately, the show also makes me think there's like this perfect girl out there. which kinda makes you wonder, how come all the awesome stuff in movies don't happen in real life but the bad stuff does. hmmm.

House
this helps me figure out ppl's intentions, and possible reasons for doing things. (clearly not the medical side of the show). it's like he manages to figure out what ppl are thinking from their actions, and reactions. and also when they don't react as well.

Lie To Me
totally helps me read ppl better. like their facial expressions, voice tone, sentence structures, actions and reactions again can help tell if a person is lying. tho, some of the stuff they say, not too sure whether it's true. oh yeah, learning to control my facial expressions also, so ppl don't figure out what you really mean/feel.

Hustle
well, this show just helps to be a better con man. lol. and also thinking on your feet. and planning for all angles of things that might happen.


you know what. i just realised all these things i'm learning from the shows, are just making me a better con man. lol.

k class in 15. prob shud go soon.

feels good to be free. :)

Currently Listening To: The Running Man - The Audition

Jigsaw The Puzzle

there's this massive rant abt how it's not cool abt how i don't fit in here. and no i don't blame anyone else but me.

but i wanna wait and see.

3 years. quite a long wait no? and it's like building up every year.

hmmm


oh and a side note, if ure gonna talk abt blog stuff to me in real life, don't ever do it in front of ppl whom may not know abt here.

if ure not sure who knows, then don't say anything.

thx.

Currently Listening To: Pressure - Paramore

Mix CD

i love the way mix cds can bring you back to that time in your life when you burned that CD.

like i can literally remember the sights,sounds,the smell and feelings i had of things from years back from just listening to the song.

it's pretty awesome. and i'm glad that i have quite a lot of mix cds to listen to.

plus, i also get to listen to songs i haven't heard in a while.


what sucks now is, after 6 years, i think my discman may be dying. not cool.


and still haven't found my phone yet. :(

but relying less on computer. spending less than 3 hours a day on internet these days. so that's awesome. studying more.

and yesterday, i felt useful. and i knew my subject. well kinda. it felt good. hopefully, this studying streak continues.

looks like i won't top up my internet til after the exams then. oh well, at least i study and save money.


and part of me, is somewhat "scared" abt going back. cuz i don't know what's going to happen. and i sure as hell, don't wanna go back to what happens everytime. so in some way, if you see smth happening, make sure i stop it. thx.

and yet at the same time, i'm curious as to see what would actually happen.

but in all this, i gotta remind myself that i can't be kind. can't be nice. and i have to remember all that's happened. cuz leopards don't change their spots.


hmm k i shud get back to work. i don't like that the only places in uni open 24/7 are the ones with comps. such distractions.

k gotta work and finish up study for tmrws test. which, somehow, despite my current studying, i have a feeling i'm not gonna do well still. oh well, might as well try than don't try right?


and what kinda sucks abt not having phone and net, i feel totally communicationless.

maybe it's a lesson i need to learn. learn to communicate more with people. get ppls phone numbers. text them. even if it is for fun. get their emails. add them on msn. actually talk to them.

need to be less antisocial.

maybe that's why i lost my phone. hmm.

think abt it, if i was social, i'd always be texting/checking my phone. hence, i would always be checking my phone. which would equal me not losing my phone. or instantly noticing when my phone wasn't with me.

k fine. after this, i shall attempt to be more social. note, attempt. :)

k enough procrastinating! to work it is.

Currently Listening To: Love Song - Sara Bareilles

I Like Not Having Internet

yes i do realise i have internet now and it's kinda contradicting my title.

but ANYWAY, it feels good.

like detox/rehab. it's good.

it's like now, i have more time to do stuff i need to do.

do not like the fact i rely on internet a lot. i realise how useless my comp is without the net. why? cuz i can't actually get distracted by it.

and the one thing i realise abt FB, it's like cocaine. the more u have it, the more addicted u can get to it.

it's like this, u post smth on FB, then someone may like/comment. then you go and see/reply. then u see smth else someone is doing on FB, then u comment/like, then they reply. then u come back and see other stuff and so on. SO, it ends up pretty hard to get off.

one thing i realise, i haven't posted anything on FB since saturday and i haven't viewed what ppl posted on my wall and what ppl commented. k fine not true. i did check. but i didn't comment or reply or whatever! so it didn't get worse. like more comments and stuff.

plus it got me thinking, we all survived b4 FB and frienster and what not. so we def can survive without it again. like, u wanna know abt ppls lives, go talk to them! stop being a stalker! lol.


anyway that's enough abt FB. there's other stuff as well. like my room is waaaaaaaayyyy cleaner. and organised. i think i'm eating better as well. work gets done. studying gets done.

k i'll say it. i like not having a comp. life seems better. i'm keeping this up til exams and after exams as well maybe.

lol. it's like i had some revelation like that. hahaha.

so why am i back online now?

i needed a break. this studying too much and working too much is crazy. esp studying and going thru notes and everything but coming up short. k coming up short is an understatement. more like being totally blur. and yes it's annoying as hell doing everything u can, and still failing. ish.

but that's besides the point. i don't wanna be emo. i'm in a damn good mood currently. and i have no idea why also. haha.

my life is weird like that. bad things happen, but there's been quite a few times i'm like damn happy. like take this year for example. i'm quite sure i've said it before, that this year is just awesome. but this year is SO SO screwed up. i dunno why life can be screwed up and awesome at the same time. life is weird.

aaaaannndddd lastly, as i'm in the middle of watching OTH right now, i just gotta say la, Brooke is HOT. :)

k there's prob way better pictures. but i like this a lot. there's just so much to the photo as well.

k i'm done. my internet break is over. i shud go off now. and sleep and go to class tmrw. oh yeah! i've been going to class also! cuz i got nth to keep me up. :)

yes. comp. is bad for me. so i'm gonna change that. rely less on comp. k go! :D

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 4

And That's Why I Game

cuz it's relaxing.

it's the only thing i know that i do well.

and well, i like feeling good. i like the feeling knowing there's smth i'm good at.

unfortunately, the smth i'm good at in life, doesn't matter in the real world.



and why i game a lot? cuz when i game, i tend to block out everything else in my life.

like there's nth to think abt but the game.

and i think too much as it is.

and well, there's a lot of sucky things in my life to think abt.


so unbelievably, i actually need the games. to be less emo.


damn.

this is sad.

Currently Watching: Fringe Season 3 Episode 2

The World Needs Strangers

weird right?

this thought came to me as i was sitting at captain ben's next to 2 strangers wondering what if i was friendly and decided to befriend them. yes. weird thoughts from an antisocial. lol.

so anyway, the world needs strangers.

why?

cuz if everyone were friends, ppl would just end up being irritated/pissed off with each other and also they won't get things done.

k this scenario came to my mind.

imagine ure in a mall. and k malls have a lot of ppl walking around in them. and now imagine if ALL of them were ur friends. you'd barely be able to walk a few steps before bumping into a friend and having a chat like how friends shud. now the chat doesnt have to be long, but i can tell you, after "bumping" into 20 ppl, you're gonna get quite irritated.

also just say u have a chat with someone, and with every person u meet. ure gonna find, u may just run outta time to do the things u need to do cuz u were catching up with ur friend.

and k fine, just say u don't have a chat. would u really wanna be walking by everyone at the mall waving hi! ten bucks says ure gonna get tired of it really fast.

so in some way, as i see it at least, the world NEEDS strangers for ppl to survive and do their everyday life things.

somehow also, i'm reminded of the Giodarno(?) shirt "World Without Strangers" and how this should never happen. (on a side note, ppl should really walk up to these ppl wearing those tshirts and start to try and be friends with them. i'm pretty sure they may just end up creeped out since prob 90% of the ppl wearing the shirt just wear it for the brand name and not cuz they believe in what the tshirt says.)

so yeah. the world needs strangers.


but, it doesn't mean u can't be nice to strangers as well. ;)

Currently Listening To: Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

It Worked Out!

i have no idea how. but it did.

well actually i knew how. and i hoped so much. and it happened! like towards the last minute as well!

i spent the last dunno how many days scheming and thinkin how i'd "avoid" it. albeit i'm the one who caused it in the first place.

then i got a solution. then spent the last 4 days planning and procrastinating to tell her.

but then she comes along, and says no.

and now, all settled.

SWEEETTTT.

problem. solved. :)

Currently Listening To: You've Got The Love - Florence + The Machine