Nothing Is What It Seems

1000th Post

2010-12-31T17:43:00.002+08:00

who'd have thunk it? i made it this far with blogging. 1000 posts. just on blogspot alone.

quite an achievement i must say. or it could just mean i blog waaaayyyy too much. lol.

but imagine, i've been blogging for 6 years now. that's pretty crazy long.

my style of blogging has changed so much. from writing long essays about my daily life to short posts abt random stuff and thoughts and stuff. a lot of things have changed to. like the sidebar stuff. people have been added, order changed, ads put in and all.

i must say it's been really fun blogging. letting out my thoughts and all. and having interesting conversations with people about my posts. makes me think and also makes them think. but i like when people challenge me to think as well.

and it's weird, from having one or 2 visitors a month or so, it's grown to about 10 ppl a day. even when i don't post stuff. to some extent it's scary. cuz i used to know who came to read. but now i have no clue. it's like random people are reading! so i learnt to watch what i say as the years went by. and it's weird also, cuz i've found out i got people i don't even know coming back to read what i have to say (yes my dear, this is you i'm talking about. hope your life went better than mine. :) ).

so how do i celebrate my 1000th post? i feel like i should do something special. so i'm going to make this post contain all the topics of my blogging style.

as i see it, i've probably got 4 ways of blogging: Talking abt daily life stuff (what's going on in my life), Random stuff, Stuff people who read this blog will go "what in the world is he talking about???", Thoughts, and Music.

so first, daily life stuff. well for me right now, things are going pretty good. back in Malaysia for now. enjoying it quite a lot. started my internship. however they don't really give me anything to do, which sucks la. it's like, they're not sure what to give. so most days i just sit at office and do nothing. yeah freaking 8 hours of doing nothing. haih. but i took off a few days so i could go to Youth Camp and also Family retreat. glad i did. i needed those two breaks. :) got to catch up and spend time with people i haven't seen in a while and got to know ppl better. hmmm. i'm also getting fatter! which is good and bad in a way. good cuz, well i need to put on wait. but bad cuz now all my six packs have become 6 flabs. :( yeah i don't go gym remember? so now i gotta at least do my own exercises to get back those packs! :) i realise also i've got a lot of friends i'm yet to meet up with. other than that, life is going good. this year has definitely been amazing. tons of bad stuff has happened. but some good stuff has happened to. in my life. changed perspective in a lot of things. met ppl i appreciate a lot. appreciated ppl more as well. so yeah. it's been a good year. :) yeah this is all i'll say about my life for now. :)

as for the random fact, i guess it'll be, i'm pretty good at board games like pictionary & cranium, where there's drawing and guessing. for some reason i can guess the random nonsense people draw even if it doesn't look like the real thing. i dunno how. but yeah. so apparently... i can read mindssssss. hmmmmmmmmmmm. :)

random:
i wonder if it'll ever be, k i'll give you what you deserve, even if i don't get anything in return.

the stuff you (possibly) won't understand:

it's like i'm lying and lying, but i'm not. it's just never come up.

it's hard for one thing to mean something, when everything means something, and you treasure everything. (exactly why i just wanted one gf. but if i ever find a girl who likes me and me her, i'll never let her go and make sure she feels like she stands out from everyone else in my life.)

i think i'm half letting myself not feel. cuz i know i can feel. that's probably what i'm feeling. it's the fear of feeling and being let down, which for my case, just seems inevitable. which sucks. but i guess that's my life.

k enough stuff that people may not understand what i'm talking about. hmm. so thinking time. well not really, but more like, my opinion on stuff. k title? Beating around the bush.

seriously, people should just get to the point of what they want. now i can relate to friend's post which said smth like, if you want help, say exactly what you want. don't go "Hey you free?" i mean for me la, i don't wanna answer questions like that, cuz i don't know what i'm getting myself into. why would i wanna say yes i'm free to something i don't wanna do? people should just say, hey you free to help me out to do this thing?". STRAIGHTFORWARD LA. seriously.

plus it's scary when people say, "eh i wanna talk to you one of these days." esp when ure a guy like me who's always screwing up, you wonder if ure gonna get sounded. i'd like to prepare for that pls. cuz a talk can be anything!

so seriously people, just get to the point! it's not hard. say exactly what you want. ure not gonna offend me if you don't start the convo with hi, how are you. as i see it, you should only ask if you really mean it. and most of the time, u got ppl who nvr talk to you, suddenly asking how r u. and u know the next few sentences that are going to come out is them asking you for help. and hey, i've got no problem helping. but i've got a problem when u act as if you care. seriously, just don't, and go str8 to the asking for help. it's much better that way for me. well i believe it is at least.

just mean what you say people! i've had too much of people saying stuff they don't mean to me. i can't take it la. so yeah. touchy subject. hmmmm.

NOW, the BEST part of the 1000th post! the music! so i'm going to post the song, and the video of songs i find are pretty awesome recently. and knowing the readers of this blog, i'll post the ones people i know in general will like the best first la k? k now then, enjoy! :)

Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me (that saves me) 3X

Oasis

Mad Season

Video

I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long.
And I've been guessing and I could have been guessing wrong.
You don't know me now, I kinda thought that you should some how.
Does that whole mad season got you down?

I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes.
And I've been changing, I think it's funny how no one knows.
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around.

So, why ya gotta stand there looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'll come around.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

I feel stupid, but I think I've been catching on.
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on.
You grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around.
What that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there, are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

And now I'm crying, isn't that what you want?
And I'm trying to live my life on my own, but I won't, no.
At times I do believe I am strong,
So someone tell me why, why, why, do I, I, I, feel stupid.

And I come undone, well I come undone.

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I'm lost and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken;

Well I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out, I'm a child and I'm hopeless.
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken.
I come, oh, I come undone in this mad season.
In this mad season.
It's been a mad season.
Been a Mad season.

Matchbox Twenty

Terrible Things

I said you could count on me
But I wouldn't hold that breath my self
If I pass out on your floor
It's just a cry for help
Damnation, redemption, the cycle
She said "Look and see, you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me"

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Doing just terrible things

Still I can't imagine
My life without her
We can't live through this
Somehow we already were

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Doing just terrible things

We're terrible things
What are we doing?
Doing just terrible things
Just doing terrible things

Damnation, redemption, the cycle
Echoes through my ears
You're the worst thing, You're the worst thing
That's ever happened to me

I never tried it but i'm always up
Am I keeping up?
Am I keeping up?

I never tried it but i'm always up
Am I keeping up?
Am I keeping up?

We're doing terrible things
Just doing terrible things
We're doing terrible things
Why do we do it?

We're doing terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Doing just terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)

We're doing terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Doing just terrible things
(Am I keeping up? Am I keeping up?)
Such terrible things

Terrible Things

k so that's it! hope u had fun reading the 1000th post! :) now go enjoy ur life and don't sit in front of the comp! :) take care people.

and yes, this is hopefully the last post ever. i think i make ppl irritated and worried and dunno what with all the words i say. so for my own benefit, and urs, i decided to stop. :) been always wanting to, but now since it's reached a thousand, seems like a cool way to end. so ya. :)

bye everyone! :)

Currently Listening To: Terrible Things - Terrible Things

Last Minute Saviors

2010-12-21T19:03:00.003+08:00

the last minute decision to save myself and the life i'm living. hopefully things will work better from now on. but i gotta work for it.

the things you want don't come easy.

stop being lazy ben. fix ur life.

and once again i hold true to the habit of people not knowing everything but a lot of different people knowing different stuff to my story.

but i'm so glad a let that part out. at least now someone knows about it. and maybe i can make an effort to fix it now.

i'm glad for that last minute decision of mine.

just saved myself.

Currently Listening To: Set It Off - Hey Monday

Up To My Limit

2010-12-17T21:22:00.002+08:00

i just cannot cannot cannot take this anymore.

everything is just not fair.

I feel the pressure building up inside my head

Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

please please please at least let the talk that's going to happen relieve some of this pressure.

i just want it all to end.

just cannot. everywhere i go it's too much.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

Try

2010-12-17T07:13:00.002+08:00

it's interesting how ppl make it seem they want something (maybe badly) but make no effort to get that something. at all.

i mean come on, trying isn't doing smth when it suits you or makes it easy for you. it wouldn't be trying then right?

and of course trying means going against all the odds that says u can't have what you want. cuz as i see it, the longer and harder you try, you get what you want.

so maybe if you can't try, maybe you never wanted it in the first place. so, stop saying you want something you don't want.

bloody try. and not only when it's convienient for you alone.

Currently Listening To: So What - P!nk

Patience Limit Of 3

2010-12-15T21:42:00.002+08:00

3. that's the number to watch out for.

it's the number of times i'll ask u the same question before u piss me off by not answering.

and actually, answering "i don't want to answer that" is better than totally not answering or avoiding or ignoring the question.

bloody hell, if i have to ask 3 times and u can't answer the question, then sorry la. but i'll just shut you out for a while.

like so hard to answer some not important question like that. don't want to answer just say that la.

sheeeessshh

yes i know i need more patience. but for now, 3 is the limit.

Currently Listening To: All Time Low - Jasey Rae

You'll Make People Think You're Blind

2010-12-11T01:19:00.003+08:00

seriously, it's been here the whole time.

you just never saw it.

or maybe didn't want to see it.

well i guess, sometimes it's best to assume the worst.

and i guess, technically, you can't say i never told you.

open your eyes and see the things you don't wanna see.

and yes, this goes out to all of you.

:)

Currently Listening To: Touchin On My - 3Oh!3

It's Like A Half 'n' Half

2010-12-09T01:14:00.001+08:00

(i think the only reasion i'm thinking so much abt this is cuz distance is just way too close, i've got too much free time and since things are all going to end soon i might as well let it all out.)

i honestly can't decide to thank her or not.

it's like, i regret so much letting her into my life. but then again, there's so many things, i wouldn't have done/found out if she wasn't in my life. like all the stupid things i do like, getting drunk, clubbing, smoking, cheating, leading ppl on and the list goes on. though yes granted, she never actually told me or encouraged me to do it, but knowing she does these things, somehow encouraged me/showed me that maybe i'm making a big deal out of everything and i should learn to chill a bit.

i guess in some ways, i do those things so she can see/feel how i feel when she does those things. and back then, i did them so she would learn somehow and change her ways. that was a long time ago tho. i also realised that maybe i did those things, cuz i wanted her to let me into her life. she said shee nvr told me stuff cuz i was too perfect for her screwed up life. so what better way to go into her life than screw myself up so i wasn't perfect right? ah the stupid things we do for the people we think we like.

and i think abt it, and it's like, wow, all these things i literally would never have done if it wasn't for her. so i guess in some way i should thank her for helping me live a little. well even if she never actually meant for it to happen the way it did.

think abt, if i didn't do these things, there's friends i would have never met and got close to, girls whom i can say i had the pleasure of meeting and "getting to know", and experiences which are well, amusing. ;)

yet i know i've completely ruined my "perfect" life and well, i know my future probably sucks from now on. which is why i'm hesitant to thank her. but i guess that's the other thing i learnt from her, ur life is screwed up, so no harm in screwing it up more right?

so yeah, you know who you are, and eventhough i have no idea whether u'll actually read this or not, Thank You. for teaching me to live a little.

oh and everything i've ever said about your friends, i'm sorry. i take it all back. they're awesome.

and i know a lot of ppl are sick of my emoness and what not, so yes, this will be the final post ever about her. it's done.

see ya.

p.s.: it's funny, cuz i spent so long trying to make her a better christian, yet, without her even knowing or trying to, she managed to make me not be a christian. impressive.

Currently Listening To: Lifeline - Angels & Airwaves

My Friends, Are Too Nice

2010-12-08T00:38:00.003+08:00

really la. despite being treated so badly, and used and all. they still know how to tell me the right thing to do.

even with my fervent protests of not wanting to, they still advise me to forgive and try to be a friend.

every year i protest and say i don't want to, yet they still say, despite her crappy behaviour, that i should still forgive and try and work things out.

sheesh. now i dunno what to do again.

and ya, my friends are too nice. even though they are treated like crap from certain useless people.

Currently Listening To: S.I.N.G. - My Chemical Romance

Ancient Weapon

2010-12-05T02:20:00.002+08:00

k i NEED to go clubbing now.

ugh. cannot tahannnnnnnn.

k nvm. next week.

ah. or i shud just get it the normal way.

Currently Listening To: Right Now (Na Na Na) - Akon

Erase Me Cause When I Get Home, You're So Dead

2010-12-01T22:05:00.002+08:00

heard the following song on OTH. and i must say nice song. and lyrics, at parts. :)

Erase Me

[Verse 1]
She said I don't spend time like I really should
She said she don't know me, anymore
I think she hates me deep down, I know she does
She wants to erase me hmmmmmm

A couple days no talking, I seen my baby
And this what she tells me, she said

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can't get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can't stop missing you, yeah

[Verse 2]
It's like I'm her new nightmare, she ain't escaping
It makes me feel a bit complete, yeah
Knowing someone you love don't feel the same way about ya
Memories they soon delete, hmmm

A couple weeks no talking, I seen my baby
I've missed you so damn much, hey
I wish we could start over, I told my baby
This what this bitch tells me, she said

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can't get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can't stop missing you, yeah

[Bridge]
Cuz I'm in the magazines
On the TV
No matter where you are you might hear me
I'm in the magazines
On the TV
No matter where you go you might see me

[Verse 3]
Uh, I’m Yeezy
She said Hi I’m Aria,
No! You an angel you wave hi to Aaliyah
I got a show in Korea
They built a new arena
Why don’t you come watch n-gga tear the whole scene up
I know I’ve seen you before but don’t know where I’ve seen ya
Oh I remember now, it’s something I that I dreamed of
Don C said she cool but don’t let her f-ck ya cream up
Monica Lewinsky on ya dress take ya to the cleaners
Sure enough a week later I’m in extra love
And everybody know she mine so she extra plug
Every bouncer every club show her extra love
We just praying the new fame don’t get the best of us
But all good things gotta come to an end-a
She let it go to her head, no not my aria
The height of her shopping was writers blocking me
I couldn’t get my shit out anyway, I hope you die Aria

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can't get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can't stop missing you, yeah

Kid Cudi ft Kanye West

and this will be the third time i'm posting this song. but it's just so brilliant. it just says everything perfectly. i listen to it, and i just feel like laughing. at you. :)

When I Get Home, You're So Dead

The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical, for us to act like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first, or the last, or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in this past with a verse
We could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth it
Anymore

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
And I...

On any other day we'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like that
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple. little. whore.

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
And

Your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger (Your name)
It never gets closer (remains the same)
You want to start over
But never start over

Pull the trigger (All that has changed)
It never gets closer (is this pretty face)
You want to start over
But never start over

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry and I...

Say hello
Say hello
(Whoaaaa)
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time!
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry and.

Mayday Parade

i believe i laugh cuz i know what i know. and i know you. and i know you'll avoid what ure thinking. so i laugh even more. and this sentence will piss you off, so u try even harder and make it worse. cheers to your ego making things worse. :)

heh. enjoy. :)

Currently Listening To: Price To Play - Staind

10 More

2010-11-29T21:33:00.001+08:00

and with this, it's 10 more. exactly.

then it all HAS to end.

Currently Listening To: Do Or Die - Papa Roach

Oh FB Is So Not Private

2010-11-29T21:03:00.001+08:00

and neither is this blog.

which is exactly why the things you don't need to know, there's calls, texts, email, and FB msgs.

and just when you thought you knew it all. ;P

Currently Listening To: MK Ultra - Muse

Zooom Zooooom ZOOOM

2010-11-29T20:52:00.004+08:00

Switching from the 4th lane to the slow lane in one move.

140 in an 80 zone.

Tailgating.

Shouting at the driver in front of you (and hoping somehow he can hear you)

Weaving in and out of lanes cuz the fast lane clearly isn't fast.

Cutting the red light just as turns.

But then freaking out when you realise there's a police there. and then hoping he didn't see it.

Going on the fast lane then suddenly slowing down when u notice a police in the middle lane.

All this and still being safe. of course. :)

SO SO missed driving. :)

Currently Listening To: You'll Think Of Me - Keith Urban

It Makes Sense And It Makes Me Laugh

2010-11-29T20:26:00.002+08:00

seriously, just the knowledge of that one thing, and it makes sense so much now.

lol.

and it's funny cuz it sucks to be him cuz he doesn't know what's coming.

and it sucks to be her cuz her life sucks.

and i'm sitting here laughing away at both of them.

hahahahha

run as much as you want from the facts, but it'll always be there.

SUCKS TO BE YOU! :D

Currently Listening To: The Sound (John M. Perkins Blues) - Switchfoot

It's Just What Should Be Done

2010-11-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

Dropping girls back 101: Always make sure they're safe in their house before you leave.

that's why i always stay back til the girls i drop off are in the house before i leave. cuz just in case someone might come suddenly and try to break into their house while their going in and all.

glad i learnt this when i just started driving and still practice it now. :)

so guys, when u drop ur girls back, make sure they walk into their door before leaving. make sure they're safe. :)

Currently Listening To: Airplanes Pt. II - B.o.B. ft Haley Williams & Eminem

Maybe It's Irritating

2010-11-27T22:52:00.002+08:00

I have this irritating habit of asking people stuff i already know.

why?

i can't decide which reason it is.

for one thing, it's to find out whether the person trusts me or whether the person can be trusted to tell the truth.

the other reason would be to find out how ppl know that something. i mean i already know how they know, but i just want to be sure. i always like knowing the origins of things ppl know or how they arrive to a thought.

i think my reasons for this habit of mine is the 2nd reason. well i try to make it that reason most of the time.

but ya somehow i find it irritating.

Currently Listening To: And One - Linkin Park

I Would Say It's The Greatest Thing I've Learnt In My Life

2010-11-27T12:12:00.003+08:00

what is it?

this: loving people the way you would love someone like you're in love with them.

there's just something satisfying about truly caring about the well being of someone. whether it's their physical and mental health.

plus, it's also what the world needs more isn't it? people caring for each other?

and when i mean caring, it's like how u would care for your gf/bf/wife/husband/sister/brother. think abt it, these ppl, you supposedly love a lot and would treat and care for them with all you can right?

now if you do that for all the people you love (and on occasion those you don't love), it would just make the world a better place right?

so yeah that's the greatest thing i've learnt. loving and caring for people as much as i can without falling in love with them or whatever. just learning to care for people, cuz a lot of ppl in this world need love.

hmmm. yeah. i dunno. yet another post that didn't come out as i intended it to sound like. oh well, hope you get it anyway.

p.s.: hmm i just realised, this is probably why ppl think i'm together with a lot of girls. cuz i treat them well. lol.

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

My Friends Are Awesomely Crazy

2010-11-26T10:30:00.002+08:00

who else do you know would skip in a circle, singing Sleigh Ride in Mid Valley

or just randomly SIT in a circle outside a shop in Subang Parade.

or start shouting random nonsense in the mall

lol.

seriously, if i was not friends with my friends, i'll be just there staring at them, saying "what a bunch of weirdos"

hahahah. but now, on certain occasions, i am one of those weirdos. :)

it's like come back to Malaysia, it's like we own everywhere, go anywhere and do whatever we like. lol.

Currently Listening To: Careful - Paramore

It Was Supposed To Be The One Thing That Works

2010-11-26T00:41:00.003+08:00

funny how i let go of the one thing that is supposed to comfort me and make me feel happy/better/contented, and yet, all those things that i need to have a better outlook on life i have now. after letting go and not paying as much attention to it as i have for the past few years.

makes me wonder, a lot.

Currently Listening To: When I Get Home, You're So Dead - Mayday Parade

I Laugh At The Strangest Things

2010-11-25T13:31:00.002+08:00

comment on a drummer, snareguy17, who did amazing on his cover of 30 Seconds To Mars' cover of Closer To The Edge.

"What kind of loser username is that?

snareguy17? Pfft.

Please change it to epicsnareguy17."

lol. no idea why i find it so funny. must be cuz it looked like an insult but turned out to be an epic compliment. which makes the whole comment awesome/amusing.

cekap fellas la. both the drummer and the commenter.

Currently Listening To: Closer To The Edge - 30 Seconds To Mars

Speaking Malay

2010-11-24T21:23:00.003+08:00

so apparently, i just found out today, that guys can speak BM more naturally than girls.

well, in my life it's true la.

i mean, my sisters, and quite a few of my girl friends, when they speak BM, it's like seriously like damn kayu. it's kinda ilarious to listen to tho.

and then the guys, i rarely ever hear them sound weird speaking malay.

i dunno why that is. it's quite interesting.

but of course, i'm not saying ALL guys speaking malay non-kayuly and ALL girls speak like some mat salleh attempting to speak.

i do know some guys who sound so bad speaking malay and some girls whom you'd think they're malay as well.

so yeah.

just in general mostly.

quite interesting. :)

Currently Watching: Glee Season 2 Episode 8 - Furt

Just The Way You Are

2010-11-24T19:22:00.002+08:00

this song, really makes me want to find a gf and sing this to her. bloody amazing song.

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Bruno Mars

Currently Listening To: Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

It Balances Out Somehow

2010-11-24T18:36:00.002+08:00

i realise, how much i text back home.

like if got nth to do, then i'll just go into my room and text ppl.

texting has become a thing to do. lol.

i guess cuz i'm just so malas to play comp.

or got ppl to text back.

come to think of it, i've survived 5 days without my HD. :D

aaaaaaaaahhhhh. i love being back. :)))

coming up next: driving! :D

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

She Did Bring Up A Good Point

2010-11-24T18:30:00.002+08:00

like how long will i stay mad?

i mean, granted i don't care anymore. well sorta.

but when will it all be ok?

well it definitely doesn't seem like anytime soon.

cuz hey, why on earth would i bother with someone who totally doesn't give a damn about apologizing and thinks she's right, right?

i would say the irritating thing is i have to see her everyday, but it really doesn't bother me anymore.

why should i be running?

but most of all, i'm shocked at how arrogant she's being after what she did. goodness, can't believe she's acting as if i'm the one who wrong her and my friends are treating her badly.

some ppl. dunno what to say la.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

Understoodableness

2010-11-23T18:33:00.002+08:00

i'm, quite frankly, one of the most understanding person u'll ever meet.

if u can explain stuff properly and ure true intentions, chances i'll be able to understand what's going thru ur mind.

of course, this doesn't mean that if you stab me, i'm not gonna just say "yeah i understand u had stab me". hell yeah i'll be mad. there's a limit to be being tolerating and understanding.

think about it, how often have i got mad? or is it more like i were to say "i understand what you mean."

i'd like to think that i'll try my best not to misunderstand ppl.

now if i can only get ppl to not misunderstand me. hmmm.

Currently Listening To: The Best Places To Be A Mom - Taking Back Sunday

Dis-Bloody-Like

2010-11-22T23:55:00.003+08:00

and the worst of it all,

i hate the fact that i lost someone i can talk about anything to.

and also the fact that it's a one way feeling.

ugh.

and it's hard to get my friends to be doing the right thing, cuz i want them to have a life without regrets and live the best life that they can, when i know i don't believe the words i say. haih.

Currently Listening To: Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

I'm So Glad To Be Back

2010-11-22T16:47:00.002+08:00

honestly. it feels brilliant to be back.

being back this time, made me realise one thing, how much i really missed and love my friends here.

it's just been so amazing to be able to hang out with them. and just lepak and talk stuff. like seriously, spending 12 hours a day out. wow. i SO SO miss this.

and i can finally post this cuz now Yumey finally knows. loser, can waste my time without even knowing it. tsk.

really la. the past few days for the past week has beeen AMAZING.

happy giler. :):):)

which makes me feel kinda hypocritical. cuz i was like all emo abt ppl leaving chch and all just a few days ago, and now i'm like happy to the max.

hahahaha. dunno la. i'm just overjoyed to be backkkk. :D:D:D

like i said la, 2010, is really being an epicly good year. :)

Currently Listening To: Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

If You're Wondering What's The Reason, This Would Be It

2010-11-21T21:45:00.002+08:00

somehow the image of that person has tied in to that thing i do.

so now, if anything to do with her pops up, i automatically feel the need for one.

well in my defense, it kinda does make me feel better.

damn it. should have brought the pack along.

Currently Listening To: Your Love Is My Drug - Ke$ha

Names That Stick In Your Head

2010-11-18T22:53:00.003+08:00

u know, when u meet ppl, and they have a name that u've never heard b4, the name sticks with you.

like the moment you see the name, and it's not common, u think of that first person u've come across with that name.

and sometimes it's pretty cool knowing that ppl will think of you first cuz hardly anyone has ur name.

unfortunately, that doesn't go with me and my name.

but it works for my friends with those special names.

and it's cool when u have amazing friends. so whenever u ever see those "rare" names again, u think of ur amazing friends.

and it feels good somehow.

i dunno where i'm getting at, but it's cool. :)

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 8 - Mouthful of Diamonds

So Then Now, What Do I Do?

2010-11-18T22:47:00.002+08:00

i hate the way she's affecting my plans.

what do i do?

avoid her?

or just go, hang around friends, and ignore her.

bloody hell. damn kacau.

So do what now?

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 8 - Mouthful of Diamonds

Spoilt Kid

2010-11-18T10:35:00.002+08:00

i realise, each year when i go back, i go from being this independant kid, to this spoilt kid.

honestly. no need to wash cups or dishes. fridge always full. no need to wash laundry. no need to iron and fold. no need to even put away. no need to make bed. no need to clean room. extra car to use.

it all "just happens"

bloody hell i'm quite the spoilt kid when i'm in Malaysia

well, i guess it makes me look forward to going home. :)

Currently Listening To: Bulletproof - La Roux

Hell Yeah I Judge People Based On Looks

2010-11-17T22:25:00.003+08:00

i know it's not nice and what not.

but if u look ugly and awful, of course i'm gonna look down on you.

but that's what i got from the world.

i got a front seat lesson from the world that nobody looks at who you are but how u look like.

i dare say i aced that class and changed everything.

and now hey, you get what you give right?

so hi, i'm ben. i'm bloody judgemental. deal the f*ck with it.

Currently Listening To: Listen Up Sunshine - My Chemical Romance

Cut Me, Mick

2010-11-16T17:01:00.001+08:00

I can't keep this together,
And I might lose this year.
I can't get through December,
And you know all my fears.

Someplace, somewhere behind me,
I walked right through the truth.
Truth is that you're the one thing,
That always pulls me through.

This troubled life I choose..

You are the one that I need,
You know that I can still bleed.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..
You let me down from my cloud,
You keep my feet on the ground.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..

When I thought that I might,
Be invincible.
It wasn't long before I,
Was invisible.

To your eyes and I swear,
There's nothing left in here.
And the more you say you don't care,
The more I know you're there.

You are the one that I need,
You know that I can still bleed.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..
You let me down from my cloud,
You keep my feet on the ground.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..

I can't keep this together..
(you are the one that I need..)
I can't stay sick forever..
(you know that I can still bleed..)
I can't stop this disaster..
(you bring me down from my cloud..)
I can't fall any faster..

You are the one that I need,
You know that I can still bleed.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..

You are the one that I need,
You know that I can still bleed.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..
You let me down from my cloud,
You keep my feet on the ground.
Bring me back to life..
Bring me back to life..

You are the one that I need..
You know that I can still bleed..
You let me down from my cloud..
You keep my feet on the ground..

Yellowcard

For some reason this song came to mind. been playing it on repeat for half an hour. and still emo and thinking of other emo stuff as well.

ish. tak bes. i tak suker beremo. >:(

Currently Listening To: Cut Me, Mick - Yellowcard

Emo La Bro

2010-11-15T20:25:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling like damn emo now.

thinking of all the ppl that's gonna be leaving.

chch just won't be the same without everyone of them.

=/

Currently Listening To: Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

Keeper

2010-11-15T09:42:00.001+08:00

i really don't like to throw stuff away.

they just mean smth to me i guess.

like i still have the tyre of my first skateboard. and the candles from my bday last year.

oh my gosh! i'm a hoarder! :O

Currently Listening To: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

Do Not Want That Attitude In My Life

2010-11-14T20:43:00.003+08:00

k first of all, i don't know if it's a malaysian or other countries do this as well.

but, i know at least malaysians are damn kiasu. don't care what race u r, chances are u are kiasu.

why?

it's like when a person knows something, that noone else knows, they'll tell the whole world. BUT, when ppl ask how u know/how you got that thing, the person won't tell, or will be super reluctant to tell.

i dunno why, but a lot of malaysians are quite stingy with their knowledge. it's like, once they tell, they feel like ppl won't come back to them to ask for help. it's like they like the attention.

but i guess u cud say they like being useful and needed and all. but yeah, why so stingy la? esp with friends?

it's like, i used to know ppl, who get music updates and songs very fast. and when you ask them, which site do you get it from? they don't wanna tell. they'd just say, i'll get for you la. why is it so hard to tell?

even with episodes of shows or movies or anything. heck it doesn't have to be online stuff. but in general la. malaysians just don't seem to want to share knowledge.

i know my friend had asked me once before where to get a certain game and just told me to private msg him on FB. i'm assuming he said pm cuz he thought i don't want the whole world to know where i got the game since i was one of the first few who got it. but instead, i just posted where i got it from to his wall.

so what if the whole world knows? so what if i won't be the sole person playing the game and everyone may start asking "how's the game" and "wah so lucky you got it so fast". i'm really not that desperate for attention. and honestly, if i have to rely on knowing where to get games as something special about me, since i'm the only person who knows if i don't share where i get it from, then that's kinda sad right? that the special thing is knowing where to get games. well to me it's kinda a sad case thing.

k of course, maybe i'm the only one feeling this way abt the witholding knowledge thing? but am i?

cuz at the end right, these ppl end up wanting to pull down ppl who do well. why? cuz they want to be on top, they want to be wanted and needed.

but shouldn't we be the one encouraging ppl? and helping them be better? how r we going to make the world a better place if all you do is just tear down ppl who do well.

is it really that hard for you to feel happy for someone who has smth you want? just be happy for them. why be jealous? not gonna help you in any way.

and yet, another post where i don't think i'm getting my original point across. why is it so hard to explain these thoughts in my head!!?

:)

but yeah. anyway, these two attitudes, i do not want to have in my life.
1. Reluctant to share info
2. Pull people down.

i know i used to be like that as well. and i'm glad that i've changed. i wanna do the opposite. tell ppl if they ask stuff and also encourage ppl.

think about it, you don't lose anything either way by doing those two. you tell ppl, you help them, and you still don't lose ur knowledge by telling them. and when you encourage ppl, still don't lose anything but you build the person up and help the person feel good about themselves.

of course, if you wanna complain you lose time and lose breath telling/talking to the person, then i dunno what to say la. lol. like that also can complain, then it's a wonder if you have friends. lol.

i type so long, and at the end i look back, and i wonder if i made sense. and if i managed to get my true point across.

oh well. at least i feel better now i said smth about it.

check one more off the list of stuff i wanna blog about.

:)

Currently Listening To: Closer To The Edge - 30 Seconds To Mars

My Sister

2010-11-14T19:07:00.001+08:00

said

that i

look

fat.

:O

:O

:O

:O

:O

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Currently Listening To: Here Comes The HotStepper - Ini Kamoze

I'm Being Healthy

2010-11-13T22:30:00.002+08:00

i've had a really gr8 past few days. after exams.

been spending time talking and just listening to ppl talk.

and basically just lepaking la. feels great.

managed to catch up with Su Yuan as well. missed hanging out and talking with her actually.

i'm also learning to let go of those things that really bugged me last year. trying my best to understand and let go the feelings of being left out and what not.

so yeah, things are going good. :)

and why i'm healthy?

cuz u know, laughter is the best medicine. :) and i'm been taking a lot of medicine then. lol.

Beauty Foo.

hahahahahahhahaha. laughed until i couldn't breathe and thought my lungs were gonna pop. lol.

so gonna miss so many ppl next year. all the ppl leaving actually. i mean, like almost everyone at the party i know i'm going to miss. and for some reason, i realised, i'm kinda "close" to the batch leaving. like done quite a bit of stuffz with most of them. and each one there's smth special about them and smth only they have which i know noone else can replace. their personality la. which is why i know next year, even though we may not have talked much, from those small times we did talk and lepak, i know i'm going to miss them.

ahhh. emo. darn, if only ppl didn't have to leave. :(

but, i guess i should be happy that they're moving on to greater things in their life. can't be selfish and keep them here right? so just gotta be happy for them i guess. :)

the more i think about it. the more and more this year is being an epic year.

I LOVE THIS YEAR. :D

despite the nonsense and the ridiculous bad stuff that has happened, i still love this year.

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here
All Time Low

i guess, i don't wanna waste another minute being emo. :)

Currently Listening To: Weightless - All Time Low

Just In Case You All Forgot

2010-11-12T20:38:00.002+08:00

Nothing. Is what it seems.

But nothing's as it seems
Escape The Fate

Don't believe everything you read about me
(People talk, but it doesn't matter what they say)
Amber Pacific

just cause you see someone as something, you may build up certain expectations and assumptions about them.

so when you find out stuff about them, try your best not to think they changed, but more like, u just never knew that part to them.

and even when they actually do change, they might just have a reason which you can't understand for now for changing.

cuz hey,

Nothing is what it seems.

Currently Listening To: Three Words - Amber Pacific

One Thing I Like

2010-11-12T20:07:00.002+08:00

at least there's one thing i like about me.

i like how i can help ppl.

and i like how to me, it's really no big deal to help ppl.

to some extent, i enjoy it. i find, i like helping ppl. i like making them feel better.

maybe i'm being perasan. but i don't care. i'm glad i have smth good abt me that i can be proud of. :)

the only bad part, i tend to sacrifice myself when helping others. i mean like, i cause "damage" to myself when i help others.

example is like when i tried helping Tawfik with his Solidworks stuff. it kinda took me away from my time to study for my test which was in a few minutes.

i knew i had to study, but more of me wanted to help. and i still did feel kinda bad for having to tell him i gotta go study instead of helping him.

i dunno la. i kinda feel like, putting ppl and helping ppl first, is better than studies? lol. but that's just cuz i hate studying, so maybe i'm just trying to escape studying. lol.

but yeah. u get me. i'm sure everyone feels better after helping ppl.

which is probably why i feel terrible cuz i told Dana i'd call in half hour, but ended up spending 3 hours talking to friend who also wanted to talk over dinner. and she waited for me for 2 hours.

ugh. first, i ditched my friend who needed me. 2ndly i made her wait, and everyone knows a guy should never let a girl wait ever. the guy should wait for the girl.

ugh. lousy ben. once again, i'm sorry Dana. :(

so yeah. at least there's one thing i can like about me. esp after going through in my head abt all the things i hate abt me which seems infinite.

good to make myself feel good.

Currently Listening To: Good Life - OneRepublic

Noticing It Cause It Aint Usually There

2010-11-12T10:53:00.003+08:00

i have.

a Bible in my room.

it feels weird.

considering, i haven't had one in my room the whole year.

hmmm

k at least i'll be returning it to owner soon.

Currently Listening To: Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

Good Life

2010-11-12T00:25:00.002+08:00

i dunno why. but i'm just feeling this song right now.

might be cuz i'm talking to becky choy and she told me to listen to this song a while back.

k i should sleep. been out for the past 12 hours. surviving on 3 hours of sleep. and did eventually have 6 events for the whole night.

but still, i'm here writing this.

i think i'm addicted to the blog. damn you. lol. nah i love you blog.

k i probably should stop talking to inanimate objects. ...

BYE. :)

Currently Listening To: Good Life - OneRepublic

Can't Be Just Me Right???

2010-11-11T01:44:00.002+08:00

today, i found out, that 16 year olds use perfumes priced at abt RM270. and, apparently this is normal.

i'm in shock.

someone pls tell me that i'm not crazy for thinking that's a ridiculous amount to spend on perfume.

and also that it's ridiculous that a SIXTEEN year old is the one with the ridiculously expensive perfume.

and also that it's not normal.

i still believe this is insane. and parents are really spoiling and manja-ing their kids.

Currently Listening To: Error: Operator - Taking Back Sunday

I'll Put It Simply

2010-11-11T00:41:00.003+08:00

would you rather,

a) hang out with people who want you around and want to hang out with you which is why they call you to go do stuff;

or

b) hang out with ppl who are pretty much the opposite of the above?

case, solved.

just for the record, this isn't why i won't be staying long at certain events tmrw.

Currently Listening To: Fuck You - Cee-Lo Green

Add This To The List Of Things I Don't Like About Me

2010-11-11T00:18:00.003+08:00

i really don't like how i complain abt stuff before actually "experiencing" the thing.

why? cuz then when the thing isn't so bad, i end up wrong. and well, i hate being wrong.

so now, i guess i have to take back abt complaining abt her. cuz i really did enjoy her company. it was fun honestly. and well, she was the only reason, i just sat there and studied, instead of going off to a comp to be distracted.

ah. i should learn to appreciate those ppl who do good in my life more.

Currently Listening To: I Still Remember - Bloc Party

5 Events One Night

2010-11-10T16:52:00.001+08:00

sounds like an epic plan.

now, to stay sober enough to enjoy the night! :D

we'll see la. lol

Currently Listening To: Bullet Soul - Switchfoot

Forgive. But. Never Forget

2010-11-09T08:43:00.001+08:00

no. contrary to popular belief, sorry just can't fix everything.

Currently Listening To: What I've Done [Distorted Remix] - Linkin Park

Yes, This Always Happens To Me

2010-11-08T13:02:00.003+08:00

i’m going somewhere, and out of the corner of my eye i see someone.

So i turn and just glance at them. Cause they’re looking at me and I don’t wanna look like i’m staring.

So then i turn back my head to where I’m going. Then, a few seconds later I realise that was a person I’ve met before.

So I turn around to say hi.

BUT, most of the time the person is not looking at me anymore. Why? Clearly since i looked and turned away, it would seem like I don’t remember the person. SO that’s what they think.

So then it goes on that person thinks i don’t remember them. So the next time we walk past each other, I get ignored this time. Cuz hey, why say hi to someone who doesn’t remember you right? If you do, and the person doesn’t say hi back, you end up looking like a weirdo.

AND on top of that, I look like some arrogant guy who doesn’t remember ppl.

GR8.

and also, I have this feeling most people don't remember me. cuz after meeting one time, why would they remember me right? i guess i don't expect ppl to have the same memory to remember ppl like me.

BUT then, my memory aint that good either. like i have a prob remembering ppl's faces and names sometimes. however, this is like, soon after meeting them. so all the more i might ignore them if i walk past them or smth. the retarded thing is, after seeing them like probably 2 or 3 times more, that's when i recognise i've met them. but by then, i already seem like some perasan case who doesn't remember ppl.

it's like i'm made to be antisocial. gr8 la.

lol

Currently Listening To: Top Of The World - Kate Voegele

Some People, Are Just

2010-11-08T12:45:00.002+08:00

funny isn't it.

these ppl they can hurt you.

BUT, they don't realise it. which is bloody annoying.

the WORST thing of it all.

they still think you're close friends.

how ah?

ppl treat you like crap, and yet, ure supposed to be there for them.

some people are just.

Currently Listening To: Three Words - Amber Pacific

Cannot Keep It In

2010-11-06T20:01:00.002+08:00

that's just me. i can't keep anger in.

i have to let it out.

hence, the blog. and thus, why there's a lot of pissed off posts, and emo posts.

and it works out. why? cuz i don't feel as pissed off/angry abt the thing anymore.

so yeah. that's just me. i get angry, i talk/blog abt it. then it's all ok. not angry anymore.

quite cool how this part of me works.

and if there is a person pissing me off, i find, talking str8 to the person, completely removes the anger and all is ok.

BUUUUTTT. i still want to have more patience and get less angry. so, i'm working on that.

plus, i'm learning to let a lot of stuff go. don't let the small stuff bother me.

and just like most posts, this posts, just made me feel better. :)

Currently Watching: The Office Season 6 Episode 24 - The Chump

Directly Proportional

2010-11-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

how much you want something, is directly proportional to how much you will sacrifice, how much effort you put in, how much you won't give up.

and it's good to know, that sometimes, when you put a lot, you do end up getting what you want.

Currently Listening To: Deciphering Me - Brooke Fraser

I Work With Bricks

2010-11-05T18:41:00.002+08:00

certain things have walls.

and i WILL act as though they never happened. and i have no idea what you're talking about.

it's not you, it's me. :)

Currently Listening To: 1979 - Good Charlotte

Not Made To Be Understood

2010-11-05T18:02:00.003+08:00

How is it, she says "If you need someone to make her jealous, I'm the girl for you."

yet, when you purposely make out with her in front of the other girl, she slaps you. for using her.

what.

girls. not understandable.

Currently Listening To: We All Lose One Another - Jason Collet

Off The Charts

2010-11-02T19:37:00.002+08:00

on the hotness scale, she rates ridiculously hot.

like seriously la. wow.

damn. if only.

lol.

Currently Listening To: All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me) - Bullet For My Valentine

But, If She Likes Him, Why Not?

2010-11-02T19:03:00.002+08:00

u know, i always wonder, should you tell someone they have someone who likes them?

like u have a friend, who likes another mutual friend. but being like every other person, they won't want to say anything cuz of the fear of being rejected, bla bla bla.

so would it be so bad, if I were to just tell that like person "hey, you know, i think he/she is into you."

then see the reaction from there, and sorta advise both sides la. i mean, how horribly wrong could it go?

k though, granted, i've never actually done this before, but i just wonder, how it would go.

cuz i mean, someone told me they like this guy before, so i made the effort to introduce them, and now they're together.

so everything turned out alright? but in this case, i nvr told the guy she likes him la. just the intro only.

i wonder how diff it would be.

k now i feel like finding someone who likes someone else, and going and telling that someone else.

LOL.

k gtg. UNI TMRW! YAY UNI.

and it's getting scarily real that i won't be back next year. =/

miracles. that's what i need now.

Currently Listening To: Barbara Sterisand - Duck Sauce

Back Off

2010-11-02T11:53:00.002+08:00

bitch, don't you dare do this again.

you already got what you want, so stay the hell away.

the bleedin hell is wrong with you?

STAY.

AWAY.

>:(

Currently Listening To: Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand

Stop Being So "Cool"

2010-10-31T12:07:00.001+08:00

and let people in.

hmmm.

ok. got it.

silakan masuk. :)

Currently Listening To: Tonight We Feel Alive (On A Saturday) - Four Year Strong

It's A Secret

2010-10-30T18:36:00.002+08:00

i just realised smth i said. and it's pretty awesome that i can say it.

what did i say?

this:

it's a secret, that's why i told only you.

:)

it's pretty awesome having someone you can trust to keep a secret i must say.

and yet again, i'm being happy, despite the fact the exam today was just horrible.

i think, i've had so many bad things happen in my life, that now, when things happen, since i've gotten so used to brushing them off, it's so easy to just brush it off and be happy.

i'm being happy when there's bad things happening. and the times i'm emo, is when my life is empty.

so, apparently, i function well, when there's bad things going on?

right.

lol.

and b4 i end, i must say this - I FOUND MY DREAMJOB.

details soon.

Currently Listening To: He Reigns - Newsboys

I've Lost Track Of The Days

2010-10-30T14:27:00.002+08:00

everyday i spend in uni.

studying. and everyday is the same.

i've seriously lost track of the days.

currently it's the THIRD time today that i've found out it's saturday and not some other random day of the week.

damn studying.

funny enough, i know that tmrw is sunday.

so how do i not know today is saturday?

k my brain, is clearly fried.

Currently Listening To: Ocean and Atlantic - Mayday Parade

The Day After

2010-10-29T15:10:00.000+08:00

and the day after, i got a postcard.

and it made my day again.

seriously, the amount of awesome friends i have, is just awesome. :)

u guys are def waaaayyyy too good for me.

thanks again.

and thanks Dana! :)

Currently Listening To: that every nation video song. dunno the name

It Was A Good Bday

2010-10-29T04:47:00.002+08:00

it really was a good bday. i dunno why.

k maybe i'm just optimistic (and yet i'm emo at the same time?)

honestly didn't do much at all. literally spent the whole day studying. morning at uni studying. afternoon at uni studying. night at uni studying as well.

but yet, i can still say, i had a good day.

started off when i was awoken some time in the night to the first wish of the day in the form of a text from the best friend. thanks so much Laurz. really appreciate ur long text. :) i believe it made my sleep a whole lot better. :) haha.

then the rest of the day, i felt good. cuz i cud finally manage to answer this part of the subject. made me feel like i was brilliant for a moment. but then again, my classmates were doing all this waaayy before. so guess i finally caught up. i guess i really felt productive. studying, and finally seeing the result of my studying. felt good.

i think by this point in the day, i was like content with life. lol. yes dramatic, but yeah. maybe cuz bday + being productive + the texts in the morning = good mood.

came home for dinner, found a card and snacks from Bern. didn't expect that. lol. really meant a lot. thanks so much again. tambah good mood.

then just went to countdown with flatmates. tho i didn't buy anything, the walk and the lepak was a nice break from studying. felt good again. but then again, i was already like happy happy that prob everything i did after that felt good. lol.

oh got call from Laurz as well. so lagi tambah la my good mood. :)

after dinner, went back to uni. tho i didn't manage to study much, still felt good. company i guess. and i got cake as well. unexpected, but i'm still grateful for it. :)

so yeah. it was a good bday. despite being in the exams season, have to study etc. maybe i'm just an optimist that's why i had a good day.

and it's funny, i was thinking, was there anyone i expected to wish me? like u know, in your head, this person SHOULD wish me. and i really couldn't think of anyone. maybe parents? and fam? but if they're busy and forget, i don't really mind. maybe i should expect best friend to wish. but then it's like, i know she's busy with exams and stuff so i wouldn't blame her if she forgot.

i guess i don't expect from ppl, cuz hey ppl got their busy lives to lead right? kinda why i don't like telling ppl. kacau only. cuz some ppl feel bad when they forget and all. plus esp in exams season, ppl got better things to think abt.

the rest of the people i know prob don't even know, so don't expect la. haha.

and it's kinda funny to see who remembers ur bday on their own, without FB's help.

FB was like chain reaction this year. didn't post bday this year. one person wished, then everyone like just followed. (yes, unfortunately, when it's on FB, the person who wishes first on the wall is the only one who is considered as actually remembering. the rest were just "oh ya!". lol. but it's cool with me. all wishes are still greatly appreciated. :) )

once again, thank you to everyone. appreciate it. a lot. :)

i think the cake, took the cake this year. i dunno why. it meant a lot. :)

come to think of it, i think it may be the first bday cake i've had in NZ. cekap. :)

ah good bday. gnite. :)

Currently Listening To: Where We Belong - Hillsong

Sien

2010-10-24T14:01:00.001+08:00

gr8. another girl who doesn't know when to just let it go. zzzz

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

The Shock Factor

2010-10-21T07:12:00.002+08:00

u know it's kinda funny, eventhough i tell ppl how badly i'm gonna do in a test, somehow, even when i really do get what i say i'll get, ppl still end up shock.

i guess in some way, (i dunno if it's a malaysian thing or not) we always tend to downplay(?) ourselves? like we tend to say that oh we're gonna fail/we're gonna do badly, but always end up doing pretty well. i'm pretty sure most ppl know someone like that.

and well, being a guy like me, it was always frustrating to hear smth like that. cuz when i say i'm going to get 5/25, i really do get that. and then u got another smart friend who's like, "Crap i'm gonna do so badly" and they end up getting 95% for the test. i used to find that REALLY annoying.

i didn't know why they do it. was it to make the dumb students like me feel better? like oh if the smart guys found it hard, means i'm not alone.

but then now i realise, there's just different standards between us. like smart kid, probably has high standards and expects to do well for the amount of effort he/she put in. so when they work that hard, they want to get that 100%. so when u know u how much work u put in, and u don't manage to get that, hence, naturally you would say u do badly.

i mean, that's their standard. to them 95% is bad. and fair enough, for the amount of work they put in, u can't blame them for expecting more right?

so for the guys who don't do so well, we seriously shouldn't complain when someone says they'll do badly, and their badly is amazing to us.

it's probably just cuz of the fact that we have lower standards. and honestly, we shouldn't impose our standards on others. like why make someone set their bad to 50% when they know they have the ability to do well and set their "bad" level to 95%? in some way it's like you're stopping them from achieving their full potential.

as usual, i dunno if i'm making sense. but the point i guess i'm trying to get across is everyone has different standards. so ur friend has set his bad limit at 95%, you can't blame him for wanting to do so well right?

of course, on the other hand, if ur friend says he's going to FAIL, that's a whole different matter when he does (in your eyes) really well. cuz hey, Fail and whatever mark they got is FAR off. to me, that's still just bloody annoying. i mean, fail is like an absolute standard. there's no relative thing to it.

so yeah. that's it. i've learnt not to be frustrated when my friend says they're doing badly but still get an A. cuz hey, that's the standard they have set for themselves.

Currently Listening To: Lights and Sounds - Yellowcard

How To Know If A Joke Is Funny

2010-10-20T07:59:00.003+08:00

simple. if u literally can't contain your laughter, it's funny.

it's like, if ure in the library, and u know u should be quiet, but, no matter how hard u try not to laugh at the joke u heard, u still end up bursting into laughter. while everyone around you stares at you wondering "what's wrong with this kid?/doesn't this kid know this is a quiet zone?"

and that's how u know a joke is funny. or how funny a joke is.

why am i talking abt this? cuz it happened to me.

was in the Grotto, and posted a FB status update which got a reply that made me burst out in a short laugh before i realised i was attracting attention. oh yeah, this was when it was pretty close to midnight and hence was pretty quiet in there. and i was tired. here's how it goes.

Me: Meng And Tuk
Joshua: tea door lah!

and for some reason i found that hilarious. i dunno why. maybe it's cuz Josh said it, but yeah. i just burst out laughing. sure it's not exactly a joke per say, but a play on words (and languages). but nevertheless, i found it funny as. haha.

good joke. good joke.

:)

(note: an understanding of malay is needed to get the joke.)

Currently Listening To: More Than Anything - Hillsong United

Blame The Thumb Drive

2010-10-20T07:18:00.001+08:00

The kid scares me in some way. cuz only in front of the person i don't hold back.

like how last night, eventhough i practice such gr8 self control in the things i say, always keeping in mind the things i say, thinking first b4 saying, the words just came out. and a few seconds after that is only when i realised what i said, and how naturally it came out. it's like unfiltered me came out.

i guess that's what happens when ure close with someone or you both know each others dark secrets. cuz then it's like, what's the point in lying? like as if u don't know the stuff i don't want ppl to know.

however, i still managed to somehow keep that part of me away. like how i always hide that from everyone. but then again, i always hide that, so it's just natural to not let those emotions show.

but then again, maybe it was the topic that brought out the unfiltered me. well, it was a "special" topic. lol.

but anyway, on another note, my face reading/posture and reactions reading proved right. again. heh. either that person is just easy to read, or i'm getting better. i bloody knew it. :) thx for showing me i was right. lol.

it's funny how u can not like a person, and like a person for the same reasons. and the reason? cuz the person is exactly like u. like FREAKING EXACTLY. the thoughts he has abt certain ppl, are the same. like he thinks the same way you do. it's liberating to see it's not just me with those thoughts. but at the same time, you don't like him, cuz he's like you. all the parts you don't like abt urself, he has as well. and this "don't like" turns into a like as well. that's why it's prob easy to tell him stuff. it's just easy when there's someone like you. it's pretty cool having a bro.

it's also funny how he managed to ask that question. did i make it too obvious? or am i missing smth i should be seeing. i mean, i'm a complete fail at catching hints from ppl. but the weird part is, i tend to catch things i'm not supposed to know. it's a good thing i'm good at playing dumb. very good in fact that most ppl think i'm dumb. :( or so i think. but it works out somehow i guess. sometimes, i prefer to act/react based on concrete evidence rather than assumptions. esp with complex things like this. hmmm

and once again, on an unrelated note again, smth i thought of: i may be the best for you, but someone like you definitely deserves better than that.

somehow feels like a quote that could be used for one tree hill. prob that's what inspired the thought.

Seriously, The Odds Astound Me

2010-10-18T17:37:00.002+08:00

wow. the odds of that happening is wow.

like come on. of all the places in the whole bleedin place.

has to be there. near to her. which i should be far away from.

life, or at least just mine, is damn bloody interesting.

on an unrelated note, i want a british accent.

so bloody brilliant.

yes, i blame hustle.

k back to ilam now. :)

Currently Listening To: Tonight We Feel Alive (On A Saturday) - Four Year Strong

What Shows Are Teaching Me

2010-10-18T05:32:00.003+08:00

as i see it, there's prob 4 shows now that is affecting my life.

One Tree Hill
100% sure this makes up the emo part of me. the good side tho, it's like helping me to know how to become the perfect guy sorta thing. unfortunately, the show also makes me think there's like this perfect girl out there. which kinda makes you wonder, how come all the awesome stuff in movies don't happen in real life but the bad stuff does. hmmm.

House
this helps me figure out ppl's intentions, and possible reasons for doing things. (clearly not the medical side of the show). it's like he manages to figure out what ppl are thinking from their actions, and reactions. and also when they don't react as well.

Lie To Me
totally helps me read ppl better. like their facial expressions, voice tone, sentence structures, actions and reactions again can help tell if a person is lying. tho, some of the stuff they say, not too sure whether it's true. oh yeah, learning to control my facial expressions also, so ppl don't figure out what you really mean/feel.

Hustle
well, this show just helps to be a better con man. lol. and also thinking on your feet. and planning for all angles of things that might happen.

you know what. i just realised all these things i'm learning from the shows, are just making me a better con man. lol.

k class in 15. prob shud go soon.

feels good to be free. :)

Currently Listening To: The Running Man - The Audition

Contra

2010-10-17T20:51:00.003+08:00

for a guy who is antisocial and doesn't like ppl knowing stuff abt him/his life,

i think it's really weird that i have a blog that let's ppl into my mind and the things i think abt.

so it might be, i'm antisocial but i want ppl to know what i'm thinking?

would that make me an attention seeker?

damn. i hate it if that were the case.

yeah. i'm a confused kid.

who's actually not a kid anymore, which sucks. :(

k blogging cuz i know if i don't blog, it'll be another topic i forget to blog abt. i know there's at least 50 stuff i wanna talk abt. but i'm always busy/lazy.

gotta reach that 1k!

k bye. it's 2am. i finished my last assignment. i'm going home.

bring on the exams! gotta start studying now.

ps.: yes. it's confirmed i lost my phone. damn bloody emo abt it. esp cuz like i was explaining today all the horrible things happening at the same time. haih. and another contra. i don't like ppl knowing/being able to see how i feel. but today, somehow the phone got to me bad. couldn't control. ish. :(

Currently Listening To: It Must Really Suck To Be Four Year Strong Right Now - Four Year Strong

Well, Yes, That Is Creepy When I Don't Know You

2010-10-16T10:21:00.002+08:00

seriously who are you. i reckon i probably do know you.

so who is someone who's searching for me, but doesn't really know my real name?

hmmm.

u spent damn long on here searching for smth.

so what is it u r looking for?

don't be so stalkish and creepy.

u can always ask me stuff u wanna know. i'm really not as secretive as you would think (hence, the blog spilling stuff abt me.)

SO

WHO ARE YOU??

Currently Listening To: Company Car - Switchfoot

Jigsaw The Puzzle

2010-10-14T15:14:00.003+08:00

there's this massive rant abt how it's not cool abt how i don't fit in here. and no i don't blame anyone else but me.

but i wanna wait and see.

3 years. quite a long wait no? and it's like building up every year.

hmmm

oh and a side note, if ure gonna talk abt blog stuff to me in real life, don't ever do it in front of ppl whom may not know abt here.

if ure not sure who knows, then don't say anything.

thx.

Currently Listening To: Pressure - Paramore

The Last Thing I'd Want

2010-10-13T18:26:00.003+08:00

there's a reason why i like playing rhythm. cuz i'd hate to have the Lead Guitarist Syndrome.

never. never ever. i shall never let myself get that.

so i end up being mediocre. fine. i can live with that.

but never will i want to get the Lead Guitarist Syndrome.

(mind you, it isn't just for guitarist. i can apply to any musician and singers as well.)

k back to work again. which isn't making any sense. :(

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

Mix CD

2010-10-13T15:12:00.002+08:00

i love the way mix cds can bring you back to that time in your life when you burned that CD.

like i can literally remember the sights,sounds,the smell and feelings i had of things from years back from just listening to the song.

it's pretty awesome. and i'm glad that i have quite a lot of mix cds to listen to.

plus, i also get to listen to songs i haven't heard in a while.

what sucks now is, after 6 years, i think my discman may be dying. not cool.

and still haven't found my phone yet. :(

but relying less on computer. spending less than 3 hours a day on internet these days. so that's awesome. studying more.

and yesterday, i felt useful. and i knew my subject. well kinda. it felt good. hopefully, this studying streak continues.

looks like i won't top up my internet til after the exams then. oh well, at least i study and save money.

and part of me, is somewhat "scared" abt going back. cuz i don't know what's going to happen. and i sure as hell, don't wanna go back to what happens everytime. so in some way, if you see smth happening, make sure i stop it. thx.

and yet at the same time, i'm curious as to see what would actually happen.

but in all this, i gotta remind myself that i can't be kind. can't be nice. and i have to remember all that's happened. cuz leopards don't change their spots.

hmm k i shud get back to work. i don't like that the only places in uni open 24/7 are the ones with comps. such distractions.

k gotta work and finish up study for tmrws test. which, somehow, despite my current studying, i have a feeling i'm not gonna do well still. oh well, might as well try than don't try right?

and what kinda sucks abt not having phone and net, i feel totally communicationless.

maybe it's a lesson i need to learn. learn to communicate more with people. get ppls phone numbers. text them. even if it is for fun. get their emails. add them on msn. actually talk to them.

need to be less antisocial.

maybe that's why i lost my phone. hmm.

think abt it, if i was social, i'd always be texting/checking my phone. hence, i would always be checking my phone. which would equal me not losing my phone. or instantly noticing when my phone wasn't with me.

k fine. after this, i shall attempt to be more social. note, attempt. :)

k enough procrastinating! to work it is.

Currently Listening To: Love Song - Sara Bareilles

You Got To Be Kidding Me

2010-10-11T21:01:00.003+08:00

honestly, at this moment in my life, all i can say is,

MY LIFE SUCKS. MLS (cuz i don't wanna say fml cuz that "saying" is making 'fuck' waaaay too casual than it should be. plus i'm not really a person who likes to follow "trends".)

anyway, come on man. everytime smth bad happens, life sucks for a bit. and i say, it's ok, live thru it things will get better. so i raise my patience level. patience level with life i mean. so i'm still normal and not emo on the outside.

and it seems like everytime i do that, before i can even settle my previous problem, another one comes along. like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

how many times do i have to raise the bloody patience level bar rubbish. this is getting frustrating. how crappy life is becoming.

no it's not easy to always try and look on the bright side of things. and be nice and be polite.

patience is running out.

there's only so high i can raise that bar.

Currently Listening To: You've Got The Love - Florence + The Machine

And Another One Goes Down

2010-10-11T04:24:00.001+08:00

so another person breaks up. well, not today actually. but a month ago. but he only mentioned it today.

so that's like at least no.5 since i came to NZ.

it seems like, LDR for Malaysia and NZ is just impossible. k well not impossible as i know someone who's going strong for almost 2 years now.

but why ah? everyone is just breaking up.

is it really that difficult to do?

i really doubt it. doesn't seem to difficult to do. i mean, seriously, is phsyical contact THAT important?? makes you wonder the reason you're in the relationship in the first place.

communication is confirm not the problem, cuz there's internet la. you'd always stay in touch. plus there's phone also.

well, i dunno. i just don't get it.

Currently Listening To: Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

I Like Not Having Internet

2010-10-06T17:40:00.003+08:00

yes i do realise i have internet now and it's kinda contradicting my title.

but ANYWAY, it feels good.

like detox/rehab. it's good.

it's like now, i have more time to do stuff i need to do.

do not like the fact i rely on internet a lot. i realise how useless my comp is without the net. why? cuz i can't actually get distracted by it.

and the one thing i realise abt FB, it's like cocaine. the more u have it, the more addicted u can get to it.

it's like this, u post smth on FB, then someone may like/comment. then you go and see/reply. then u see smth else someone is doing on FB, then u comment/like, then they reply. then u come back and see other stuff and so on. SO, it ends up pretty hard to get off.

one thing i realise, i haven't posted anything on FB since saturday and i haven't viewed what ppl posted on my wall and what ppl commented. k fine not true. i did check. but i didn't comment or reply or whatever! so it didn't get worse. like more comments and stuff.

plus it got me thinking, we all survived b4 FB and frienster and what not. so we def can survive without it again. like, u wanna know abt ppls lives, go talk to them! stop being a stalker! lol.

anyway that's enough abt FB. there's other stuff as well. like my room is waaaaaaaayyyy cleaner. and organised. i think i'm eating better as well. work gets done. studying gets done.

k i'll say it. i like not having a comp. life seems better. i'm keeping this up til exams and after exams as well maybe.

lol. it's like i had some revelation like that. hahaha.

so why am i back online now?

i needed a break. this studying too much and working too much is crazy. esp studying and going thru notes and everything but coming up short. k coming up short is an understatement. more like being totally blur. and yes it's annoying as hell doing everything u can, and still failing. ish.

but that's besides the point. i don't wanna be emo. i'm in a damn good mood currently. and i have no idea why also. haha.

my life is weird like that. bad things happen, but there's been quite a few times i'm like damn happy. like take this year for example. i'm quite sure i've said it before, that this year is just awesome. but this year is SO SO screwed up. i dunno why life can be screwed up and awesome at the same time. life is weird.

aaaaannndddd lastly, as i'm in the middle of watching OTH right now, i just gotta say la, Brooke is HOT. :)

k there's prob way better pictures. but i like this a lot. there's just so much to the photo as well.

k i'm done. my internet break is over. i shud go off now. and sleep and go to class tmrw. oh yeah! i've been going to class also! cuz i got nth to keep me up. :)

yes. comp. is bad for me. so i'm gonna change that. rely less on comp. k go! :D

Currently Watching: One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 4

And That's Why I Game

2010-10-01T22:17:00.003+08:00

cuz it's relaxing.

it's the only thing i know that i do well.

and well, i like feeling good. i like the feeling knowing there's smth i'm good at.

unfortunately, the smth i'm good at in life, doesn't matter in the real world.

and why i game a lot? cuz when i game, i tend to block out everything else in my life.

like there's nth to think abt but the game.

and i think too much as it is.

and well, there's a lot of sucky things in my life to think abt.

so unbelievably, i actually need the games. to be less emo.

damn.

this is sad.

Currently Watching: Fringe Season 3 Episode 2

Damaged Goods

2010-10-01T21:34:00.002+08:00

now i guess i know how it feels.

to know, you're damaged enough, that noone you would want would want you.

and to also know, that even if they did still want you, while knowing how damaged you are, you wouldn't let/want them to want you.

why?

cuz if their heart is good enough to look past all that damaged part of u, they definitely deserve someone much better than you.

so i guess, in no way, can i get what i want. or who i want in this case.

another reason why i don't try. i'm just full of reasons why i don't these days.

damn. i'm becoming more emo. not cool.

some part of me regrets what i've done. and the reasons why i did them.

but then there's this other part that says, hey there's no point, ure already this damaged, there's no point trying to fix it. nth will/can change. so just do what you wanna do. less things to worry abt.

it's like, you've crossed over the point of no return. so you just keep on walking til everything ends.

funny, how, the only thing that can fix this is a lack of conscience. unfortunately, i still have some left, when it comes to certain ppl.

oh well. that's my life i guess. i'll have to learn to live with this. it's my choices after all. i should learn to live with it.

Currently Watching: Fringe Season 3 Episode 2

The World Needs Strangers

2010-09-30T10:28:00.002+08:00

weird right?

this thought came to me as i was sitting at captain ben's next to 2 strangers wondering what if i was friendly and decided to befriend them. yes. weird thoughts from an antisocial. lol.

so anyway, the world needs strangers.

why?

cuz if everyone were friends, ppl would just end up being irritated/pissed off with each other and also they won't get things done.

k this scenario came to my mind.

imagine ure in a mall. and k malls have a lot of ppl walking around in them. and now imagine if ALL of them were ur friends. you'd barely be able to walk a few steps before bumping into a friend and having a chat like how friends shud. now the chat doesnt have to be long, but i can tell you, after "bumping" into 20 ppl, you're gonna get quite irritated.

also just say u have a chat with someone, and with every person u meet. ure gonna find, u may just run outta time to do the things u need to do cuz u were catching up with ur friend.

and k fine, just say u don't have a chat. would u really wanna be walking by everyone at the mall waving hi! ten bucks says ure gonna get tired of it really fast.

so in some way, as i see it at least, the world NEEDS strangers for ppl to survive and do their everyday life things.

somehow also, i'm reminded of the Giodarno(?) shirt "World Without Strangers" and how this should never happen. (on a side note, ppl should really walk up to these ppl wearing those tshirts and start to try and be friends with them. i'm pretty sure they may just end up creeped out since prob 90% of the ppl wearing the shirt just wear it for the brand name and not cuz they believe in what the tshirt says.)

so yeah. the world needs strangers.

but, it doesn't mean u can't be nice to strangers as well. ;)

Currently Listening To: Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

It's Like An Uncurable Disease!

2010-09-29T18:54:00.002+08:00

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

THE MOMENT I DELETE THOSE SPAM COMMENTS IN THE CHATTER BOX, NEW ONES APPEAR.

IT'S LIKE SOME HYDRA!

CUT OFF ONE HEAD, THREE MORE APPEAR.

RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

DAMN SPAMMERS.

Currently Listening To: Toxic - A Static Lullaby

You Choose Who You Fall In Love With?

2010-09-26T21:49:00.004+08:00

honestly, that's what i think it is.

it's like you go, "hmm k that person."

and seriously, if u really tried ur hardest, and the person did as well, i think you may just fall in love.

i'm not sure la. it just feels like it.

guys will choose the pretty girls, and the girls will choose the good looking guys. and work from there.

so technically, you could fall in love with anyone! all you had to do is try.

but the question is, is that the wrong way? like is it wrong?

it feels lame and retarded in some way. but what other way is there?

i for one, def don't believe in love at first sight. so that explains a lot of this post i guess.

maybe you fall in love for the one who cares for you a lot? and the other person cares for you cuz they're in love with you.

but, i've got quite a few friends whom i truly love and care about, but, i'm not in love with them. and i know they care for me, but def not in love with me in anyway either. so maybe not that theory?

it feels like i'm prob gonna end up one day saying to some girl, "hey, i find you attractive, and i'd like to see if i could fall in love with you, wanna go out??"

LOL.

actually. i kinda don't know what i'm trying to say or talk abt also. ramblings.

i guess it's like, how do you know who you like? it feels like, if u tell urself, k u shdu go try for this girl, then that's the one u like. like u could say anyone, and that will be the girl.

maybe the one whom u'll end up loving is the person who have a chance with?

but what if you have a lot of chances with a lot of ppl?

if it's based on chances, then i would def have no prob. since i'm living my life convinced i have no chance with anyone. sometimes it feels like, i'll go for the girl who shows me i have half a chance with her.

but then i don't want it to be like "eh half a chance! quickly grab it!" cuz that's like damn despo. i'm pretty sure i wanna fall for a girl not for the reason that i just want someone, but for the reason, i really want this specific girl who can be everything i need.

yeah. i guess i won't fall for the first girl that comes along, but i would if she's really someone i can be with.

but seems like i'd work and try and try to fall in love with any girl now. lol. yes i've been single-ish for too long.

but nah. as long as i'm thinking like that, i don't think i'll let myself fall for anyone yet.

but then again, if i can realise this abt me, maybe i'm ready?

gr8. good job ben. confuse urself even more.

not bad. i can talk a lot of rubbish. if u read the whole thing. i'm amused. cuz u pretty much just read exactly all the thoughts that went thru my mind. this clearly had no preplanning when i wrote it. it's like think --> type. which is exactly why it doesn't make sense. and like i'm debating with myself.

hhaha. k i'm done talking nonsense. bye. :)

Currently Listening To: Assassin - Muse

I Want To Highlight Certain Lines

2010-09-23T23:56:00.003+08:00

but every single word suits. every single word.

read.

When I Get Home, You're So Dead

The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical for us to end like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
And we could sit around and cry but frankly your not worth it
Anymore

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

On any other day I'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like this
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple little whore

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face

So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over
(x2)

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

Say hello, say hello ohh
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that your making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

Mayday Parade

and yes. even the ones u didn't think applies, applies.

who'd have thought, lying would actually turn out to be worth it.

Currently Listening To: ...To Be Loved - Papa Roach

This Is What Happens When You Get Away With Everything

2010-09-22T22:33:00.002+08:00

you don't change. at all.

and u expect the world to just forgive.

no remorse. no regret at all.

and i'm still the bad guy throughout all this.

i'm am so pissed off right now, that's i'm gonna stop here before i start swearing.

leaving me alone, would be a good idea right abt now.

Currently Listening To: The Catalyst - Linkin Park

Is This Proof Enough?

2010-09-21T00:21:00.003+08:00

so it's like 4am. and i'm doing some busybodying and stalking. and i found something horrible out.

and it sucks. this proves that bad things happen to good ppl.

and it's damn bloody annoying.

and the horrible ones, get away with everything. like COME ON.

bloody hell. it's pissing off.

damn. i feel horrible for her. esp cuz she's awesome. and she was good to him.

why oh why does life suck like this. it's unfair. =/

Currently Listening To: Everyday I Love You Less and Less - Kaiser Chiefs

Listen To Barney Stinson

2010-09-18T19:25:00.001+08:00

cuz when he says "Suit Up", you suit up.

:)

Currently Listening To: Pray Tell - Anberlin

It Worked Out!

2010-09-16T21:37:00.002+08:00

i have no idea how. but it did.

well actually i knew how. and i hoped so much. and it happened! like towards the last minute as well!

i spent the last dunno how many days scheming and thinkin how i'd "avoid" it. albeit i'm the one who caused it in the first place.

then i got a solution. then spent the last 4 days planning and procrastinating to tell her.

but then she comes along, and says no.

and now, all settled.

SWEEETTTT.

problem. solved. :)

Currently Listening To: You've Got The Love - Florence + The Machine

Sic Transit Gloria ... Glory Fades

2010-09-14T01:50:00.002+08:00

Keep the noise low,
She doesn't want to blow it.
Shaking head to toe while your left hand does the show me around.
Quickens your heartbeat,
It beats me straight into the ground.

You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed - completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets barely whisper,
This is so messed up.

Upon arrival the guests had all stared,
Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch.
Unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.)
He keeps his hands low, He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe, and his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns, and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward, and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus,
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself!
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathe, But now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights, This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends, he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth, He is gasping for air.
This is the first and last time, he says.
She fakes a smile, and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like.
He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for...

(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing old.)
So much more than he could ever give, A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides,
He waits for it to end and for the aching in his gut to subside.

The fever, the focus,
The reason that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of,
It used to be the reason that I breathed, But now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes, the art of growing up.

The fever, the focus,
The reason that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of,
It used to be the reason that I breathed, But now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Brand New

in some way, thanks, for screwing me up.

Currently Listening To: Don't Let Me Get Me - P!nk

88

2010-09-12T20:37:00.002+08:00

just 88 more!

then done. :)

on a side note, what if 50 Cent or Eminem wrote a christian song, with a nice tune, meaningful lyrics and all. but they didn't mean it? like they just wrote it to make money.

would you sing it?

Currently Listening To: Sympathy - Billy Talent

I Figured Out Why

2010-09-09T20:55:00.003+08:00

i know why i'm still around.

i wanna see how this life plays out. just the curiousity to see what will happen in the future.

otherwise, i'm def out.

Face the facts you're a betting man and the deck is stacked
Against you all the time
Since your life is just a failure by design

Four Year Strong

Currently Listening To: It Must Really Suck To Be Four Year Strong Right Now - Four Year Strong

Like You Didn't See It Coming

2010-09-07T22:33:00.002+08:00

oh please. it's been here this whole time. you just chose not to see it.

besides, doesn't it suit the current profile. what you actually should have been shocked abt is why not.

and now that you do know, does it really make me less of a person?

think abt it, still the same person, just that now you know something which happened 2 years ago.

it's all in the perception of things i would say.

Currently Listening To: Didn't See That Coming - Taking Back Sunday

Is There A Problem?

2010-09-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

G: You asked me if there was a problem earlier. Yeah. There is one. We don't like you.

M: Heh. That's not a problem. ;)

- Pathology

>:)

Currently Watching: Pathology

Find My Way Back

2010-09-06T10:50:00.002+08:00

I can't believe what this is doing to me
I've seen so many cities
Fall down to their knees
I'm begging you, please
Don't bury me underneath their crumbled walls
My barren thoughts weigh heavier
Than the weight of our demands

I feel the pressure building up inside my head
I feel the distance drowning me in my own sweat
Cause I need the cold now
It's my turn to roll out all the stops
And show that I know where I have to go

I've got to find my way back
Retrace my steps
So I can prove to you that I'm alive
Crawling my way back to the place
I know that's meant for me to find my way back
To find my way back home

I feel the heat and what it's doing to me
I've been pulling at my own skin
To hide my face
It's hard to relate
Forget the way you feel when you are safe at home
You leave this world alone, stone by stone
If only I had known about the

Pressure building up inside my head
I feel the distance drowning me in my own sweat
Cause I need the cold now
It's my turn to roll out all the stops
And show that I know where I have to go

I've got to find my way back
Retrace my steps
So I can prove to you that I'm alive
Crawling my way back to the place
I know that's meant for me to find my way back
Find my way back home

One mile left
It lasts a lifetime
Like a promise kept
Under the weight of the world
Falling down on your shoulders
It's colder

I've got to find my way back
Retrace my steps
So I can prove to you that I'm alive
Crawling my way back to the place
I know that's meant for me to find my way back
Find my way back home
Find my way back home
Cause I've been crawling my way back to the place
I know that's meant for me to find my way back
Find my way back home

Four Year Strong

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

So Apparently I'm Kinda Mean

2010-09-03T23:20:00.002+08:00

so here's the thing, i got this friend organising this thing. and in the thing, there's like this entertainment part, which a member in her thing is organising. and, this person, let's name her A.

So A, thinks she knows it all, wants to do everything her way and won't listen to other ppls suggestions. not even her superiors a.k.a my friend.

so my plan, which i mentioned to ppl when we were talking about this issue is this: when A's entertainment thing is done on the event day, i would casually walk behind her, while (acting like i'm) talking to my friend and say "Yeah, this thing is pretty awesome, cept for that entertainment bit which was crap." loud enough so she can hear it.

and surprisingly, a lot of ppl were shocked at how mean i am/could be, which btw, i def don't think i'm being mean at all. which is kinda weird. i mean, hey, this girl is being a bitch thinkin she's right and not listening to my friend who is actually the leader of the whole thing. so yeah, why should i be nice to someone who's being a bitch to my friend? and yeah, i do think being "mean" to her is justifiable.

hey, she's my friend, i'd def have her back if ppl mess with her. and yes, that includes being mean to those who mess with her.

i'm not mean. i've just got my friend's back.

:)

Currently Listening To: Guernica - Brand New

I'll Be Here Waiting

2010-09-01T10:29:00.001+08:00

and unfortunately, hoping.

Currently Listening To: Deciphering Me - Brooke Fraser

Maybe That's Why I'm Reluctant To Call

2010-08-31T23:02:00.002+08:00

This heart earned.

So swallow the smoke and let them reach your lungs this time.

While knowing I'm going back to where efforts were just meaningless supposed encouraging words.

We'll see. How bad things will be.

And as much as I really don't wanna disappoint you, I know who I am won't be good enough or I will be a disappointment to you.

So I shall not place hope where you deserve better.

Currently Listening To: Given Up - Linkin Park

The Cursed Shirt

2010-08-29T21:48:00.003+08:00

seriously la. i'm like speechless.

k first of all, understand this. i do not like doing the work that is needed to iron a shirt. it's just a lot of work to me. and i don't like work.

so the master plan is, don't wash a shirt as often so i don't have to iron a shirt that often.

so since i'm here in NZ, that makes not washing the shirt way easier. cuz you def don't sweat so ur shirt won't get dirty. and, those who know me, know i wear a t-shirt inside, so my shirt won't get whatever sweat that may come.

so it's like perfect! shirt not dirty, no need wash, no need to iron. no need to work. settle.

k so why cursed shirt? this is why. i have this shirt. as soon as i iron, the next day confirm have to wash.

the first time, i ironed for the Vegas ball. then that night, got drunk then got puke on the shirt. so fine have to wash. and my fault also.

but today! i tried my best! but still it got dirty right after ironing it last night. and this time not by me! it's like, if i don't screw up, then the universe will find someone else to screw it up for me. shoh.

and it's like, i ironed the shirt damn nice already. like professionally ironed i must say. then feeling all awesome and all wearing it.

then went to subway for lunch. and halfway thru eating, i realised how messy subway is. then i was like crap. i looked down at my shirt and said to myself "k gotta eat careful. don't wanna wash this now do you?"

so i ate carefully, and i finished! then i look down, and no drop on my (still awesomely ironed) shirt! wah i was like damn proud and happy. :D

so was clearing up my stuff going to throw away, then suddenly i felt a drop on my shirt. i look down. and :O:O:O there's a blob of sauce on it. and i'm like HOW IN THE WORLD DID THE SAUCE GET THERE?? i ate finish already!

then i find out, friend next to me dropped it. how in the world it can reach so far and land on my shirt, i have no idea.

HAIH. even when i try my best not to mess up the shirt, it still gets messed up.

now have to wash. and IRON again my shirt.

damn cursed shirt.

Currently Listening To: Bite My Tongue - Relient K

The Little Stuff Impress

2010-08-21T22:25:00.002+08:00

it's official.

the things i do, that i totally don't plan for ppl to be impressed by, are the things that people get impressed by.

and the things i purposely do so that people are impressed by it, noone notices.

gr8.

don't believe me? just check my FB. the ones with the most likes/comments of all, are the most unexpected ones to me that ppl find impressive. like to me, it's just yeah, that's cool. not that gr8. but others seems to really like it.

yeah. nothing goes according to plan in my life it seems.

gah. sucks that my life is this depressing. but i'm gonna push on. for now at least.

and it's funny, i always said, i won't get addicted to that.

but this emoness, looks like it's making me addicted.

like i go back to it, to make myself feel better.

how? i dunno.

but it works.

so i'll leave it at that.

Currently Listening To: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) [Live and Acoustic] - Taking Back Sunday

The More I Think Of...

2010-08-20T01:06:00.002+08:00

yeah who am i kidding

WHEN i think of it. it just doesn't add up.

no way that could happen without the want for it to happen.

and no i don't believe it just happened once. it prob went on for quite a while.

and really how does one do that and not think of it's effects.

i realise now u chose to ignore them. cuz it wasn't important as claimed to be.

what i never understood is why lie to me?

u shud have just said that you didn't want, instead of asking me to hope even more.

oh well, i guess i deserved it for being forgiving.

yeah. this is why i can't forgive i guess. still way too pissed off. and nth to resolve.

the only good part is, i'm learning to live with all this. so yeah, i may suffer. but maybe the future will be better.

and cool. HIMYM just taught me smth. i shudn't be keeping stuff from my past.

gotta get rid of them soon. well this hols will do then.

Currently Watching: How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Episode 17

Dear Lauren

2010-08-18T00:00:00.001+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday!

as you are now the sorta "legal" age, i shall tell you, BE A GOOD GIRL K? ;)

hahahah.

and may you have a great day, and also great year ahead of you.

take care ok?

oh

and don't forget, you are AWESOME and AMAZING! :)

don't ever EVER forget that. :)

once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

Love,
Ben J :)

Don't Get How This Fall Thing Works

2010-08-17T22:15:00.002+08:00

why is it, the person i think i'm falling for, won't be around when i get there?

oh well. shouldn't let what can't happen grow.

so it stops here i guess.

Currently Listening To: Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

Tasty Hunger

2010-08-16T21:21:00.001+08:00

no. i wouldn't say i hunger for the taste.

at least i don't think so.

it's just smth i want to do i guess.

hmm

Currently Watching: Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time