I'm A World Class Idiot

haih. what a bad day. :(

the only thing good about it is 4 hours spent taking my mind off things.

now i'm back in my room and back to emo mode and i still have to study.

why la do i have to sleep so long. :(

Currently Listening To: That's What You Get - Paramore

There's Just No Mood

i've got no mood to study.

but i HAVE to study. haih.

2 whole chapters more. damn.

but it's just so emofied to study. ntah knape.

grrrr.

today started off pretty ok.

k fine, not so good. skipped 222. 225 and 226 was totally boring i fell asleep. well sorta asleep for 225 la.

but i guess, today i "officially" made another friend. so that's cool.

but then poker sucked. lost so much. what rubbish. i played damn long and not even once i can win? what rubbish.

argh la. no mood to study. and i'm hungry too!

i can't wait for the weekend! :)

oh and becks has her interview tmrw. all the best becks!

and one of my sayangs bday tmrw as well. wish i could be in Msia for this. =/ (see she even influence me so much that i actually said "my sayangs". haha.) Dana! i miss you. :(

well, at least clown face still keeps me laughing. :)

5 years. come on. i want the 5 years to be over now.

oh and if there is smth, i totally don't wanna get in the way. or give the impression that i'm getting in the way. cuz totally not my intention. prob why i seem like i'm staying away a bit. k it's prob not obvious la. cuz duh if it was obvious a lot of ppl will notice. but it's obvious and noticable to me cuz i'm the one like avoiding. so most importantly is to keep the talking going, but not in an obvious way that i'm avoiding.

man i talk a lot of rubbish. which reminds me....

Amir/Calvin: How many languages fluentlycan you speak?
Ben: oh 3 only.
Amir/Calvin: oh what 3?
Ben: i can speak English, and Malay.
Amir/Calvin: then what's the third one.
Ben: oh i can talk rubbish very well too. :P

oh that was just lame. and speaking of lammeee. :) i can't remember how the joke goes la. crap. for those who remember the guy on the island joke, pls tell me again. thx.

oh and a pro photographer, actually it's Azrie bro, and abt the pro status, well i think he's pro la. anyway, he said i got nice photos. :) i dunno if he's just being nice and all. but yeah, i really loved that comment. makes me happy cuz i know nuts abt taking photos. haha.

u know what, i'm smiling. :) i love this blog. it makes me happy. :)

k back to studying then. maybe after i get myself a snack eh. :D

Currently Listening To: Hello Hello - Paramore

Make Things Fall Deeper

the more you fight it,

the more you know it's true.

and the more you know it's true,

the more you know it's screwed.

but you'll refuse to accept it.

and if you can still go on knowing it's screwed, that just makes you greedy, selfish and most of all, screwed up too.

but, ure greedy and selfish, so you don't care.

perfect combo mix i must say. :)

Currently Listening To: Let The Flames Begin - Paramore

Just How Awesome Again?

well, from now on, i can say i'm not just being perasan. i have proof now. :D

just how awesome am i?





:DD:D:D:D

Currently Listening To: CrushCrushCrush - Paramore

This Is The Part Where I Laugh. Again.

ahhahahahashahahhahahahahahahahhahahahah

sry but i couldn't tahan. again.

ahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha

i really dunno what else to say but laugh.

hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhaah

BOL. totally BOL.

now that's what i call desperate. BOL.

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahaha



hahahahaha i swear it's the hair speaking too. hahahahhahahahaha

it's so shockingly funny. takde standard langsung. hahahahahahhahahahahhaha


well, for not being sure at first. now i'm 100% sure. hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahah

damn i should go b4 i fall off the chair. hahahahhahahahahah

Currently Listening To: Plug In Baby - Muse

My Biggest Regret

honestly, looking back at my life i now realise what was my biggest regret.

what's my biggest regret? it's actually quite simple. being good. being prob the only one with a conscience to not do what i'm not supposed to do. doing what's right. trying to be the good little church boy who follows the rules.

what i can say now is what a waste of time. i honestly don't think trying to be good actually brought any good to my life. seriously, a fucking waste of 5 years of my life not being to do things that would make me happy. trying to control everything i do. make sure it's the right thing to do at that time. honestly, thinkin of all the things i could have done then instead of now makes me regret so much about how i wasted my precious time. and come to think of it, time lost in those important years. damn.

but i guess better late than never to change right? hopefully there's enough time to properly enjoy my life. go all out. it's just one thing which i wonder, how would my life be if i didn't decide to be good? would i still be frens with the awesome ppl i know? would i have met even more awesome ppl? well, we'll never know now i guess. at least one thing i know for sure, my life would definitely be happier. definitely.

i've tasted both. and i know which tastes sweeter.

damn regret.

Currently Listening To: Damn Regret - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Why I Don't Wanna Say Anything To Ppl At That Place

i will never say anything, and i will never imply anything. well, at least i don't plan to. and i don't intentionally do it.

why? cuz if it may happen, and it is something good and will make them happy, why should i say something that may cause them to feel weird and awkward? and this may lead them to stay away from each other.

it's just human nature, we care so much abt what others think. so if they start thinkin abt what someone said to them about that, they may take it to heart cuz they're not ready and they may just change everything that would have happened.

well, i've prob stopped making sense already. haha. but yeah, i assume not everyone is like me who ignores what other ppl say if i want something. not everyone is like that. so it's best to assume the worst.

Currently Listening To: Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold

Maybe I Should Worry

but it just takes up too much time i guess. i don't know why, but things like that don't bother me. things like:

walking barefoot is unhygienic
butter is safer than margarine chemically cuz it's not one molecule away from being plastic
microwaving food is not good.
drinking soft drinks isn't that good esp when it's coke.
taking condensed milk with bread is unhealthy cuz there's so much sugar in it.
smoking causes mouth & lung cancer.
drinking will cause liver problems.
handphones cause radiation so it's not good to use it too much.
ajinomoto deteriorates ur brain cells
listening to music thru ur earphones will prob cause hearing loss.
non-polarised sun glasses may damage ur eyes cuz of UV rays from the sun.
don't wear your contact lenses for too long.


can't think of anymore for now i can relate to that. but somehow these things just stop mattering. i mean, i guess we're all gonna die someday, so just live it up now i guess. i don't want to live that long anyway.

yeah i know i should care. but not just yet i think. maybe when it's too late.

Currently Listening To: Disturbia - The Cab

Change The Name!

seriously, bands who change their lead singer, should just change their band name.

cuz it's so annoying when rue expecting to hear that voice which defines a band, but u hear some other guys voice. >=/

and it feels so diff and weird. yes, the singer plays an important role in defining the band. the music may be the same and it may be nice. BUT it just isn't the band u want to hear if it has a diff singer to it.

well, that's just me.

Currently Listening To: Unpretty - TLC

I Won't Say I'm Disappointed

cuz i know it was unintentional. but jus, damn, don't expect me to always guess and know la.

some things i won't just know like that. i'm not that free to go and find out also. plus it makes things worse when i don't know what i'm supposed to find out.

i expected you (ppl) to tell me. but dang. none.

maybe it's like outta sight outta mind sorta thing?

or maybe you already think i know?

but even if i did would it be wrong to check?

hmm. nah. i don't wanna b disappointed. cuz i know you guys are awesome. :)

i'm prob just expecting too much. usual perasan me. bleh.

Currently Listening To: Unpretty - TLC

I Don't Need A Clone!

omg. stop copying me or trying to become me.

stop doing the things i do. sheesh, from a shadow, which i tot i lost, now you wanna become a clone?

damn, stop doing things which i do. esp if i change, then you don't change as well ok. i changed bcuz i didn't want to be the same as you.

now you want to change again to be like me as well?? omg.

grow a freaking backbone.

i could be just being paranoid. but this is too much of a coincidence!

Currently Listening To: What Goes Around.. Comes Around - Alesana

CD Wall

in a stroke of genius, i came up with this idea.


and i'm proud of it. tho it's all damn old CDs. but it's still looking good.

the only problem now is i need more CDs to make it nicer. and the other half of my CDs are back in Malaysia. and erm, prob transferring them might be a tad bit mafan. so nvm. i shall jus wait for those bargains to come.

CD Wall! :D

brilliant. :)

i impressed myself. :)

Currently Listening To: Over My Head (Cable Car) - A Day To Remember

No, Not This Time

i hope it's not about me.

i don't want this. not yet.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

k prob this is the time to remind myself not to think so much.

go with the flow. always the best choice.

damn, what to do? things in life should be just as it is. just how we want them to be. nothing else should disturb.

damn ben. ure thinkin again. k fine. go to work. bye.

Currently Listening To: None But Jesus - Hillsong United

Well It Can't Be Just Me

it can't be just me if i get other ppl coming to tell me ure a dick/bitch.

it's just you. get used to ppl not being real to you and treating you nice in front of you and backstabbing you later. you deserve it. trust me on that.

why the hypocrisy?

i have my own life. get yours. i don't want you in it. so pls understand if i don't give a damn about you and want nothing to do with you. i'm glad i'm outta there. i couldn't wait for the day to get out. so don't you dare try to push urself back in.


and just a note, to the one person whom i'm pretty sure thinks this is abt her, it's not abt you.

other than that, all is well. :)

Currently Listening To: Don't Trust Me - 3Oh!3

Talk About Kantoi

i just realised, the first time i slept thru a whole class, just has to be the day that i end up meeting that lecturer face to face for my lab work like 2 hours later.

great. in a small class like that it's pretty obvious i think. sheesh.

talk about setting a bad rep.

great. sheesh.

Currently Listening To: Fallen Leaves - Billy Talent

Err Dang?

why do i have the feeling everyone knows abt the smth that nobody is supposed to know?

how is it possible for them to guess it?

was i careless? i don't think so.

you guys make me worried. ish.

Currently Listening To: Because Of You - Ne-Yo

You Only Get What You Give

i'm glad. i didn't get exactly what i wanted. but then again, i wasn't even sure what exactly i wanted. so considering the place i'm standing at, i would prob say i got more than i bargained for. and that's just awesome. so i'm happy. :)

i didn't get what i wasn't sure i wanted, but i wanted what i got i guess. :)

man, classes have been crazy. staying awake is the problem. and it comes down to having to revise everyday. which sucks. i really need to concentrate and work hard. like really hard. psssh. :(

hmm that's all i wanna say for now i guess. gotta upload pics i guess. damn a lot somemore. haha!

Currently Listening To: Have You Ever - Brandy

The Advancement Of Technology

you know, it's funny how once we get newer stuff the older stuff just gets replaced in a snap?

well, what i'm thinkin of is like my phone. i used to take pictures with my phone last time b4 i had my camera. everything would go into my phone and basically it was like my best friend. now since the camera came along, wah, i haven't taken any pics with my phone. the last few pictures i took with my phone was on Valentine's Day, which is like almost a month ago! this from a person who loves to take photos. but of course, that time i had just bought my camera like the day b4, so didn't want to use it much. plus it would be a bit weird walking in the mall with camera. esp if you're the guy and the girl is the one supposed to be holding the camera. ANYWAYyyy, yeah. now i'm still taking photos, cept it's with the cam only.

but u know what's the funny thing also? there was this one point in time, i moved on from my discman to my phone. cuz hey, mp3 players are waaaayyy easier la right? so yeah, was using my phone for music. really useful cuz it had and still has 500+++ songs. endless entertainment. but then, the earphones broke. :( so now i can't use my phone as a music entertainer. so i went back to my discman. which i have now learned to cherish a lot. and it's kinda funny, cuz eventhough it's like going back through the advancement of technology thing, i appreciate it. cuz now, it sorta gives me even more motivation to not steal (download) music, and go out and buy music.

i'm actually just stoning here trying to think up of some conclusion on what to say abt this post. i kinda twisted it around that it doesn't make any logical sense. haha! all i know is advancement causes replacement, but yet disadvancement, causes appreciation and motivation to do the right thing? hahahaha! rubbish la. but smth like that la i guess. ahha.

so yeah, how bout this, you guys come up with a conclusion on what i should end this post with.

have fun. don't think i'll be around for a few days. BUSYYY. :)

p.s.: speaking of buying music, Paramore's Riot is good stuff, so is All American Rejects' Move Along and i'm still looking for a cheap My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade. i just need cash now. haha!

p.s.2.: go read my previous post also if u accidently skipped it. it's awesome! seriously!

Currently Listening To: Born For This - Paramore

Birthday Video From Lauren

so kan, my bday last year, someone awesome decided to make me a birthday video. so kan, u all should watch it! :D watch! i don't care if you have no time or internet or whatever. don't make excuses! watch! hahaha!





thx again lauren! :) and also to everyone who contributed in the video. you guys rock. :)

Currently Listening To: Run - Hillsong

I Like Being Right... And Wrong

haha. contradictory no?

well it's like this, everyone likes being right right? so that explains the i like being right part.

the being wrong part? well, i tend to assume the worst and like the most horrible things that could happen. basically, i hope for the worst la. sooo, when the worst happens, i'll be right. but then! when i'm wrong, it won't be bad either. :) just like my previous post. i was worrying so much and assuming the worst. but then it all turned out ok. :) i just need patience. :)

as for greedyness.... hmmm... it's like the saying, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. but i want all three!! hahahah! ;P teng. but then right, dangerous to be greedy. dunno what to decide now. ish. all i don't want but i want also. wut the. haha.

kk i shud go wash clothes now. bye!

Currently Listening To: Free - Hillsong Kids

It's Been A Week Plus

should i be worried? maybe i'm just overreacting. or maybe it needs thought? or maybe i'm just impatient. or i'm placing importance on something that's not? hmmmmmmmmm.

on another note.. MUAHAHHAHAHAHAH. evil. hahahah.

and on another note, yes i'm greedy. sumer pun nak. hahaha! ;P

and on another note, bye!

Currently Listening To: Children Of The Night - False Start