Friday, February 27, 2009

Teng!

Teng! it's my idea leh. sheesh. ni la i tak suker. be humble all tapi recognition tak dapat. nvm nvm. i shall not take recognition. let the whole team look good. i shall just pretend like i don't care. ish. that's the problem la being humble. i mean, what else to do? go around telling it's my idea?? a bit, retarded. but teng, i dun like being not recognized for my ideas that made everything look so good and admired. is it wrong to be proud of something you thought of? which, everyone agrees was awesome and cool and etc.? teng!

and damn. these juniors are pissing me off. one expects to be treated like some king. be given stuff and all. wtf? sheesh, i tau la kan there's no junior and senior thing here. but respect takde? nak haram, want something you freaking come take la. expect me to come give? teng. and then another one, ignore. sheesh. i'd like to think i've got a pretty unique face and with the hair, which, i'm pretty sure noone else has, how could you not recognize me? teng.

BUT! fine. maybe i just think so much of myself. fine fine. i know i'm perasan and all. ish. that's what i gotta learn i guess. let small stuff like this not matter so much. ish. grrrr.

plus got guitar spin in my head so bad. i wanna do it so much, yet, i lack the confidence and the guts. plus, i've no idea what may happen. so i don't wanna risk it. ish. but i just gotta!

and dang, i reckon should have just done it that night aye? instead of hesitating. regrets. oh wells, some other time then.

hmm. quite a pissing off day eh. but actually it was not bad. my thoughts only make me pissed off. haha. i'm a pretty happy guy. bad thoughts. tsk tsk.

k FINE. ENOUGH TALKING RUBBISH FOR TODAY. KTHXBYE.

Currently Listening To: Hit The Floor - Linkin Park

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Best Lie

feels like i've talked abt this. somewhere b4. u go find la. haha!

anyway, the best lie is the truth. get it? bet ure saying, "if it's the truth, how can it be a lie?"

well for one thing, there's like a half truth, so technically, ure telling the truth.

but what if there's no way you can tell a half truth either?

that's where telling the "truth" comes in. what happens is, you convince yourself of a lie, and then you believe it to be true. so in a way, u'll be telling the truth as you believe it.

for example, if you wanna lie you bought a fancified car. then just act like you mmg did buy one. act like it is real. believe urself that you did.

the best lie will be the lie that you yourself believe is true. why the best? cause noone else will ever figure out it's a lie. think abt it, how would you react if someone doubted your truth? there's definitely a certain way to react right? and you definitely wouldn't react the same if someone doubted your lie.

cuz that's the dangerous part, someone finding out your lie. esp if ure lying abt smth dangerous/important. so if you believe your lie, you actually act the part of your lie. and ergo, stay safe.

but the hard part i guess is decieving urself to believe ur lie la. hmmm. but i've seen ppl do it to me. they act as if what they're lying abt is real. hmm. and i've leartn from it also. it's pretty interesting the way things turn out i must say. there comes a point when u actually look at urself and wonder, is it that convincing? haha. but that jus shows it works i guess.

k la k la. shudn't be talking abt lying all. not good all. haha! :P besides, i was just crapping and i bet like everyone reading this will b blur abt what i'm talking. haha. just decided to post this up cuz of this song, Believe by Disturbed:

Believe, when you lie
You will never need to recognize yourself
To deceive
To remove all chance of doubt and be received
With your lie
The deception is complete when you concede

Disturbed


yeaps that's it for now. u know right, now that i think of it, maybe this is why my dreams are so real. like i met Kate Voegele and her sis. sheesh. too many lies i've believed di. haha!

k random. bye!

Currently Listening To: Believe - Disturbed

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Just Feel Like Bursting Out Laughing

sooo.. BOLLLL!!! hahahhahahahahaha. ten bucks k. ten bucks! hahahahhahahahahaha

damn. (in Bernard's way of saying) i should stop laughing like a maniac if not nampak giler. haha!


anywaayyyy. not bad la the past few days. the classes suck. like really. k la. gotta pay attention, and stay awake. sheesh. but 'teng' (sp.), how to pay attention if totally distracted macam tu. haram ah. susah k. k la. that's the first day la. it just so happen la.

wth?? i just found a dent in my lappie! :@:@:@:@:@ ROAR! grrr.

seriously la. where the heck did that come from? ish.

and damn i have to cook tmrw. wth am i supposed to cook. still wondering. prob go with the mac & cheese for now. hmmmmmmmmmm.

and for a kiwi i'm freaking smgt abt the CMSA club la. dunno why also. i din even want to be part of the committee at first. guess it brought home closer kot the club. feel comfortable among them. :)

cool ppl la. i realise. like eventhough we have so many diff interest and so many things diff, it's just cool to hang out with them. even if you don't talk and you listen to them talk, it's still cekap. damn cool.

k la. i shud sleep soon. 9 am class tmrw :)

sigh this no specs thing is kinda a bug.

oh and the new cam thing is fun. :) all the new pics at FB la. cept pics of myself. malas to post my pics nowdays. haha. still exploring the cam to find all the nice effects and whatsoever. it's another case of liking to take pics but not good at it. haha. jus like my drawing. oh wells.

eh i got a lot to say leh. cool. haha. bye!

Currently Listening To: Temporary - Paramore

Friday, February 20, 2009

Now That's What I Like La

see that's the type of question i like la. i mean, not that i would tell the answer la. but at least he asked me. i guess cuz it's sorta an assuming question so i liked it? i mean, all he did was figure out from both the FB profiles and also the pics from FB. of course this i'm assuming too as well. haha.

but well, he asked me, and i answered. tho i know he def doesn't believe what i say as compared to what he saw. haha. well, we all beleive what we believe la kan? haha.

dan saya sepatutnya blog dalam melayu, tapi i kiwi la. kiwi tak cakap melayu pun. jadi. ape2 lain yang i nak cakap kat ni, i blog dalam melayu je la. tapi melayu i melayu baku je la. campur manglish kot. tapi kan, i rasa melayu i ok gak ah. kawan i banyak melayu jadi ok ah. haha.

oh ku mmg benci pakau sial. haram betul la. bila i tak sambung main, aku leh menang. bile main, tak jadi siot. haram jadah ah. tapi i masih suker main gak. haha. ape ntah yg ku pikir pun i x tau la. haha.

ok jo. post ni mmg stgah inggeris dan stgah melayu. sbab pe? sbab aku kiwi ah bro. kiwi tak guna melayu sumer ni. haha! tapi sbab kau dah tag. ah buat je lah. haha.

eh aku rase kan, bes gak blog dalam melayu. tapi nanti ade org tak paham. jadi lepas ni i tukar balik ah. haha.

ok la. stkat ni je la mlm ni. selamat malam. :)

Tengah Mendengar: Lebih Cerah Dari Sinaran Matahari - Aqualung

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Not Bad

:)



on a side note. i'm enjoying this flatting with other ppl thing. nice. :) i hope it stays la. tho it's been 3 days only la. haha!

i'm still amused by how spot on "Decoy" by Paramore was. not often u get a spot on song. haha.

and speaking of amused, made me think of my silent amusement too. and my amusement for people's behaviours and tempermentalness.

sa; tounge rings. impressive stuff. no way to know they're there, til u know they're there. and once u know, well it's a whole different story. haha.

tough year ahead. let's see how it goes.

Currently Listening To: You Found Me - The Fray

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Download Speedness!

wohoooo! one thing i love abt NZ is the amazing download speeds. i've never seen such speeds in my life!


and the megaupload one i was downloading was with regular user. not even premium. coolness la. 5 minutes to download one ep?? that's insane! :D

Currently Listening To: Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

Decoy


Close your eyes and make believe
This is where you wanna be
Forgetting all the memories
Try to forget love cause love's forgotten me

Well hey, hey baby it's never too late
Pretty soon you won't remember a thing
And I'll be distant as stars reminiscent
Your heart's been wasted on me

You've never been so used
As I'm using you
Abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue
You should've seen right though
I'm using you
My little decoy
My little decoy

Live a life inside a dream
Time is changing everything
Forgetting all the memories
And I'm forced into you just cause you're into me

Well hey, hey baby it's never too late
When I'm gone you won't remember a thing
But I can't stay and no, I won't wait
I was gone from the very first day

You've never been so used
As I'm using you
Abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue
You should've seen right though
I'm using you
My little decoy

I'm not sorry at all
(not sorry at all, not sorry at all)
no, no

I wont be sorry at all
(not sorry at all, not sorry at all)
no, no

I'd do it over again

Don't look so blue
My little decoy
You should've seen right through
My little decoy
You've never been so used
My little decoy
As I'm using you
My little decoy

Paramore

i just had to. :) it said everything perfectly. :)

Currently Listening To: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

Dang, What An Effect

was i the only one who sorta stone?

i mean, i can't be the only one. shock maybe? damn.

well, i'm glad i followed and sat there. :) hope this year goes well la.

damn i still need to unpack.

and i need to get an amp soon. tangan gatal.

this day has been good so far. replied the fb wall's, uploaded photos, caught up with series. well that's the leisure part. the administrative stuff is all done for today i guess. tmrw go do more.

and damn my room has no mirror. ish. and yeah flatting is gonna be interesting. i hope i dun piss off my house mates and i hope i dun get pissed off with them. tho i think the former will happen a lot. sry guys.

i can't wait for TBS' new album la. random but yea. hmm.

k ciaos

Currently Listening To: Introduction - Panic! At The Disco

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

What's Up With That La?

oh my gosh la. what's up with the telling everyone la?

note to self: when u bring someone home, be sure to make her avoid saying hi to the grandfather.

sheesh.

Currently Listening To: Memory - Sugarcult

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Being Back

i must say. being back was awesome. i loved it. on a whole i loved it. why? there's so many reasons!

first of all, was the ppl. i got to meet new ppl and also hang out with some of the old ppl and get to know them better. the new ppl? well there's Yumey, whom i must say looked awesome today. she was like the first girl from Subang that i met since coming back. actually, i think she may be the only person from subang that i met whom i didn't know since the merger. kinda sad cuz she's like the only Subang-ian that i met from the so many of them. and if i have to sum her up, i would put her under fun and bubbly. awesome person! don't regret meeting her at all. plus she takes photos of everything, and for the ppl who know me, then u wud know that this is something i would love. haha.

then there's Andrew Tan. no idea who he was before this. saw him at VBS one day, then i thought it was Stephen, but then i went nearer and realized it wasn't him. then i was wondering who the heck is this guy that everyone seems to know. finally i met him, and this fella also another cekap guy. he's first of all damn friendly, and super energetic and also fun. tho he can get pissed at some stuff, but he doesn't keep it in him. one thing cool is that eventhough u first meet him, he'll treat u like he always knew u. which is awesome. plus he's damn helpful also. helped me get my camera k. which is awesome. so yeah. another guy i dun regret meeting. cekap fella.

then there's some of the old ppl also, like Tommy and Ju-Hann. i mean i knew them b4 this la. but it's like i got to know them more somehow. and both of them are both jokers la. damn funny and cool ppl. i tell u, if u've never met them, it's like ure missing out on life la. haha! Tommy is like suppppeeerrrllly lame and funny. he's half Indian btw. haha! :P then Ju-Hann is the super expresionfull guy. love to see his reactions to stuff and all that. damn cool wei. haha.

can't remember if i'm missing out anyone i wanna talk abt. hmm. will add on later i guess.

cool. julian just called me to say bye. how awesome is he? :)

ooo. the fun thing abt coming back was when i surprised everyone. that was really fun. i mean, i'm sure everyone knows by now that i love surprising ppl. so yeah. it was fun for me. still remember becks shouting BEN!!! haha!

then there's all the events and things that i've done. the greatest one being back was opening for the concert for Juwita Suwito. freaking awesome feeling. esp when we froze and the whole crowd started cheering. that was the best feeling la. i'm glad with the bandmates i had and the awesomeness they played. cekap fellas. and dang la Eunice, i look back now, and think that maybe we should have done the head bang thing eh. haha!

other things were like the Genting trip which was a blast! :D then there was Broga hill also, which was something i would never do normally, but i did it. and that was cekap la. if only i had my camera then. danggg. oh wells. when i come back next time eh.

Youth Camp was awesome as well, the games we had were nice, the team i had was OBVIOUSLY the best team there. ;P the place was awesome also. doing nothing and being in charge of nothing was a great feeling. having the long security night was great as well. good to have the long talks and let everything out. if only there was more time for security. :P

SIngapore was awesome also. wow. that place is brilliant. i think there's photos and stuff that i've put up and all. plus got King Julian on our mind and stuff from the trip. heck hanging with the cousins is never a bad thing.

then there's also meeting with all the old friends and all. that was gr8 la. i loved meeting them. :) the best was the haven't seen in 3 years one. i loved how i could just click with her like that. like there was no weird feeling or whatever. nice. :) and the school friends also. cekap fellas. that night at AC and then Sunway then til late night all. cekapness.

also found out stuff i would never expect abt ppl. and surprisingly, i was cool abt it. didn't think i'd feel this way, but things have changed. haha.

oh oh oh. and i got belanja-ed by ppl also this year. like finally ppl remembered! haha! :P thanks Laurz! tho i did belanja u like twice for lunch or smth like that b4 ur treat. haha. thanks Dana! for the Wan Tan Mee. :P and thanks. who else belanja-ed me? oh yeah. Solehah as well. man that woman has good taste for food la. seriously. everytime i makan with her, the food rocks. but i guess maybe that's the company as well la. haha!

oh oh oh. and thanks to Dana's belanja and hanging out after, i managed to, for the first time in my life, see a friend whom i met thru email. i thought it was her, but then, i was like no way. and she saw me and was like the same feeling as well. so finally i checked with her, and it was her! how cool is that? i mean randomly meeting ur online friend whom i've never met b4 unexpectedly also. cekap or not. this have to give credit to Dana la. for bugging me to put 50cents and stay longer. haha. damn cool wei. after like 5 years finally meet. haha.

oh and got to sort fix things with a friend. who fucked up yet again. but oh wells, forgiving is a good thing right. plus i guess i'm too close to the friend to just let her go like that. but yeah, things still got bad to worse between me and her. and now it's kinda screwy. but oh well. all the best to u and ur promise. i'll be around.

man, i feel like i've got so much to say still. but yet. yeah.

oh yeah! there was also a webcam convo with the cousins from US. with all the other cousins. here. that was awesome! first time big time webcam convo all. haha.

it's kinda cool being back. seeing how ppl change and all. some ppl from being bad, became worse. some from being normal and sane, went back to being useless and annoying. but then again, maybe that never changed. and some ppl's words still can't be trusted. some ppl just talk only. disappointing. but oh well. but some ppl were awesome also. some were friendlier and i got closer to them and got to know them better. one of these ppls are like Becks. i think i got to know her way better now. plus she totally rocks la. haha.

oh oh. and i also got to know new music from my sis. and i know i'm going to miss my sis the most. who else am i gonna hang out with and be crazy. haih. bubs! u better take care of urself k. and yeah, she intro-ed me to Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings. which had the awesome pleasure of being to jam the song with Yih Ren. gosh. i just love playing with him. this is like how our convo for jamming goes like:

Yih Ren/Ben: "eh u know this song. *insertsongnamehere*?"
Ben/Yih Ren: "eh ya. jom."

*both start playing said song.

cekap or not. nice la. damn i'm thinkin of the freeze thing. that was so awesome. :)

oh oh. and seeing those two couples are kinda happyfying. i like seeing them happy. cuz i feel they deserve it. :)

so many good things la. but there were bad also. like how i'm jus supposed to be okay when ppl mess up. but i'm not allowed to. i'm not supposed to get tired or whatever. while other ppl get tired and give up so easily. sheesh. some ppl are so unfair. then get pissed off at me. like i've never been trying for so long. sheesh. everyone has their limit k. and why get pissed off at what u dish out anyway. sheesh.

oh oh oh. and drove around bangsar too this year! but that's cuz me and Laurz were goin to MidV for lunch, but it was like packed or smth. then went and drove off and ended up in bangsar. which was jammed. and i turned into some sesat road all. and we were like half lost for a while and then we finally got out and ended up for lunch at SS2. haha! nice adventures eh Laurz. haha.

wow. i've got so much to say actually. i dunno what else to write for now. so i'm gonna stop here la. it's a long post. so enjoy reading. :) this has been the best times of my life so far.

Currently Listening To: When Your Heart Stops Beating - +44

Saturday, February 14, 2009

What You Know Is What You Believe

It's all in the making you think what ure supposed to think. and the rest all shall be hidden. not needed to know what. :P

Friday the 13th was a great day. seriously. yesterday rocked my pants off. totally! :)

today was awesomeness too. i like my last few days here.

oh and Happy Valentine's Day! :) hope u spend it with someone special today. :)

Currently Listening To: Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects

Friday, February 13, 2009

For Friday The 13th

today has been an amazingly awesome day for a friday the 13th. like serious. for me at least. it's been awesome.

this cud only mean one thing! a lot of bad is gonna happen tonight! damn.

well, i'm gonna stay positive and not think so. haha.

Currently Listening To: Come With Me - Diddy

My Cousin Siblings

u know right, i just realised this. well not just just but kinda recently. anyway, i realise i treat my younger cousins like my siblings. ppl like my sister's age la. well then again, there's only 4 of them la. but yeah.

for some reason i'm feel like i'm so close to them and like i can lepak with them if i want. hmm i dunno la. plus i would scold them like they're my sis also if they do smth wrong or whatsoever. k fine la. not exactly like my sis. but still they kena scolding. i mean, i don't know many ppl who scold their cousins.

but it's kinda cool. it's like having an extra brother or sister or whatever. i think it's kinda cool. but of course i sayang my sister the most la. :P haha!

but i guess overall also right, our whole extended family is smth like brothers and sisters to me also. we're like one big family. which is kinda cool. k who am i kidding. it's super cool. i love it. it's like we can go lepak all and enjoy also. quite cekap. i love being born into this fam. maybe it's cuz we're like so cekap eh? haha!

man i love my family and also my big extended family. we so rock. :)

Currently Listening To: Gifts and Curses - Yellowcard

Whichever Direction I Take Is Wrong

what the fuck la.

i stay. i kena pushed away.

i dun stay. u emo.

i talk. i disturb ritual.

i don't talk. u get pissed.

everything also wrong la.

u ask me to be transparent, i am. abt stuff u are too. so with the stuff ure not i'm not. then i kena.

babi. like i cannot be tired from all this la.

i ask. u dun reply. then u say i don't care. when i say i do. don't believe. then when i don't believe you even tho i have good solid reason to not believe you. i kena. say i don't have faith in you. i don't encourage u enough you. what the shit la.

for all the times. for all the fucking times. and i'm the ungrateful one? fuck you la.

how bout u pushing me down. babi. u piss me off so much too last time. so now enjoy la.

what the buck la.

Currently Listening To: Seven Years - Saosin

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Amused But Silenced

damn. i'm so amused by it.

i can't believe i didn't notice b4 this. haha

amused. :)

Currently Listening To: Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

Simple? Hmm Maybe Not

it's simple, why bother if noone cares and nothings different and everything and everyone is the same?

simple? hmm maybe not.

well it's easy to talk but not easy to do.

***********

u know it's funny how we always wish for things to happen. but we never wanna say anything.

i guess for me i don't wanna say anything cuz when something happens, it's cuz it was supposed to happen. it was meant to happen. and it was done cuz somebody wanted it to happen. somebody tried hard for it to happen.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i rarely say what i mean. i may mean something like, "hey, you don't have to buy me a christmas present la" but deep down i really do want u to. it's just that i don't want to say it. i want you to do it on ur own and for u to think of it on ur own. it's more sincere i guess.

but that's the problem isn't it? we always expect ppl to read our minds and expect them to just figure out what we're really thinking. but haih. that never works. it never does. well with certain ppl la.

maybe it'll be better if we just spoke what's on our mind? but then it wouldn't be sincere.

i guess i'm the kind of guy who thinks, if u don't want to think or care abt me it's ok. i would love for you to do so. i would really love. but i would never say it. never. cuz i don't want a sympathy care or smth like that. i want pure honest ones. like if u really wanna do it, then do it. maybe go against what i say just to prove it.

but then again i guess i'm quite perasan to think so highly of myself. or is it normal to have such expectations?

a friend called it mind games. hmm

sounds simple to just voice out how we really feel. but hmm. maybe not.

Still Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You're Still Cut From The Team

Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team)

Your lipstick his collar don't bother angel,
I know exactly what goes on.

When everything you'll get is,
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer,
My finger on the trigger, or,
(Me face down, down across your floor.)
Me face down, down across your floor.
(Me face down, down across your floor.)
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin.
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go...

Don't bother trying to explain Angel,
I know exactly what goes on, when you're on and,
How about I'm outside of your window?
(How about I'm outside of your window?)
Watchin' him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker, (You're such a sucker.)
For a sweet talker.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
(The only thing I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.)
And will you tell all your friends,
you've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know...

And all of this was all your fault.
And all of this....

(I stay jealous.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
(She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
(She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life!

Taking Back Sunday

perfect. :)

Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday

Why Never Ask?

k it's kinda weird how nobody asked.

k fine. someone did ask. but i couldn't tell cuz it was that person la. i dun feel like being judged by that person.

heck i dun even know why i want to be asked. haha. i also dun want to be asked abt that actually.

but i guess i'm amused la. i mean, it's out in the open. it doesn't make sense. yet noone has asked.

maybe cuz they know. or they think they know. and they don't want to be right.

ignorance is bliss i guess.

oh well.

Currently Listening To: Inevitable - Anberlin

Change To Honesty

k u know how sometimes ppl ask what's up? and like most of us give a normal reply of oh nth. when it's really not nothing? k la. i tend to do that. with ppl i'm close to too. and it's kinda bad la. it's like when ppl ask why ure doing this or that and i jus say for fun when it's not and i actually do have a reason.

so yeah. i dunno if anyone has noticed, but i've actually been trying to be honest abt the stuff i say la. like if ppl ask whats up, i guess i'll tell them. instead of hiding and what so ever. i mean, k sometimes i've really got nth in my mind so i don't say. but i guess, if it's my close friends why not tell them right? so yeah.

so now i'm really gonna answer as honestly as possible. whether it's an opinion or what's going on in my mind. i dun wanna answer dumb answers like for fun, nth or simply. yeah, i guess i'm trying to be transparent. will you?

Currently Listening To: An Honest Mistake - The Bravery

So Much To Say, So Little Time

i feel like i have so much to say. yet i don't have time.

so much i wanna know, but i dun think time will let me find out.

now i'm really feeling the rush of going back. hope i can get everything done in time. i still wanna meet the ppl i'm meant to meet. haih.

and damn, i feel i've created a monster. everything's changed so much. oh well, time to jus live with it i guess.

and whatever happened to transparency? i'm not letting this be a one way thing. think it's time to learn to give than just always receive. being happy with the little is the problem. that's why we never do enough i guess.

talking to becks now. i know that this year is gonna be tough. or maybe cuz i'm emoing now so i think it'll be tough. i still wish i cud change the past. so bad. but oh well.

craps. emoing. grrr. well, hope that tmrw will be a good fun day.

i totally gotta settle all my stuffs. k la. bye. enough emoing for one day.

Currently Listening To: Cupid's Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes