1000th Post

who'd have thunk it? i made it this far with blogging. 1000 posts. just on blogspot alone.

quite an achievement i must say. or it could just mean i blog waaaayyyy too much. lol.

but imagine, i've been blogging for 6 years now. that's pretty crazy long.

my style of blogging has changed so much. from writing long essays about my daily life to short posts abt random stuff and thoughts and stuff. a lot of things have changed to. like the sidebar stuff. people have been added, order changed, ads put in and all.

i must say it's been really fun blogging. letting out my thoughts and all. and having interesting conversations with people about my posts. makes me think and also makes them think. but i like when people challenge me to think as well.

and it's weird, from having one or 2 visitors a month or so, it's grown to about 10 ppl a day. even when i don't post stuff. to some extent it's scary. cuz i used to know who came to read. but now i have no clue. it's like random people are reading! so i learnt to watch what i say as the years went by. and it's weird also, cuz i've found out i got people i don't even know coming back to read what i have to say (yes my dear, this is you i'm talking about. hope your life went better than mine. :) ).

so how do i celebrate my 1000th post? i feel like i should do something special. so i'm going to make this post contain all the topics of my blogging style.

as i see it, i've probably got 4 ways of blogging: Talking abt daily life stuff (what's going on in my life), Random stuff, Stuff people who read this blog will go "what in the world is he talking about???", Thoughts, and Music.



so first, daily life stuff. well for me right now, things are going pretty good. back in Malaysia for now. enjoying it quite a lot. started my internship. however they don't really give me anything to do, which sucks la. it's like, they're not sure what to give. so most days i just sit at office and do nothing. yeah freaking 8 hours of doing nothing. haih. but i took off a few days so i could go to Youth Camp and also Family retreat. glad i did. i needed those two breaks. :) got to catch up and spend time with people i haven't seen in a while and got to know ppl better. hmmm. i'm also getting fatter! which is good and bad in a way. good cuz, well i need to put on wait. but bad cuz now all my six packs have become 6 flabs. :( yeah i don't go gym remember? so now i gotta at least do my own exercises to get back those packs! :) i realise also i've got a lot of friends i'm yet to meet up with. other than that, life is going good. this year has definitely been amazing. tons of bad stuff has happened. but some good stuff has happened to. in my life. changed perspective in a lot of things. met ppl i appreciate a lot. appreciated ppl more as well. so yeah. it's been a good year. :) yeah this is all i'll say about my life for now. :)


as for the random fact, i guess it'll be, i'm pretty good at board games like pictionary & cranium, where there's drawing and guessing. for some reason i can guess the random nonsense people draw even if it doesn't look like the real thing. i dunno how. but yeah. so apparently... i can read mindssssss. hmmmmmmmmmmm. :)


random:
i wonder if it'll ever be, k i'll give you what you deserve, even if i don't get anything in return.


the stuff you (possibly) won't understand:

it's like i'm lying and lying, but i'm not. it's just never come up.

it's hard for one thing to mean something, when everything means something, and you treasure everything. (exactly why i just wanted one gf. but if i ever find a girl who likes me and me her, i'll never let her go and make sure she feels like she stands out from everyone else in my life.)

i think i'm half letting myself not feel. cuz i know i can feel. that's probably what i'm feeling. it's the fear of feeling and being let down, which for my case, just seems inevitable. which sucks. but i guess that's my life.



k enough stuff that people may not understand what i'm talking about. hmm. so thinking time. well not really, but more like, my opinion on stuff. k title? Beating around the bush.

seriously, people should just get to the point of what they want. now i can relate to friend's post which said smth like, if you want help, say exactly what you want. don't go "Hey you free?" i mean for me la, i don't wanna answer questions like that, cuz i don't know what i'm getting myself into. why would i wanna say yes i'm free to something i don't wanna do? people should just say, hey you free to help me out to do this thing?". STRAIGHTFORWARD LA. seriously.

plus it's scary when people say, "eh i wanna talk to you one of these days." esp when ure a guy like me who's always screwing up, you wonder if ure gonna get sounded. i'd like to prepare for that pls. cuz a talk can be anything!

so seriously people, just get to the point! it's not hard. say exactly what you want. ure not gonna offend me if you don't start the convo with hi, how are you. as i see it, you should only ask if you really mean it. and most of the time, u got ppl who nvr talk to you, suddenly asking how r u. and u know the next few sentences that are going to come out is them asking you for help. and hey, i've got no problem helping. but i've got a problem when u act as if you care. seriously, just don't, and go str8 to the asking for help. it's much better that way for me. well i believe it is at least.

just mean what you say people! i've had too much of people saying stuff they don't mean to me. i can't take it la. so yeah. touchy subject. hmmmm.


NOW, the BEST part of the 1000th post! the music! so i'm going to post the song, and the video of songs i find are pretty awesome recently. and knowing the readers of this blog, i'll post the ones people i know in general will like the best first la k? k now then, enjoy! :)

Wonderwall



Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me (that saves me) 3X

Oasis

Mad Season


Video

I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long.
And I've been guessing and I could have been guessing wrong.
You don't know me now, I kinda thought that you should some how.
Does that whole mad season got you down?

I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes.
And I've been changing, I think it's funny how no one knows.
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around.

So, why ya gotta stand there looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'll come around.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

I feel stupid, but I think I've been catching on.
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on.
You grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around.
What that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there, are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

And now I'm crying, isn't that what you want?
And I'm trying to live my life on my own, but I won't, no.
At times I do believe I am strong,
So someone tell me why, why, why, do I, I, I, feel stupid.

And I come undone, well I come undone.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;

Well I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out, I'm a child and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken.
I come, oh, I come undone in this mad season.
In this mad season.
It's been a mad season.
Been a Mad season.

Matchbox Twenty

Terrible Things



I said you could count on me
But I wouldn't hold that breath my self
If I pass out on your floor
It's just a cry for help
Damnation, redemption, the cycle
She said "Look and see, you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me"

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Doing just terrible things

Still I can't imagine
My life without her
We can't live through this
Somehow we already were

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Doing just terrible things

We're terrible things
What are we doing?
Doing just terrible things
Just doing terrible things

Damnation, redemption, the cycle
Echoes through my ears
You're the worst thing, You're the worst thing
That's ever happened to me

I never tried it but i'm always up
Am I keeping up?
Am I keeping up?

I never tried it but i'm always up
Am I keeping up?
Am I keeping up?

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Why do we do it?

We're doing terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Doing just terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)

We're doing terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Doing just terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Such terrible things

Terrible Things

k so that's it! hope u had fun reading the 1000th post! :) now go enjoy ur life and don't sit in front of the comp! :) take care people.

and yes, this is hopefully the last post ever. i think i make ppl irritated and worried and dunno what with all the words i say. so for my own benefit, and urs, i decided to stop. :) been always wanting to, but now since it's reached a thousand, seems like a cool way to end. so ya. :)

bye everyone! :)

Currently Listening To: Terrible Things - Terrible Things

Last Minute Saviors

the last minute decision to save myself and the life i'm living. hopefully things will work better from now on. but i gotta work for it.

the things you want don't come easy.

stop being lazy ben. fix ur life.



and once again i hold true to the habit of people not knowing everything but a lot of different people knowing different stuff to my story.

but i'm so glad a let that part out. at least now someone knows about it. and maybe i can make an effort to fix it now.

i'm glad for that last minute decision of mine.


just saved myself.

Currently Listening To: Set It Off - Hey Monday

Up To My Limit

i just cannot cannot cannot take this anymore.

everything is just not fair.

I feel the pressure building up inside my head

Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

please please please at least let the talk that's going to happen relieve some of this pressure.

i just want it all to end.


just cannot. everywhere i go it's too much.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

Patience Limit Of 3

3. that's the number to watch out for.

it's the number of times i'll ask u the same question before u piss me off by not answering.

and actually, answering "i don't want to answer that" is better than totally not answering or avoiding or ignoring the question.

bloody hell, if i have to ask 3 times and u can't answer the question, then sorry la. but i'll just shut you out for a while.

like so hard to answer some not important question like that. don't want to answer just say that la.

sheeeessshh


yes i know i need more patience. but for now, 3 is the limit.

Currently Listening To: All Time Low - Jasey Rae

You'll Make People Think You're Blind

seriously, it's been here the whole time.

you just never saw it.

or maybe didn't want to see it.

well i guess, sometimes it's best to assume the worst.

and i guess, technically, you can't say i never told you.

open your eyes and see the things you don't wanna see.

and yes, this goes out to all of you.

:)

Currently Listening To: Touchin On My - 3Oh!3

It's Like A Half 'n' Half

(i think the only reasion i'm thinking so much abt this is cuz distance is just way too close, i've got too much free time and since things are all going to end soon i might as well let it all out.)

i honestly can't decide to thank her or not.

it's like, i regret so much letting her into my life. but then again, there's so many things, i wouldn't have done/found out if she wasn't in my life. like all the stupid things i do like, getting drunk, clubbing, smoking, cheating, leading ppl on and the list goes on. though yes granted, she never actually told me or encouraged me to do it, but knowing she does these things, somehow encouraged me/showed me that maybe i'm making a big deal out of everything and i should learn to chill a bit.

i guess in some ways, i do those things so she can see/feel how i feel when she does those things. and back then, i did them so she would learn somehow and change her ways. that was a long time ago tho. i also realised that maybe i did those things, cuz i wanted her to let me into her life. she said shee nvr told me stuff cuz i was too perfect for her screwed up life. so what better way to go into her life than screw myself up so i wasn't perfect right? ah the stupid things we do for the people we think we like.

and i think abt it, and it's like, wow, all these things i literally would never have done if it wasn't for her. so i guess in some way i should thank her for helping me live a little. well even if she never actually meant for it to happen the way it did.

think abt, if i didn't do these things, there's friends i would have never met and got close to, girls whom i can say i had the pleasure of meeting and "getting to know", and experiences which are well, amusing. ;)

yet i know i've completely ruined my "perfect" life and well, i know my future probably sucks from now on. which is why i'm hesitant to thank her. but i guess that's the other thing i learnt from her, ur life is screwed up, so no harm in screwing it up more right?


so yeah, you know who you are, and eventhough i have no idea whether u'll actually read this or not, Thank You. for teaching me to live a little.

oh and everything i've ever said about your friends, i'm sorry. i take it all back. they're awesome.



and i know a lot of ppl are sick of my emoness and what not, so yes, this will be the final post ever about her. it's done.


see ya.


p.s.: it's funny, cuz i spent so long trying to make her a better christian, yet, without her even knowing or trying to, she managed to make me not be a christian. impressive.

Currently Listening To: Lifeline - Angels & Airwaves

It's Just What Should Be Done

Dropping girls back 101: Always make sure they're safe in their house before you leave.

that's why i always stay back til the girls i drop off are in the house before i leave. cuz just in case someone might come suddenly and try to break into their house while their going in and all.

glad i learnt this when i just started driving and still practice it now. :)


so guys, when u drop ur girls back, make sure they walk into their door before leaving. make sure they're safe. :)

Currently Listening To: Airplanes Pt. II - B.o.B. ft Haley Williams & Eminem

Maybe It's Irritating

I have this irritating habit of asking people stuff i already know.

why?

i can't decide which reason it is.

for one thing, it's to find out whether the person trusts me or whether the person can be trusted to tell the truth.

the other reason would be to find out how ppl know that something. i mean i already know how they know, but i just want to be sure. i always like knowing the origins of things ppl know or how they arrive to a thought.


i think my reasons for this habit of mine is the 2nd reason. well i try to make it that reason most of the time.


but ya somehow i find it irritating.

Currently Listening To: And One - Linkin Park

I Would Say It's The Greatest Thing I've Learnt In My Life

what is it?

this: loving people the way you would love someone like you're in love with them.


there's just something satisfying about truly caring about the well being of someone. whether it's their physical and mental health.


plus, it's also what the world needs more isn't it? people caring for each other?

and when i mean caring, it's like how u would care for your gf/bf/wife/husband/sister/brother. think abt it, these ppl, you supposedly love a lot and would treat and care for them with all you can right?

now if you do that for all the people you love (and on occasion those you don't love), it would just make the world a better place right?


so yeah that's the greatest thing i've learnt. loving and caring for people as much as i can without falling in love with them or whatever. just learning to care for people, cuz a lot of ppl in this world need love.


hmmm. yeah. i dunno. yet another post that didn't come out as i intended it to sound like. oh well, hope you get it anyway.


p.s.: hmm i just realised, this is probably why ppl think i'm together with a lot of girls. cuz i treat them well. lol.

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

It Was Supposed To Be The One Thing That Works

funny how i let go of the one thing that is supposed to comfort me and make me feel happy/better/contented, and yet, all those things that i need to have a better outlook on life i have now. after letting go and not paying as much attention to it as i have for the past few years.


makes me wonder, a lot.

Currently Listening To: When I Get Home, You're So Dead - Mayday Parade

Understoodableness

i'm, quite frankly, one of the most understanding person u'll ever meet.

if u can explain stuff properly and ure true intentions, chances i'll be able to understand what's going thru ur mind.


of course, this doesn't mean that if you stab me, i'm not gonna just say "yeah i understand u had stab me". hell yeah i'll be mad. there's a limit to be being tolerating and understanding.


think about it, how often have i got mad? or is it more like i were to say "i understand what you mean."


i'd like to think that i'll try my best not to misunderstand ppl.


now if i can only get ppl to not misunderstand me. hmmm.


Currently Listening To: The Best Places To Be A Mom - Taking Back Sunday

Spoilt Kid

i realise, each year when i go back, i go from being this independant kid, to this spoilt kid.

honestly. no need to wash cups or dishes. fridge always full. no need to wash laundry. no need to iron and fold. no need to even put away. no need to make bed. no need to clean room. extra car to use.

it all "just happens"

bloody hell i'm quite the spoilt kid when i'm in Malaysia

well, i guess it makes me look forward to going home. :)

Currently Listening To: Bulletproof - La Roux

One Thing I Like

at least there's one thing i like about me.

i like how i can help ppl.

and i like how to me, it's really no big deal to help ppl.

to some extent, i enjoy it. i find, i like helping ppl. i like making them feel better.

maybe i'm being perasan. but i don't care. i'm glad i have smth good abt me that i can be proud of. :)


the only bad part, i tend to sacrifice myself when helping others. i mean like, i cause "damage" to myself when i help others.

example is like when i tried helping Tawfik with his Solidworks stuff. it kinda took me away from my time to study for my test which was in a few minutes.

i knew i had to study, but more of me wanted to help. and i still did feel kinda bad for having to tell him i gotta go study instead of helping him.

i dunno la. i kinda feel like, putting ppl and helping ppl first, is better than studies? lol. but that's just cuz i hate studying, so maybe i'm just trying to escape studying. lol.


but yeah. u get me. i'm sure everyone feels better after helping ppl.


which is probably why i feel terrible cuz i told Dana i'd call in half hour, but ended up spending 3 hours talking to friend who also wanted to talk over dinner. and she waited for me for 2 hours.

ugh. first, i ditched my friend who needed me. 2ndly i made her wait, and everyone knows a guy should never let a girl wait ever. the guy should wait for the girl.

ugh. lousy ben. once again, i'm sorry Dana. :(


so yeah. at least there's one thing i can like about me. esp after going through in my head abt all the things i hate abt me which seems infinite.

good to make myself feel good.

Currently Listening To: Good Life - OneRepublic

Yes, This Always Happens To Me

i’m going somewhere, and out of the corner of my eye i see someone.

So i turn and just glance at them. Cause they’re looking at me and I don’t wanna look like i’m staring.

So then i turn back my head to where I’m going. Then, a few seconds later I realise that was a person I’ve met before.

So I turn around to say hi.

BUT, most of the time the person is not looking at me anymore. Why? Clearly since i looked and turned away, it would seem like I don’t remember the person. SO that’s what they think.

So then it goes on that person thinks i don’t remember them. So the next time we walk past each other, I get ignored this time. Cuz hey, why say hi to someone who doesn’t remember you right? If you do, and the person doesn’t say hi back, you end up looking like a weirdo.

AND on top of that, I look like some arrogant guy who doesn’t remember ppl.

GR8.

and also, I have this feeling most people don't remember me. cuz after meeting one time, why would they remember me right? i guess i don't expect ppl to have the same memory to remember ppl like me.

BUT then, my memory aint that good either. like i have a prob remembering ppl's faces and names sometimes. however, this is like, soon after meeting them. so all the more i might ignore them if i walk past them or smth. the retarded thing is, after seeing them like probably 2 or 3 times more, that's when i recognise i've met them. but by then, i already seem like some perasan case who doesn't remember ppl.

it's like i'm made to be antisocial. gr8 la.

lol

Currently Listening To: Top Of The World - Kate Voegele

Cannot Keep It In

that's just me. i can't keep anger in.

i have to let it out.

hence, the blog. and thus, why there's a lot of pissed off posts, and emo posts.

and it works out. why? cuz i don't feel as pissed off/angry abt the thing anymore.


so yeah. that's just me. i get angry, i talk/blog abt it. then it's all ok. not angry anymore.

quite cool how this part of me works.


and if there is a person pissing me off, i find, talking str8 to the person, completely removes the anger and all is ok.



BUUUUTTT. i still want to have more patience and get less angry. so, i'm working on that.

plus, i'm learning to let a lot of stuff go. don't let the small stuff bother me.



and just like most posts, this posts, just made me feel better. :)

Currently Watching: The Office Season 6 Episode 24 - The Chump

I Work With Bricks

certain things have walls.

and i WILL act as though they never happened. and i have no idea what you're talking about.

it's not you, it's me. :)

Currently Listening To: 1979 - Good Charlotte

Blame The Thumb Drive

The kid scares me in some way. cuz only in front of the person i don't hold back.

like how last night, eventhough i practice such gr8 self control in the things i say, always keeping in mind the things i say, thinking first b4 saying, the words just came out. and a few seconds after that is only when i realised what i said, and how naturally it came out. it's like unfiltered me came out.

i guess that's what happens when ure close with someone or you both know each others dark secrets. cuz then it's like, what's the point in lying? like as if u don't know the stuff i don't want ppl to know.

however, i still managed to somehow keep that part of me away. like how i always hide that from everyone. but then again, i always hide that, so it's just natural to not let those emotions show.

but then again, maybe it was the topic that brought out the unfiltered me. well, it was a "special" topic. lol.

but anyway, on another note, my face reading/posture and reactions reading proved right. again. heh. either that person is just easy to read, or i'm getting better. i bloody knew it. :) thx for showing me i was right. lol.

it's funny how u can not like a person, and like a person for the same reasons. and the reason? cuz the person is exactly like u. like FREAKING EXACTLY. the thoughts he has abt certain ppl, are the same. like he thinks the same way you do. it's liberating to see it's not just me with those thoughts. but at the same time, you don't like him, cuz he's like you. all the parts you don't like abt urself, he has as well. and this "don't like" turns into a like as well. that's why it's prob easy to tell him stuff. it's just easy when there's someone like you. it's pretty cool having a bro.

it's also funny how he managed to ask that question. did i make it too obvious? or am i missing smth i should be seeing. i mean, i'm a complete fail at catching hints from ppl. but the weird part is, i tend to catch things i'm not supposed to know. it's a good thing i'm good at playing dumb. very good in fact that most ppl think i'm dumb. :( or so i think. but it works out somehow i guess. sometimes, i prefer to act/react based on concrete evidence rather than assumptions. esp with complex things like this. hmmm

and once again, on an unrelated note again, smth i thought of: i may be the best for you, but someone like you definitely deserves better than that.

somehow feels like a quote that could be used for one tree hill. prob that's what inspired the thought.

Contra

for a guy who is antisocial and doesn't like ppl knowing stuff abt him/his life,

i think it's really weird that i have a blog that let's ppl into my mind and the things i think abt.


so it might be, i'm antisocial but i want ppl to know what i'm thinking?

would that make me an attention seeker?

damn. i hate it if that were the case.


yeah. i'm a confused kid.



who's actually not a kid anymore, which sucks. :(


k blogging cuz i know if i don't blog, it'll be another topic i forget to blog abt. i know there's at least 50 stuff i wanna talk abt. but i'm always busy/lazy.

gotta reach that 1k!


k bye. it's 2am. i finished my last assignment. i'm going home.

bring on the exams! gotta start studying now.

ps.: yes. it's confirmed i lost my phone. damn bloody emo abt it. esp cuz like i was explaining today all the horrible things happening at the same time. haih. and another contra. i don't like ppl knowing/being able to see how i feel. but today, somehow the phone got to me bad. couldn't control. ish. :(

Currently Listening To: It Must Really Suck To Be Four Year Strong Right Now - Four Year Strong

I Like Not Having Internet

yes i do realise i have internet now and it's kinda contradicting my title.

but ANYWAY, it feels good.

like detox/rehab. it's good.

it's like now, i have more time to do stuff i need to do.

do not like the fact i rely on internet a lot. i realise how useless my comp is without the net. why? cuz i can't actually get distracted by it.

and the one thing i realise abt FB, it's like cocaine. the more u have it, the more addicted u can get to it.

it's like this, u post smth on FB, then someone may like/comment. then you go and see/reply. then u see smth else someone is doing on FB, then u comment/like, then they reply. then u come back and see other stuff and so on. SO, it ends up pretty hard to get off.

one thing i realise, i haven't posted anything on FB since saturday and i haven't viewed what ppl posted on my wall and what ppl commented. k fine not true. i did check. but i didn't comment or reply or whatever! so it didn't get worse. like more comments and stuff.

plus it got me thinking, we all survived b4 FB and frienster and what not. so we def can survive without it again. like, u wanna know abt ppls lives, go talk to them! stop being a stalker! lol.


anyway that's enough abt FB. there's other stuff as well. like my room is waaaaaaaayyyy cleaner. and organised. i think i'm eating better as well. work gets done. studying gets done.

k i'll say it. i like not having a comp. life seems better. i'm keeping this up til exams and after exams as well maybe.

lol. it's like i had some revelation like that. hahaha.

so why am i back online now?

i needed a break. this studying too much and working too much is crazy. esp studying and going thru notes and everything but coming up short. k coming up short is an understatement. more like being totally blur. and yes it's annoying as hell doing everything u can, and still failing. ish.

but that's besides the point. i don't wanna be emo. i'm in a damn good mood currently. and i have no idea why also. haha.

my life is weird like that. bad things happen, but there's been quite a few times i'm like damn happy. like take this year for example. i'm quite sure i've said it before, that this year is just awesome. but this year is SO SO screwed up. i dunno why life can be screwed up and awesome at the same time. life is weird.

aaaaannndddd lastly, as i'm in the middle of watching OTH right now, i just gotta say la, Brooke is HOT. :)

k there's prob way better pictures. but i like this a lot. there's just so much to the photo as well.

k i'm done. my internet break is over. i shud go off now. and sleep and go to class tmrw. oh yeah! i've been going to class also! cuz i got nth to keep me up. :)

yes. comp. is bad for me. so i'm gonna change that. rely less on comp. k go! :D

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 4

You Choose Who You Fall In Love With?

honestly, that's what i think it is.

it's like you go, "hmm k that person."

and seriously, if u really tried ur hardest, and the person did as well, i think you may just fall in love.

i'm not sure la. it just feels like it.

guys will choose the pretty girls, and the girls will choose the good looking guys. and work from there.

so technically, you could fall in love with anyone! all you had to do is try.

but the question is, is that the wrong way? like is it wrong?

it feels lame and retarded in some way. but what other way is there?

i for one, def don't believe in love at first sight. so that explains a lot of this post i guess.

maybe you fall in love for the one who cares for you a lot? and the other person cares for you cuz they're in love with you.

but, i've got quite a few friends whom i truly love and care about, but, i'm not in love with them. and i know they care for me, but def not in love with me in anyway either. so maybe not that theory?

it feels like i'm prob gonna end up one day saying to some girl, "hey, i find you attractive, and i'd like to see if i could fall in love with you, wanna go out??"

LOL.

actually. i kinda don't know what i'm trying to say or talk abt also. ramblings.

i guess it's like, how do you know who you like? it feels like, if u tell urself, k u shdu go try for this girl, then that's the one u like. like u could say anyone, and that will be the girl.

maybe the one whom u'll end up loving is the person who have a chance with?

but what if you have a lot of chances with a lot of ppl?

if it's based on chances, then i would def have no prob. since i'm living my life convinced i have no chance with anyone. sometimes it feels like, i'll go for the girl who shows me i have half a chance with her.

but then i don't want it to be like "eh half a chance! quickly grab it!" cuz that's like damn despo. i'm pretty sure i wanna fall for a girl not for the reason that i just want someone, but for the reason, i really want this specific girl who can be everything i need.

yeah. i guess i won't fall for the first girl that comes along, but i would if she's really someone i can be with.

but seems like i'd work and try and try to fall in love with any girl now. lol. yes i've been single-ish for too long.

but nah. as long as i'm thinking like that, i don't think i'll let myself fall for anyone yet.

but then again, if i can realise this abt me, maybe i'm ready?


gr8. good job ben. confuse urself even more.


not bad. i can talk a lot of rubbish. if u read the whole thing. i'm amused. cuz u pretty much just read exactly all the thoughts that went thru my mind. this clearly had no preplanning when i wrote it. it's like think --> type. which is exactly why it doesn't make sense. and like i'm debating with myself.

hhaha. k i'm done talking nonsense. bye. :)

Currently Listening To: Assassin - Muse