Error: Operator

Well there's been an accident (calm down)
There's been an accident, breath
In and out calm down (in and out calm down)
Breath in and out calm down (in and out calm...)

We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...
We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...

(Breath in and out calm down)

Well would you do it again, again
And count backwards from ten
(Look I don't make those mistakes no more)
Sometimes i swear I could see straight through you
Just concentrate, good try
But would you do it again, again

We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...
We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...

We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...
We can't go back
Can't go back

(concentrate, calculate, compensate, contemplate)
(concentrate, calculate, don't be late)

I try (it's just...)
I try (it's just...)
I try (it's just...)
I try (it's just...)
I tried (it's just...)
I try (it's just...)
I tried (it's just...)
I try (it's just...)
We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...
We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...
We can't go back
Can't go back
Can't go back, we can't...
(Feels like anything anything, anything anything)
We can't go back

**************Taking Back Sunday***************

Love the song. Good stuff man. I'll try n put it as my song as soon as i can. Too bad the revamped version sucks.

Anyway, this week can be considered a depressing week. Lots of stuff went wrong. Esp with all the screwed up marks i'm getting. Haihh. Shud haf studied harder and do less mistakes. =(
Plus there was that case where i had to my whole Chem presentation in one night. Bad stuff. I dun wanna do such a last minute work again. Gotta keep that promise for my own good. Haihh.

I realise the best thing abt staying at the hostel is the interaction with ppl. I mean with my roomies we can just talk abt anything. Whether we haf a prob or wondering abt stuff or want to know stuff. I can say my knowledge on sutff has expanded greatly since moving to INTEC. Heh. One good thing abt the place eh. =P

K not much to say. Got some weird stuffs going on at college too. I hope its not what it seems/what i think it is. So i'll just leave with u with a bunch of emo quotes based on the theme of lost friendship. Great stuff. Some stuff can be vulgar. So viewer discretion is advised. ;) Not like u guys would listen anyway. =)

Life takes your dreams and turns them upside down Friends talk about you when your not around People make promises they just cant keep I've come to realize... talk is cheap

You don't seem to notice, You don't seem to care You promise me something, Then you aren't even there You tell people my secrets, Tell me your lies... Who wants a friend... That makes you want to cry?

You say we're best friends and all... But how does that work when You only talk to me when you have to You only tell me things when I ask You're only there for me when I call Oh wait, that's right... You're never there for me at all

Some people don't catch on, they rather just pretend. While things are going smooth, they smile and call you 'friend'. Funny how you never know who cares until it hurts, and when it's over, Does it matter who blew off who first?

Yeah, being apathetic is a pathetic way to be... but I don't care, what matters to you does not matter to me

I know that things between us are pretty much beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume to try and make everything better with a conversation, so that's not what this is... but I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to say... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you. But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it. But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our friendship. And however far off it may be, I look forward to the day that we can be friends again...

I'm sorry for the smiles we missed. the times that I blew it. I have so much to tell you. I don't know where to start. maybe I'll find a way. maybe you'll help me do it. because friends like us shouldn't be apart

I want to say I'm sorry, I want you to know I care, I want to say I'm blind for seeing something that wasn't there. I should have been more trusting, and listened to my heart, cause you're the only thing I need and it's tearing me apart.

So are you really listening? to a word that I've said Or are you just sitting here to pretend that were still friends

To all the weed that I've smoked, yo this blunts for you To all the people I've offended, yeah fuck you too To all the friends I used to have, yo I miss my past But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass

I swear on my life that if I could take this knife out of my back, I would, but between the loss of blood and the trust I had in you, I don’t think it’d do any good.

People act all nice and then turn around and talk shit... So as for trusting people...fuck it I quit.

Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears.

When your up, your friends know who you are. When you're down, you know who your friends are...

Get out the picture, blow off the dust Take off the frame, its starting to rust Remember the times that we had together What happened to being best friends forever?

I can't just pretend to forgive and forget I'm going to make the day you met me... the day you regret!

I'm staring at your photograph, remembering each moment you made me laugh, I never thought it would end this way, that I'd still be missing you to this very day...

if you're going to talk about me behind my back, do me a favor, and while your back there, kiss my ass!

You can't laugh last If I stab you in the throat with... the knife you left in my back

You start backstabbing me and going against your word, thinking “Oh, she won’t know!” Well guess what bitch, I heard.

If I got a dime for every time you walked away when I needed you, I could afford not to give a shit

How do I say good-bye to what we had, the good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad. I thought we’d get to see forever, but forever’s gone away. It’s so hard to say good-bye to yesterday.

I was the one who said things changed; you were the one who proved it.

I can't forgive you for leaving; Until I forgive myself for letting you leave

Too often we don't realize What we got till it's gone Too often we wait too long to say I'm sorry I was wrong

Promised we’d be "friends" Until the day we die But it always ends with a Forgotten Goodbye

If your having doubts about whether you can actually trust a person...chances are you can't.

In dealing with backstabbers There's one thing I’ve learned Those bitches are only powerful When your back is turned

[Best friend] has ten letters But then again, so does [[Lying Bitch]]

All of my friends, they're not my friends. Knife in the back, felt it again. Used to fit in, now I don't belong. What did I do? Was it so wrong?

Friends? Yeah I have lots of friends. Those conniving, blood sucking wenches who knife me between the shoulder blades repeatedly? Yeah, I've got tons of them...

I'll never find another friend to take the place of you. No one will ever touch my world exactly like you do. No one who's quite so thoughtful, no one I cherish so. No one will mean so much to me I just wanted you to know.

Broken friendships are like glass, its better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself putting them back together

I miss you, and I want things back to how they used to be. I need your friendship more then ever. I need you in my life again. Tell me what it is that went wrong, and I'll do what it takes to fix it in a second if it means having you by my side again...

With memories that linger and wont seem to go away... Why cant I be happier? Today's a brand new day... The hurt I'm feeling now wont disappear over night but Someway... Somehow... Everything will turn out alright.

Sometimes you just look at someone and think… should you love them for who they were, hate them for who they are now, or... feel sorry for them because they had to change

Forget the times you walked by, forget the times u made me cry, forget the times you held my hand, forget the sweet things if I can, I can no longer pretend, I've got to remember now, we’re not even friends...

I ran into someone the other day and we started to talk. Somehow the conversation mentioned your name And they asked me if I knew you. Looking away I though of all the times we had together and then how, without an explanation, you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for an answer and said "once ... or I thought I did..."

I'll never forget what you did to me, but I'll never let you know I remember

Why is it that after going through so much together, u act like its been so little

Even though it was temporary, our memories are forever.

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise.

I thought I could trust you... You said you wouldn't lie But then you went and ran off with my guy!

Sometimes I feel like the last cookie in the cookie jar- broken and alone.

Things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories

I miss you when I'm sad. I miss you when I'm lonely. But most of all, I miss you when I'm happy.

Friendship is not capable of ending For if it ends it is only because it never existed

We've gone our own ways and I know it's for the best, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have a friend like you again

They say all good things come to an end, I wish this didn't apply, You were once someone, I took pride in calling my friend

The loss of a friend is like that of a limb, Time may heal the anguish of the wound, but... the loss can't be repaired.

It's really scary how you can grow apart from some friends, when it seems that just a few moments ago they were the most important people in your life

You never leave someone behind… you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind

So if I have to leave you, I want you to know that in the end, it wasn’t because I stopped caring, it’s because you stopped being a friend

In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends

Nothing lasts forever, not the mountains nor the sea, but the times we've had together will always be with me

Goodbyes make you think, they make you realize what you've had, what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted

I've learned that good-byes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there, memories good or bad will bring tears; and words can never replace feelings

Even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me

K thats all for this time. Bye ppl. Got some overdue assignments to finish up.

Currently Listening To: A Beautiful Mistake - The Ataris

Why?

U say you want to be there.

But u can't.

U say u'll try.

But u don't seem to at all.

U want me to do certain things for you.

But u can hardly do the same.

U want me to trust u.

How in the world am i supposed to?

I just wanted to be important in ur life. That's all. But i guess it was too hard. =/

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.
I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance

***********

Damn. I got so much work to do yet i'm here. Boot camp stole too many days from me. But i guess i did have fun too. Oh wells.

I hope i have enuf time to finish everything. God please grant me more hours. Or teach me to waste time less. Haihh.

I feel like i'm losing grip on everything. Yet again. Haihh.

I need time! damn it. yet i'm wasting it here. shit la.

k Gtg. Bye!

Currently Listening To: Error Operator - Taking Back Sunday

That Tag Thingy (TTT)

Mysore Palace, India.

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Benjamin Jon
Birth Date: I dunno la
Current Status: Feeling high and crazy a bit. Must be the music. Oh wait. Prob i'm supposed to put Single here. Joel u confused me.
Eye Colour: When i actually stare at my eyes long enough to remember i'll tell u.
Hair Colour: Hitam. Cud change to purple tho. See how. =P
Righty or Lefty: Right la. Cuz i'm always right. =P

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE
My Heritage: India!
My Fears: People hating me.
My Weaknesses: Music!
My Perfect Pizza: I also dunno la. Pepperoni n Hawaian and Seafood are cool la.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
My First Thoughts Waking Up: Can i spare more time sleeping? Most of the time i fall back asleep
My Bedtime: Extremely unstable. Cud be whenever.
My Most Missed Memory: Of when we were both great together.

LAYER 4: MY PICK
Pepsi or Coke: err. both taste almost the same to me la. dun really care.
McDonald's or Burger King: McD! Burger King expensive!
Single or Group Dates: Mestilah single. ;) A
didas or Nike: Adidas! But i onli haf an adidas shoe. thats all.
Tea or Nestea: Milo
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: I said already, Milo.

LAYER 5: DO YOU...
Smoke: Not yet.
Curse: Heh. No one really knows. ;)
Take a Shower: Duh.
Have a Crush: I don't think right now.
Go To School: Actually yes. Cuz INTEC is like a former school rite? Sheesh...
Want To Get Married: Yea. I do believe so.
Believe In Yourself: Nope
Think Your A Health Freak: Heh. This wud definitely be a no rite Joel? Walking around outside the hostel barefoot wud put me in the NOT health freak.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST
Drank Alcohol: Erm. Once.
Gone To The Mall: Yea.
Been On Stage: Yup. To sing a Backstreet Boys song somemore with frens. Heh. The good old crazy days. =P
Eaten sushi : Of course. Love the wasabi man.
Dyed Your Hair: Like i said. Purple.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER...
Played A Stripping Game: Nope.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: I think i did. But i'm still trying to find out who i am la. So i dunno for sure.

LAYER 8: AGE YOU'RE HOPING...
To Be Married: Erm. Maybe before 35? I also dunno.

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL
Best Eye Colour: Blue or green wud be cool. But i'm fine with anything la.
Best Hair Colour : I'm pretty sure i like black.
Short Hair or Long Hair: Panjaaaaaaaaaaang but not tooooo panjang la.
LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING...
A Minute Ago: Doing the tag? What kinda question is that?
Hour Ago: Online typing out my earlier blog entry or was it chatting away or playing poker with KS. heh. bad memory la.
4.5 Hours Ago: Sleeping cuz it was so bloody hot.
1 Month Ago: i guess i wud be at the hostel doing dunno what la.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCES...
I love: my MUSIC!
I feel: kinda refreshed from sleeping jus not. not sleepy.
I hate: myself in a way.
I hide: K. if i told u this i wudnt be hiding it anymore right?
I miss: the good times.
I need: to get my hands on a laptop and command and conquer 3!

LAYER 12: TAG 4 PEOPLE Heh. this is gonna be hard since not many ppl i knowstill maintain. but thos who maintain i guess wud haf already done this tag. so if u've done thi jus ignore la k.
1. Grace
2. Wei Zhen
3. Dana?
4. Anyone else la. Ur choice. Heh.
kk. Bye. Again.

Currently Listening To: Last Train Home - Lostprophets

No, I'm Not Dead.

Contrary to popular belief, this blog has not been updated not because I am dead. Well, actually there's no popular belief. I just wanted to say that. =P

But yeah, this blog hasnt been updated and there's a bunch of reasons for that. So lets go down the list one by one.

1. Moving House. No tme to online. Busy dumping all my stuff into boxes.
2. Busy. With i have no idea what... Oh wait! It was the PILES of work i had. AUSMAT! *curses*
3. No internet connection. Cuz of the moving house so no phone line that time. Jus got it last week.
4. I was too tired with all the BB stuffs n all.

I think thats all la. But i was quite sure that there was more. Wonder where they disappeared to. K. Anyway, tere's a lot of stuffs that happened too. Lets go down the other list now! =)

1. Assunta Rally
Well, this was pretty cool la. Cuz i was playing worship like with all the super cool ppl and also not to forget. EXTREMELY RANDOM ppl. Seriously, most of us nvr met each other before n we jus came together to create a worship team. Cool man. N the ppl I met r like super chun in what they do. Ppl like Alvin, Kel Vin, and Michael. Man, these ppl r inspiration to be a much better guitarist. Oh, and no one knew i was playing for the rally too. I jus loved looking at all the faces of ppl i knew staring at me and wondering, "Is that Ben? How did he end up there on stage?". Haha. But cool la the stunned faces. =P

2. Moving House
I miss my old room! It was soooo much bigger. Now i'm some "storeroom" (as called by lauren). Y storeroom? Cuz its at the back of the house and it has no fan at all. So i'm currently surviving with a stand fan. Lame. I know. But there's is a plus side. ( I stress on the a). Now there's a tv in my room so i can watch astro whenever i like! =) BUT! I'm restricted to 3 hours a day. Haihh... Can't have everything the way i want right? Well, overall the house is pretty okay. Plus it's only temporary so i shall not complain la. Why should I? I mean i Should be grateful i even haf a house to stay in right?

3. Tests!
Damn. there has been so many test la. I've had my math, spec math, chem n physics. All are counted and ALL i do believe i have done badly. The only one i haf gotten back is Chem which is 63%. Like what crap is that man?? That piece of nonsense marks is gonna be counted in my finals. I'm like seriously one of the dumbest non-bumi in Intec la. But this cud prob be due to my lack of studying. Haihh. Spec math test was... erm... lets say OK to not offend others. ;) The first question was answerable but the 2nd i cudnt do. I just hope my answerable answers are right. Math was nonsense, i forgot my stuff so i'm waiting for crap results. All the stupid nonsense mistakes la. CRAP! Physics I KNOW i'm dead cuz i din study cuz i busy settling problems with ppl. So basically with the tests i'm jus screwed!

4. Sunway Outing.
Right now i'm just too lazy to blog abt that. But I'll jus link uu guys to Joel n u all read from there la k. CLICK HERE!!
Oh yeah. i got home at 1 am that night and Mom was pretty mad. Sheesh. i need parents who don't have curfew time for their over 18 kids man.

Basically thats all, a lot of stuff i missed out cuz its not that important so i jus left it out so that i don't have to type out so much. Heh.

The supposed "bitch" gave the non bitchy answer when asked, while the "not-supposed-to-be-a-bitch" girl gave the bitch answer. Wth.....

Oh yeah!! Congrats to all the SPM ppl! Most of u guys did awesome!!! Seriously! Powerlah u guys. Smart geniuses. Haha! So u guys gonna come join me in INTEC? =P

Haha. K, i still got a bunch of emo lyrics i could post up. But not now la. Maybe in a different post. N I still got a tag to do from Joel and Grace. So thats two more posts. HAih!

C&C3 is coming out soon!!!! Gosh i've been waiting for this game since last year la. Can't wait! I need to get my lappie!!!

Scrin (New Faction). Cool man.

GDI. New Logo.

Nod. New Logo. Gonna be My New "Tattoo"

K gotta go. Recrutis Camp coming up and LOADS more homework which i haf procrastinated till now. Sheesh!

And Clarence. Stop trying to pair me up with all the girls in INTEC k. =.="

Bye!

Currently Listening To: Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance

Guess Not

Hmm, I did what i did for a reason. Not cuz i love to make your life miserable. Funny, of all the days, you chose that day? But then again, i could be overreacting as usual.

I realised that valentine's day is the best day for single ppl. I mean sorta la in a way. U dun haf worry abt wishing anyone cuz if u dun noone's gonna get mad/sad/depressed cuz u didn't. Plus, not a single cent has to come out of your pocket to buy overly priced chocoloates and flowers. And you save on ur phone bill too. =P Well, this is a cheapskates perspective la. ;P

My stress level has gone done very steadily thanks to the change in timetable and some cancelled classes at perfect timings. So currently, i'm jus left with Math Quiz 2, Chem Test, Investigation Presentation, Chem SRT, Physics Mini Project, Moral Project, Physics Lab Report, Spec Math Quiz, and who knows what else that i cant remember. Well at least the stess is slowly going down even if it's not hat obvious. =)

Oh and in my emo state i found A LOT of great Taking Back Sunday songs. So, before i leave to get back to class to study for my Math Quiz 2 which Clarence had to inform me is pretty tough, here's another song by them. The video is cool. So watch it too la. =)

********Liar (It Takes One To Know One)********

All our secrets they are tailored trouble.
Draped loose now around your hips.
You're spotless instincts are valid.
We co-exist.

Got 26 days to work with. (Got 26 days.)
We got 26 days to work with.
(It moves, it moves, it moves.)
We'll see what all gets done.

I'm an addict for dramatics.
I confuse the two for love.
You can tell me that you don't beg.

Liar. (Liar.)
If we're keeping score,
We're all choir boys at best;
Intrusive and arrogant.

Liar. (Liar.)
If we're keeping score,
We're all choir boys at best;
Intrusive and arrogant.

Got 26 days to work with.
(Got 26 days.)

Then back on that island,
That you swear by.
Still barely can afford.
It's still a question of,
"How long will this hold? "
Well is it any different?
(I said this is all done.)
Now that we are home, oh,
Don't you go there, not here.
Not now.
(It moves, it moves, it moves.)
Not here, not now.

I'm an addict for dramatics.
I confuse the two for love.
You can tell me that you don't beg.

Liar. (Liar.)
If we're keeping score,
We're all choir boys at best;
Intrusive and arrogant.

Liar. (Liar.)
If we're keeping score,
We're all choir boys at best;
Intrusive and arrogant.

We're all choir boys at best.

Liar. (Liar.)
If we're keeping score,
We're all choir boys at best;
Intrusive and arrogant.

Liar. (Liar.)
If we're keeping score,
We're all choir boys at best;
Intrusive and arrogant.

Liar. (Liar.)
Liar. (Liar.)

It takes one to know one.

****************

Not everyone can get even a perfectly broken life i guess. =/

Currently Listening To: Liar (It Takes One To Know One) - Taking Back Sunday

Stress!

Everything has been going wrong this week. Well, almost everything. There's just too many stuffs to do and jus too little time. Plus making other ppl angry at you when you do a mistake really sucks. Haih. I'm really sry. I'm really trying my best to do everything PERFECT but it jus wont happen. i wont be able to update much this week. So i'll jus leave you with a song. This song was found in my emo state n i haf loved it since then. I guess my emo-ness has greatened due to my piled up work. So if u find my face in the obituaries section dun be surprised. =)

********MakeDamnSure********

You've got this new head filled up with smoke.
I got my veins all tangled close,
To the jukebox bars you frequent.
The safest place to hide.
A long night spent with your most obvious weakness.
You start shaking at the thought.
You are everything I want.
'Cause you are everything I'm not.


And we lay, we lay together just not,
Too close, too close. (How close is close enough?)
We lay, we lay together just not,
Too close, too close.


I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way.


My inarticulate store bought hangover hobby kit.
It talks, it says, "You, oh, you are so cool."
Scissor shaped across the bed, you are red, violent red.
You hollow out my hungry eyes.
You hollow out my hungry eyes.


And we lay, we lay together just not,
Too close, too close. (How close is close enough?)
We lay, we lay together just not,
Too close, too close.


I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
Well I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way.


I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way. (Worst way.)


I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave.
No, you won't ever get too far from me.
You won't ever get too far from me.
I'll make damn sure that you can't ever leave.
No, you won't ever get too far from me.
You won't ever get too far from me.
You won't ever get too far from me.
You won't ever get too far...


I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
Well I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way. (Worst way.)


I'm gonna make damn sure.
I just wanna break you down so badly.
I just wanna break you down so badly. (Damn sure.)
In the worst way. (Worst way.)

****************

I figured out what will help me out of this emo-ness, but i dunno if i can get it.
I jus need to talk to you. But will you be there when the time comes? Will u want to listen to me? I wish everything was nvr screwed up in the first place.

Currently Listening To: MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday

Haihh...

I'm feeling damn emo now for some apparent reason which has eluded me.

She looked the hottest in this episode. Seriously

But i guess it's got smth to do with my phone. Hmm.

Anyway, Jin, whats so wrong with standing there with her la. Nothing was happening at all also. =P haha! til u had to come back and look and also get stuck in a dead end. haha. Damn awkward man u guys came like that. Sheesh. N yeah, i was waiting for more girls to pimp with. Double Sheesh. Haha. =P

Oh yeah, have u had anyone look at u with a look that says "i see u around a lot n i think i'm supposed to know u/i'm pretty sure i know you somehow". That look la. Dun really know how to explain but that's how it feels like. Like u look at the person with a 2 second stare. but it's 2 seconds yet it's a stare. Weird but it feels like that tho. I've seen abt 5 ppl in college give me that look. Yet so far, onli one has said smth. But that's cuz i memang do know who she is or a least i'm supposed to know who she is, and she knows who i am too. So i guess that's not really counted. well, at least one person is out of the look thingy. =P

Mbs convention was okay. Esp since when we were'nt on stage we were back stage telling and listening to lame jokes. I heard so much good stuff today. Haha! but what was disappointing was that they made the worship team but the convention shirt even after we did worship and spent so much time practicing for them. Bunch of cheapskates. Sheesh.

Oh! my dad's car is back too! looks kinda weird with the new model lights. dun really like it. but who am i to complain? =P and i also got over my fear of driving. which i thought i had. i think it's cuz i had to go visit la and i had to drive so i had to put my fears aside and now it's all okay. =P See Lauren? bangga tak i put away my fears to come visit you tau. haha =P

k thats all i got say for now. got tons of assignments to do. =( English, physics, chem, camper's badge. haih.

Time to go back being emo. =)
Who is gonna bring me outta this emo state? hmm. =)

Currently Listening To: Gifts and Curses - Yellowcard

Holy Guacemole!

Crap! i just found out that u guys haf been giving me comments but i haven't been approving them at all.

I feel so dumb wondering all this time why doesn't anyone comment.

Well, its mainly cuz of the fact that i din know i had to approve it.

ANYWAY, now i know i shall be checking my blog for any other comment updates.

But if u do post, pls let me know who u r. Anonymous ppl suck. Eventhough what u say is good n all. But i prefer if i knew who u were.

Esp a certain anonymous who posted smth which i'm still trying to figure out who it is and why was that said.

k gtg. Got ppl to go visit.

Bye!

Currently Listening To: Majesty - Planetshakers

Regrets

how i hate myself. i hate myself for being so damn selfish and the biggest hypocrite in the whole world.

i'm really sorry. i wish i cud take back all i did that hurt u. u sh nvr haf gone through such pain. everytime i look at u now i know u deserve so much better. but i cant let u go. u mean too much for me to let go.

i'd give anything to have u stay.

anything to take back what i said.

anything to take back that damned day where i acted on my stupid anger.

anything to go back to how we were.


now i know how regret feels like. n i know that day is my most regretful day in my whole life. nothing hurts as bad. i wish i didn't live to see that day. i wish it cud be erased.

but it nvr can. some wounds go too deep to heal.

n i caused it.

i'd give anything to be normal again.

i'm sry.

for the hurt i've caused.

for the words i've said.

for my fake self.

for not loving u the way i should.

for blaming you when it has always been my fault.

for making u feel bad.

for acting like a jerk.

but please know.

I Love You.

and i always will.

Always.

='(

Currently Listening To: Always - blink-182

Laziness. Yet Not So.

Dang. I came here wanting to blog abt the week but i became too lazy. One interesting i did was haf dinner with keane at Asia Cafe with Joel which dragged on til 11.30 with added CC time too. Haha. So I'll just post up some pics i tot was nice from India k. Which i should haf done long ago too. =P

Ok. This is like half an hour later. N i still cant post any pictures up. Stupid blogger. Or maybe my stupid internet. Sheesh.

Finally!

Tea Fields

I think this shot should have been brighter. Then it would've been nicer too. =/



End of The Road

Currently Listening To: The Party Song - blink-182

One Hell of A Day

Edit 2: K. I can't take back my mistakes, but as you said i can try and fix it. Hopefully there's a chance for me to do so.

I screwed up my dad's car. Yea. I got into an accident. Damn it. I freaked out. Thx LAUREN (See your name here. =P Happy?) and Wei Zheng for calling me and talking to me. I guess it calmed me down a bit. Thx. Just came back from the police station. I feel so guilty for ruining my Dads car. Don't think i'll be driving for a while. haihh.

Bad Day. Seriously.

Currently Listening To: Until We Get Caught - Hit The Lights

A Night At Dataran Merdeka

I bet you're thinking, "Ben has no life to spend his night at that place".

N maybe you could be right. But the real reason i went there was cuz Jesh had an ad to shoot for Pepsi. Kinda cool eh. It was behing the court house area there. Which was nearby Dataran Merdeka la. So we (the cousins) decided to check what it was all about and also keep Jesh company. He had to be there from 6pm to 6am. 12 hours for a 2-3 minute ad? Sheesh! What the heck do they need so long for?Anyway,we reached there abt 8 smth and i think they jus started shooting the first scene. Before this was the make up and the fitting of clothes n stuff. That alone took 2 hours. And they we shooting the 1st scene for abt 50 times for i haf no idea what reson. Prob some kid was saying smth wrong n the famous cricket player wasnt giving the right expression.

Oh wait! i din explain abt the ad did I? Sry. ok. The ad is a Pepsi ad for Pakistan featuring a famous Pakistani Cricket Player. There's a bunch of kids, Jesh one of them, who go to the guy's hose and challenge him at cricket. So he says he'll do it if there's Pepsi. So they go buy pepsi, they play, i'm pretty sure he trashes them, yada yada yada, they celebrate with Pepsi.

Yeah. Obviously i din stick around to watch them film all the scenes. I would just bore my mind out man. So we went out to find a Mamak so we cud watch the Man U game. Unfortunately, it wud seem that KL (or at least that part) had no such thing as Mamak where u can watch football. Sheesh! So anyway, we managed to get into the Selangor Club nearby. Wathced the match there and also some drama that was happening. I was pretty certain there would be gunshots. But nothing happened. Oh well. Oh Man U won 3-1 exactly like i predicted. Haha!

So later, since we knew we wud be bored, we took the Catan from the car and went over to the filming area and starting playing. Unfortunately i nvr won. The 2nd last player kept winnning. Sheesh. Then we got bored again, so we went to lay football. Which was probably the best part. Cuz we got to have fun and also watch live entertainment at the same time. What live entertainment u ask? Well, there were the street racers, the drifters, and alsothe rempits. all racing at Dataran Merdeka there. Really cool to watch. No accidents tho. Haha.

So after we realised that there was no more racing, and we were tired of football, we went back to see what Jesh was doin. And as usual, they were taking some scene again for 50 plus times. We were sooo bored...... So basically after that we din do much. We jus sat around, watch ppl set up, film. Oh we got free food too thanks to Jesh. Thanks Jesh!

We also managed to see the sun rise. Or at least the whole place get brighter, which i wont normally see cuz i'd be sleeping. And there were these sparrows too who came out in the morning and flew around for their morning exercise. They flew in a real cool formation. Sorta like when an Ancient dead magical mummy from egypt sends out a plague of locusts to come attack you. Yeah it looked smth like that. Anyway, soon after that Jesh finished and we cud finally go home.

I tot it was a great night looking at all the things that happened. The sights and sounds. Plus, i managed to stay awake for one whole day! Haha! It's kinda smth big for a person who loves his sleep, ;) But i did compensate some sleep jus now when i slept for 4 hours straight in the afternoon.

Crap. i haf to go back to college tmrw. Haihh. i hate studying.

gtg. Bye!

Currently Listening To: Crash And Burn - Savage Garden

Darned Earthquake

okay. Due to some annoying circumstances, which would be the damaged internet cable lines (or something like that), i wont be able to post up any of the pictures from my India Trip anytime soon. Plus the fact that the pictures are quite huge doesnt help either.

Anyway, India was great. Did a lot of fun stuff and enjoyed myself too. Didn't expect that though. I'm not gonna explain on the trip cuz i'm gonna let the Pictures do the talking. hey, a picture is a thousand words right? ;)

But for now, I'd like to wish everyone Happy New Year!! Hope your year is going well so far. Mine is pretty screwy. Got back my last years results. Not good at all. Average mark was 82. One more mark to an A, so obviously its not good enough. Esp when Joel is getting an average of 91 and your parents are comparing you to him. Got into a new class too. Don't really know anyone, except for 3 ppl. But i hardly even know them too. I miss my old classmates. A lot. KS, Solehah, Jim, Effa, Zara, Huan Yang, Loh and Izzat. Awesome ppl. Unfortunately i hardly get to see them anymore. It'll probably be a hi-bye thing now. Oh well, time to make new friends i guess. Dammit la.

So i guess this would be an appropriate time to give suggestions on depressing songs. Prob not your type, but hey, u might like it too.

Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake

Be Like That - 3 Doors Down

Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day

Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls

Any other Goo Goo Dolls song too la.

Ok thats all i have for now. I gtg order some 600 bucks calculator now. If it stopped raining la. I hope, just hope somewhere along the way, this year will change into a better year.

************Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls************

You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me, yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don't need the fallout
Of all the past that's in between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
I know it's out there, I know it's out there
And I can feel you fallin'
I know it's out there, I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah
I know it's out there, I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah...

*********************************************

Currently Listening To: Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls

Oops!

Oh yeah..... one last thing that i forgot to put...

MERRY
CHRISTMAS!
=)

Currently Listening To: A Town Called Hypocrisy - Lostprophets

Note to Self:

Don't ever follow dad to 30 Hour famine anymore.

Seriously, walking in as a V.I.P when ure a nobody is just plain weird and scary. But of course, it felt cool for a few seconds la. But i'll nvr do it again. If i ever go for the 30 hour famine i'll be goin as a participant.

Anyway, basically thats one thing that happened in the last two weeks. Well that was for the two weeks ago. Last week, Miss Lauren Chia decided to celebrate my bday by letting everyone know when it was by getting me a cake.

Honestly, i really loved the cake. Cuz it was a cheesecake and it tasted awesome and all that, BUT, i disliked the part abt everyone knowing. oh yeah, and also the part where i got drenched in water and also covered in whipped cream. Do you know what watre and whipped cream mixed together smells like?? You don't wanna know. Sheesh. Moral of the story: Don't ever let Lauren find out your bday, unless she can keep it to herself.

Yet, I'm really grateful for Lauren, cuz she's a good, kind, caring, nice fren. (ok lauren, i talked abt ur kechunness. Happy? i'm the one thats good, kind, caring and nice la =P)

Oh yea, Sunday was Church day. My sister's class did worship. Seriously wasnt expecting anything good from the Form 1's (maybe cuz my sister and Sonia was in it). B4 it started Me and Caleb were like "Eh, the guitarist sounds pretty good la." Then we realised it was John Thomas who was playin it for that moment. Haha! We said the same thing abt the drummer during worship, and realised it was John Thomas again. =P Anyway, the Form 1's were pretty good. I mean for first timers. Even my sister managed to paly the tambourine properly. I was seriously impressed. Not bad Form 1ers! And also to their teacher, John, who helped them all the way.

That night had a pot bless. And everyone came over. Makaned. Watched football. Watched Man U win! haha! Played board games. oh yea, i won in Catan too that day. Feelin proud! =) Then later went over to Jo's cuz had to sort of ''jaga'' their neighbours place, who were out for Deepavali, cuz of two mysterious men. Slept there. oh yeah, i drove the Volvo back from my house. Haha! man, i wont forget the unableness to balance that car man. Had to switch on the hazard lights to tell ppl not to go ahead instead of waitin for me. Haha! But it was fun la. =P

Next morning, woke to play football at Caleb's school. Not bad. Played lousyly of course. Died halfway and was lying down the whole time. Later came back. Went for luch with all at McD. Then went to Jo's house and played board games again. Seriously, Catan is addictive. This time that sneaky Jo won. out of nowhere he comes up with like 5 points and wins. Crap man. Later came home, bathed, and slept!

Tuesday: Interesting day, woke up and opened Caleb's present. His present is damn cool. A guitar slide! i dunno how to fully use it yet but its still cool. and he also got me some picks. The best was the one with The Offspring logo behind. (oh yeah. This just came to mind. The Rest of My Life - Less Than Jake. Pretty cool song. Recommended by yours truly.) Later went to Sunway Pyramid. For an outing which was planned by Theresa. UNFORTUNATELY, i nvr got the wonderful msg that it was cancelled the night b4. So i end up msg Theresa askin her where shud i wait only to wake her up with a reply telling me that it was cancelled. She was so nice that she came anyway cuz i was there (Thx Theresa) and basically we walked a bit then had lunch. Or maybe brunch. Got a msg from Jo askin whether wanna watch a movie. Since we din haf anythin to do we went. So went and picked up Jo (after takin a while to find the 'lost' car) and went to One U. Went there and found out that there wasnt a movie at a suitable time cuz Jo had tuition *coughs* to go for. So we just ended up playin bowlin instead. Din do so well though. hahah. Later went home. and i think i slept again. or maybe i went online? ahaha.

Wednesday: Out again. This time at Pyramid with julian, lauren, beccy(well not really, cuz she was mostly ice skatin and *helpin* someone skate ;) ), Ruth, dana, wei ren, esther, kenneth and anyone else? Went there and watched Open Season. Not bad la the show. The rest of the day was spent walking around and kacauing beccy. The rest of this story of what happened can be read at lauren's blog. Since i'm getting lazy to write since i feel i wrote pretty long alredi. =P Go read here.

Erm i think thats all i have to say for now. I got some pics to post up but I'll do it later. =P
Oh yeah, my two roommates wished me Happy Bday one day earlier and i sorta din wanna tell them that my bday was the next day. So i said Thx. Good or Bad thing to do? Hmmm. And that sneaky Jo is up to smth. Not exactly sure yet. But i'll find out soon enough. hmmm.

One last thing, I realised i really wanna be a somebody. So that when i walk for that VIP thing again, I'd know its cuz i deserve to be there. Hmmmm

Later then. Seriously, much later.

Currently Listening To: Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance

******Welcome to the Black Parade******

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"
He said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the non believers, the plans that they have made?"
Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
When you're gone we want you all to know.

We'll carry on,
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.

A woman sends you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all.
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end
We hear the call

To carry on
We'll carry on
Though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches
On and on we carry through the fears
Ooh oh ohhhh

Disappointed faces of your peers
Ooh oh ohhhh
Take a look at me cause I could not care at all

Do or die
You'll never make me
Because the world, will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
You want it all, you wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar
Give a cheer, for all the broken
Listen here, because it's only you
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
I'm just a boy, who's meant to sing this song
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
I -- don't -- care

We'll carry on
We'll carry on
Though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
You'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
We'll carry
We'll carry on
(Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world, will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
You want it all, you wanna play this part)
[x2]

*******************************

Currently Addicted To: Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance =)